第5607回 EN Inner Chaos Daily Life Small Incidents

このエピソードは思考整理のための独り語りです。メンタルヘルスや発達特性を背景に、日常の悩 みや感情をそのまま話しています。聞き流しても問題ありません。

 This episode is a personal audio journal on daily struggles, mental health, andneurodiversity. It is meant to be listened to casually in the background.

このポッドキャストは、生きづらさ・メンタルヘルス・家庭問題を中心に、 日常で起きる出来事や思考を、感情を煽らず淡々と語る雑談ポッドキャストです。親子関係の衝突、家庭内トラブル、機能不全家族。 「普通」や「当たり前」とされる家族像や会話が成立しない現実を扱います。 発達障害（ASD / ADHD）、うつ病、双極性障害、不安障害、社会不安、幸福恐怖、強迫性障害（OCD）。 個人の特性と、家庭・社会環境が噛み合わないことで生じる問題を取り上げます。 宗教二世として育った経験から、 オカルトやスピリチュアルを信じて自分を誤魔化しながら生きることができない感覚についても語ります。 物事を都合よく解釈して安心することができず、 現実をそのまま見てしまうことによる生きづらさを扱います。 長期間の引きこもり、無職、就職活動の失敗、働けない現実。社会復帰の難しさや、将来への不安を、理想論ではなく事実として話します。 難病である潰瘍性大腸炎の可能性を抱えながら、 引きこもり状態のため十分な治療に繋がれない状況と、体調不安が日常生活に与える影響についても触れます。 人間関係のトラウマや、 新たなトラウマを作らないために距離を取るという選択。 人と関わる必要性を理解しつつも、発達障害が理解されにくい現実の中での葛藤を語ります。 哲学やニヒリズムを背景に、 存在の意味を求めるのではなく、 世の中を都合よく解釈する考え方そのものへの違和感や、人の思考の矛盾、浅はかさをスピリチュアルに逃げず考察します。 前向きさや希望を押し付ける番組ではありません。 答えを出すこともしません。 メンタルヘルス、発達障害、家庭問題、生きづらさを抱える人に向けた、静かで重めのトーク番組です。

This podcast focuses on mental health, neurodiversity, and family issues, discussed calmly and without emotional exaggeration. It covers parent-child conflict, dysfunctionalfamilies, and situations where so-called “normal” family dynamics do not work.Topics include ASD / ADHD, depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders,social anxiety, fear of happiness, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD),exploring how personal traits clash with family and social environments.Growing up in a religious household, I talk about the inability to rely on occult or spiritual beliefs to comfort or deceive myself, and the difficulty of facing reality without convenient explanations. The podcast addresses long-term social withdrawal, unemployment, failed job searches, and the realistic difficulty of returning to society. I also discuss the possibility of living with ulcerative colitis, a chronic illness, while being unable to access proper treatment due to isolation, and how physical uncertainty affects daily life.Human relationships and trauma, choosing distance to avoid creating new wounds, and the struggle of living in a society where neurodiversity is rarely understood are recurring themes. Rather than seeking meaning, this podcastexamines how people conveniently interpret reality, the contradictions in human thinking, and social absurdities — without spiritual escape or comforting narratives. No self-help. No optimism. No answers. A quiet, heavy podcast forthose dealing with mental health issues, neurodiversity, family conflict, and the difficulty of living in reality as it is.

サマリー

このエピソードでは、語り手が日常生活で直面する様々な小さな葛藤や内面の混乱について独白しています。スマートフォンの誤解から始まり、自身の才能の欠如、料理の失敗談、そして英語学習の重要性とその挫折について語られます。発達障害の特性として、特定の物事への強いこだわりや、言語能力の限界、そして成長への疑問についても触れられています。また、人間関係におけるトラウマや、他者との関わり方、そして宗教やスピリチュアルなものへの懐疑的な見解も示されています。さらに、最近の出来事として、体調への不安、スポーツ選手の海外トレーニングへの疑問、そしてイタリア文化への関心などが語られます。終盤では、洗脳や自由意志の不在といった哲学的な考察に至り、最終的には、コーチと生徒の関係における支配構造や、精神的な麻痺について言及し、自身の経験と結びつけています。全体を通して、語り手の生きづらさや現実認識、そして内面的な葛藤が率直に語られています。

