個人的な悩みとAIへの考察
Meaning and Continuation are Separate Problems
Maintenance Law
This show is another special one today, but beforeI get into the main topic, there are a few thingsthat I want to talk about.
But first, I've been studying Englishpronunciation.
And I hit a small wall where I started wonderingif everything added up till now would have beenworth it if I really wanted to believe it.
And at some point, I spent a lot of time searchingthings and thinking hard about if it was true.
Also, I stayed up all night thinking about thedescription for the show.
I thought I'd be super short on sleep, but Iactually managed to sleep well till morning a fewtimes.
My parents slept late, so even if I couldn't sleepwell, it worked out better because I could sleepright up till they got up in the morning.
It's funny how things go well at the exact timeyou think they won't, but just when I thought myluck was bad, my parents woke up right then.
I thought, oh no, I have to stop everything rightnow, but I already stopped right away.
Morning is really tough.
Next is something I thought about when I was anAI.
When people imagine robots, the image from about20 years ago is about doing smart things.
It is somewhat about machines making things in afactory or stuff like a ball-throwing machine at abatting center.
That was the image, but now people say AI willtake away desk jobs, and I thought that wasstrange.
I feel like machines and AI have already beendoing body work for a long time, and if AI getsbetter, it should be able to do that kind of workeven more closely and neatly, so that felt weirdto me.
Also, in this day and age, humans can do thingsmuch faster and better in almost every area now.
That means people probably have to look out foreach other, give each other jobs so they don'tsteal each other's work.
I wonder if the time will come where humans willwrite to each other and make up jobs just to givepeople work.
If the number of people who lose their jobs doesn't go up, that must be exactly what's happening.
過去の記憶と感情の揺れ動き
Another thing I was doing was remembering badmemories from the past.
I was looking at rooms with real estate people,and they told me I wasn't setting the order ofwhat I wanted first.
I should have told them back then, not choosingwhat I want first isn't the reason I can't find aroom.
Are you telling me I should live in a room with noscreen and no window?
I was thinking about that again today.
It's just my usual bad memory.
I was looking, making up the story in my head likealways.
Also, I think most people don't realize that anykind of change, whether it's good or bad,definitely shakes a person up.
For example, in sports, this is just a guess, butif the team rival loses,
something happens that's totally different fromthe plan makes people not know what to do.
It's strange, but even when the other side loses,people can't act the way they always do.
They either get too happy and take it too easy, orthey get shaken up.
Or they feel good for a short time but do badlylater.
That's just how humans are made.
I think, but if you know the fact, you can handlethings a bit better.
Watching a professional sports team makes me feela bit bad for them because of the numbers.
You can tell them are differently shaken up.
If you keep losing like this, it's tough.
Moving to the next talk, I thought I spent 10years cutting down the part of me that hatestruth.
But this morning, I saw someone winning a bigcontest.
I felt so jealous.
My mind felt like it was gonna burst with a hotfeeling that I couldn't even name to stop thatfrom happening.
I tried to act cool like I don't care aboutanything.
This hot feeling made my energy wanna burst.
It would be fine if I could just live with thatfeeling on my chest.
But back when I was a student, I worried too muchabout my school choices and studies, and my mindbroke down.
So I locked that part of myself away.
But today, it made me realize I still have thosefeelings inside of me.
When I imagine those people, I feel so mad and sadthat I can't help it.
It would be great if I could work towardssomething.
But when I tried to find what I was good atbefore, I felt rather my mind broke down.
It spent years looking for it, so it's fine.
At the same time, I don't really like the thoughtthat's normal.
Everyday life is fine as long as it's stable.
It just feels like you are letting the world moveyou along.
ニヒリズムと意味のない人生
For the main topic, when I quit religion, I didn'tfeel broken down or sad.
I stayed calm for a long time.
My deep thoughts about life changed, but nothingbig changed in my daily life.
Because I'm very strict with myself.
I live as hard as I can and do what I can whilestaying inside the house.
But anti-feelings still try to hit me.
I thought about why I was able to keep goingwithout breaking down.
