00:01
I don't go outside. This is my battlefield.Fighting alone every single day.
No one sees it, but I keep going. Slow is fine.Stopping is fine. Just move forward. HIKIKOMORIHERO still standing.
I only eat tofu for lunch every day. I putsoybeans in a grinder to make a liquid and add it.
I am actually good at math, but I felt likesomething was very strange.
However, when I calculated it a different way, itwasn't as different as I thought.
A strange thing happened. It cost much less moneythan I thought.
I realized that if I buy 10kg of soybeans, I canuse them for a whole year.
It only costs 13 yen per meal.
When I tried another way to calculate it, thenumbers weren't that far from what I firstexpected.
Now I'm not sure if my first idea was right.
Next, I wanna say this before I forget.
Sometimes people who don't run a curry shop makeprofessional curry by mixing spices.
I always felt something was a bit off about that.
I thought about it, and there's probably a basicrule that if you mix this much of this and thatmuch of that, it tastes good.
There might be the other way to mix them, but theresult is usually simple.
It looks complex, but it's mostly the same.
The rules are usually set. I feel like things thatlook too complex are actually simple.
Pre-made curry like golden curry uses over 10spices, so it's already decided that it tastesgood.
If you research for decades, it might get better.
But after a point, it's just for your ownsatisfaction.
People in idea understand this.
They know that whether it's good or not is up tothe person eating it.
03:03
They just leave it to luck.
I think that's the right way.
Using many spices makes it look professional andtasty.
But unless you find a totally new mix, it's notthat special.
You can find those patterns on the internet, so it's just for self-satisfaction.
People think they are doing research, but buyingpre-made curry from a big company that hasresearched it for years is definitely tastier.
I've seen fathers on TV crying because theirdaughter got married and they feel like she wastaken away.
But isn't it saying two different things?
To be happy when a grandchild is born, marriageleads to children and the future.
If you are sad about the marriage and even sadderabout the baby, I could understand that.
But being sad about the marriage and happy aboutthe baby feels like saying two different things.
It feels too convenient.
I also felt something was off at wedding.
When the couple act extra close, it feels likethey are trying too hard to show they are in love,which isn't natural.
Everyone knows couple getting married in close, soshowing is off.
In front of people feels pretty boring.
I thought about what I'd do.
I think I'd just talk to the other person and notnotice anyone else.
That might sound like I'm saying two differentthings now.
But I feel like that's the only way it doesn'tlook weird.
Watching people just act normally close is boring.
They should either look like no one else is thereor just act next.
I don't really understand feeling lonely when adaughter or son get married.
I understand feeling lonely when they leave thehouse.
But they might get married after leaving anyway.
06:02
Some say their daughter was taken by another man,but you are not her boyfriend or husband.
Unless they move to another country, they are onlycoming back once a year anyway.
And you can still call or email if it's just abiological feeling.
Talking about that, I've been thinking aboutsomething lately.
For example, feeling angry is normal for ananimal.
But using violence is wrong.
This is where things get mixed up for humansliving in society.
As an animal, violence is okay.
But as a human in society, you can't be aroundothers if you don't do that.
When I see people doing things, I realize it's notinteresting if I just see them as animals doinganimal things.
But as humans, there are special feelings.
As an animal, feeling angry is normal.
But as a human, it's bad to get angry and useviolence suddenly.
I've been watching interviews on YouTube lately.
They are naturally interesting.
But when I see them as animals, I lose interestimmediately.
But as a human, I find new things about them.
Next, I saw a video today about a son acting coldtoward his father.
The son was very fat and acted like his fatherdidn't exist.
It made me feel sad because I wondered if I waslike that in the past.
Moving on, the background music was so popular.
And I was moved by such a small thing.
I feel so pointless that small things like thismake me feel something.
I realized I'm minimalist in school.
I didn't buy snacks or things I wanted.
I didn't buy my own bags or clothes.
I don't like doing things that aren't needed.
I only find meaning in things that are necessary.
I don't wanna do things now that I want to do inthe future.
If I'm gonna stop in 30 years, I don't wanna startnow.
09:00
I'm a total minimalist.
I barely use anything in my room or on the firstfloor.
My life happens entirely inside the house.
In school, I didn't take anything extra with me.
When I lived alone, it was very simple.
Like I was a person with no home living inside thehouse.
I tried to hide this part of my personality.
So it doesn't come out too much.
Today I saw someone eating dumplings.
And they were talking about what kind of flour wasused.
I searched for that before too.
The difference between different types ofdumplings, it was very complex.
And I had to try to understand complex things likethat.
I wonder if other people just let it go or if theyreally understand it.
When I don't know something, I search for it waytoo much.
Next, when I buy things, I'm so different fromothers.
For example, a phone has many good and bad pointsfor most people.
But for me, many of those points don't matter.
I might think something has only good points forme.
But whenever I buy or try something, it neverworks out.
That really makes me feel down.
I don't think a phone is a good idea.
Because I don't need certain features.
But then it's totally useless. I don't know why.
