2026-02-14 21:45

第5612回 EN Social Anxiety Episodes

このエピソードは思考整理のための独り語りです。メンタルヘルスや発達特性を背景に、日常の悩 みや感情をそのまま話しています。聞き流しても問題ありません。

 This episode is a personal audio journal on daily struggles, mental health, andneurodiversity. It is meant to be listened to casually in the background.

このポッドキャストは、生きづらさ・メンタルヘルス・家庭問題を中心に、 日常で起きる出来事や思考を、感情を煽らず淡々と語る雑談ポッドキャストです。親子関係の衝突、家庭内トラブル、機能不全家族。 「普通」や「当たり前」とされる家族像や会話が成立しない現実を扱います。 発達障害(ASD / ADHD)、うつ病、双極性障害、不安障害、社会不安、幸福恐怖、強迫性障害(OCD)。 個人の特性と、家庭・社会環境が噛み合わないことで生じる問題を取り上げます。 宗教二世として育った経験から、 オカルトやスピリチュアルを信じて自分を誤魔化しながら生きることができない感覚についても語ります。 物事を都合よく解釈して安心することができず、 現実をそのまま見てしまうことによる生きづらさを扱います。 長期間の引きこもり、無職、就職活動の失敗、働けない現実。社会復帰の難しさや、将来への不安を、理想論ではなく事実として話します。 難病である潰瘍性大腸炎の可能性を抱えながら、 引きこもり状態のため十分な治療に繋がれない状況と、体調不安が日常生活に与える影響についても触れます。 人間関係のトラウマや、 新たなトラウマを作らないために距離を取るという選択。 人と関わる必要性を理解しつつも、発達障害が理解されにくい現実の中での葛藤を語ります。 哲学やニヒリズムを背景に、 存在の意味を求めるのではなく、 世の中を都合よく解釈する考え方そのものへの違和感や、人の思考の矛盾、浅はかさをスピリチュアルに逃げず考察します。 前向きさや希望を押し付ける番組ではありません。 答えを出すこともしません。 メンタルヘルス、発達障害、家庭問題、生きづらさを抱える人に向けた、静かで重めのトーク番組です。

This podcast focuses on mental health, neurodiversity, and family issues, discussed calmly and without emotional exaggeration. It covers parent-child conflict, dysfunctionalfamilies, and situations where so-called “normal” family dynamics do not work.Topics include ASD / ADHD, depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders,social anxiety, fear of happiness, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD),exploring how personal traits clash with family and social environments.Growing up in a religious household, I talk about the inability to rely on occult or spiritual beliefs to comfort or deceive myself, and the difficulty of facing reality without convenient explanations. The podcast addresses long-term social withdrawal, unemployment, failed job searches, and the realistic difficulty of returning to society. I also discuss the possibility of living with ulcerative colitis, a chronic illness, while being unable to access proper treatment due to isolation, and how physical uncertainty affects daily life.Human relationships and trauma, choosing distance to avoid creating new wounds, and the struggle of living in a society where neurodiversity is rarely understood are recurring themes. Rather than seeking meaning, this podcastexamines how people conveniently interpret reality, the contradictions in human thinking, and social absurdities — without spiritual escape or comforting narratives. No self-help. No optimism. No answers. A quiet, heavy podcast forthose dealing with mental health issues, neurodiversity, family conflict, and the difficulty of living in reality as it is.

