第5721回 ＥＮSomething Was Off I Didn’t Fix It

This podcast is not about being a shut-in,neurodivergent, or having a particular background. It’s not

a story, not a philosophy lesson, notself-help. It’s the unfiltered recording of a single Japanese man’s day,captured in obsessive detail—from morning

to night—just as he experiences it.

Everyday moments that usualy go unnoticed:the sound of the refrigerator, a single toothbrush bristle, the exacttemperature of the room, the quality

of silence no one else notices.

Extreme attention to detail, observing thetrivial until it becomes fascinating.

Continuous flow of thought, with noediting, no explanation, no lessons—just what is happening inside one person’shead.

Listeners are placed inside the speaker’smind. Even when nothing seems to happen, everything is connected, a continuousexperience without a

theme. Every observation, every tinydiscrepancy, every shift in thought is presented as it occurs.

The sound of the room, the way he moves,the way he tastes his food.

Moments of misalignment with the world:responses from parents, strange behavior of tools and social media, subtlelanguage inconsistencies.

Thoughts remain unresolved, unprocessed,but fuly observed. This is a log of consciousness in progress, not a polishednarrative.

Nothing is explained, nothing is moralized.Meaning, religion, or personal guidance is absent—what remains is raw,detailed, continuous existence. The

podcast offers a voyeuristic experience:the listener witnesses life as it happens in unprocessed detail.

Though it may seem like casual talk, thisis far from ordinary conversation. It captures observation, reflection, and thepeculiar logic of daily life as it

unfolds. Moments overlap, thoughts loop,contradictions persist—the everyday becomes intensely specific and compeling.

For those tired of conventional storyteling, philosophy, or self-help, this is a glimpse into a life lived withextreme attentiveness, revealing the texture

of existence itself. Meaning? 404: Not Found.

00:04

I don't go outside.This is my battlefield.Fightingalone.Every single day.No one sees it.But I keepgoing.Slow is fine.Stopping is fine.Just moveforward.Hikikomori hero.Still standing.

This is just a podcast.

I found a review saying that since the price isabout the same, it's fine to buy beans from othercountries, but if that's true, then finding thatcheap site for black soybeans was totallypointless.

I finally found a way to buy them, but then Isearched for extra info and ruined it.It's just mypersonality.

Even when I get something good, I immediately wantsomething else.This habit hasn't changed since Iwas a kid.Once I get one good thing, I wanna haveanother one too next.I wanna talk about thisbefore I forget.

I was having another silly daydream.While watchingmy dad's TV show, I imagined the son taking overthe job and the father crying because he's sohappy to work with such a good son.I can'tremember the next thing, but there are two thingsI don't understand.

I was talking to my mom about lunch today.I putsoybeans from a grinder into the tofu.I wanted tomake it less watery, so I told her to use aslittle water as possible in the grinder tomorrow,but she has her own idea and doesn't listen to thedetails.

I forgot what she said, but she didn't listen tome at all.I didn't feel too bad about it today,but I definitely felt like she wasn't listening.

One more thing.I'm trying hard to remember.I don'tlike people who have a very strong ego.There'sthis idol I've talked about who often gets peopleangry online.She's like that.

And so is another idol I saw today.They havestrong egos and try to act different.I don't knowif it's because they're like me or totallydifferent, but I can't understand them, and Icould never like them.

03:19

I met two people like that lately.I'm trying toremember everything wrong today by thinking aboutthe video I watched, but I can't, so I'll move on.

About the episode title.I made a mistake when Irecorded the podcast.I usually check the tools forany bugs.This time, I didn't check.It wasn't myfault.Just a bug, but I didn't check at the exacttime it happened.I'm unlucky again.

It took so much extra time.I'm not living strongeven if life has no meaning.It sounds like I'msaying two different things, but basically, I meanlife has no meaning, but I keep going anyway.Somepeople say only my life has no meaning, but they're wrong.

The whole world has no meaning, so my life is thesame.Anyway, I live strong even without a reasonto.That's my strength.And the fact that I'mtalking like this is a strength.I realized Ishould put these features into the show info.

I knew this before.I'm not stubborn, but I oftenchoose my old habit over a better, smarter way.I'mrecording at night now.When I watch TV, I alwaysthink, this person look like they have a braintrait.They just look like it to me.

There was a very strange girl who is very popularnow.I heard her on the radio and saw her at themeeting today, and I was surprised she was actingtotally normal.I also know a piano player with abrain trait who act normal.

In front of her student, I saw on a website thatpeople with this trait often try to act normal butfail.They push themselves so hard to look regular.This made me realize that even though I felt likeI was doing okay in school, I wasn't.I was justpushing myself to act like a regular person.

My life now proved it.I was trying too hard to actlike everyone else.Also, I decided not to look atthose dark websites anymore because they havescary pictures and mean comments.But lately, I'vebeen looking at Nogizaka fan sites.I'm thinkingabout stopping again.

06:31

But I end up looking when I'm curious.I don't evenknow if I should use them as a source of info.

About dinner, the onion tasted very fresh.It wasjust the top part of a chicken and egg bowlbecause I don't eat much rice.I don't know if theytaste good because they were fresh or if somethingelse changed for me.The world is always changing.There's no point in comparing things to last time.

I don't know how everything works, and that's howthe world really is to me.But if I said that,talking to people is hard, so I just act like Iagree.I've been this way since I was a kid andwhen I was in a religion, I knew back then thatthinking wouldn't give me any real answers.