And it comes down to just one thing.
The fact that life has no meaning.
But I shouldn't use that fact as something to savemy mind.
You can't use lack of meaning to save yourself.
If you do something based on meaning, you'llalways fall apart someday.
Because meaning is just a fake story.
It's the same thing I just said.
When you start from meaning, you'll fall apart.
But for me, it didn't become that life has nomeaning, so I won't do anything.
Instead, it became that life has no meaning.
It's okay for me to do things.
It's the exact same idea.
You shouldn't start from meaning.
That's good for life, too.
Life has no meaning.
That's exactly why you live.
It might sound like I'm praising myself.
But there's a deep thinker who thinks the exactsame way.
I wonder who people always end up on.
Same people when their mind works that way.
Maybe everyone who faces anti-feelings comes tothe same answer.
I don't know what the reason is.
Maybe people read this answer because they aren'tsmart enough to think deeply.
It's just because not many people face anti-feelings at all.
Most people in the world think they live this lifebecause there's no meaning to read.
They think that's how they're able to live, but Idon't think they're really living much at all.
When you get hit by an anti-feeling, you startsomething with a new meaning to escape it.
It's a big trouble later on.
So instead of starting from meaning, it's morelike a stubborn feeling.
Since life has no meaning, I'm going to liveanyway.
Saying it's stubborn makes it sound harsh, but mymind is actually cold and dried out.
This goes for everything in my life.
Even for killing time, there's no meaning, so Iwon't do it.
It's more like, this has no meaning, so it'stotally fine.
I started thinking that it's my feeling's choiceand that it's fine to keep doing it.
A lot happened within that anti-feeling, but I'mstanding straight up inside it.
I never run away to something to save my mind.
It's not because I'm strong or anything.
It was just only for me to live.
But there are times when this world feels likeliving hell.
There are times when I hate living so much that Ialmost fall apart.
At that time, I almost ran away to something tosave my mind.
The anti-feeling almost took me over.
It's happened just once in my life.
Even when I felt religion, I didn't run away tosomething to save my mind.
I always looked at things with a cold eye, butthat one time, I almost did.
I saw the truth and realized that when the anti-feeling hits you hard,
it just means your mind isn't working the way italways does.
At that time, I made up my mind not to run away tosomething to save myself,
meaning not running to religion.
When I chose not to stop daily movement,
I felt that the anti-feeling wasn't the real truthof the world,
but just a wave in my mind.
When you are totally lost and have a sad feeling,
you feel like, what's right in front of me?
Your eyes see the real truth, but it's not.
You are looking at the world through a wave inyour mind.
When the anti-feeling hits you, it's not that theworld itself is empty,
causing your mind just isn't working normally.
That makes sense, because I've been living whilestanding straight up inside the anti-feeling.
I've been feeling flat, quiet life.
To be honest, it's much easier than when I was inreligion.
So it makes no sense to feel broken down by ananti-feeling.
It's just my mind keeps going worse, becomingunstable.
I shouldn't mix that up with my deep thought life.
My mind was just stable, so I was jumping to thethought that life has no meaning,
so there's no point.
Living is just a theory.
I didn't let the anti-feeling become the realtruth of the world.
That's why I didn't think.
When you're feeling sad and lost,
there's always feelings of waiting or hope.
You can just throw everything away and feel atease.
It's always there.
感情の波と現実の認識
When you feel that you are looking for somethingto save your mind,
for me to look for something to save my mind,
it's a totally strange state.
So feeling that sad and strange state,
then I realized I just wasn't making a normalchoice.
That's when I made that rule.
Thinking that it's strange to live because lifehas no meaning sounds like a smart,
logical answer that you get wrong.
I was thinking correctly,
but it's not.
It's just a glitch in the brain that wasn't makinga normal choice.
Even if you feel the lack of meaning down to yourbones,
you can still live.
And I learned that at that time again.
The fact that life has no meaning stopped me fromfalling apart.
It's a strange thing.
Normally when people get hit by an empty thing,
they make a big deal out of it,
saying the world has no meaning.
