00:00
Time continued to flow in quiet stillness
Along the way, the phone's battery stopped at 97%for no clear reason.
It was a tiny fluctuation, never meant to berecorded.
Yet this program gathers only those small,meaningless shifts.
Today, I wanna talk about how I'm studying insidebig empty space.
People often say they feel impressed when someonelook at their bookshelf.
And today's geography is just like that, so I feelvery impressed.
But I've been talking about everything very openlyfor two years now, so I think I'll be fine.
Before that, I think the idea of growing up is afake picture, too.
Growing up is a lie, but people try to raiseadults, which is a waste of time.
Sushi cooks practice for 10 years, but I heardabout a local sushi shop.
There's a three-month course event where you canbecome independent.
10 years is too long, so it's a waste of time.
For sports players, though you can't reallycompare them, it's like being kept in the secondteam for years.
It happens a lot with adults, too.
They already have enough power now, but they'rekept back under the name of raising them.
It's just a fake picture.
I think people grow up one year or two years.
It doesn't change anything, so it's a waste oftime.
Now for the main topics, empty space, roots, andhumans' fake pictures.
First, I quit my practice, and like I said, oftenI'm standing straight inside the empty space.
I realized lately that the empty space is theultimate freedom.
I use this example most rarely.
It's like being in outer space when your drive andenergy try to explode.
I control that by not changing which means roots.
03:02
Next, about the relationship with fake pictures.
Humans have three fake pictures.
The first is personal fake picture, like thinkingyou're someone, but you don't even exist in thefirst place.
Next is the time fake picture, like thinking you'll get a reward on Sunday.
Tomorrow I'll be better, or things will work outfor you and do this.
Hope, expectation, dreams, and goals, and evenworry are all part of the time fake picture.
Thinking something is absolute is also a fakepicture, which is a logic fake picture.
There's no absolute things, and that's clear.
This is also a fake picture humans have.
Next is a group fake picture, like drama.
Love home, believing you can trust family, orthinking you can be happy with this person.
I spent decades planning away these fake pictures,saying I lack hope.
To stop yourself from exploding under the unpacking pressure of outer space, you need a spacesuit.
I didn't break because things have no meaning, andlife has no meaning.
Because I didn't break, I wasn't crushed by theunpacking pressure, it means I didn't think in theempty space.
It's a joke that I didn't think in the empty spacebecause there's no meaning, but that's how it is.
It's strange, why do I not run away to a rescuewhen I lost my stories?
Why do I not become wild?
Well, everything has no meaning, it's strange, andwhy can't I execute my rules?
The empty space is my safety line.
The empty space means things have no meaning.
Being sure there is my safety line, so it's alsosomething that moves me toward this direction.
There's a paradox about life that doesn't look forrescue, and the paradox of the empty space.
06:10
I realized lately that people who ran away toother religions, spiritual things, or other rescues,
who become wild are still expecting something.
I didn't run away to those rescues, and I didn'trun away to outside rescues like cigarettes oralcohol.
Either to be exact, I just don't have the abilityto run away.
People try to fill their empty space, not by theirown will, but with a routine made by addiction,like cigarettes, alcohol, or gambling.
I can understand how those people feel thoughhumans don't want to face facts.
People who look for rescue or who sometimes gethopeless and respect that are fine, but parrotsdon't solve things fundamentally.
They aren't facing the fact that the world has nomeaning.
Trying to solve things temporarily with cigarettesor running away to rescue wouldn't be fundamental.
You have to look straight at the fact that nothingis getting used to.
It is the only fundamental solution, but mostpeople can't do it.
They can't do it, and they don't need to.
Most people have the ability to live withoutlooking straight at the empty space.
I mean, in a touch spot, because I can't go to arescue, I can't become wild, and I can't evenbreak.
I said the empty space is freedom, but freedom andnot being free are two sides of the space coin.
From here, it's like the real main topic, notchanging and denying relationships.
What I'm doing feels like a deeper concept thanjust an empty space.
I make all kinds of rules and routines to notchange.
Not changing means cutting off the flow of timelike the future and the past.
The wording might be a bit wrong, but it meansbecoming isolated in my ways.
09:06
But really, humans live in a relationship witheverything.
Buddha said this, and physics makes it clear too.
Everything is made of relationship.
People might mistake this as meaning everyone isconnected, but things don't have a real body oressence.
For example, what am I?
In a relationship with a song, I can be defined asfurther things that are made of relationship.
The moment you take relationships away, it becomessomething very abstract.
It becomes something that is not humans or livingthings.
It's a heightened concept, which means nothingness.
But humans don't think that nothingness is just anobject of our daily life.
They are made of relationship.