I'm starting to realize that that's true.Evenscience could be proven wrong one day.Also, I atecabbage and felt nostalgic for the cabbage fromthe elementary school and the salmon.I think itwas a red salmon.That's usually expensive.

The potato salad was good and had a clear taste.Mymom did a good job with the cabbage and I reallyrespect her for that.I'm recording at night.Thesame thing happened again, but this time I don'tremember clearly.Last time, I put my hand insidemy pant while sleeping.

I had to change the sheets because it was dirty.Today, I have a memory of touching my phone, but Iwouldn't do that, so I thought it was a dream.

I remember thinking I should go to the bathroombefore washing my hand, but I don't know why.Somaybe it was a dream.I feel like my left hand wasin there, and the second time it was my righthand.I don't remember clearly, so I don't know.It's a shock.I just changed the sheet.

09:12

So, it's probably okay, but I don't like notknowing what I do while I sleep.Also, I thoughtabout the show name and listened to music again.

I saw people playing Split It Away song and AyumiHamazaki song on the street before I knew it.Morethan two hours have passed.Because of that, I'm sosleepy.During that day, I'm recording in themiddle of the night.I realized one thing whilethinking about the show name.This show is toounique.

I've heard other podcasters talk about how theirmind moves, but I'm different.I look at my innerself, but I don't care about the feelings or seeany meanings in them.I don't think I'm evenlooking at my heart.I just look at reality.When Italk about my mom or cars, I just think,

This is strange, right?I don't care how my heartfeels in that moment.I'm not interested in books,so I don't care about that stuff.Even if there aresimilar podcasts, I'm still different.I don't knowwhat my show is or who the target is.I was lookingup why boring people can be on TV.

Someone else felt the same way.The reason isn'tclear.But maybe they have value just by beingthere or because they've been doing it a longtime.But all the reason for being on TV feels likea lie.They're just old men now.People see theirpast, but it's just a dream.Even sports start, itdoesn't matter.

Why don't they run fast?They ran before.Now they're just old people.I had a terrible dream.I wassearching for something on a computer on TV.My dadkept saying something.I don't know what it meant,but he sounded unhappy.

I knew I didn't do anything wrong. I did it again.And she said something again. In the dream, I gotvery angry at him. I was really mad. I don'tremember the details, but I know I was angry.

In real life, I never get angry like that withouta clear reason, so I must have been veryfrustrated in the dream. It felt so real.

12:08

Also, I was remembering an idol getting thetrouble for failing at bowling on a show. The hostwas asking why she couldn't do it. I was daydreaming about how she felt.

She has a personality like mine. I think she hasn't done it for years. Doing it suddenly on TV isjust luck. And she had to sing at the same time.So, of course, she failed. I hope she didn't careabout it. I was daydreaming about that.

I talked before about how a podcast for overseascould be good in English. I couldn't find thatarticle again. I forgot why it was a problem.

If I speak English, people in America can listen.I remember thinking I shouldn't talk aboutJapanese culture, but I forgot why. I should justlet people listen to what I say. I don't know whatI felt. I had to sell myself.

As a Japanese person, my mind is strange. I'mrecording in the morning.Things have been hardsince the morning. I thought about changing myroutine to be faster. Like when I wake up, I couldfix the sheets in the guest room as I don't haveto go back up there later.

A regular person would just do it, but I'm bad atchanging routines. One change causes otherchanges, and that worries me. Also, I asked my momto check if beans from other countries are safe. Ican't stop worrying about it.

I don't wanna worry anymore. Most beans used forfood products are from other countries anyway. Iknew this before, but I still worried. I don'tremember why I didn't think it was okay before.Without that reason, I can't decide. I might needto stop buying them.

I'm also worried about other info I found. I hadmany daydreams this morning, so I couldn't focuson eating. I wonder if I could become a danceteacher if I started now. It's just a daydream. Iwondered if I wouldn't take over my uncle's danceschool if I had stayed. He seemed to want me to.

15:08

I wondered if I would be happy working there aftergoing to university. I also thought about a girlfrom high school. Why was she so nice to me? Shetried to get close to me.

In my second year, in the third year, I wanted tobe friends with everyone during the schoolfestival. She talked to me, and I was happy. Ishould go on a date with her. I kept having daydreams. I thought about an actress on a show. Itmust be hard to dance and act at the same time.

I wondered what my cousin would think of thispodcast. But I don't think he would listen. Mybest friend wanted to go to karaoke so much. Wedidn't have anything else to do.

But the bad memory from then came back. When Isang a part loudly, my friend looked at me like Iwas angry. That's a bad memory for me. I shouldhave said it was nothing.

I wondered why my teacher in elementary school wascold to me when I got older. Maybe I just imaginedit. Also, when I did juggling at the schoolfestival, a girl who used to say mean thingspraised me.

I wondered if I made her feel bad too. I was thinking about an idol who got angry aboutsomething. I wondered if I have something thatmakes girls angry. I saw people getting told theirfuture on TV. They believe those words so easily.

It's scary but like I said before, there's nothingto be scared of. Everything is just luck. It doesn't matter which path you take. I think my stricthabit might be thrown the religion.

I know it doesn't matter. But I feel like I haveto do things a certain way to feel safe. I wonderwhere that energy comes from. It must be to stopmy anxiety.

Yesterday, I went to a friend's house and his momhad a high voice. My best friend kept laughing andI laughed too. It was a bit rude. I wasremembering that strange family. I also rememberedstaying at the teacher's house and being toonoisy. His mother must have been annoyed.