第5505回 this is my philosophy ＆today what happened

このエピソードは思考整理のための独り語りです。メンタルヘルスや発達特性を背景に、日常の悩 みや感情をそのまま話しています。聞き流しても問題ありません。

 This episode is a personal audio journal on daily struggles, mental health, andneurodiversity. It is meant to be listened to casually in the background.

このポッドキャストは、生きづらさ・メンタルヘルス・家庭問題を中心に、 日常で起きる出来事や思考を、感情を煽らず淡々と語る雑談ポッドキャストです。親子関係の衝突、家庭内トラブル、機能不全家族。 「普通」や「当たり前」とされる家族像や会話が成立しない現実を扱います。 発達障害（ASD / ADHD）、うつ病、双極性障害、不安障害、社会不安、幸福恐怖、強迫性障害（OCD）。 個人の特性と、家庭・社会環境が噛み合わないことで生じる問題を取り上げます。 宗教二世として育った経験から、 オカルトやスピリチュアルを信じて自分を誤魔化しながら生きることができない感覚についても語ります。 物事を都合よく解釈して安心することができず、 現実をそのまま見てしまうことによる生きづらさを扱います。 長期間の引きこもり、無職、就職活動の失敗、働けない現実。社会復帰の難しさや、将来への不安を、理想論ではなく事実として話します。 難病である潰瘍性大腸炎の可能性を抱えながら、 引きこもり状態のため十分な治療に繋がれない状況と、体調不安が日常生活に与える影響についても触れます。 人間関係のトラウマや、 新たなトラウマを作らないために距離を取るという選択。 人と関わる必要性を理解しつつも、発達障害が理解されにくい現実の中での葛藤を語ります。 哲学やニヒリズムを背景に、 存在の意味を求めるのではなく、 世の中を都合よく解釈する考え方そのものへの違和感や、人の思考の矛盾、浅はかさをスピリチュアルに逃げず考察します。 前向きさや希望を押し付ける番組ではありません。 答えを出すこともしません。 メンタルヘルス、発達障害、家庭問題、生きづらさを抱える人に向けた、静かで重めのトーク番組です。

This podcast focuses on mental health, neurodiversity, and family issues, discussed calmly and without emotional exaggeration. It covers parent-child conflict, dysfunctionalfamilies, and situations where so-called “normal” family dynamics do not work.Topics include ASD / ADHD, depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders,social anxiety, fear of happiness, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD),exploring how personal traits clash with family and social environments.Growing up in a religious household, I talk about the inability to rely on occult or spiritual beliefs to comfort or deceive myself, and the difficulty of facing reality without convenient explanations. The podcast addresses long-term social withdrawal, unemployment, failed job searches, and the realistic difficulty of returning to society. I also discuss the possibility of living with ulcerative colitis, a chronic illness, while being unable to access proper treatment due to isolation, and how physical uncertainty affects daily life.Human relationships and trauma, choosing distance to avoid creating new wounds, and the struggle of living in a society where neurodiversity is rarely understood are recurring themes. Rather than seeking meaning, this podcastexamines how people conveniently interpret reality, the contradictions in human thinking, and social absurdities — without spiritual escape or comforting narratives. No self-help. No optimism. No answers. A quiet, heavy podcast forthose dealing with mental health issues, neurodiversity, family conflict, and the difficulty of living in reality as it is.

サマリー

このエピソードでは、日常の出来事や体験をもとに豆腐やお寿司、アイドルのライブパフォーマンスについて探求しています。また、オーケストラのクラシック音楽との長年の関わりや、最善の概念についての葛藤にも触れています。自身の哲学や過去の記憶、特に幼少期の経験についても語っています。さらに、ポッドキャストに対する複雑な思いやリスナーについての考えを共有し、日常の出来事を振り返っています。

日常の出来事

Hello and welcome to my podcast, today here's what happened, thanks for tuning in, firstly it happened today, I asked Yokan to buy tofu at an unusual department,

I heard this tofu is same price, but a bit higher than usual tofu, she always says something off top of her head, so she made a mistake.

Next, I have strange curious, so today I searched it, today I searched something, firstly in the hotel, it's my experience, in the hotel,

I turn on, my friend turn on the light, bathroom light, it's bathroom light, but whole light of room, every light went on, so I searched it,

and kaitendeshi, rolling sushi, I searched whatever it has, sushi has wasabi or not in kaitendeshi, I realized it depends on.

Next, sometimes orchestra appeared in idol or artist live, they were doing violin or drum etc.

I searched whatever they belong to orchestra for classic music.

Next, I have been shuttling, I have shuttling more than 15 years, more than for 18 years, I think there isn't, there aren't other way.

I became shuttling, it's can't be helped, can't be helped, so I have thought, but I regret something.

If I had do like this, if I had do like this, so I can help thinking.

But I was doing serious, seriously, and I was doing my best, but this best concept of best, do my best, this concept of this my best, concept of doing the best,

I dislike it, this concept, I can't understand it, this concept.

No one can find what is best, people think, people say, they are looking back later.

And I try to do my best, and they say I did my best, but they say did my best, but they say just looking back later.

幼少期の回想

Next, I don't like, I also don't like concept of happy, sometimes it involve religious something.

But recently I think, I have thought, when I scratch my body, when I scratch itch, when I'm scratching itch,

this is my happy, thinking something, when I scratch itch.

And my most unhappy time is doing something with someone, I don't like to cooperate with someone.

For example, science experiment, just now, I remember some trauma.

When I went to kindergarten, kind of 5 years old, very small mountain at the kindergarten.

And I was cold, and I was bring to mud, and I didn't like lunch time, I don't know why, but I dislike it.

And etc.

Next, I watch YouTube, and I remember it, suddenly I remember this memory.

I recorded the memory, this memory.

When I was Hiroshima, my friend was bathroom at 6am, I was sleeping, it wasn't time, I should wake up.

But see, turn on the light, and whole room I was sleeping, this room's light, the light was on, so I can help waking up.

So, I complained to my friend, my other friend in elevator.

ポッドキャストの困惑

Next, I'm not sure my podcast program name.

I should involve word of ASD or not, and I want foreigner to listen my podcast, so it's very complicated.

A year and half ago, I was not sure my program name, I'm not sure what to do.

Next, sorry it's just a little bit, daily talk.

At the restroom, in the restroom, I was wiping the oil, but sometimes I made a mistake, so I read it today.

Thank you for listening, please follow this program, see you again.