第5544回 EN Fear of RelationshipsDaily Incidents

このエピソードは思考整理のための独り語りです。メンタルヘルスや発達特性を背景に、日常の悩 みや感情をそのまま話しています。聞き流しても問題ありません。

 This episode is a personal audio journal on daily struggles, mental health, andneurodiversity. It is meant to be listened to casually in the background.

このポッドキャストは、生きづらさ・メンタルヘルス・家庭問題を中心に、 日常で起きる出来事や思考を、感情を煽らず淡々と語る雑談ポッドキャストです。親子関係の衝突、家庭内トラブル、機能不全家族。 「普通」や「当たり前」とされる家族像や会話が成立しない現実を扱います。 発達障害（ASD / ADHD）、うつ病、双極性障害、不安障害、社会不安、幸福恐怖、強迫性障害（OCD）。 個人の特性と、家庭・社会環境が噛み合わないことで生じる問題を取り上げます。 宗教二世として育った経験から、 オカルトやスピリチュアルを信じて自分を誤魔化しながら生きることができない感覚についても語ります。 物事を都合よく解釈して安心することができず、 現実をそのまま見てしまうことによる生きづらさを扱います。 長期間の引きこもり、無職、就職活動の失敗、働けない現実。社会復帰の難しさや、将来への不安を、理想論ではなく事実として話します。 難病である潰瘍性大腸炎の可能性を抱えながら、 引きこもり状態のため十分な治療に繋がれない状況と、体調不安が日常生活に与える影響についても触れます。 人間関係のトラウマや、 新たなトラウマを作らないために距離を取るという選択。 人と関わる必要性を理解しつつも、発達障害が理解されにくい現実の中での葛藤を語ります。 哲学やニヒリズムを背景に、 存在の意味を求めるのではなく、 世の中を都合よく解釈する考え方そのものへの違和感や、人の思考の矛盾、浅はかさをスピリチュアルに逃げず考察します。 前向きさや希望を押し付ける番組ではありません。 答えを出すこともしません。 メンタルヘルス、発達障害、家庭問題、生きづらさを抱える人に向けた、静かで重めのトーク番組です。

This podcast focuses on mental health, neurodiversity, and family issues, discussed calmly and without emotional exaggeration. It covers parent-child conflict, dysfunctionalfamilies, and situations where so-called “normal” family dynamics do not work.Topics include ASD / ADHD, depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders,social anxiety, fear of happiness, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD),exploring how personal traits clash with family and social environments.Growing up in a religious household, I talk about the inability to rely on occult or spiritual beliefs to comfort or deceive myself, and the difficulty of facing reality without convenient explanations. The podcast addresses long-term social withdrawal, unemployment, failed job searches, and the realistic difficulty of returning to society. I also discuss the possibility of living with ulcerative colitis, a chronic illness, while being unable to access proper treatment due to isolation, and how physical uncertainty affects daily life.Human relationships and trauma, choosing distance to avoid creating new wounds, and the struggle of living in a society where neurodiversity is rarely understood are recurring themes. Rather than seeking meaning, this podcastexamines how people conveniently interpret reality, the contradictions in human thinking, and social absurdities — without spiritual escape or comforting narratives. No self-help. No optimism. No answers. A quiet, heavy podcast forthose dealing with mental health issues, neurodiversity, family conflict, and the difficulty of living in reality as it is.

サマリー

家族の問題や成長障害について考察し、特定のアイドルの発言を通じて人間関係の恐れやコミュニケーションの難しさに焦点を当てています。このエピソードでは、人間関係に対する恐れやメンタルヘルスの問題を取り上げ、過去のトラウマや経験が人々の行動に与える影響を探求しています。また、関係を築くことへの恐れや過去の学校生活、人間関係についての思い出についても語られています。さらに、対人関係の恐怖やその影響を掘り下げ、日常の出来事が人々の人間関係にどのように影響を与えるかを考察しています。

家族の問題とアイドルの発言

Life is hard? Yeah, it happens.

Family? Yeah, that too.

Developmental disability? It's not just that.

A conclusion? Conclusions.

Could I continue?

Hello, welcome to my podcast. Thanks for tuning in.

This is a podcast where I talk homily about life struggles and family issues.

Today, I'm going to talk about family conflict.

And when I'm watching TV, I was thinking about something.

And I felt about Japanese idol.

First corner, today's incident.

A certain celebrity said,

Are you able to blah blah blah?

So the other person said,

Whatever, I can do it.

No matter, no matter.

I worry about you.

Because you are not smooth at talking.

That moment, I thought.

You don't need to say that thing.

Do you think it's interesting?

Or she has no ill will?

I don't know.

And then I found.

She is.

A certain idol is.

Only child?

Two person said.

You look like only child.

She said.

I was told for the first time.

And they said.

It's not strength.

I thought.

I thought.

You don't need.

You don't need to say like this.

And a certain idol said.

Wipe it quickly.

Wipe it quickly.

So I searched the internet.

This person's characteristic identity is bad.

But I can't search.

I can't find the article.

That's written bad thing.

Next.

味覚への興味

Today I was tired because.

But today I think.

Time is short.

Strange.

I wanted to search about something.

But I forget it.

I forgot it.

I forgot it.

I tried to remember it but.

I couldn't.

Next.

Recently.

I focus on.

I focus on.

I have focus on.

Sodium.

Before.

I had been.

I had focus on.

Sweetness.

It's my characteristic of spectrum.

Like this.

Like this thing.

