第5487回 The religious leader gave my mother a letter but she died

このエピソードは思考整理のための独り語りです。メンタルヘルスや発達特性を背景に、日常の悩 みや感情をそのまま話しています。聞き流しても問題ありません。

 This episode is a personal audio journal on daily struggles, mental health, and neurodiversity. It is meant to be listened to casually in the background.

このポッドキャストは、生きづらさ・メンタルヘルス・家庭問題を中心に、 日常で起きる出来事や思考を、感情を煽らず淡々と語る雑談ポッドキャストです。親子関係の衝突、家庭内トラブル、機能不全家族。 「普通」や「当たり前」とされる家族像や会話が成立しない現実を扱います。 発達障害（ASD / ADHD）、うつ病、双極性障害、不安障害、社会不安、幸福恐怖、強迫性障害（OCD）。 個人の特性と、家庭・社会環境が噛み合わないことで生じる問題を取り上げます。 宗教二世として育った経験から、 オカルトやスピリチュアルを信じて自分を誤魔化しながら生きることができない感覚についても語ります。 物事を都合よく解釈して安心することができず、 現実をそのまま見てしまうことによる生きづらさを扱います。 長期間の引きこもり、無職、就職活動の失敗、働けない現実。社会復帰の難しさや、将来への不安を、理想論ではなく事実として話します。 難病である潰瘍性大腸炎の可能性を抱えながら、 引きこもり状態のため十分な治療に繋がれない状況と、体調不安が日常生活に与える影響についても触れます。 人間関係のトラウマや、 新たなトラウマを作らないために距離を取るという選択。 人と関わる必要性を理解しつつも、発達障害が理解されにくい現実の中での葛藤を語ります。 哲学やニヒリズムを背景に、 存在の意味を求めるのではなく、 世の中を都合よく解釈する考え方そのものへの違和感や、人の思考の矛盾、浅はかさをスピリチュアルに逃げず考察します。 前向きさや希望を押し付ける番組ではありません。 答えを出すこともしません。 メンタルヘルス、発達障害、家庭問題、生きづらさを抱える人に向けた、静かで重めのトーク番組です。

This podcast focuses on mental health, neurodiversity, and family issues, discussed calmly and without emotional exaggeration. It covers parent-child conflict, dysfunctionalfamilies, and situations where so-called “normal” family dynamics do not work.Topics include ASD / ADHD, depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders,social anxiety, fear of happiness, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD),exploring how personal traits clash with family and social environments.Growing up in a religious household, I talk about the inability to rely on occult or spiritual beliefs to comfort or deceive myself, and the difficulty of facing reality without convenient explanations. The podcast addresses long-term social withdrawal, unemployment, failed job searches, and the realistic difficulty of returning to society. I also discuss the possibility of living with ulcerative colitis, a chronic illness, while being unable to access proper treatment due to isolation, and how physical uncertainty affects daily life.Human relationships and trauma, choosing distance to avoid creating new wounds, and the struggle of living in a society where neurodiversity is rarely understood are recurring themes. Rather than seeking meaning, this podcastexamines how people conveniently interpret reality, the contradictions in human thinking, and social absurdities — without spiritual escape or comforting narratives. No self-help. No optimism. No answers. A quiet, heavy podcast forthose dealing with mental health issues, neurodiversity, family conflict, and the difficulty of living in reality as it is.

サマリー

このエピソードでは、母親が亡くなった後、宗教指導者からのメッセージがどのように故人との関係に影響を与えるかが描かれています。宗教指導者が母親に手紙を渡したものの、彼女は亡くなり、その内容が信仰と精神的な葛藤に影響を及ぼしている様子が語られています。

宗教指導者からのメッセージ

Hello and welcome to my podcast. Thanks for tuning in.

Literally and welcoming.

Today, what happened? Today, here's what happened.

Firstly, talking about recently my grandmother died and about it.

Religious leader sends message to this funeral.

In this message, it was written about myself.

I quit this religion and my mother also.

I said this thing to her, yokan.

Then she said, she mentioned.

I told her that, I told her.

Revealed to nani?

の例文。

It was revealed that I shot in.

英語で例文言って。

It was revealed.

Revealed and that my condition was etc. etc.

She mentioned.

I haven't been. I quit this religion.

So everyone might know your condition.

Your condition.

In this case, this religion, believer of this religion.

I told her.

I told her.

In that case, believer of this religion.

Think, yokan quit this religion because I'm shot in.

I told her to quit this religion.

It's different.

She quit by herself.

She quit by herself.

Next, she read the message that leader of this religion.