That is the real truth.
There is all hope,
but I handle it coldly,
realizing that the world is looking empty rightnow,
the world falls,
it's just a wave in my mind that isn't workingnormally.
Since I started handling the empty feeling as awave on my body right there,
then a deep thought,
I stopped losing hope in a dramatic way.
Unlike deep thinkers and books,
I don't look at the empty feelings as a deepthought.
I just see it as a background.
I see it as a normal thing,
like a set rule from the start.
I don't really think about it.
I don't try to do anything about the emptyfeeling,
and I don't try to make up a new story for it.
I just accept that.
That's how I think.
I don't think about fighting it or turning againstit.
I don't plan on losing hope either.
Next,when people lose hope,
there's a strong hope solved with a wish hidden ina bag
that someone else saved,
so they can throw everything away and feel atease.
I faced a time where I lost hope and looked forsomething
to save me once in my life.
But I looked at myself calmly
and judged that it was a strange state
where I wasn't making a normal choice,
so I didn't run away to something to save me,
and I only chose to keep my daily movements going.
Like I said,this has no meaning,
so I won't do it,
but since it has no meaning,
it's okay if I do it like before.
I could feel sure that since there's no meaning,
it's fine to keep doing it.
Some people might think that
if life has no meaning,then living is strange.
That looks logical,
but it's actually the greed brought up by ourbrain
that isn't making a normal choice
because I know down to my bones
that there's no meaning,
and that cold fact became a wall
to stop me from falling apart.
Also I realized that
the thought that living is strange
because there's no meaning is strange itself.
Normally people come to that answer,
but it doesn't come from your brain
working well and thinking correctly.
It's just a feeling,
meaning is just a prize.
You think there's meaning,
you think you get a prize back,
but that prize just isn't there.
Making up a reason like living is strange
and getting panic over it
is something only humans do.
So stopping because there's no meaning
is just a soft wish towards the world.
Like saying,
I'll live for you,
but there's no meaning or prize.
I could myself have learned that
but there's no meaning.
Then keeping this body moving
just as it is right now
is a strange error.
So whether there's meaning or not
is zero connection to the fact
that the body is right here.
This strong choice and this notice
that I can live because life has no meaning.
The reason I can do my daily steps
properly everyday
is why I can keep doing
each step one by one.
But like I said,
the thought that the world is looking at
is just a wave in my mind
and not the world's fault.
That's mostly right,
but it didn't feel 100% correct for me.
So I thought the world had no meaning
because my body state
it's a real fact that it can't be changed
the world being meaningless to real.
So getting panic
wanting to throw everything away
almost falling apart
because the world is empty.
It's just that my mind's wave isn't normal
meaning it's a strange state.
So the world having no meaning
with stopping my daily work
for the day
was zero logical connection.
When I noticed this
I didn't run away to something to save my mind.
I could say no to it.
Empty feeling means freedom.
Empty equals freedom.
意味と行動の分離
I thought I'm free to do anything.
But then you wonder why you're
sticking so hard to living.
You wonder why you keep moving your body.
Also when you wanna throw away your life
or your time or killing habit
You feel like you came back to clear head.
But I noticed something when
you wanna throw everything away
It feels like you're saying clearly
but it's actually the exact opposite.
I used to think the answer that
doing something strange
because life has no meaning
was correct.
Let me say it again.
I thought the answer that
doing something strange
because life has no meaning
was right.
But I noticed that
with zero meaning
doing the task
are two things that
should be kept separate.
At the same time
you could say that
because I was feeling
a tiny bit of meaning
I got hit by the empty feeling
when I saw clearly
what humans are doing
Something suddenly said
this is all a waste
I threw it all away.
