第5493回 i wrote a letter to the religious leader to criticize her the latter part

このエピソードは思考整理のための独り語りです。メンタルヘルスや発達特性を背景に、日常の悩 みや感情をそのまま話しています。聞き流しても問題ありません。

 This episode is a personal audio journal on daily struggles, mental health, andneurodiversity. It is meant to be listened to casually in the background.

このポッドキャストは、生きづらさ・メンタルヘルス・家庭問題を中心に、 日常で起きる出来事や思考を、感情を煽らず淡々と語る雑談ポッドキャストです。親子関係の衝突、家庭内トラブル、機能不全家族。 「普通」や「当たり前」とされる家族像や会話が成立しない現実を扱います。 発達障害（ASD / ADHD）、うつ病、双極性障害、不安障害、社会不安、幸福恐怖、強迫性障害（OCD）。 個人の特性と、家庭・社会環境が噛み合わないことで生じる問題を取り上げます。 宗教二世として育った経験から、 オカルトやスピリチュアルを信じて自分を誤魔化しながら生きることができない感覚についても語ります。 物事を都合よく解釈して安心することができず、 現実をそのまま見てしまうことによる生きづらさを扱います。 長期間の引きこもり、無職、就職活動の失敗、働けない現実。社会復帰の難しさや、将来への不安を、理想論ではなく事実として話します。 難病である潰瘍性大腸炎の可能性を抱えながら、 引きこもり状態のため十分な治療に繋がれない状況と、体調不安が日常生活に与える影響についても触れます。 人間関係のトラウマや、 新たなトラウマを作らないために距離を取るという選択。 人と関わる必要性を理解しつつも、発達障害が理解されにくい現実の中での葛藤を語ります。 哲学やニヒリズムを背景に、 存在の意味を求めるのではなく、 世の中を都合よく解釈する考え方そのものへの違和感や、人の思考の矛盾、浅はかさをスピリチュアルに逃げず考察します。 前向きさや希望を押し付ける番組ではありません。 答えを出すこともしません。 メンタルヘルス、発達障害、家庭問題、生きづらさを抱える人に向けた、静かで重めのトーク番組です。

This podcast focuses on mental health, neurodiversity, and family issues, discussed calmly and without emotional exaggeration. It covers parent-child conflict, dysfunctionalfamilies, and situations where so-called “normal” family dynamics do not work.Topics include ASD / ADHD, depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders,social anxiety, fear of happiness, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD),exploring how personal traits clash with family and social environments.Growing up in a religious household, I talk about the inability to rely on occult or spiritual beliefs to comfort or deceive myself, and the difficulty of facing reality without convenient explanations. The podcast addresses long-term social withdrawal, unemployment, failed job searches, and the realistic difficulty of returning to society. I also discuss the possibility of living with ulcerative colitis, a chronic illness, while being unable to access proper treatment due to isolation, and how physical uncertainty affects daily life.Human relationships and trauma, choosing distance to avoid creating new wounds, and the struggle of living in a society where neurodiversity is rarely understood are recurring themes. Rather than seeking meaning, this podcastexamines how people conveniently interpret reality, the contradictions in human thinking, and social absurdities — without spiritual escape or comforting narratives. No self-help. No optimism. No answers. A quiet, heavy podcast forthose dealing with mental health issues, neurodiversity, family conflict, and the difficulty of living in reality as it is.

サマリー

故人の祖母との関係や宗教への疑問が、宗教指導者宛ての手紙を通じて述べられています。このエピソードでは、宗教に対する批判やそれに関連する個人的な経験が語られています。また、宗教リーダーや家族、特に服装の変更についての個人的な経験と気づきも語られています。さらに、宗教指導者への手紙を通じて責任や自己のトラウマについて考察されています。

宗教と家族の絆

Hello and welcome to my podcast. Thanks for tuning in. Today, here's what happened.

Religious leader sent a message for my grandmother's funeral.

I wrote this message and I realized.

I consulted my grandmother and I quit this religion.

But she helped me. My grandmother tried to help me using religion.

But I was believer and I suffered. I had suffered.

And she forgot to read my letter.

That letter for me. I wanted to consult.

In the letter, this letter said, please I can, please help me.

But she forget it. But she remember that she go to religion.

This message said, my grandmother is super human.

She doesn't be emotional. She doesn't be angry.

But I'm sensitive for someone's emotion.

She often be emotional, be angry.

And I wrote the letter and sent the letter to religious leader.

My mother is your most, your first, firstly your disciple.

And I'm my grandmother's disciple.

So please accept my word in the letter. I hope so.

Already in the shiori, in the funeral, my mother's introduction.

It's about myself. But this message have a lot of problem.

You together material and you fantasize.

And you wrote the letter as if you had seen me.

You wrote this letter.

And this religion believer don't doubt you.

They accept and believe this word.

It's OK. You see, you read material and you understand material.

But as if you had seen me, in reality you wrote the letter.

Next, one more thing I told you.

Please let me tell you.

I heard, I listened it from my grandmother that before she was active, she acted with her fighting spirit.

