第5556回 EN Quiet Despair ＆new year's ive japanese tv

このエピソードは思考整理のための独り語りです。メンタルヘルスや発達特性を背景に、日常の悩 みや感情をそのまま話しています。聞き流しても問題ありません。

 This episode is a personal audio journal on daily struggles, mental health, andneurodiversity. It is meant to be listened to casually in the background.

このポッドキャストは、生きづらさ・メンタルヘルス・家庭問題を中心に、 日常で起きる出来事や思考を、感情を煽らず淡々と語る雑談ポッドキャストです。親子関係の衝突、家庭内トラブル、機能不全家族。 「普通」や「当たり前」とされる家族像や会話が成立しない現実を扱います。 発達障害（ASD / ADHD）、うつ病、双極性障害、不安障害、社会不安、幸福恐怖、強迫性障害（OCD）。 個人の特性と、家庭・社会環境が噛み合わないことで生じる問題を取り上げます。 宗教二世として育った経験から、 オカルトやスピリチュアルを信じて自分を誤魔化しながら生きることができない感覚についても語ります。 物事を都合よく解釈して安心することができず、 現実をそのまま見てしまうことによる生きづらさを扱います。 長期間の引きこもり、無職、就職活動の失敗、働けない現実。社会復帰の難しさや、将来への不安を、理想論ではなく事実として話します。 難病である潰瘍性大腸炎の可能性を抱えながら、 引きこもり状態のため十分な治療に繋がれない状況と、体調不安が日常生活に与える影響についても触れます。 人間関係のトラウマや、 新たなトラウマを作らないために距離を取るという選択。 人と関わる必要性を理解しつつも、発達障害が理解されにくい現実の中での葛藤を語ります。 哲学やニヒリズムを背景に、 存在の意味を求めるのではなく、 世の中を都合よく解釈する考え方そのものへの違和感や、人の思考の矛盾、浅はかさをスピリチュアルに逃げず考察します。 前向きさや希望を押し付ける番組ではありません。 答えを出すこともしません。 メンタルヘルス、発達障害、家庭問題、生きづらさを抱える人に向けた、静かで重めのトーク番組です。

This podcast focuses on mental health, neurodiversity, and family issues, discussed calmly and without emotional exaggeration. It covers parent-child conflict, dysfunctionalfamilies, and situations where so-called “normal” family dynamics do not work.Topics include ASD / ADHD, depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders,social anxiety, fear of happiness, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD),exploring how personal traits clash with family and social environments.Growing up in a religious household, I talk about the inability to rely on occult or spiritual beliefs to comfort or deceive myself, and the difficulty of facing reality without convenient explanations. The podcast addresses long-term social withdrawal, unemployment, failed job searches, and the realistic difficulty of returning to society. I also discuss the possibility of living with ulcerative colitis, a chronic illness, while being unable to access proper treatment due to isolation, and how physical uncertainty affects daily life.Human relationships and trauma, choosing distance to avoid creating new wounds, and the struggle of living in a society where neurodiversity is rarely understood are recurring themes. Rather than seeking meaning, this podcastexamines how people conveniently interpret reality, the contradictions in human thinking, and social absurdities — without spiritual escape or comforting narratives. No self-help. No optimism. No answers. A quiet, heavy podcast forthose dealing with mental health issues, neurodiversity, family conflict, and the difficulty of living in reality as it is.

サマリー

生活の困難さや家族の問題について語り、新年の決意や英語学習の方法を模索するエピソードです。日本の人気伝統音楽番組を視聴しながら、自身のメンタルヘルスやストレスについての考えを共有します。このエピソードでは、過去のトラウマや思い出が自己認識やアイデンティティに与える影響について考察します。また、人間の記憶の変化とそれに伴う自己認識の変化についても考察し、食文化の一部としてのすき焼きの体験を紹介します。第5556回では、日本のテレビの新年特番に対する無力感や期待を探ります。

生活の困難と英語学習

life is hard yeah it happens family yeah that's you a developmental disability

it's not just that no conclusions hello and welcome to my podcast this is a podcast where i talk

covery about life struggles and family issues today i will talk about

podcast and easy philosophy and about new year's day first corner is

today's incident after all i'm not sure

uh my learning english i had determination i have the determination

i want to change like this but it was bad learning english

especially recently you know it was bad and i was thinking

i'm sure i decide my way of learning english but but recently i start i start to think about it

so i consult and chat tv

but before i don't know way of learning english so

i understand every way of learning english but i find no way no i find i found nothing

but i was not sure i remember several phrase a lot of phrase or

i use app of learning english or etc

etc

i want to learn english efficiently but now i haven't done this

i can't do i can't do efficiently and yesterday i had determination so

i try to learn english in the middle of the night four hours five hours but

after all i suddenly i fall asleep and i woke up and run

and run

listen a podcast but suddenly

later right after that i

suddenly fall asleep so i regret to i regret it too much next

my legs my leg is my left leg is swollen again recently my left right right leg was swollen

so yesterday i was not sure i should change the clothes i change the clothes once in a two week

before since i i became depression so yesterday is not

the day i change i change clothes so i was not sure i wanted to learn english more more long time