So my attempt is to cut these things off.
Not changing means that this is what Buddha calledno self.
Everything doesn't exist.
It's all that exists inside a relationship.
What I'm doing is trying to fight that.
Cutting off relationship, cutting off therelationship with the future in a type sense.
That's why I said I don't make stories.
I'm thinking I'm here now because of who Irespect, who I do this now.
I can become like this in the future.
I became like this thanks to that.
I can be happy.
Cutting the stories means cutting the connectionwith the future and the past.
I wouldn't do something like fighting Buddha's noself.
I realized monks get up at the same time every dayand eat the same food.
They are doing the same thing as me.
Actually I noticed this more than 10 years agosince I became nihilist.
Nihilistic means the anti-space but the dimensionnothingness that Buddha talked about.
12:05
Wording is too beautiful.
The dimension enlightenment I don't reach that farof course.
But at least my life and my way of thinking arethe same as a monk.
I thought it was strange.
I thought I feel in a dark place but instead Imight be moving toward enlightenment.
I don't aim for enlightenment at all.
And I don't think Buddha meant it in such a highway anyway.
He was just stating a fact.
I can really feel for him in a sense that he didn't aim for rescue that far.
But I don't mean to practice.
I just ended up this way to not go to the emptyspace and to not get broken by it.
That means the empty space comes from the inside.
The world is always changing.
So things change and grow in me to not lose thepressure from the outside and the pressure fromthe inside.
I think I made this rule.
Monks do the same things.
Buddha talked about being flexible.
It might sound like a religion story.
He didn't say shaking is important but beingflexible.
But monks make it like a routine that they arefighting so they don't get crushed by things
flowing from around them and by changing next.
I'll talk about my crazy part and the question whywe live comes up to.
This is like after effect in my practice.
It's not that teachings won't relieve me or that Ihave regret.
It's an empty feeling that comes preciously.
I have regret.
It's an empty feeling that comes preciouslybecause I swallowed the ideal meaning.
But having an empty feeling itself is not aproblem for me because I did the practice.
Practice I can face today's empty space and if youdon't swallow meaning first you can't face emptyspace like you have to go outside.
15:08
Once you know the good part of your hometown thequestion why we live comes up but the moment itcomes out
I beat it down with physical action called routineso I live inside the empty space but I'm notturning my back on it.
I usually make the first move so I don't getswallowed by the empty space.
Monks probably do the same.
They make the first move so they don't getswallowed by desire.
This is a bit off topic but it becomes a habit notrelating to emotion clearly.
Your way of empty feeling that asks what themeaning is takes away your energy.
Fighting that and doing the opposite action, doingthe opposite to your emotion.
That's my motto and I was doing it in daily lifewithout nothing.
Also doing action with energy where I'm thinkingwhy am I doing this.
It's a contradiction to humans.
Humans are full of contradictions so it's a bittolerance against saying two different things.
Freedom is a philosophical question that isneither good nor bad and has no answers for me.
Freedom is not risky but scary.
Barking that moves you toward this direction thatwhy I need to make the rules for myself.
Some people make perfect plans where they travelclose to their mind but what I'm doing is puttingthat in life.
Also I use discomfort as fuel.
I think comfort is a brain bug.
It's a chance to be sure that I'm alive meaning I'm not merited.
In the universe also I keep going but the worldkeeps going.
It's probably wrong.
I've been pushing down this direction and gettingswallowed by the daily anticipation.
I've noticed that a huge energy is coming out butit's energy just standing straight.
Doing it with driving means your driving storyalso it's proven that nothing can be perfect.
Most people in the world think there is absolutethings and they can become perfect.
18:06
They think this person is perfect.
Really just the reader is perfect.
People who are tired of thinking make up perfectthings.
They are worn out.
Humans are creatures that look for perfection andso it can't be helped.
But I can't run away to that risky world knowingthat we are weak creatures and that absolutethings is just a fake picture.
But even if I think how easy it would be if Icould.
I can't do that because I had a reflex rejectionand since my religion I always doubt.
I never believed blindly.
I was serious but I never sat alone next to peoplein the world because there is a meaning to reallife.
They probably have that awareness but if doubtcomes up about whether there really is a meaningto life.
Can they not live?
They still live anyway.
Sadly the meaning of life is a fake picture to themeaning of life.
Life is a support for people to live.
It's a fiction for saying that life is every placein the world with its own meaning of life.
So it's not a universal thing but just somethingfor yourself.
If really there is no meaning to life.
There is no meaning to life.
Does it mean you don't have to live or that youwant to live?
Other animals are living so even if humans get adoubt about whether there is a meaning to life.
Or even if they realize there is no meaning tolife.
