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A Quiet Space to Talk About the Subtle Struggles Hidden in Daily Life
This is a podcast where I talk commonly about lifestruggles and family issues.
Firstly, I wrote a letter to the founder, but I'mnot even sure if I'm really that angry.
I sent the letter to the founder, but I don't knowanymore whether I'm actually that mad.
Maybe I just wanted them to know that there arebelievers who suffer like this.
I guess I want them to understand that somefollowers went through struggles like mine.
I guess I want them to understand that somefollowers went through struggles like mine.
Actually, some followers went through struggleslike mine.
I listened to a philosophy podcast, but it was toohard, and I gave up again.
Actually, I tried listening to a philosophypodcast, but it was too hard, and I gave up again.
I stopped aiming for perfect English, but now Idon't know what to do with my time.
I thought it would be a good way to kill time.
I thought it would be a good way to kill time.
I gave up on mastering English, but now I'm stuckwith nothing to do.
I thought it would at least keep me occupied.
About the funeral of the religion I used to belongto.
My relatives live difficult lives, but theexplanation they gave was extremely distorted.
Regarding the funeral from the religion I was in,my relatives actually struggled a lot.
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Yet the story they told was totally twisted.
They said my uncle was a strong supporter eventhough he rejected the religion,
and that everyone was saved thanks to mygrandmother.
My relative, or my relative, almost my relative,was saved thanks to my grandmother.
They claimed my uncle was cooperative even thoughhe refused the religion and said
everyone was saved because of my grandmother.
They claimed my uncle was cooperative even thoughhe refused the religion.
The founder saw that text, added imaginarydetails, and sent a message that was read in frontof everyone.
The founder read that document, added fantasy toit, and had the message read publicly.
Next, I'm thinking of quitting TikTok and I'mthinking of quitting English and switching to ablog.
I'm considering stopping English and moving toblogging instead.
Until a few years ago, no matter how much Ipractice English pronunciation,
no matter how much I practice Englishpronunciation, if I get old or sick and can'tspeak, it will all be wasted.
That scares me.
Even if I train pronunciation now, if I lose theability to speak when I'm older or ill, it willmean nothing.
That worries me.
Talking is the only purpose.
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So if I can't pronounce words anymore, it becomesmeaningless.
Since speaking is the whole point, losingpronunciation ability would make everythingpointless.
If I get sick in the future and can't pronouncewords, all the practice will be wasted.
That's what I'm afraid of.
If illness suddenly takes away my ability tospeak, all my pronunciation practice will be fornothing.
That scares me.
Next, I wonder whether to increase the tofuamount, change the type, change the flavor, or usechickpeas.
I debated whether to add more tofu, switchvarieties, change the taste, or use chickpeas.
If I use chickpeas, I'll wanna try other thingtoo.
I'll wanna try other thing too.
And it will get complicated.
But nutritionally, it's good, so I couldn't giveup.
Using chickpeas would make me wanna...
ingredient.
Using chickpeas would make me wanna experimentwith more ingredient, which could get messy.
But they are nutritious, so I couldn't let go.
Of the idea.
Next.
It's next with philosophy.
Why do people search for their true self?
Many people should understand.
Do you know Anitta?
Buddha say Anatta.
Why do we chase who we really are?
Most people should know the idea of non-self.
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But people chase who we really are, their trueself.
Many people should understand Anatta, the idea ofnon-self.
The reason is that emotion don't understand non-self.
Emotion don't understand non-self.
It's because emotion don't recognize the idea ofnon-self.
Society operate on the assumption of self.
So it demands things that aren't logical.
It demands things that aren't logical.
Society is built on the idea of self.
So it asks for things that don't make sense.
It demands things that aren't logical.
I feel strange.
People say...
Next.
People say failing an exam is a small thing.
People say failing an exam is a small thing.
Yet they tell examiners to work hard.
Isn't that strange?
They tell examiners to work hard.
Isn't that strange?
They say failing an exam is no big deal.
But still push students to try?
Disparately?
Disparately?
Isn't that contradictory?
I think it is contradictory.
They push students to try?
Disparately?
If it's a small thing, why force them to be disparate?
If it's really small, why make them struggle toohard?
Whether things go well or not, the difference isactually small.
People keep realizing.
Examiners keep realizing that there is only asmall difference whether things go well or not.
It's a problem.
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But for the person in the middle of it, it feelshuge.
But for someone going through it, it feels like amassive event.
If you keep noticing that everything is small,everything starts to feel that way.
When you repeatedly realize things are small,everything begins to seem significant.
Insignificant.
Small is just a viewpoint from above.
The appearance doesn't matter.
