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Yo, this podcast talks in a quiet tone aboutliving life, feeling out of zone, mental health,family, everyday stress, no hype, no hope, push tofake success, parents and kids when words don'tland, a home that breaks what you don'tunderstand, no more...
Hello and welcome to my podcast. Thanks for tuningin. This is a podcast where I talk commonly aboutlife struggles and family issues.
Some people are harsh only toward certain people,and it frustrates me. There are people who aretough only toward specific people, and it rarelybothers me.
But honestly, maybe it's because they feel safearound that person, just taking advantage of them.
Just taking advantage of them. Deep down, I thinkit's because they feel comfortable enough to lettheir guard down.
They feel comfortable enough to let their guarddown. It's a kind of independence.
So, they act tough only toward specific people.They are harsh only toward certain people.
Next is also philosophy. I think they were normaluntil yesterday, but suddenly cold today.
Kind people get involved until their limit, thentheir attitude change all at once.
Someone can be fine one day and cold the next. Ithink gentle people stay engaged until they hittheir limit, then suddenly switch.
Next, after I stopped seeing my relative, thefamily started falling apart, so I feel guilty.
Ever since I stopped meeting my relative, thefamily began collapsing, and I can shake theguilt.
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Maybe the whole balance collapsed. It's common forgroups to fall apart when one person leaves.
The balance probably broke. Groups often dissolvewhen even one member disappears.
Next, I bought a chicken dish. I'd never triedbefore, but they added tea to it.
See, my mother added tea to it, and I ate it.
And changed the flavor. I was shocked. I got a newchicken dish to try, but she put tea in it andaltered the taste. It really shocked me.
Next, the smell of curry is hard for me. I thoughtmaybe reducing rice would lower carbs, so I couldeat it once a week.
Curry smells tough. I wondered if eating less ricewould reduce carbs enough to allow curry once aweek.
But curry is still hard for me, and I'd get tiredof it, and other food would look small.
Then I'd start thinking about stew or inari sushi,so I stopped.
But curry is still hard for me, and I'd get tiredof it, and other food would look small.
Then I'd start thinking about stew or inari sushi,so I gave up.
My parents misunderstood and thought they couldn'tgo even though they could go shopping, but theymisunderstood, and they wasn't allowed to go.
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So thinking the expensive tofu wasn't necessaryafter all makes me feel awful.
It's hard to think the pricey tofu wasn't neededin the first place.
The tofu they served wasn't the type I hadplanned.
The flow of the conversation made it impossible tomake.
The tofu they brought wasn't the one I meant.
Given the conversation, there's no way to mix itup.
If they had said they weren't sure which one, that'd be fine,
but I don't understand why they assumed that one.
If they had said they didn't know which one, okay,but why did they think it was that one?
I told her not to eat red rice anymore,
and I regret saying that it was too much.
I said don't eat red rice anymore, and I regretit.
I went too far.
I watched videos about police academies andimpersonations and heard about Asian NBA playerfrom Harvard who faced discrimination.
I saw videos of police school training andimpression act and listened to the story aboutAsian NBA player from Harvard who experiencedracism.
Then I wondered whether police academies reallyneed to be as strict and military-like as theyare.
It made me think, do police schools really needsuch military style this spring?
Next.
Recently, it's been cold and hard, but because ofmy parents' convenience, they start using theheater again.
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It's warm, but because I'm strict with myself, it's very frustrating like I took the easy way out.
It's been tough with the cold, but my parentsturned the heater back on for their own reasons.
It's warm, yet I feel frustrated because I'mstrict and it feels like I gave in.
Next.
I've asked many times if the microwave temperaturecan be changed, and they always said no.
But today, they suddenly said it was about watt,like 600 watt.
I kept asking if the microwave temperature couldbe adjusted, and they always said it couldn't be.
But today, they said it's about watt, like 600watt.
It seems they finally understood what I meant.
They probably thought I don't understand what theyare saying, but it doesn't matter.
They must have thought I don't understand whatthey are saying.
If they don't understand the question before, thensaying you can change the temperature was strange.
If they never understood my question, then sayingthe temperature couldn't be changed didn't makesense.
Next.
When I listen to podcasts at night, I fall asleep.
Because I'm a perfectionist, it frustrates me somuch.
I keep dozing off while listening to podcasts atnight.
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And since I'm a perfectionist, it really gets tome.
I can't just listen again from the start, so Istruggle with what to do.
I can't simply replay the whole thing, so I wasstuck worrying about it.
Like I said before, my parents didn't send thecomplaint letter to the religion.
As I mentioned earlier, they refused to send thecomplaint letter to the religious group.
I think she assumed the founder wouldn't read thefirst letter anywhere.
She probably thought the founder wouldn't look atthe first letter in the first place.
But this time, she realized the founder would readit, and that made her anxious.
This time, knowing the founder might actually readit made her nervous.
Because she took it lightly last time, she reachedthe strange conclusion of stopping the secondletter while we were preparing it.
Since she read the first letter casually, she panicked during the second one and decided to stopsending it.
When I talked about this, she said I was wrong.