They mistake it for
seeing the real truth
on the world
coming up back to clear head
But really
the opposite
the moment you get hit
by the empty feeling
and panic
you were actually putting
value on your action
feeling a meaning
right before that happened
but because you were
expecting a meaning
and right believing on it
when that's taken away
you're putting a value
back to the clear head
the big drop
makes you feel the weight
of the empty feeling
and makes you wanna
throw it away
and short
a sad feeling
that makes you wanna
throw everything away
and then
you think clearly
it means you're still
hanging
onto
that prize or meaning
which is a strange state
where you let the
reason for your action
depend
depend on a meaning
your movement
will stop the second
that meaning goes away
but meaning itself
it's just a fake story anyway
if someone can keep going
that's their
own power
but I think some people
hits a big wall
and can't go
anymore
at some point
before that could happen to me
I noticed that meaning is
just a reason I was
using to move
once that meaning went away
inside I could
keep going
so whether
not meaning
doing task
or keeping your life
daily life moving
must be pulled apart
to reach is
totally separate things for me
自己ルールと希望の喪失
otherwise it's
once lost
keeping things
going
even the smallest task
connects your whole life
I also wonder
when you are free to do
anything
why am I
working so hard
to keep going
of course it's not
because I care about
meaning to life
what I care about
the rule I made
for myself
to keep
working without
breaking the
I made this rule
for myself
and there is no
deep reason for it
I just made it a rule
it's a stubborn feeling
not to let the playing glitch
like losing hope
or soft wish
break my rule
throwing everything away
when you lose hope
looks like you are
accepting the empty feeling
but that loss
just a soft wish
there is no meaning
it's giving up
I don't fight the fact
that there is no meaning
but I
but I have a
stubborn side
that stubbornness
the thought that
you should live
by your judgment
otherwise
it's a story for me
wanting to keep
working without
breaking down
refusing to lose
to a play
greatest choice
but value to
but as long as
you are human
you end up there
and
it's a real fact that
since there is no meaning
living or not living
are both the same
but saying you should keep
working
live your life
is a story
but I look at it
correctly
that it's just a fake story
to protect myself
stop me from
breaking down
also what I
said about the world
looking empty
living over my mind
not the world's fault
that's half right
but I think
there are times
when I turn that empty feeling
into a story
meaning
空虚感と心の状態
I add something extra to it
where I must
think clearly
I try to keep my
current life going
so when the world
looks empty
that's actually
when I'm normal
even if my heart
thinks
I get hit by the empty feeling
like I'm wondering
that the point of the task
is that it's normal
because there really
is no meaning in the
word so that you think clearly
in a true way
adding an extra story
to that cold fact
like saying
living is strange
or that you should
throw everything away
it's my own brain
creates a strange state
so looking at
both parts
the time you are
seeing things most clearly
when you
know there is no meaning
but you still keep your
current life
going that state
doesn't come from
strong choice or
it's just a normal state
of keeping your life
the way you always do
but people still try
to write a reason
like saying
it's strange
or waste
when there is no meaning
it's an interesting feeling
that your bones
that life has no meaning
but still choosing
to keep your life
moving like
always
until the
you are seeing things most clearly
when you look for
something to save you
or write a reason
or roots hope
you
you've solved
which aren't seen clearly
on the other hand
being too
that
full
one
isn't
normal either
but
your
mind
make you think
there is no point
in living
because
life has no meaning
it's
just silly
that's
where I am now
now
個人的な経験と習慣
continuing
from the
last talk
I
the
the end
people from the
religion
believe
something
or making up
a story
a cold person like me