They are living and that's why the species stateshumans have been going on for millions of years.
You are really living things ever longer.
History of hundreds of millions of years.
This itself is a mystic thinking.
You can live uselessly.
You feel a meaning to live.
Life is a story.
Having a meaning to life is not a reason to live.
So some people say you don't have to live.
There is no meaning to life.
But you can live preciously because there is nomeaning to life.
21:04
It's hard for me to make stories natural so I don't like that kind of thing much.
Most Japanese people don't understand the meaningof that thing about a horse.
Suddenly it is frustrating but they don't get it.
If good things happen and bad things happen andyou think it was a bad thing.
It will turn out to be a good thing in the end.
So stories are just human's valid judgment inwhich they are.
Stories too you can't say it's a good or a bad.
When you look back on life you can only make ajudgment good or bad after the fact.
I'm bad at that and I don't have that function inthe first place.
I've never gotten risky like thinking things willgo well if I believe in this.
That's cause many problems like perfectionism.
Even if I think I'll be saved if I do this orbelieve this.
Notice the contradiction.
Different things are said.
Anyway I just can't be saved without reason.
But there is no route to becoming wild either.
Now I'm closing the exit with my own will.
For me despair is like that.
And becoming wild and running away to pleasurelike cigarette is a route I didn't make.
Despair and farm feeling have the same effect.
And the opposite is discomfort.
I use discomfort as if well discomfort and rules.
Well discomfort comes out from the nature ofanimals.
You might get hit by empty feelings but I'mfitting it.
So I put a lot of energy preciously whendiscomfort comes out.
I talk about standing in outer space area.
In empty space there is no oxygen.
There is no meaning and there is nothing necessaryfor living.
If you neglect your roots and just stay there you'll explode from the vacuum pressure.
The empty space is a safety line and it'sconnected to this direction.
But roots are a safety line too.
Roots make you not free though.
Sometimes people call it obsessive compulsivedisorder.
24:01
Compulsive behavior they might say it's sickly.
That I care too much.
It's touching even for me.
I worry about how the future will be.
Cuz roots though it's fine now.
But I'm protected by this cuz I can't get out.
The empty space next during my religion days.
The empty space was something to fill withmeaning.
Roots were given by the religion.
After I quit I've been saying cuz I threw awaymeaning.
Cuz I'm sure I won't put meaning.
The roots can work with 10% purity cuz there areroots.
I can live inside the empty space.
Who you are perfectionist or look for meaning toomuch.
The roots break and you can't live inside theempty space.
It's strange but it's as products were twodifferent things works together.
It states that where it's not.
Perfectionism is an empty space in the firstplace.
But you need roots to live in.
The empty space it's a strange product having theroots means.
You can't say you'll take a break today cuz you'retired.
Whether that's good or bad is separate things.
But what matters is whether you can do it or not.
I can do it for me for now.
But I don't know if I can do it when I get old.
Also it's like wearing a space suit.
So my body creaks and it's hard.
I think keeping things going is the hardest thingin life.
Sometimes I feel like I'm in prison cuz I stayhome a lot of the time too.
It's a third product but you need both roots.
That empty space and roots neither can be missing.
Which is a strange story living in a root abidingway outside.
That empty space is a strange story in itself.
And they support each other which sounds like astrange story too.
If there were only the empty space it would movetowards this direction.
27:03
If there were only roots it would move towardsthis direction.
The problem both sides link together and that'show I live.
It sounds like math but the question what we livefor is almost gone.
So I would say it's completely gone if you keepstanding inside the empty space.
Even that's a question to the period that I canexecute my rules without any fight inside this.
Nuance is very hard.
But if you doubt even time you can't live thislife.
Cuz you live this life the doubt doesn't come up.
So it's terrible living without a doubt.
It's scary for humans to root, effectively rootingwithout a doubt.
So I don't even get the thought of wanting to runaway in the moment.
If that happens it will be a disaster.
The moment empty feelings come out it's the endfor me.
That's why I make sure empty feelings doesn't comeout.
I make sure it doesn't come out.
I'll talk about this in detail later.
Religion is a pressure like hell.
Like I said meaning flows in me constantly.
After I quit I built my own special life fromzero.
By stripping away brainwashing and stories paradoxof life and empty space was made.
Like I said I don't get swallowed by the emptyspace.
Cuz I know I shouldn't give up a single second atall.
Also I don't feel living is hard at all.
Feeling living is hard comes from having anexpectation or hope.
I don't even have a feeling of being alive in thefirst place.
Even a feeling of being alive.
I think that makes a story.
Other animals don't have a feeling of being alive.