00:00
今日は、私が拒絶する現実について、簡単に紹介します。
こんにちは、マイマトコテです。
今回は、家庭の考察と生活の戦いについてのコーナーです。
まず、私が見ているのは、
ノギザカ46のメンバーは、コメディアンのルーティーンをコピーしていました。
日本のアイドルのメンバーは、コメディアンのルーティーンをコピーしていました。
私は、オリジナルのビートを見ていましたが、何がおかしいかわからなかったです。
オリジナルのビートを見ていたら、私には興味がありませんでした。
オンラインでチェックしてみましたが、何がおかしいかわからなかったです。
説明を読み終えたら、私には興味がありませんでした。
私にとっては、おかしいです。
次。
豆腐の価格は、毎回私が質問すると変わります。
これは5回目です。
彼女は間違いを犯しました。
豆腐の価格は毎回私が質問すると変わります。
彼女は分かっているかもしれません。
価格は5回目に変わりました。
次。
オンラインでチェックしてみたら、
豆腐は私の最大の敵でした。
当時は私だけでした。
無限の豆腐。
次。
私は電話を持っていませんでした。
自由はありませんでした。
電話も自由もありませんでした。
電話も自由もありませんでした。
私ができるだけのことは、
彼女の夢です。
私は彼女の夢の中に逃げることで生き残りました。
私は彼女の夢の中に逃げることで生き残りました。
03:04
10年間、私は診療所や病院を考え続けました。
そして諦めました。
10年間、私は諦めました。
10年間、私は諦めました。
次。
目が見えたら、
目が見えたら、
私は食事をしながらハイパーフォーカスを飲みます。
私は食事をしながらハイパーフォーカスを飲みます。
私は全然フォーカスを飲みません。
私の目が見えたら、私はミルクを飲みます。
私の目が見えたら、
昨日、私の目が見えた。
私は全然フォーカスを飲みます。
私は全くハイパーフォーカスを食べることはなかった。
食事をしながらフォーカスを飲みます。
次。
私は人生を不快にすることは正常だと思いました。
Side might be normal, but that's not me. I realizethat.
Next, starting English again brought back the sameanxiety. Those old worries came back once Irestarted English.
Thinking about the future and treatment made meanxious. I started studying English again and thesame anxiety came back.
I was thinking about what happened after I startedEnglish.
After losing teeth, like a difference between thebridge and partial dentures and whether you can dothat often teeth, I talked about it with myparent.
Thinking too far into the future makes me anxious.I worry about the cost, so the whole treatmentside of it stressed me out.
06:15
Next, starting English again brought back the sameanxiety. I was thinking about what happened afterI started English.
After losing teeth, like a difference between thebridge and partial dentures and whether you can dothat often teeth, I talked about it with myparent.
Thinking too far into the future makes me anxious.I worry about the cost, so the whole treatmentside of it stressed me out.
Even with practice, I can catch the sound. I canremember things after just one listen. One timeisn't enough for me.
I just want to be understood, but I don't knowhow. As long as it gets across, that's fine, but I'm stuck.
Next, my teacher and my friend went home and Isaid I was happy about the music.
She turned on the music in the car, but he told meto get off, get off, get off if I didn't like it.
The response really threw me off.
A teacher, a friend and I went bowling on the wayback. On the way back, some music started playingin the car, and I was happy, so I said it started.
But then he told me, if you don't like it, you canget out. It really threw me off.
09:07
And in my imagination, I was asking my parents andmy school teachers, is it okay if I tell myteacher and parents about this?
Next, I heard someone doing something outside lateat night. There was a strange noise in front ofthe house.
I heard someone doing something outside late atnight. There was a strange noise in front of thehouse.
Not knowing what the noise was made me angry.
And suddenly, a worry got to me. I told her not toshovel snow at night. I'd already said no snowshoveling at midnight.
I still don't know what the sound was. The mysterynever got solved. I still don't know what thesound was.
There was someone outside making noise in themiddle of the night, and I couldn't understandwhat they were doing. It stressed me out and mademe really upset.
There was someone outside making noise late atnight, and I thought it might be that noisy oldlady.
I had already told her not to shovel snow atnight, but it sounded like she was doing it again.
When I turned my light on and off, she stopped.But when she started again, I asked my parents tocheck, and my mother said it looked like she wasthe one turning her light on and off.
She said it looked like she was the one turningher light on and off.
12:03
She didn't react at all, even when I keptswitching my light.
I didn't react at all, even when she keptswitching my light.
So maybe she shoveled snow once, too.
I was so angry. I couldn't stand it.
I felt frustrated and depressed that it'shappening in the middle of the night, and Iwondered if I should ask my parents to tell hernot to shovel snow at night, but the snow didn'tlook any different from daytime.
But the snow didn't look any different fromdaytime.
So maybe it wasn't snow shoveling after all.
I honestly have no idea what she was doing, and itreally bothered me.
Next, after hearing that urban legend, I startedworrying about bad omens.
Next, after hearing that urban legend, I startedworrying about bad omens.
I put weird suspicions in my head.
It put weird superstitions in my mind.
Next, in my dream, I was on a trip with my groupand with my team.
Someone said, I said, there was no practice today.
Later, when I said, dinner is free.
One of my favorite idol, my favorite member, shewas completely freaked out from excitement, andthey were laughing so hard.
She bent her whole body forward.
15:05
They were laughing so hard, and they bent theirwhole body forward.
So I was very happy.
Think new Dragon Ball next.
When I used to love Dragon Ball,
All the merch I had was old second-hand.
My friends were all into One Piece or Pokemon, soI never really felt connected to what was popularon me.
But recently, I found that the Dragon Ball merchis still being released, and it gave me such astrange, almost nostalgic feeling.
And honestly, it made me really happy.
When I used to love Dragon Ball, all the merch Ihad was old second-hand.
My friends were all into One Piece or Pokemon, soI never really felt connected to what was popularon me.
But recently, I found that the Dragon Ball merchis still being released, and it gave me such astrange, almost nostalgic feeling.
And honestly, it made me really happy.
I was shocked when I realized that Japanese peopleare often seen as just some buggy Asian countrywithout anyone really knowing the difference.
I was shocked when I realized that Japanese peopleare often seen as just some buggy Asian countrywithout anyone really knowing the difference.
It was also surprising to learn that Asians aren'tdiscriminated against.
They are sometimes not even noticed at all.
I was also surprised to learn that Asians aren'tdiscriminated against.
They are sometimes not even noticed at all.
Apparently, Japanese people often get lumpedtogether with Chinese and Korean people.
Apparently, Japanese people often get lumpedtogether with Chinese and Korean people.
I also talked with parents about aerial skiing.
I always thought that such a sport wouldn't suitthe sensitive Japanese personality, so it feltstrange that Japan actually won a gold medal inthe Olympics.
18:29
There was also a TV program my parentsmisunderstood, even though I kept saying it'sunusual for a show to be broadcast three times.
At that time, she didn't seem to listen at all.
Just as I expected, she didn't seem to listen atall.
Just as I expected, she wasn't hearing anything Isaid.
Once she gets an idea in her head, she tends toblock out what the other person is saying.
Once she gets an idea in her head, she tends toblock out what the other person is saying.
The other day, she told me that the noise I heardwas from a machine that melts snow.
The other day, she told me that the noise I heardwas from a machine that melts snow.
The other day, she told me that the noise I heardwas from a machine that melts snow.
I have not heard that sound for decades.
She answered, because it would be too loud if theyuse it at night, which made absolutely no sense tome.
21:03
She answered, because it would be too loud if theyuse it at night, which made absolutely no sense tome.
次の話題はスキマチです。
次の話題はスキマチです。
次の話題はスキマチです。
21:45

コメント

スクロール