I read the book written for herself.

I realized she didn't act with fighting spirit, fighting spirit at all.

And kind of emotion.

So I didn't feel fighting spirit in the letter.

From the letter, I was surprised.

It's different from she said.

She always thought about introduction.

And she accepted it and she considered it.

It's difficult to explain.

It didn't explain.

It was difficult to explain.

And she felt reasonable.

She didn't accept reasonable.

It's on her mind.

So I felt when I read the letter.

Then I think human need something absolute.

宗教に対する批判

She met something absolute.

So I thought she met this religion by chance.

She felt it's tough.

It's wrong.

It wasn't tough.

Similar to me.

She was similar to me.

So I thought.

I realized when I was reading the book.

She had curiosity and sense of obsession.

Obviously.

It was also surprising for me.

Human don't wanna what's real.

So she quit to consider.

And she went to road.

She went to way of choice comfort.

Comfort way.

She was helped.

Because she joined religion.

It's natural for human.

And I read the message.

And I think you are wrong.

I'm not believer.

So it's tough.

I live.

And this life is tough.

It was tough.

But she tried to help me using this religion.

This religion.

Theory of this religion.

And she forget to read my letter.

But she remember.

She didn't forget to go to religion.

It was sometimes.

She was.You think.

She was normal believer.

She wasn't extreme.

I believe.

I believed.

She accept my problem.

But it wasn't.

And my uncle have no business.

My uncle haven't had no business.

And long time.

Many years.

My uncle and my grandmother.

They weren't talking each other.

For many time.

But my aunt.

She was being angry sometimes.

It was terrible.

On the way back.

She was angry.

She was being angry.

She complained.

She was being very angry.

Her face was.

Very angry.

Terrible.

So I was scared.

And she angry.

She was angry to me.

She was being angry to me.

She was angry.

She was being angry at me.

So I dislike to her.

And she was.

She had.

She didn't have.

She hadn't had money.

She had had no money.

She hasn't.

She had had.

She has have had no money.

Until she get older.

It's same.

And she is living.

She is living solitude.

And I dislike my grandmother.

More than 10 years.

During.

My relative.

Haven't.

My relative haven't.

Gathered during more than 10 years.

And my family was broken.

And she cut ties.

She cut ties with her sister.

And she wrote.

You wrote message.

And you sent message.

宗教と家族の影響

But it's wrong.

This religion.

Broke my family.

But.

But.

I don't reason.

I don't reason you.

At all.

Because reason.

Is.

It's just a concept.

Just a concept.

Next talking about.

Next.

Is.

About my religious leader.

She gathered materials.

And fantasies.

But.

She didn't confirm.

Confirm.

Real.

She didn't confirm.

How.

She didn't confirm.

Confirm.

How real.

How fact was.

Next talk.

Is.

Ambiguous.

服装の変更

I'm.

Ambiguous.

My plan.

My plan was to change.

Clothes.

Today or.

Next today.

I realized.

Last time.

It was.

Different.

From I thought.

I thought.

Last time.

I changed clothes.

One week.

Ago.

But.

I realized.

Three.

Days ago.

I changed clothes.

But.

I realized.

I remembered.

Tomokoshi.

Isn't home.

When Tomokoshi wasn't home.

Wasn't in home.

In home.

In house.

I changed clothes.

Last week.

And.

Two week ago.

Both of them.

She wasn't in home.

In house.

Next.

ポッドキャストとの出会い

Recently I.

I listened a.

I have listened a podcast and.

He said.

There isn't.

There aren't.

There are.

There are not.

She had.

She had.

He had.

He have.

He have.

A bit.

Anxiety.

Because.

Because.

He got.

He got.

Anger.

And.

He should.

Focus on.

He should.

He should focus on.

A lot of things.

In front of you.

In front of him.

She said.

He should pay attention.

Anything.

Something.

So.

He lose.

He lost anxiety.

Next.

A certain podcaster said.

Grammar.

You should write.

You should.

We don't need.

To learn.

We don't need.

To learn.

Grammar.

But.

She teach.

Grammar.

I consider it.

His definition.

Grammar of definition.

His definition of grammar.

Is ambiguous.

It's nuisance for everyone.

Who had listened.

This program.

I'm not sure.

Because.

We not sure.

We should.

Or grammar or not.

Next.

I dislike.

Your person.

Speak.

責任とトラウマ

Your responsibility.

It's ok.

She think.

I'm.

I'm not related.

Your responsibility.

She said but.

She couldn't.

Help someone.

I had trauma.

I said.

It's ok.

No problem.

You are.

Speaking.

Responsibility.

Your responsibility.

And.

I was saying.

And.

I was saying something.

And.

You look.

You look.

You look.

Alarm.

But you are not alarm.

You.

You may.

Became like this.

And.

Next is.

Hikimeshi corner.

I had.

Eggplant.

No.

Pork.

Chinese.

Chinese.

Dish.

Pork and.

Chinese cabbage and.

I forget.

I forget.

It.

It's good texture.

It's good taste.

It was good taste.

And.

Flavor was good.

Please follow this program.

See you again.