00:00
Welcome to my podcast. I show records from a roomthat hasn't changed since well.
American had different president, maybe two.
Seven years inside. That's not a lifestyle. That'sa subscription plan. You forgot to cancel.
Some people call it isolation.
We call it free shipping on every emission. Andnow broadcasting live from a desk.
That has something more instant noodles than humaninteraction.
I've been going back and forth on the show nametoo.
Thinking about whether to say samurai orsomething, but I don't wanna.
The word Japan, it sounds too much like aneducation show.
The show strength is something I wanna reflect inthe name, but it's hard to keep it simple enough.
In the morning, I was looking into various apps,and I got so focused that I forgot what I was evendoing.
Ended up recording this instead of the Englishepisode.
At night, I was thinking about Spanish vsPortuguese again.
My personality is just like that, but honestly,there's no need to add more language.
The whole point is to communicate using simplewords, and that's been a goal from the start.
Thinking keeps changing and improving, which isthe problem.
I tend to feel easy when I only have a way ofdoing something.
So I look into other options.
Things weren't going well for a while.
Then they worked out.
And right at the moment, I realized I didn't evenneed a new method.
That's my usual pattern.
I did the same thing five or six times, but timingevery time.
I recorded an English episode today for the firsttime in a while.
Everything I failed at had never been something Iwas truly forcing, so there's a deeper reasonbehind being careful and I try not to repeatmistakes.
03:14
Why do I make this podcast?
The answer might not be what you'd expect.
It's just that I wanna help episode a little.
The reason I've been able to keep going is becauseI understand how people with depression,
people who are struggling, and people with certainconditions feel that feeling of wanting to helpsomeone is worth it.
It kept me going.
Lately, the worry about the future has been reallystrong.
It's been there for over 15 years, trying toignore it doesn't help, but thinking about it toomuch isn't good either.
I don't feel like I'll be alive in the world 10years from now, so there's not much point inworrying about it.
It has that feeling even as a kid.
The most likely reason I feel that way issomething like another major world event happeningthat completely changed everything.
My whole way of living and thinking is carefullybuilt up in a small imbalance through everythingof,
but that's also why I can pay attention to eachsmall thing.
Being a shut-in means having to build your ownstructure just to get through the day.
Every moment has a reason behind it.
There's a constant tension to it.
When that tension wasn't there, it was during theworst period of my OCD.
Building that structure in the daily life was whatkept those doubts from taking over.
The worry about the future isn't something I'mjust sitting with.
It comes up no matter what I'm doing.
People naturally try to find balance.
For example, someone who drinks might decide they'll never smoke,
or someone who's a little hard on a friend mightdraw a red line at never cutting them offcompletely.
06:03
That's how people use their energy.
For me, I decide I'll give up on work, but notgive up on living.
Getting a diagnosis of living difference alreadyfelt like giving up.
I tried other things after that, but that camewith real risk.
Trying to do two things at once means neither getdone well.
When you focus on one thing, you have to let go ofthe others.
The idea that I wanna work, but I can survive mylittle hardship.
That's exactly the kind of thinking that doesn'twork.
Work and life aren't separate things in that way.
Listening to a podcast recently,
someone said the motorcycle gang came by and wasmaking noise
while they were in an online meeting with the micon.
And they yelled out loud.
And apparently everyone could hear.
I thought, well, that happens to other people too.
Someone else speaking up loudly about noise fromneighbors.
That was actually nice to hear.
My parent heard a new Nogizaka song I liked andsaid part before the chorus was a bit off.
But this person apparently listened withoutknowing where the chorus is.
That was surprising.
Also, someone I used to listen to the podcast wastalking really openly.
To the point where I thought, is this okay?
I was a little jealous because there were sayingthings I wouldn't be able to say.
Things like, teachers are a waste of tax money.
Just show student videos of good teachers.
That's actually one of the righter things.
Religion leaders being either crazy or just goingalong with things.
That's still on the righter end too.
When I watch idols, one thing I notice acrossdifferent groups
is that some people try to stand out by doingsomething different.
I could tell right away.
When someone is just trying to get attention bybeing different.
Because I think that's exactly what should beavoided.
Doing something you actually like is better.
Even young kids can figure out that if they dosomething slightly different, they'll get praised.
09:11
It's a really basic way of thinking.
This made me think about bad examples andexplanations.
Like using a completely unrelated comparison.
Or using an example that actually overlaps withwhat you are explaining.
Which makes everything confusing.
I've seen people do that a lot.
When I record this show, I'm always careful not tosay something that doesn't make sense.
I was looking at whether people in Italy have ahigh rate of depression.
I'd heard that about Germany.
Apparently, Italy does too, which surprised me.
They seem like a warm, happy country.
Cold regions tend to have more depression.
But warm regions aren't completely free from iteither.
Pro wrestlers also seem like the last people you'dexpect to get depression.
But apparently, strength training can actuallycontribute to it.
Being an individual sport.
Dealing with constant pain and pressure.
Those all make sense.
The worry about what comes after their career isunderstandable.
Celebrities also seem to have a high rate ofdepression.
And many tend to rage.
Recording late at night.
Waking up and already thinking, how did things endup like this?
There are moments when I think maybe if I'd donethings differently as a student.
I wouldn't have become a shut-in.
But maybe it was just meant to be.
Lately, I've been feeling a bit down.
My neck was hurting yesterday.
I hope it's not a sign of the illness gettingworse.
It could also be a hormone imbalance or somethingrelated to metabolism.
It's 1am and I've been looking things up again.
Some people say that if God exists, there would beno hunger and poverty.
12:04
So God doesn't exist.
But I don't get that.
Hunger is a human concept.
It's just human seeing a situation as bad.
If God is defined as something absolute and beyondhuman ideas.
They think if God exists, there'd be no sickness.
Doesn't make sense.
Sickness is a human concept too.
It's a very basic way of thinking about it.
Also, I came across an article about the debateover effort.
Whether working hard leads to results.
I find this debate kind of pointless.
The definition of effort is too unclear to evendiscuss properly.
In Japan, effort often just means passing throughwith willpower.
People study hard, for example.
Some pass, some don't.
The obvious thing, effort doesn't always pay off.
It's just observing the obvious.
The more important question is what effort evenmeans.
And what counts as success.
Because people can interpret those however theywant.
You can't conclude that effort always leads toeverything you want.
But you can also reach that conclusion if youdefine this a certain way.
The whole debate is just unclear from the start.