日常生活の小さな葛藤と誤解

これらは、日常生活の中に隠れている細かい戦いについて説明するスペースです。

これは、家庭問題や生活戦争についてのポッドキャストです。

最初に、スマートフォンについて話しましたが、

スマートフォンについては聞いていませんでした。

その時、スマートフォンについて聞いていましたが、

スマートフォンについて聞いていませんでしたが、

しかし、彼女はそれを持ってみようとしていました。

彼女は私を誤解しました。

彼女はそれが間違いだと言いました。

彼女はそれが間違いだと言いましたが、それはそうではありませんでした。

それは偽の記憶のように感じました。

彼女はそれが間違いだと言いましたが、それはそうではありませんでした。

それは偽の記憶のように感じました。

次。

私はいつもタレントを持っていなかったことを知っていました。

しかし、私はそれを誇りに思っていませんでした。

私はいつもタレントを持っていなかったことを知っていました。

しかし、私はそれを誇りに思っていませんでした。

それは私が期待していたものとは異なります。

これはジンギスカンとは異なります。

これはジンギスカンとは異なります。

その後、彼女はスキヤキソースを追加しました。

その後、彼女はスキヤキソースを追加しました。

彼女は同じ間違いをしました。

これは大きな間違いです。

これは大きな間違いです。

次。

英語学習への葛藤と発達特性の考察

私は英語を一度辞めました。

私はAIの時代でも、英語はまだ重要だと気づきました。

私は英語を学びに来ました。

私はAIの時代でも、英語はまだ重要だと気づきました。

私はAIの時代でも、英語を学びに来ました。

次。

私は英語を一度辞めました。

これは驚きました。

私は英語を一度辞めました。

これは私が現実的に感じた時代です。

これは私が現実的に感じた時代です。

私は英語を一度辞めました。

私は英語を一度辞めました。

私は英語を一度辞めました。

でもアスリートのインタープレーターによっても、

勉強が役に立っていなかった。

勉強が役に立っていなかったとしても、空っぽになってしまった。

そして、私は思った。

私の戦いを共有することは意味がない。

誰も本当にそれを必要としていない。

当時、私は意味が気に入っていなかった。

意味が気に入っていなかった。

私はただ、人々に現実を知りたかった。

現実のディベロッターメンタルディセブリティー。

当時、意味が気に入っていなかった。

私は、ニューロダイバースリーの現実を知りたかった。

最近、その気持ちが消えていく。

気に入っている。

最近、その気持ちが消えていく。

気に入っている。

英語を勉強しなければならないかもしれない。

I'm not sure. Maybe English study caused it.

Language and certificates didn't help human grow.

Language and certificates don't help me grow.

It just felt like useless info.

It only add more trivia I don't need.

It only add useless knowledge.

That's my real trait.

Things I do without thinking feel important.

That's my real trait.

Next is characteristics of developmental disability.

I loved the feel of those library booklets.

It was comforting.

And I was obsessed with mechanical pencil.

Very obsessed.

I loved the feel of those library booklets.

It was comforting.

And I was obsessed with mechanical pencil.

Very obsessed.

Recently I realized I'm bad at language.

Listening and speaking are the worst.

I realized I'm bad at language.

Listening and speaking are the worst.

I think the brain is genetic.

So continuing feels useless.

Recently I've been learning English but I think the brain is genetic.

So continuing feels useless.

I think people don't grow.

They just get older.

People don't grow. They just get older.

Storing now feels pointless.

I can stick with things I've already been doing.

But I can never keep up with anything new.

I can keep up with what I've been doing.

But I never stick with new stuff.

And once I think about meaning, everything freeze.

Once I think about meaning, I stop. Everything freeze.

It's not good to do things just because I think they are meaningful.

I shouldn't do something just because I think it's meaningful.

I shouldn't do something just because I think it's meaningful.

I don't get why athletes train overseas.

スポーツ、宗教、そして現実認識

It's confusing. I don't get why athletes train overseas.

It's confusing.

Maybe they just want exciting.

Maybe they just want motivation, exciting, stimulus.

I thought without English I'd have nothing.

That scared me.

I thought without English study I'd have nothing.

I thought without English study I'd have nothing.

Next.

Recently, a few days ago, I worried about smells.

Maybe I should have changed clothes.

But I was not sure.

I worried about smells. Maybe I should have changed my clothes.

But I'm not sure.

Recently, I was thinking.

Winning out of injury helped no one.

Not me, not them.

Even if I feel frustrated and try to win next time,

Beating the other person just makes them feel frustrated.

And it doesn't really benefit me either.

I get frustrated and try to win.

But even if I win next, it only makes the other person frustrated.

Next.

It happened the day before yesterday.

I tried to sleep at 4am, but it was noisy outside.

I tried to sleep at 4am, but it was noisy outside.

My bad luck passed me off.

I'm a bad luck person.

Seriously, my bad luck passed me off.

Seriously, my bad luck passed me off.

Someone said that bad fortune-telling,

Religion and fortune-telling aren't all bad.

Someone said something like this.

She said.

Fortune-telling and religion aren't all bad.

But I don't think fortune-telling and religion

I don't think fortune-telling is good or bad.

It just exists.

I realized that there are no good and bad fortune-telling and religion.

Next.

I watched a video of a singer hurt by religion.