日本の音楽番組

in the middle of the night i was not sure very long time but i decided decided to

i'm not gonna change my clothes but i put i'm i'm gonna put

i'm gonna put i was gonna put band-aid a band-aid

on my leg so but no wound i watched but

but wound there wasn't wound wound was nothing but it's too pain but

i put on just in case next

i watched as i said i watched a tv japanese most popular and traditional

song program

um as i said when i was watching tv

i said i dislike this artist this singer

pretty much and this is bad like this very

um it happened like this thing

uh this situation happen sometimes it's often the case that

um i dislike my popular singer famous singer

i can't become i can't really i can't really

um i grow to like it like it my famous singer supposed to be easy liked but i can't

liked uh uh grow grow to like it and this singer that's why when i watching the

the song program i'm not be i'm not able to be enjoying

next corner is move on to the next next corner this corner is mental health and

struggles i dislike someone who who is doing

different things from

plan i dislike person who do something different from the plan

plan they dislike predictive thing they don't wanna wanna they don't wanna

predictive predictive thing and they don't wanna

do predictive thing but that is their predictive thing

not predictive thing but it's their predictive thing

especially i was feeling this when i watched that movie

at the recent

these days

i was uh when i was watching the

年末の特別番組

kouhaku utagasen it's end of the year program song program

and new year's day

new year's day eve new year days new year day eve

it's also a song

program

uh program

mc was doing

something different from the plan

but the performer was confused

no it's but it's too bad

they wanted to they're gonna they wanted to

broke the plan

but it was it's terrible theory it's no meaning

sometime as i i was watching

performer was confused

i had i have been i have seen

that uh they broke the plan and they

changed the plan and performer was confused

next i often remember trauma in my school days

my teacher confused

he refused and they denied my

he denied and he refused

my project made in the class

so i fantasize so

yesterday i thought i thought yesterday i should have i should uh

revenge revenge

and i should uh said uh i'm glad i'm happy

i'm happy a big voice in big voice in the loud voice

then as a teacher

listen it so this teacher can't say nothing

i had i i should have said it like this

because as a teacher said your project was uh very

great

but this teacher denied my project project

next human every time i remember

every time human remember it's not that they remember memory

as it is as it is i think

memory is ego memory is myself and ego ego

is that

that

there is myself

there is ego so they recognize this is myself

and ego

misread and the people misunderstand

actually there isn't me and myself

human just see just think

there is myself and always human is changing

but however memory there is memory

in their brain

so myself of yesterday today's yesterday

today's yesterday

it's same thing so they recognize

but as i said memory memory is

uh changed memory change

記憶と自己認識の変化

always memory is changing

so this isn't myself there is memory but this is evidence

that there isn't myself

because memory is changing

but human uh misunderstood misunderstand

yesterday myself today's myself it's same thing

because they have memory

but memory but memory is changing

just a simple

human always

looking back just a moment ago

and human look back uh the day every day

and then of course human sometimes uh reflect in the day

but it's no meaning

because just a moment ago and just now

as i said memory is changing

always memory is changing

so memory of just a moment ago

between this and just now memory

it's different

but so reflect today and

today is happy today was happy

today was bad but it's no meaning

but because it's this is memory

but yesterday i thought

i have i have a lot a lot trauma

especially in my school days

just moment i was not sensitive so

it wasn't on my on my mind

but just now this is trauma

recent emotion is correct so i think

i feel might be

today's recent thinking

is correct so i start to think like this

next corner is hikimeshi yesterday

すき焼きの体験

i had sukiyaki it's imo beef

is a good taste

and hakusai and gobo

and butter greek and chawanmushi it's imo

it's made by

egg and mitsuba and mitsuba

it's just a little bit

that was just a little bit but it's good taste

this wasn't there it's different thing

different dish

this become will become this

it become become to become

different thing

and carrot and

takenoko sato imo

it's like a potato it looks like potato

and

etc this time it's

what it's succeed

she succeed

thank you for watching

she succeed

thank you for listening

thank you

thank you for listening

please follow this program again