This religious leader sent to funeral.

Then she, I heard that she thought that.

I understood how she has felt in her life.

But religious leader.

どの意味は?

She probably doesn't understand how he feel.

How he felt.

It's just guess.

And she said.

Religious leader perceived yokan properly.

Like this.

You think or not.

And before, you said.

Religious leader communicate my grandmother.

She already died.

宗教との関係

Do you still believe or caught.

So, she remarked.

Grandfather.

Blah blah blah.

Grandfather.

It's unrelated.

So, I said.

Next.

This time, I realized something.

I read the message.

Religious leader's message.

If human realize the real.

Maybe they felt down.

So, religion.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Religion has construction.

To help and save human.

And this time.

I felt.

Religious leader.

Religious leader is accept the real.

宗教的指導者と母の手紙

Or human.

When human die.

They gonna go to other world.

Two pattern.

Two pattern.

Two pattern.

And this religious leader.

And says.

Maybe.

The letter.

Maybe.

Fantastic fantasy.

Completely.

Completely.

Native.

Native.

Completely.

Native.

Native.

Completely.

Native.

She doesn't have construction.

For.

She doesn't feel construction.

Native.

Native.

She doesn't contradiction.

In her thought.

And as a.

And as a theory.

Over her religion.

For.

More than 300 years ago.

300 years.

It's too long.

And I read this message.

And I felt down.

Because.

I quit the religion.

Because.

I became mental illness.

This message said like this.

And I guess.

The significant.

Significant such.

I gather.

The significant gather.

Gather it.

Search it.

Search it.

The significant.

Gather.

Document.

And made.

Some people.

Write.

The message.

Was this almost.

As.

Her guess.

Because she.

She think.

She can.

Pass it.

Next.

I have tried.

I have tried to.

I have tried not to.

Deny religion.

But.

Religion is crazy.

Japanese religion is crazy.

They make believer.

Believe.

She convince believer.

Religion.

Is similar to drama.

So I thought.

I understood.

But now.

It's not same.

But.

This religious reader.

Understand.

My family.

So.

I mean.

I feel.

I feel like.

She can help me.

But I don't rely on.

Religion.

When I think like this.

Maybe I.

Absolutely.

I'm confused.

I'm confused.

Next.

It happens today.

I don't know.

I'm not sure.

That.

It's no meaning or not.

信仰と精神的葛藤

英語で。

I put tape.

On.

The door.

Because.

Recently it's getting cold.

But after.

After that.

I thought.

It might have.

It might not have.

Different.

Before and now.

From.

Before.

It's hard to.

It's hard.

Shut the door.

英語で。

It's hard.

It's hard.

Shut the door.

And it's come off.

It came off.

So.

Sometimes.

Sometimes.

I put.

I put.

Tape on the door.

Next.

It happened in the morning.

I was in bed.

I quietly.

I was thinking.

That.

I should.

Chat GPT.

Or.

Add a.

Tool.

But.

A certain tool.

Was no problem.

So.

It's no meaning.

To.

Consider that.

I was thinking.

For.

A half.

An hour half.

Next.

That was.

Trouble.

It's Japanese food.

Cuts.

See.

But.

Shrimp cuts.

So she said.

But.

It include.

Include.

Cream.

Macaroni.

Macaroni.

Obviously.

It's different.

Today.

I found.

I found.

It's different.

But.

But she's.

Always she's confident.

But.

Then.

She made a mistake.

And.

I was confused.

Next.

As I said.

I was angry.

And.

I sent a mail.

I'm gonna send a mail.

To.

宗教指導者からの手紙

Religion.

Religious reader.

And.

My mother.

My grandmother died.

And.

His money.

In English.

If she hadn't died.

Oh.

Wait.

Wait.

She has.

Just a little bit money.

So.

She had.

She hadn't died.

She can't.

She don't.

Be able to.

Pay the rent.

Rent.

Rent.

But.

She.

She.

She take.

Pension.

But.

Rent is.

High price.

So.

She haven't.

She hasn't money.

So I said.

Then she said.

Strange things.

She's.

That was.

Contradiction.

That have contradiction.

Next.

例文英語.

And.

I couldn't.

Transfer my.

Data for.

Personal PC.

So.

I search it.

I asked her to search it.

My data is.

Google Keep.

But.

She search.

Not.

Not.

Up.

It's different.

英語で.

Poor.

He was too poor.

He is.

See.

It's always too poor.

And it's.

I can't.

I couldn't.

Eventually.

I couldn't.

I couldn't.

Transfer my data.

Thanks.

Thank you for listening.

Please follow this program.

See you again.