is making
up a story
I started
thinking we
shared that part
many years ago
one last thing
though
I'll just say
this to
just
think
much
much colder
and
complete
completeness
she only
only
seemed to
prove that
perfect
being like a god
doesn't
exist
also today
I was thinking about
show name
whether
I should look
back
at my
note
that work
really hard
I have
other things to do
so
I was looking
worrying about
what to do
but I
think
during that time
and I
thought it was
waste of time
for you
for you
time to worry
like that
you can
get things
next talk
I was
supposed to be
protecting
myself
with
rules cause
anti feeling
alone
would be
break me
but
that way
for some reason
I hate life
life almost
broke down
I wanna
talk about
how
a wave
on your
mind
connect
story
a wave
on your
mind
act
start
to make that
feeling
look right
brain
make up
story
but losing
hope
since
we are
human
our mind
waved up
and down
due to
our body
state
human
brain
can't
stand down
comfortable
feeling
that it's
no reason
it starts
looking
for
cause
it's like a
fact that
the world
has no meaning
which I usually
keep
in the
background
tan it
in the
because
it's
does
without
me noticing
it starts
asking me
since the world
has no meaning
that's why
things are
so strange
so shouldn't
you just threw
everything
away
it tricked me
nah
thinking
I would
think
clearly again
where it was
really just a bad
body
state making
a mistake
it's for the truth
of the world
my roots
were supposed to be
my wall
so why
did I
lose hope
like that
it's because
I was making
making without
nothing
I was
making
through it
in a
small gap
when
a wave
in my mind
meaning
through it
in a small gap
when a wave
in my mind
came
it tore away
the meaning
I was
feeling
from then
on
from
then
on
I know
it was
just a
brain-rich
wave
in my mind
so this
empty
feeling
is a fact
空虚感と心の波
the world
being
empty
is a fact
but there's
no need
to feel
breakdown
by it
this
like
bad
mean
the
empty words
the
empty feeling
stories
mind
waves
the
kind of
interesting
to me
because
you make up
a story
the drop
from it
because
empty feeling
meaning
the
second you
realize
the story
is
the lie
the big
drop
brings out
empty feelings
it's a
wave
in your mind
that's
tears away
the story
and that's where
wave
the
real
because
the
empty
feeling
or rather
it's nothing
but the
wave
that means
because
the story
gets
told away
you feel
the empty
feeling
so
making up
a story
it's
what's
what's
but
the
empty
feelings
states
where
wave
flows
the
fact
of the
empty word
onto you
long
with a
strong
wave
motion
the word
being
empty
it's just
a fact
like a
flat
piece
of
land
with
with
nothing
on it
the empty
feeling
makes it
feel like
something
pressing
on you
but the
empty
word
itself
no
problem
also your
feelings
are words
make up
the story
for example
with
losing hope
the brain
as a
reason
to
body
pain
saying
there's no
meaning
so you should
stop
your body
just
feel
bad
but the
brain
try to
give it
a reason
humans
are made
that way
they are
animals
that
wanna
tell a
story
and give
a reason
to
think
that's why
人間の本質と意味の探求
people
probably
look for
meaning
a reason
to live
when something
hard happens
you don't
wonder
what's the meaning
of life
when you are
having fun
if
it happens
when you
get bored
of
something
or
when
things
become
a flat
routine
you
don't
think
about
it
when
things
are going
well
humans
are made
to be
very
convenient
for
themselves
who
they
wanna
reason
to
live
so
badly
they
should
think
about
it
all
the
time
but
they
conveniently
think
about it
only
when
time
are
hard
they
start
thinking
for
a reason
they
ask
what's
the
reason
to
live
and
since
it's
not
their
their
religion
to
fill
the
gap
they start
making up
a short
their
that might be
their
all
original
style
but it's
body
reaction
so it can't
be helped
but if
even if
someone is
deep
thinker
they start
looking
for
a reason
when
their
emotions
are
high
all
kinds
of
stories
are like
that
saying
this
person
always
say
this
this
person's
special to
me
is just
a brain
looking
for
a reason
after
emotions
other
word
a web
in your
mind
makes that
story
a web
in your
mind
can also
tear
a story
away
it's interesting
how
a daily
心の波と日常
