00:04
Life is hard? Yeah, it happens. Yeah, that too.
Developmental disability? It's not.
This is a podcast where I talk calmly about lifestruggles and family issues.
I had this restaurant that serves 3 hours ofcourse.
When I calculated it, I realized they can possiblymake a profit.
Apparently, there is a place with 3 hours sobercourse and it seems impossible for them to makemoney.
There is a high-end such place where you have tofinish eating in 20 minutes.
Some fancy sushi restaurant only give you 20minutes to eat.
Next, the hardest thing in the past 10 years wasthinking about my future because I felt like therewas no path at all.
The toughest part of my life in the last decadewas imagining the future since I saw no wayforward.
I saw no way forward but I still have to live evenif it feels hopeless.
Even so, I have no choice but to keep living.
It's hard when I think about what would happen ifsomething happened to my parents or to me.
Thinking what if something happened to my parentsor to me is painful.
Next, when I enjoy food, it's not really theflavor, it's the salt, the umami and the feelingof digesting carbs.
03:09
What tastes good to me is actually salt, umami anddigesting sugar.
Realizing makes me feel like humans are justanimals and it's depressing.
When I think about that, I feel like we arenothing but animals and it makes me sad.
I wanna talk about my school days.
I wanna share something from when I was a student.
Many people lose confidence after entering theright school but I actually wanted thatenvironment.
A lot of students lose confidence in top schoolbut I personally wanted to be there.
But I struggled with how to study and even thoughI didn't study,
I got first place on a mock exam.
I didn't know how to study and somehow I stillranked first on a practice test.
The hardest thing for me was not being able totake the extra exam.
What hurt me the most was not being able to takethe exam.
Next, the definition of God is supposed to beabsolute.
So, arguing about which religion is correct feelspointless to me.
If the definition of God is absolute,
then the debate about whether monotheism or polytheism is correct may be meaningless.
If the definition of God is absolute,
then the debate about whether monotheism or polytheism is correct may be meaningless.
06:07
Whether there is one God or many,
you can rarely count something that's supposed tobe absolute.
If something is absolute,
you can treat it like a number or many.
I heard that in some countries,
they are required to choose a religion and thatshocked me.
I was surprised to learn that some countries forcethem to pick a religion.
Being forced to believe in something you don'twanna believe in is painful.
It's harder when I'm made to believe something Idon't actually believe in.
In Japan, people call something God when theythink it's amazing.
In Japan, anything impressive gets called God.
Humans are probably built to seek perfection andthat's what God represents.
People naturally look for perfection and thatbecomes God.
Or maybe people struggle and also find comfort inconvincing themselves that God exists.
Maybe believing in God is both hard and painful.
But it's comforting for people.
When I told my mom that a certain athlete lookedlike another athlete,
she said they don't look alike.
I told my mom one athlete resembled another,
but she denied it.
But later, she said she couldn't remember theother athlete's face,
so she couldn't compare them.
Later, she admitted she couldn't even recall theother athlete's face,
so she couldn't compare.
Next, my taste don't matches.
09:00
People are around me, but I've listened to somemusic my generation listened to.
I don't share hobbies with others,
but I've tried listening to music from my agegroup.
But when it comes to drama or movies,
I really don't understand them at all.
I'm totally out of sync.
I'm totally out of sync.
I still don't get drama or movie at all.
I'm just different.
When I looked up the popular singers from thattime,
I realized again
that my taste is different from everyone else.
I checked who was popular back then,
and it confirmed my taste.
It confirmed my taste out of step with the world.
I'm also extremely picky,
but even if I dislike a singer,
I can still like their song if it's good.
I'm very selective, but if a song is good,
I don't care who sang it.
Next, I had a turning point with my podcast,
and I was confused about it since morning.
There was a change I wanted to make to my podcast,
and I was unsure about it all morning.
Even though I had already decided once,
I started thinking maybe the other option wasbetter.
I made a decision,
but then I started thinking
the opposite might be better.
It felt like a waste of time,
and that made it painful.
It stressed me out because it felt like wastedtime.
It stressed me out because it felt like wastedtime.
I've spent so much time
hesitating in the past and regretting it.
I've wasted time,
hesitating many times before,
and always regretted it.
I thought about changing the podcast title
12:01
since the show is about my real experiences
living with developmental traits,
family issues,
and daily struggles.
I consider renaming the podcast
because it's about my real life
with developmental traits and family problems.
I don't know how to express all that in a simpledescription.
I don't know how to explain the show clearly.
I thought about many times,
but if I can't make a change,
it feels painful,
like all that thinking was pointless.
I considered so many ideas,
and if I can't change anything,
it feels like wasted effort.
I don't want people to think
my show is about Japanese culture
because that's not what it is.
I don't want it mistaken for a show
about Japanese culture.
I don't want it.
I don't want it mistaken for a show
about Japanese culture,
but I don't want people
who are interested in Japan to understand
what the show is.
Still,I want Japan-interested listeners
to get what the show is about.
Since I'm doing something very different fromothers,
it's hard to explain what kind of show it is.
Because my show is unusual,
it's hard to describe it clearly.
And if it doesn't reach the people,
it's supposed to reach,
and that's the problem.
It matters that it reaches the right audience.
Hikikomori podcast sounds dark,
but I want to make it easy to listen to.
Hikikomori show sounds gloomy,
but I want it to...
I want it to feel approachable.
I want it to feel approachable.
