第5491回 i wrote a letter to the religious leader to criticize her

このエピソードは思考整理のための独り語りです。メンタルヘルスや発達特性を背景に、日常の悩 みや感情をそのまま話しています。聞き流しても問題ありません。

 This episode is a personal audio journal on daily struggles, mental health, andneurodiversity. It is meant to be listened to casually in the background.

このポッドキャストは、生きづらさ・メンタルヘルス・家庭問題を中心に、 日常で起きる出来事や思考を、感情を煽らず淡々と語る雑談ポッドキャストです。親子関係の衝突、家庭内トラブル、機能不全家族。 「普通」や「当たり前」とされる家族像や会話が成立しない現実を扱います。 発達障害（ASD / ADHD）、うつ病、双極性障害、不安障害、社会不安、幸福恐怖、強迫性障害（OCD）。 個人の特性と、家庭・社会環境が噛み合わないことで生じる問題を取り上げます。 宗教二世として育った経験から、 オカルトやスピリチュアルを信じて自分を誤魔化しながら生きることができない感覚についても語ります。 物事を都合よく解釈して安心することができず、 現実をそのまま見てしまうことによる生きづらさを扱います。 長期間の引きこもり、無職、就職活動の失敗、働けない現実。社会復帰の難しさや、将来への不安を、理想論ではなく事実として話します。 難病である潰瘍性大腸炎の可能性を抱えながら、 引きこもり状態のため十分な治療に繋がれない状況と、体調不安が日常生活に与える影響についても触れます。 人間関係のトラウマや、 新たなトラウマを作らないために距離を取るという選択。 人と関わる必要性を理解しつつも、発達障害が理解されにくい現実の中での葛藤を語ります。 哲学やニヒリズムを背景に、 存在の意味を求めるのではなく、 世の中を都合よく解釈する考え方そのものへの違和感や、人の思考の矛盾、浅はかさをスピリチュアルに逃げず考察します。 前向きさや希望を押し付ける番組ではありません。 答えを出すこともしません。 メンタルヘルス、発達障害、家庭問題、生きづらさを抱える人に向けた、静かで重めのトーク番組です。

This podcast focuses on mental health, neurodiversity, and family issues, discussed calmly and without emotional exaggeration. It covers parent-child conflict, dysfunctionalfamilies, and situations where so-called “normal” family dynamics do not work.Topics include ASD / ADHD, depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders,social anxiety, fear of happiness, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD),exploring how personal traits clash with family and social environments.Growing up in a religious household, I talk about the inability to rely on occult or spiritual beliefs to comfort or deceive myself, and the difficulty of facing reality without convenient explanations. The podcast addresses long-term social withdrawal, unemployment, failed job searches, and the realistic difficulty of returning to society. I also discuss the possibility of living with ulcerative colitis, a chronic illness, while being unable to access proper treatment due to isolation, and how physical uncertainty affects daily life.Human relationships and trauma, choosing distance to avoid creating new wounds, and the struggle of living in a society where neurodiversity is rarely understood are recurring themes. Rather than seeking meaning, this podcastexamines how people conveniently interpret reality, the contradictions in human thinking, and social absurdities — without spiritual escape or comforting narratives. No self-help. No optimism. No answers. A quiet, heavy podcast forthose dealing with mental health issues, neurodiversity, family conflict, and the difficulty of living in reality as it is.

サマリー

宗教指導者への手紙を通じて、葬儀や家族の状況に対する感情や意見が表明されています。このエピソードでは、宗教への批判を含む手紙の内容と、それに関連する個人的な経験が語られています。手紙を書く過程では、コミュニケーションの誤解や感情のもつれが描かれています。また、著者が宗教指導者に手紙を書き、彼女の行動に対して批判が行われています。

00:00

Hello everyone, thank you for tuning in.

Welcome to this program.

Today, here's what happened.

葬儀と手紙の内容

First read about my mother's funeral or my mother's mother.

Religious leader sent message for this funeral.

I'm not believer, but it is written about me in the letter.

So, I was sad.

So, I sent letter. My message was, I'm not believer, but it is written about me in the letter.

But, there is no permission.

There was a lot of people in the funeral.

It was written about my condition.

And, I'm angry and I'm sad.

I was astonished.

In the first place, do you have evidence for being their condition?

If it's written about believer, it's no problem.

If you say about something in religion, you have telepathy.

So, you know always.

In the world, you say like this, no problem.

Everyone understand anything that you told.

But, once more, I want to say, I'm not believer.

Especially, there are a lot of acquaintance in this religion.

To begin with, it's different from fact.

And, there was a lot of people, but they knew about me, about my condition.

I said simply, there is no evidence.

And, it was about my privacy.

And, I add it today.

In the message, my uncle use it.

My uncle was doing, my uncle has been doing for my mother.

And, he drove a car.

So, he helped my mother.

But, it wasn't real.

But, it involved a lot of fantasy.

It involved fantasy.