life
with a
web
in your
mind
and
at it's
biggest
it
tears
away
a
meaning
of
things
you used
to enjoy
like
killing time
and
top up
that
it starts
making up
a new
story
about
losing
hope
when
the
mind
waves
the brain
thinks
maybe
it's
cause
the
empty
word
no
meaning
it makes up
that
story
let me
say
it's
gay
you think
you are
pain
the
word
no
meaning
but
the
order
backward
your
body
just
feels
bad
and
the
brain
it's
just
using
the
empty
word
execute
it's
just
execute
so
when
you start
thinking
about
deep
things
like
the
meaning
of
life
it's
might
just
be
that
your
body
this
state
gone
thinking
that
your
brain
isn't
working
well
maybe
it's
just
foolish
a
bad
body
state
can
just
come down
the lack
of food
or lack
of
sleep
also
I have
a
long
long
long
you can
explain
your
current
self
more
accurately
the
second
feelings
that
personality
change
a lot
year
by
second
feelings
that
personality
change
a lot
year
by
year
this
comes
from
getting
older
it could
come from
changing
environment
but
in
my
case
my
environment
hasn't
changed
so
it might
not be
that
who
your
personality
changed
old
records
become
records
record
a
totally
different
person
even if
you
analyze
your past
even
with your
current
self
talking about
the past
and
explain
the present
so there is no point
過去の自己と現在の自己
analyzing
the past
since I didn't
record
my past
get back
then I can
I can
give up
on it
who I
think
this
way
let me
say
again
who
for the
core
of your
personality
doesn't
change
even if
you didn't
record
before
your
true
self
will
show up
who you
are doing
a podcast
like this
now
probably
won't
last
very long
either
also
I talk
before
almost
how
human
tracking
things
also
I talked
before
about
how human
tracking
things
also
I talk
before
before
about
how human
tracking
things
something
that
comes
after
the fact
this is
the same
things
you
think
you
acted
because
you
the
sudden
thought
that
came after
the action
came
first
and
the reason
came second
what I said
感情と行動の因果関係
earlier was
that before
bad feelings
come
it's not
there's no
meaning
the bad feelings
come first
and the
any word
that after
it's just
different
but when
emotion
action
but both
are
things
we see
wrong
next talk
it feels
like my feelings
go
as far as
they can go
really
I don't
even know
who I am
being
strict
with myself
or not
I can't
tell if my body
has been
in a
good state
for a long time
bad state
for so long time
that
I just
got used
to it
maybe
bad state
for a long time
that I
just got used
to it
maybe
my brain
just glitching
lately
I feel like
there's nothing
wrong
it feels
bad
strange
it might not be
something
to worry about
but I
多重タスクと退屈
wonder
if it's
an
empty
state
or
if my
body state
just
isn't good
from the
start
next talk
before
I couldn't do
two things
at once
like
listening
to music
while doing
something
else
when I
think about
how
I did that
back when
I was
middle
or high
school
student
it seems
impossible
especially
riding
bicycle
while
listening
to music
dangerous
listening
to
music
while
standing
seems
impossible
I used to
think
humans
can't do
two things
at that
same time
so I
wonder
what I was
thinking about
then
but lately
I find
myself
doing
multiple
things
at once
before
I couldn't
do things
at that
same time
and if
the
video
sound
was playing
when I
was
doing
two
things
at once
but
too
impossible
I used
to
wonder
what
people
were
thinking
when
they
ate
meals
while
watching
TV
but I
guessed
I was
just
young
this is
something
I noticed
this
afternoon
but
getting
bored
I think
getting
bored
just means
your
sense
gets used
to
something
and
second
you
level
that
as
being
bored
it becomes
more
and
for me
I've been
eating
tofu
lately
and
I'm
totally
used to
eating
but
as long as
I
I don't
think
I'm
bored
of this
it's not
a problem
when you
repeat
something
over
and
over
and
think
I don't
I don't
know
how long
will go
I must be
bored
with
that
will
bored
state
your sense
getting
used to
eating
is a
problem
by itself
do you get
what I mean
so it's not
problem
with
feeling
with self
the
mind
looks at
the feeling
makes
judgment
like this
talk
thinking
I'm
bored
what
making yourself
bored
means
really
already
your sense
just got
used to
eating