Calling something small is just a bird-eyeperspective.
How it looks doesn't change the essence.
Everything is just a difference.
Everything is just a difference.
Everything is simply a variation.
Everything is simply a variation.
It's better not to have the habit of realizingthat before doing anything.
It's better not to have the habit of realizingthat before doing anything.
It's not good to notice that kind of thing beforestarting something.
Next, it happened yesterday.
Normally, when my father goes out, I get off.
He gets off the car once.
Normally, when my father goes out, I go to thefirst floor.
But yesterday, he walked.
So, I couldn't tell if he went out.
Usually, my dad gets out of the car.
Yesterday, he walked.
So, I couldn't tell if he had gone out.
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Even so, he didn't tell me.
Maybe, he thought I'd figure it out.
Maybe, he thought I'd figure it out.
Yet, he didn't inform me.
Maybe, he assumed I'd notice.
Even though, it's proven that the absolute doesn'texist.
Religious still talk about God and scientists.
They are doing the same thing.
Even though, it's proven that the absolute doesn'texist.
They are doing the same thing.
They know there's no ultimate truth.
But, they try to get as close as possible.
They know there's no ultimate truth.
But, they try to get as close as possible.
They understand there's no final truth.
Yet, they still try to approach it.
But, if perfection doesn't exist, they can getclose to it.
But, if perfection is impossible, approaching itis impossible too.
Some say God doesn't exist.
Or, does God exist only when nothing exists?
People say things like God is what doesn't exist.
Or, God exists only when nothing else exists.
Others say God doesn't exist in the world thatexists.
Some claim God is present in the world thatactually exists.
Some claim God isn't present in the world thatactually exists.
Maybe, believing in God is just deceivingyourself.
Just deceiving yourself and trying to deceiveothers too.
Believing in God might be a form of self-deception.
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Believing in God might be a form of self-deception.
And, maybe even an attempt to deceive others.
An attempt to deceive others.
Some people say God is something.
Some people say God is something transcendent.
But, if humans create the concept of God.
But, humans create the concept of God.
Then, saying humans can understand.
Then, saying humans can understand.
Then, saying humans can't understand.
It is completely illogical.
People call God a transcendent being.
Yet, if the idea of God was invented by humans.
Claiming humans can't grasp it is nonsense.
I started the podcast because I wanted to talkabout my daily life.
But, I also strongly want to talk about the thingsI don't understand.
I began podcasting to share my everydayexperiences.
Experiences.
My everyday experiences.
But, I also have a strong urge to talk about thethings I can't make sense of.
But, I can only focus on one thing.
I can only focus on one thing.
And, the others get neglected.
The others get neglected.
The problem is I can only focus on one thing.
I can only concentrate on one thing at a time.
So, the other side gets ignored.
I thought about quitting English and switching.
I considered many methods and ideas.
I even thought about dropping English and movingon.
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And, I brainstormed different approaches andprogram ideas.
I listened to philosophical podcasts.
But, they were too difficult.
And, I failed again, losing confidence.
I tried philosophical podcasts again.
But, they were too hard.
And, I gave up once more.
It hurt my confidence.
I wondered again.
I wondered again whether to try chickpeas.
They might not go well with tofu.
I debated again whether to try chickpeas.
Though, I wasn't sure they'd match tofu.
I thought yesterday's tofu was a failure.
So, I didn't buy chickpeas.
But, she didn't buy chickpeas.
But, this morning, I started worrying about itagain.
I felt yesterday's tofu didn't.
I was wondering whether to try chickpeas.
I wasn't sure if they would go well with tofu.
I decided not to buy.
Eventually, she didn't buy them yesterday.
But, this morning, I started wondering again.
Yesterday, I thought it might be a mistake.
But, this morning, I started wondering again.
I thought I should change clothes.
Because, I smelled.
But, maybe because of depression, I had nomotivation.
I had no motivation and gave up.
I wanted to change clothes since I smelled.
But, I felt too low.
So, I felt unmotivated and ended up not doing it.
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The English issue, the tofu issue, and the letterissue made me depressed.
But, I sighed deeply and felt like I was losingcontrol.
I was losing control.
I sighed deeply and felt like I was losingcontrol.
The problem with English, tofu, and the letter allpiled up and I felt so down.
I let out a deep sigh and felt like I might break.
Next, my parent was standing during the meal.
And, because I'm sensitive to change, I couldn'tfocus on eating and felt unsettled.
My mother stood while eating.
And, since I'm weak to sudden changes, I couldn'tconcentrate on the meal.
And, I felt uneasy.
Thank you for listening. Please follow thisprogram. See you again.