This religion hurt this singer.

I watched a video of a singer hurt by religion.

I think religion is like gambling.

Once you are in, you can't really stop back.

Once you join, you are forced to believe.

You are forced to believe.

You are forced to believe.

Even if it's bad, you don't notice.

But I don't think religion is good or bad.

It just exists.

I think religion is like gambling.

Once you are in, you can't really stop back.

Once you are in, you are forced to believe.

Even if it's bad, you don't notice.

But I don't think religion is good or bad.

It just exists.

It's most a problem.

Maybe fans thought the religion was weird.

The person believed in it too deeply.

But I think both sides are wrong.

Even say, it's good I quit, feels wrong.

Fans thought the religion was weird.

The person believed in it too deeply.

I think both sides are wrong.

Even say, it's good I quit, feels wrong.

新たな興味とこだわり、そしてイタリア文化

Next, I restarted English with no doubt.

But my mind keep drifting.

I restarted English with no doubt.

But my mind keep drifting.

My mind keep drifting.

I suddenly felt like studying Spanish or philosophy.

I started wanting to learn Spanish or philosophy.

Italy Olympics started at the worst timing.

Now Spanish really grabbed my attention.

Italy Olympics started at the worst timing.

Now Spanish really grabbed my attention.

Next, I got obsessed with ebi katsu.

I looked it up.

I looked it up over and over.

I looked it up over and over.

Because I got obsessed with ebi katsu.

And it's my characteristic.

And it's my characteristic.

Mail always makes me easy.

I can't ignore.

I can't stop thinking about it.

A lot of it is religious staff or community staff officials.

Yesterday, I wondered if that smell was just a herring.

I asked because I was curious.

I was curious whether the pickled herring smell actually comes from the...

I asked because I was curious whether the smell of pickled herring comes from the...

smell of the herring or the smell of rice bran.

Next, classical music was Italy-focused back then.

Even French food is based on Italy.

Classical music was Italy-focused back then.

Even French food is based on Italy.

I remember it.

Recently, I focus on Italy.

It's my characteristic.

So, yeah.

Italy interests me a lot.

共感、トラウマ、そして洗脳への考察

When I watch TV,

I watch TV.

I feel what they feel.

When I feel entertainer, they feel.

Celebrity, I feel what celebrity feel.

Sometimes, I got motion sick.

It was a winding mountain road.

Too many cars.

When I watch TV, I feel what they feel.

Sometimes, I got motion sick.

It was a winding mountain road.

Too many cars.

It was a winding road.

Next is philosophy.

Avalon moves...

Avalon moves...

When people grill it, human and that's different.

Some say pain is an illusion.

Avalon moves when you grill it, human and that's different.

Someone say...

Someone say pain is an illusion.

When I was believer, I was joining religion.

I was pushed to share my past.

I was pushed to share my past.

It felt exposing.

When I was watching movie of Toshi from X-Japan,

It reminded me what I was pushed to share my past.

I think brainwashing isn't rare.

It's pretty normal.

Joining religion equal brainwashing.

Kind of...

Kind of it's definition issue.

It's not definition issue at all.

Brainwashing isn't rare.

It's pretty normal.

Joining religion equal brainwashing.

Next, it was happen.

It happened yesterday.

In the middle of the night, I fell asleep to the...

When I was sleeping, I fell asleep.

I fell asleep to a podcast.

And I wake up, I woke up.

I noticed.

It is YouTube.

Do you understand?

I fell asleep to a podcast.

Wake up on YouTube.

Creepy.

And it was scary content.

About someone who...

About someone who suffered after researching politician.

It was scary content.

About someone who suffered after researching politician.

I kept thinking.

I kept thinking.

Why it happened?

For a while.

I kept thinking for a while.

Yesterday, I was also thinking.

When brainwashed people hurt others,

it gets messy.

Really messy.

When brainwashed people hurt others,

it gets messy.

Really messy.

Really messy.

But, everyone wrote a script.

That's how it feels.

We...

We feel fake.

Honestly.

Honestly.

We feel fake.

Honestly.

There is no such thing as free will.

There is no such thing as free will.

So, I think we are brainwashed from birth.

That's my take.

That's my take. How do you think?

虚偽の告発、支配構造、そして精神的麻痺

Next.

I looked up.

I looked up false accusations.

How do I prove I didn't do it?

I looked up false accusations.

How do I prove I didn't do it?

Today, in the morning,

I was thinking.

Coach feels like rulers.

Players feel like slaves in my school days.

The first sign of becoming a robot is numbness.

Mental numbness.

Coach feels like rulers.

Players feel like slaves.

The first sign of becoming a robot is numbness.

Mental numbness.

It's similar to Amagasaki case.

It's Japanese crime.

It's same structure.

I hate that coach.

Deep down.

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