She said it's different, but I can't believe that.
I brought this up.
She denied it, but I honestly don't believe her.
She's been standing for me.
She's been standing.
But when I asked, weren't you sitting the nightbefore yesterday?
Weren't you sitting the night before yesterday?
She admitted.
She sat for an hour.
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I regretted asking.
I regretted.
She's standing because of her failure.
But when I probed, you sat the night beforeyesterday, right?
She said.
She sat for an hour.
I failed.
But apparently she also sat while looking forsomething.
She said she sat down too when searching forsomething.
It was supposed to be tea, but it tasted likecoffee.
And I panicked because I absolutely avoid anythingaddictive.
It should have been tea, but it tasted like coffeeand I freaked out since I never want to consumeanything addictive.
I found the non-ChatGPT AI more convenient.
I realized the AI that isn't ChatGPT but actuallymore useful for me.
Next.
I've never succeeded by following what societysays because I'm out of sync with the world sinceI'm out of step with society.
Doing what society recommends has never worked forme.
I ever brush my teeth with dental wipes instead oftoothbrush.
I use tooth cleaning tissues instead of a regulartoothbrush.
Because I'm too unique, I sometimes force myselfto act normal.
I'm so unconventional that I intentionally behavenormally at times.
My way of tuning over in bed is strange, but atleast my pillow is normal.
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The way I roll over is odd, but the pillow I useis ordinary.
She feels guilty and avoids using the heater.
Then the next day, she suffers and turns it onagain.
She is inconsistent. This reflects her whole life.
She avoids the heater out of guilt.
Then struggles the next day and uses it again.
This inconsistency sums up their personality.
Feeling guilty or afraid of being scolded,
she researches my future path thoroughly, thenrelaxes and stops researching.
Out of guilt or fear of criticism,
they study my future option intensely,
then get complacent and stop.
I imagined an idol thing.
When I saw the person next to me at the audition,
I thought blah blah blah and telling that persondirectly.
It was funny in my imagination.
I daydreamed about an idol telling someone.
When I saw you at the audition,
I thought blah blah blah and for some reason thatamused me.
Next, I researched using pink beans and greensoybeans for lunch,
but realized I don't drink tea at lunch.
So simmered beans won't work.
I looked into using chickpeas and green soybeansfor lunch,
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but then noticed I don't drink tea at lunch.
So simmered beans wouldn't fit.
Sometimes I make mistakes that can be helped.
But I occasionally make mistakes that are justunavoidable.
I won't ask how to serve tea just to that day.
I'm not gonna ask for tea just for one meal.
I've been listening to podcasts about theunderworld,
and it seems people without connection aretargeted.
It made me anxious.
I've been listening to podcasts about the criminalunderworld,
and hearing that isolated people get targeted mademe uneasy.
I listen to the podcast I want,
but sometimes I wonder why am I listening tothings that don't matter.
I listen to the episode I'm interested in,
yet I end up thinking what's the point of knowingthis,
but I can't quit easily.
So I suffer between the two sides.
Still I can't stop listening,
so I stuck in a contradiction.
There are celebrity who has beer,
and Calpis sponsors,
and isn't allowed to say tea.
I looked up why.
Celebrity sponsored by beer and Calpis brand can'tsay tea.
So I researched the reason.
It's to avoid mentioning word that strongly remindpeople
of other company's product.
The rule exists to prevent them from saying that.
Evoke competing brand.
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It could end up promoting the rival brand,
because it might indirectly advertise thecompetitor.
I was also curious why someone couldn't say soba.
It's Tanachi that's with cup noodle commercial.
Even soba and udon can't as competitors.
I also wondered why a person wasn't allowed to saysoba.
Apparently,in cup noodle,
as soba and udon are considered competing producttoo.
The more someone believe in God,
the more obsessive they become.
Trying to convince themselves God exists.
People who desperately want to believe in Godoften become.
Compulsive.
Forcing themselves to believe God is real.
For example,in Japanese festival,
outsiders absolutely cannot enter.
And people say you must not see the God.
For instance,some Japanese festival forbidoutsiders completely and
they think you must not look at the deity.
This is the same psychology as people with OCD whomaintain intention to reduce and die a day.
It's similar to how people with OCD keepthemselves tense to control their anxiety.
I wonder whether merging Google podcast intoYouTube was the right decision.
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I got curious whether shutting down Google podcastand moving everything to YouTube
was actually a good idea.
I feel like not many people in Japan listen topodcast on YouTube.
It seemed to me that in Japan,few people useYouTube for podcast.
I wanna talk about my daily life as a Shatwin.
My developmental trait and the philosophicalthings I think about.
I wanna share my hikikomori daily life,my neurodivergent trait and philosophical ideas I come upwith.
But making episode title that attract listeners isdifficult.
The hard part is creating episode title that makepeople wanna listen.
I wondered if there are impressions in America.
I was curious whether the US has impressioncomedian.
Next corner is HIKIMESHI.
Yesterday I had toasted chicken,chatsuma-age,konnyaku and something like that.
Thank you for listening.Please follow this groundsagain.