Next,there are so many tools available,
and it feels wasteful when I can't use them well.
15:03
Having tools I can use properly feels like awaste.
I found a way to make my tofu lunch taste better,
but then I got greedy and started thinking ofother method.
I improved my tofu lunch,
but then I wanted to try more ways.
I thought about using the oven or boiling it,
but I got tired of the idea and stopped.
I considered baking or boiling it,
but I gave up.
I wasted two gold medal figure skaters and thought
they must wanna get married after this.
Seeing two gold medal skaters,
I assumed they wanna marry.
And just I expect they had great chemistry aftertheir performance.
And as I guessed,
they looked really close afterward.
I've seen athletes confess their feelings afterwinning medals.
I've seen medalists confess love before.
Being close and compatible,
but not interested in each other must be painful.
It must hard to be so close yet not romanticallyinterested.
But when I look it up,
they weren't dating which surprised me.
I checked and they are not together which shockedme.
Yesterday when I saw their daily life videos,
they looked like siblings so I misunderstood
because their performance atmosphere was so good.
In daily videos,
they seemed like siblings so I misread the vibeafter their performance.
After their performance,
I researched what kind of religion was behind thesudden incident.
I looked up the religion involved in that case.
18:01
I was some strange building from differentreligion,
but the one I was in looked normal on the outsidebut terrible on the inside.
Some religion had weird building,
but the one I was in looked normal outside andawful inside.
I'm not good at explaining things so I envy peoplewho can.
I'm bad at explaining so I envy people who can doit well.
A certain people interpreted a music video in anartistic way,
but that's just knowledge.
Nothing to envy.
Yesterday,
she analyzed MV artistically,
but that's just knowledge,
not something to envy.
I felt bad for the ski jumpers whose event wascancelled
because of bad weather.
They could have made a comeback.
I felt sorry for the ski jumpers who lost theirchance due to weather.
I've been listening to podcast lately,
but I'm starting to feel like it's a waste oftime.
Recently I've been listening to podcast,
but now it feels pointless.
I'm wondering if I should stop listening for awhile.
I'm thinking of taking a break from podcast.
I strongly want to talk about things I don'tunderstand,
and I wondered how to express those words on myshow.
I want to talk about things I can understand,
and wondered how to say it on the podcast.
I want overseas listeners,
but I'm not talking about Japanese culture,
just Japanese daily life,
and very unusual one.
I want foreigners to listen,
but my show isn't about culture,
just my usual Japanese life.
I don't know how to reach people who areinterested in Japan,
and wanna hear about struggles.
21:01
I don't know how to reach people who like Japan,
and want stories about hardship.
Next.
Japanese people are good at enduring things,
so maybe that's why they tolerate unreasonablesituations.
Japanese people endure a lot,
so maybe they ignore irrational things.
When I was student,
I had no interest in hood,
because my world was small and I had no mentalspace,
and back in school,
my world was narrow,
and I didn't care about hood at all.
Now I do,
because having interest in hood requires a certainlevel of stability.
Now I do,
because having interest in hood requires a certainlevel of stability.
Now I'm interested,
because enjoying hood needs mental space.
But many top performers are really into hood,
which surprised me.
But a lot of successful people love hood,
which I find surprising.
Next.
I suddenly remembered my parents' book aboutspace.
I randomly remembered my parents' space book.
Sometimes memories from decade ago,
flashback,
sometimes old memories suddenly return.
Next.
Many Japanese people dislike western music,
just because they don't understand the lyrics,
24:02
which I find strange.
Many Japanese avoid western music,
because they don't understand the word which isadd to me.
Music isn't literature.
They are appreciating the sound,
so the lyrics shouldn't matter that much.
Music is about sound,
so not knowing the word shouldn't matter.
I'm introspective,
self-aware,
observant and sensitive to contradictions,
and I wanna talk about that on podcast.
I'm introspective and sensitive,
and I wanna discuss that on my show.
I had a big breakthrough in my English learning,
but later I realized something else.
I made progress in English,
then noticed something new.
But I can't go back now,
but there's no going back.
Next.
I understand why people,
as I said,
I understand why people say words matter.
But I wonder if I can really hear every details inmusic,
while understanding the lyrics,
I get why words are important.
But I wonder if I can catch all the sound,
while understanding lyrics.
I looked up why celebrity sound shallow,
why celebrity sound shallow,
when talking about their taste.
I researched why celebrity taste talk soundshallow.
They just say,
I like movies and stop there.
They don't explain why or how.
They say I like movies without explaininganything.
Maybe sounding shallow makes them look uncool.
Maybe being buggy makes them look lame.
27:04
They choose safe,
average statement,
so no one gets hurt.
They avoid saying anything risky.
As a result,
everything they say becomes generic.
So their comments end up sounding average.
I find it strange when people say they wanna savemoney but buy expensive coffee.
I add when people say I'm saving money but buypricey coffee.
It's not hypocrisy.
Humans just have multiple values at once.
It's because people hold many values at the sametime.
I also don't understand people who spend hugeamount on travel.
I don't get big spend on trip or gadget.
I usually restrain myself so I can't understandpeople who spend a lot on travel.
次はひきめしコーナーです。
昨日はサラダと卵サラダを食べました。
美味しかったです。
味とバランスがいいです。
昨日はチキンカツを食べました。
オーブンで焼いたので食感がいいです。
チキンカツは美味しかったです。
ご視聴ありがとうございました。