But I can't trust good deals anymore.
Maybe if I look harder, I can find the rightthing.
But I've decided not to trust them.
Back to the animal story, animals are strange.
Animals other than humans have to eat the food infront of them right away.
Because they think they will die if they don't.
If in a zoo where they get food every day, theyfight over it.
It's interesting how they are different fromhumans.
If you put food in the same place at the same timeevery day,
animals get more nervous and act strange.
Animals have to eat immediately,
which means they live with a lot of pressure and Ican't see the future.
I wonder if the nervous feelings mean they can'tsee the future.
But maybe they just remember the habit if you knowfood is placed there every day you act that way.
12:03
I was watching a baseball game and the pitcher waskeeping the score at zero.
But his team already had 9 points.
If I were the pitcher, I'd be okay with giving up5 points.
It's just a what if.
But I felt bad for the pitcher working so hardwhen they were winning by so much.
It felt like a waste.
I thought it would be better if those points weresaved for a day when they needed them.
I know that's not how it works.
But if I could stop thinking like that, life wouldbe easier.
Now for a silly daydream,
I imagined a daughter praising her father who is ateacher,
saying he's genius at teaching.
I knew someone like that in real life.
I also thought about a girl in an idol group wholikes girls.
That must be like heaven for her.
And she'd never wanna leave.
Even without that, it must feel good.
In middle school, I felt like I was in a zoo withmonkeys because I lived in the countryside.
In high school, the person around me finally feltlike humans and it felt good.
I daydreamed a lot while watching videos.
I saw soy sauce dumplings and thought I liked themmuch better.
But maybe they're better as a finish to a mealrather than the main thing.
I imagined talking to someone.
Some people in their 30s or 40s stay single andplay around,
while my teacher in school had only overdated oneperson.
I wonder if those people feel jealous of the onesplaying around.
Biologically, staying with one person is a bitstrange for mammals.
It doesn't make such sense.
But people have different personalities,
so maybe there's a right way to live for everyone.
It's silly to be jealous.
I daydream all the time.
Sometimes it's about painful memories,
and sometimes it's a daydream while I'm sleepy.
I can't tell if I was daydreaming or dreaming.
I even forget if a memory is from yesterday orlast year.
It would be funny if everything I talk about herewas a daydream.
But of course, some of it is real.
15:02
I search about brothers and sisters because I'minterested,
but it never goes that way.
I expect I think I'm good at things,
but I never thought I was right about this.
I think I'm sharp about it.
I'm sure there were things like being like theoldest brothers or sister
while I was at home.
But think about it.
You can lose your local way of speaking in a fewweeks if you move.
So if you leave your home, your personalitychanges quickly.
Those things are just on the surface.
Real personality comes from your parents.
So when I look at celebrity,
I never think she act like the oldest sister.
I used to be interested in blood type personality.
I know there's no proof for it,
but I feel like it's often right,
especially for type B.
But maybe I just wanna believe it.
I was daydreaming about my best friend.
He asked me to go to prep school with him.
In our last year of high school,
he was very kind to me.
So maybe he saw that we would both fail our exam.
We were both gonna fail.
Even though it cost money,
he was my only friend.
I have other friend,
but he's the only one I really feel good with andwanna be friend with.
So maybe going to that school would have been OK.
I probably wouldn't have stayed inside.
I was thinking about that.
I should've thought about it.
More because I said no right away.
Also I borrowed a manga from that friend and didn't return it.
He came to my room and found it.
I was thinking about what I should've said.
I should've said,
Wait a bit.
I'll return it today.
18:02
And then offered to buy him something later.
I wanna talk about English pronunciation.
I found a new tool and I'm practicing,
but it's not going well.
In school I had the best pronunciation in class,
but it was Japanese style English.
Lately I've learned that Japanese style English isOK,
if you know the rules.
But after that,
I looked at a teaching where cold phonics andJapanese pronunciation is totally different.
It's not just similar,
it's different things.
For example,
the F sound and L sound are hard for Japanesepeople.
If there are just one of them, it's OK.
But if one word has both,
it's terrible.
I didn't notice that.
It was a blind spot.
If there's only one hard thing you can do with it,
if there are two,
it's impossible to think about both.
I thought that.
But the important thing is where you tone is.
If the result is the same as the image,
it's OK.
This is like sports.
When I do sports,
I usually get it.
Instead of being told exactly how to move,
I just have an image and it works out.
If I think about the angle of my foot,
it never works.
English is the same.
If you think too much and try to fix it,
it gets bad.
Many people are like that.
If you try to fix one thing,
another part gets strange.
Sports players sometimes hurt their bodies likethat.
Now I'm studying pronunciation.
I found that many people in America say it's thisway.
It's this way.
This is my own way of giving up a little
because I want things to be perfect.
If I can,
I want to find the right answer.
But I'll go with this for now
since people in many states talk like this.
But with this new tool,
I listened to many people
and not one person said it's that way.
That's terrible.
I feel like I have to fix it again
even though I already changed it from how I did itin school.
21:06
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