Since I'm alive it's better for me to lose thosethings as much as possible or it moves towardsthis direction.
It's not that it becomes risky but a single secondof giving up moves me towards this direction.
30:07
Also when people's mind breaks they usuallyrecover.
But if my mind breaks I can't recover.
It's strange.
You push things away but in the long run it makesme like it will break in the worst way.
Maybe the fraction breaking is gone.
I'm using a lot of tricks and other parts.
Also perfectionist is a safety line to ensuring mymind never breaks.
It's supported by perfectionist.
If I change easily like loosening perfectionist abit.
If I change even a little bit all my mentalbehavior moves towards this direction.
But even if people think there's no meaning theyget a habit and end up looking for meaning orfeeling.
And I strip it away quickly every time.
Also I think living itself is a concept made byhumans.
Because I strip that away.
Because I don't make stories.
Because I keep looking at the anti-space.
I have many hard things but I don't often feelliving is hard.
I fix everything tightly and abnormally.
If I'm fighting against myself I have a strangeattachment.
But it can't be helped.
Even if it creates suffering it can't be helped.
It can't help to sound like giving up.
But exactly what it is.
This is important giving up.
Like I said not changing is like good or bad.
World is always moving other things.
And trends and values change for you much thatyour mental balance breaks.
Also there are changes in weather and bodycondition if you give up.
It's a gap,brain,backdrag,expectation or hope.
And that happens and I end up with regret.
So change means progress.
Story from the past to the future.
33:03
There's a time change.
Things change because time goes on.
So throwing away a story.
Equally living a single second away is living inthe present.
I even think the word antispace is just a concept.
And I don't like defining things or havingassumptions.
If you leave things around they mix and change.
And you shouldn't give it a single second gap in achanging world.
So I appreciate that way.
That's routine.
And probably the more essential meaning.
I care about not changing but I can't express itin words.
Not changing and sensory things if you say notchanging.
Some people will say changing is important to notchange.
And they say twisted things.
So I don't want to use the expression not changingmuch.
I accept that things are always changing.
It's a long set.
And I fix my daily life with strict rules andpurpose.
This sounds like saying two different things butit makes sense.
No matter how things for me.
Antispaces get up at a set time with a setmeaning.
If their form and their brain won't get messed up.
And therefore people might call it not gettingcarried away by desires.
Also I thought it was rude to not get swallowed bythe antispace.
But it was also to not get swallowed by the muddychange from around.
Also you realize that any hard thing is justfriction.
You don't get swallowed by people much anymore.
Also in a time sense you realize that anxietyabout the future is just a story you made up.
But it's strange.
If the feeling of being alive disappears and youreach the point you want to be here.
Living is hard.
Even if you have hard things.
But it's different from just living in the momentwithout thinking about the future or the past.
Why do you go back to the connection ofrelationship past and future.
Future I'll talk about the connection past andfuture earlier.
Erasing stories in the end.
Does it mean loneliness or isolation that writingmight cause misunderstanding.
36:03
But it creates isolation in a good way.
Erasing relationship whether it's not changing andnot moving are important.
To sum up enlightenment means fighting areimportant.
To sum up environment means fighting against thechange even a single second.
So they are always changing in the end.
Does it mean stories or I call it stories.
Desires come to think of it.
The empty space is a desire to I wonder what that's about.
But accepting change means being flexible.
But monks live a calm life with strict rules anddon't change.
This looks like contradiction.
Also I think the habit of finding the emotion ofthe empty space with roots I said earlier.
Humans have a fake picture that life ends.
Meaning they can live without it.
But they are helped by that fake picture.
It means humans are creatures that get tricked andsaved.
Marrying this person makes things work out.
But that fake picture turns in a terribledisappoint later.
To add to that humans shake violently inside therelationship and so they must regret.
Future expectations they can't keep a calm mind.
So I use not changing their form of life to cut itoff and not move towards this direction.
I don't mean to do such a noble thing also.
Always it's impossible also doing an action wherethere is no meaning as a contradiction.
For example during marriage I think I just need toget a nutrition but not get swallowed by the brainwhere I go.
Empty feeling emotion which is a desire like Isaid.
I make a thought move and put out energy from aloose action where I'm about to get swallowed bythe empty space.
I put out energy and I have an image of making thethought move.
Before that what actually monks were doing thesame thing.
It's true to like I said the dog, bird and insectdon't think about the meaning to life at all.
39:00
But they live normally and if it's not met theymake a bargain.
That living is hard but it's never true thathumans can't live without pictures with meaning tolife.
If without a meaning the body exists here theheart is moving and your breathing.
I lived with this fact for more than 10 years.
Just like animals live and simply I was working asa bear I have to.