I had been interested in spicy.

There was time like this.

In my school days.

Recently.

I focus on first.

So.

Before I focus on.

Sweetness and.

And I focus on oil.

Recently.

I focus on salt.

It's taste.

Salt.

It's taste salt.

Or not.

My conscious focus on.

This thing.

Next.

コミュニケーションの難しさ

Next conversation.

We are talking about.

Lunch.

Before.

Yokan said.

Before.

Some article said.

Some article on the internet said.

Three minutes.

Just now I search it.

And.

You should.

You should.

Do.

See also.

You gonna.

Make this.

But that isn't.

Related.

It's not related.

That's not related.

Related.

And I said.

I said.

I said this thing.

She said.

人間関係への恐れ

She said.

So that.

It doesn't turn out like this.

I wanna do.

But.

She gonna.

Make it.

She gonna make it like.

That article.

We watched.

That we watched.

So she was lying.

I realized she was lying.

And she said.

Eventually she said.

This picture.

This is different.

I mentioned.

But.

You were talking about.

Article.

Article.

We watched.

She said yes.

It doesn't.

It's not.

Related.

That.

This is or.

That's this.

And she said.

It's on my mind.

Before I boiled.

But.

Obviously.

I can't understand.

エスケープと現実

Next.

A certain comment say.

A certain program.

There is.

A certain program.

On the NHK radio.

I try to.

Listen it.

But.

I felt down.

Because about.

Conclusion.

So.

I was talking about.

I was talking about this.

On the podcast.

But.

I had been.

Sorry.

This person.

That's.

Wrote.

Wrote.

Comment.

I have.

Two pattern person.

One pattern is.

Person that.

I dislike.

And one pattern is.

Person.

Who have.

I have trauma.

And I'm sorry.

And I felt.

I felt down.

Like this person.

Next.

As I said.

Recently.

Sit.

Before.

I sit down.

For lunch.

She.

Turn off.

Turn off the horse.

Turn off the horse.

But one day.

She didn't.

She didn't do.

She didn't.

Turn off the horse.

It was bad luck.

That timing.

At the.

At the timing.

Water.

Water was falling.

And I.

I'm sensitive.

I don't wanna.

I don't want her to.

Do halfway.

Next corner is.

Struggles.

And mental.

I can't understand.

Escapism.

Going back to.

Real.

I wonder.

How uncomfortable.

They think.

They feel.

I can't patient.

So.

I can watch.

The movie.

I remember.

That.

When I.

When I was coming out.

When I was coming out.

Coming out.

Movie theater.

I was put down too much.

That's why.

I can't.

Watch the movie.

Next.

Before.

I kind of.

Ten.

Twenty years ago.

Since twenty years ago.

Since ten.

Twenty years ago.

I had distract.

I don't.

I can't.

I couldn't understand.

I don't.

Because.

Captain.

Captain is.

Strong character.

Holistic.

And strict.

Characteristic.

And.

I didn't know.

What is good.

About.

A certain idol.

But.

A certain idol.

This name is Speed.

Was.

Cool.

For.

Girls group.

For persons group.

But most.

Of this group.

Most fun of this group.

Is girl.

Women.

Is women.

Young women.

Women.

And cool.

Singer was.

She didn't seem to.

Idol.

She was artist.

But.

Nogitaka46.

Seem to.

Be cool.

I think.

Cool.

And.

Opposite.

Opposite is.

Stupid.

Opposite of cool.

Isn't cute.

So I think.

Cool.

Opposite.

Opposite.

Opposite.

Of cool.

Is.

Tacky.

Before.

I couldn't find.

I haven't been.

I haven't been able to.

Find.

Cool.

Idol.

Cute.

There was.

Cute.

And.

And.

So.

But.

There wasn't.

Cool.

Idol.

Next.

Today.

I remember that.

Today.

I remember that.

I remember that.

I.

I remember.

学校生活の思い出

Elementary school days.

I have a lot of.

Drama but.

Compared to.

High school.

High school.

So.

Junior high school and high school.

Was bad.

Bad memory.

Elementary school also but.

Little bit.

I had.

I have.

Good memory.

Most.

Most student.

Have home.

They have.

Most student have.

Single family house.

So they are.

Middle class family child.

So there was a bit problem.

But.

Bad guy was there.

But most student was.

Like this.

Next.

Today.

時間の無駄と親の影響

I have been.

I haven't been able to.

Remember.

Something to search.

On the internet.

I can.

I couldn't remember.

What I search it.

What I search.

I waste.

A lot of time.

In the afternoon.

Next.

I often think.

I.

End up.

Changing.

My parents.

Life.

And I fell down.

But.

I'm not.

I'm not bad.

Reason is them.

And eventually.

I come back to.

Senses.

I come back to senses.

Eventually.

Next.

I miss calc.

Calculate.

Yesterday.

I use.

Nigari.

For lunch.

I succeed.

But.

I'm bad luck.

I got bad luck.

I'm bad lucky.

Unlucky person.

Just a little bit.

High price.

So.

I'm not sure.

I should use or not.

Next.

It's strange.

スポーツ選手のコミュニケーション

Baseball player.

Japanese baseball player.

Is good at.

Is bad at.

Talking.

About anything.

Soccer player.

Is.

Soccer player is radical.

But I.

I.

But.

I don't really like.

Next.

Recently.

I have been learning English.

And.

I realize.

Japanese is strange word.

So.

Japanese is strange people.

Japanese is religion.

Next.

Thank you for listening.

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See you again.