And, it was a lot of fantasy, daydream.

And, she has refused to join the religion during 50 years.

And, she tried to die.

So, my grandmother.

And, I read the book written for my mother.

And, I had listened her talk.

So, I realized she helped him too much.

But, she battled with my uncle.

And, my grandmother go to move other place.

And, my uncle doesn't like.

But, my mother is believer.

But, she take care of him.

So, maybe he thought I should help my mother.

So, she drove the car for her.

So, it is written about something that was wrong.

And, you are taking it bit too complimentary.

宗教への批判

So, I thought.

We gathered in New Year.

Relative gathered in New Year.

And, they talk about only religion.

So, in funeral, she was sad.

She was lonely.

And, this message was terrible.

I'm sorry. And, I'm sorry.

And, this time, I wanna tell you.

You think you can pass it, obviously.

And, you rely on myself.

But, you say something that there was no evidence.

So, I'm angry.

Please, pass it. Don't pass it.

This letter.

Please, look at this letter.

And, don't make a mistake.

And, please explain about it.

And, I write.

I wrote, don't pass.

But, this was something I wrote in the letter.

But, I read.

Since, I read this letter.

I have felt down.

I'm sad.

I don't have motivate.

And, now, I'm learning English.

But, I'm not sure I should continue or not.

But, my mother...

Ten years ago, my mother wrote...

Sent the letter to me.

It mentioned...

You should learn English for this religion in the letter.

But, I didn't start to learn English.

But, recently, I started to learn English.

And, recently, she died.

It's a mystery.

I don't believe occult.

But, I wanna...

Just a little bit, I wanna rely on my mother.

I'm not sure I...

I believe this thinking or not.

Next, when I quit religion.

Once more time, I joined other religion.

And, in the future, I...

I'm gonna make...

I will make religion.

So, I told her.

Like this, I told her.

I told her it.

Tomoko, she said.

It's great. Amazing.

But, what I meant...

I already quit this religion.

So, I don't wanna other religion.

I don't feel like...

I don't feel like joining other religion now.

But, it didn't come across.

Next, 10 years ago, more than 10 years ago.

I began to think that it's no meaning for life.

I became non-religion.

Since that time, I have thought

life has no meaning and there is nothing.

There are nothing that I lose.

But, I haven't had ambition.

But, human don't grow up.

手紙を書く決意

Human only be older.

So, I'm not wrong.

My thinking, not wrong.

But, I live smoothly.

Next corner is popcorn.

I watch TV and...

There are a lot of Japanese idol.

A lot of idol appeared.

And, she introduced sweet Hokkaido.

And, she said...

He said, it's sneaky.

It's a bit expensive.

But, they introduced a bit expensive sweet in second half.

So, I worry her.

That brought it.

Next.

I asked her, please ask Tomokoshi.

At the funeral, my relative...

Did you...

What did you talk about with relative in the funeral?

What's next day, she said.

She...

He talked with cousin.

And, Noel asked her all relative.

Not only my cousin.

She didn't listen my word.

She wasn't listening to me.

Next.

Today in the morning, I realized...

As I said, I wanted send mail.

But, I didn't it.

I couldn't it.

I couldn't do like this.

So, I decided to send mail later.

手紙の送信とその影響

But, she asked her.

In the morning, few hours ago.

She already sent letter.

But, I told her.

I regret.

I wrote.

If I had written this letter today.

I could send letter.

And, she said.

I agree.

But, she sent letter in the morning.

And, I said.

You wrote letter.

But, you say nothing.

And, she mentioned.

So, I communicated.

And, she mentioned.

I wrote text in the computer.

So, I can...

And, next she...

I remarked.

You already wrote the letter.

I wrote text.

Yesterday.

You already wrote it.

In the morning, you can said.

Please tell me.

I can...

Please tell me.

You can send.

Letter anytime.

I told her.

Please tell me.

I can send anytime.

And, she said.

In the morning, I couldn't understand.

Then, you wrote it.

In the morning.

What she said.

I wrote it yesterday.

Next.

As I said, I wrote letter.

And, when I was writing the letter.

She interrupted.

She said.

Your uncle.

You say about your uncle.

手紙の内容と背景

But, it's unrelated.

She can't trust anyone.

Especially, she don't trust me.

She thought.

When I was writing the letter.

Maybe, she said.

Obviously.

I said, obviously.

That you are doing strange.

I cautioned this thing more than 100 times.

Next.

Yesterday, I heard strange sound.

Yesterday, there was earthquake.

This sound relative.

I heard these two were related.

I'm sensitive to sound.

Because, I'm developmental disorder.

The person who is sensitive to sound.

There are time.

The people heard this sound.

When earthquake happened.

Next.

I'm bad luck.

Today, I went to second floor.

Earlier.

Always.

Noisy neighborhood.

Neighbor.

Noisy neighbor was shoveling snow.

And, she was talking to herself.

It was noisy.

It's noisy.

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