that's all
that
happened
自己演出と受容
also
I realize
I don't
really
try
to
look
cool
before
but
when
your
middle
or high school
student
will try to
look cool
act tough
or put on
big face
but for me
I thought
that I didn't
wanna be
normal
everyday
person
like
everyone else
I didn't wanna
belong
anywhere
so
I start
trying to look cool
but
shadow
and I didn't do it
who
I could
go back
to
being a
student now
I think
I act a bit
more like a
normal student
and I think
that's be fine
people who
stand out
keep standing out
and I
didn't wanna
belong to
that either
I didn't wanna
belong
anywhere
now for the
I was
surprised day
this is
first for me
I wonder
what's changed
the
thoughts
about
normal
things
whether
why
that was
going to
eat
tempura
but
maybe
he
didn't
thought
that there
was
cutlet
and cabbage
and cutlet
is
fair most
not too
much
than
there was
a big
amount
of
tempura
but
having
two
fried
food
together
with
the
pot
but
cutlet
is
zero
to
state
taste
and I
noticed
while
enjoying
the meal
when you
eat it
such
tiny
bites
it's
one
any
it
states
today
it's
normal
day
and that
恐怖と慣れ
says
but I
ate
tiny bites
and it
is
since
the
mother
fed it
with
tempura
right
before
I ate
it
tiny
again
it's
a habit
so it
can't
be
helped
because
I forgot so much
and that
taste
I can't
change
the
amount
I put
in my
mouth
I tried
changing
the amount
before
and
fed it
with
the
first
shiitake
did it
happen
before
maitake
the
different
but when
shiitake
maitake
it's hard for me
I tried
remember
it's
dried
shiitake
but
I still
don't know
also that
so sweet potato
today
but
the
eggplant
is good
also
I wonder
why
mother
fried
onion
just
and
it was
I used to
eat
onion rings
as a
student
that
squid rings
onion
rings
are like
cutlet
right
yes
and
maybe like
fried chicken
to
today's
with
tempura
where
it's
the same
as
usual
onion
tempura
the
fish
stick
with
good
why
that way
for lunch
I cooked
garbanzo beans
on the grill
and I
figure out
what the
smell was
it's very like
sweet potato tempura
not the better
but the
smell of
sweet potato
when the
cooked
maybe it's
the small
smell
mixed with
oil
aroma
yes
I would
say it
garbanzo beans
taste like
sweet potato
and I
thought
I was tricked
but that's
what it's
it's
connect
ah
I expected
but it's
late at night
now
cuz
a teacher
at the
student school
I used to go
to
I'm scared
of bugs
that live
inside
bodies
right now
there's a
and for a
plant
bugs on the
screen
and I spent
over
five minutes
thinking about
going to
Hokkaido
University
and seeing
that kind of
display
before was
probably
a bad
thing too
but when I
faced
an empty feeling
I think
I can
feel
fear
and nobody
else
was
fear
felt
I can't
run away to
something to use
my mind
there either
but I'm
totally used to
that fear
now
ten years ago
I wasn't
this used to it
just now
I went to
a
washroom
and saw
saw
a bug
on the
floor
I used to
let them
I used to
let
let them
go and
feel bad
about it
already
so
it's
felt like my
routine
like I
ポッドキャストと睡眠
always
I check out
what I was
doing
went up to
the second floor
and did my
checking work
also I think
with
listening to
the podcast
earlier
I was
doing other
things too
but I think
I felt
asleep
while listening to it
that's fine
but even
the sound
should be
playing
it's not making
any sound
it's very
strange
one past
the
that's the
up
just
stopped
in the
middle
I hope
that's what
ha
what happened
my mind
is
spinning
round the
thinking about it
then
I noticed
I fell asleep
so that's
good
good
in the
end
if it stopped
while I was
trying to think
of something
important
that's
a prob
problem
maybe I was
空港の特別な通路と自由
trying to do
something
also today
I learned that
there's a special
web
path
at the
airport
I've been
curious but
it's for
a while
it seems
politic
and
a super
famous people
private
path
so I was
thinking about it
going back to
the
area
I keep
active
continuing
something
without
meaning
separate
my mind
for your
threat
from
meaning
when the
forward
the port
your movement
will stop
what's saying
it's
fine
to do
something that
zero
meaning
close to
giving up
yourself
giving up
yourself
freedom
live
on two sides
of the
same
coin
cuz
you are
free
that might be
why you feel
like
giving up
