2026-01-13 20:08

第5541回 Reclusive Survival Quiet Thoughts

このエピソードは思考整理のための独り語りです。メンタルヘルスや発達特性を背景に、日常の悩 みや感情をそのまま話しています。聞き流しても問題ありません。

 This episode is a personal audio journal on daily struggles, mental health, andneurodiversity. It is meant to be listened to casually in the background.

このポッドキャストは、生きづらさ・メンタルヘルス・家庭問題を中心に、 日常で起きる出来事や思考を、感情を煽らず淡々と語る雑談ポッドキャストです。親子関係の衝突、家庭内トラブル、機能不全家族。 「普通」や「当たり前」とされる家族像や会話が成立しない現実を扱います。 発達障害(ASD / ADHD)、うつ病、双極性障害、不安障害、社会不安、幸福恐怖、強迫性障害(OCD)。 個人の特性と、家庭・社会環境が噛み合わないことで生じる問題を取り上げます。 宗教二世として育った経験から、 オカルトやスピリチュアルを信じて自分を誤魔化しながら生きることができない感覚についても語ります。 物事を都合よく解釈して安心することができず、 現実をそのまま見てしまうことによる生きづらさを扱います。 長期間の引きこもり、無職、就職活動の失敗、働けない現実。社会復帰の難しさや、将来への不安を、理想論ではなく事実として話します。 難病である潰瘍性大腸炎の可能性を抱えながら、 引きこもり状態のため十分な治療に繋がれない状況と、体調不安が日常生活に与える影響についても触れます。 人間関係のトラウマや、 新たなトラウマを作らないために距離を取るという選択。 人と関わる必要性を理解しつつも、発達障害が理解されにくい現実の中での葛藤を語ります。 哲学やニヒリズムを背景に、 存在の意味を求めるのではなく、 世の中を都合よく解釈する考え方そのものへの違和感や、人の思考の矛盾、浅はかさをスピリチュアルに逃げず考察します。 前向きさや希望を押し付ける番組ではありません。 答えを出すこともしません。 メンタルヘルス、発達障害、家庭問題、生きづらさを抱える人に向けた、静かで重めのトーク番組です。

This podcast focuses on mental health, neurodiversity, and family issues, discussed calmly and without emotional exaggeration. It covers parent-child conflict, dysfunctionalfamilies, and situations where so-called “normal” family dynamics do not work.Topics include ASD / ADHD, depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders,social anxiety, fear of happiness, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD),exploring how personal traits clash with family and social environments.Growing up in a religious household, I talk about the inability to rely on occult or spiritual beliefs to comfort or deceive myself, and the difficulty of facing reality without convenient explanations. The podcast addresses long-term social withdrawal, unemployment, failed job searches, and the realistic difficulty of returning to society. I also discuss the possibility of living with ulcerative colitis, a chronic illness, while being unable to access proper treatment due to isolation, and how physical uncertainty affects daily life.Human relationships and trauma, choosing distance to avoid creating new wounds, and the struggle of living in a society where neurodiversity is rarely understood are recurring themes. Rather than seeking meaning, this podcastexamines how people conveniently interpret reality, the contradictions in human thinking, and social absurdities — without spiritual escape or comforting narratives. No self-help. No optimism. No answers. A quiet, heavy podcast forthose dealing with mental health issues, neurodiversity, family conflict, and the difficulty of living in reality as it is.

サマリー

ポッドキャスト「Kamuroi」では、神経多様性や孤立、社会的な断絶に関連する日々の苦悩やメンタルヘルス、家族の対立について語りながら、独自の課題に直面している人々の感情や考察が共有されます。このエピソードでは、思考や行動についての疑問が探求され、人生における成功や日常生活のルーティンについて考察されています。孤独なサバイバルの体験を通じて、自己の内面や存在感について深い考察が描かれています。また、エピソードでは、過去の学校生活やクラスメートとの関係を振り返り、食事としてすき焼きや韓国料理についても語られています。

日常の苦悩とメンタルヘルス
Life is hard? Yeah, it happens.
Family? Yeah, that too.
Developmental disability? It's not just that.
A conclusion? No conclusions.
Thanks for tuning in. This podcast, Kamuroi, discusses daily struggles, mental health, and family conflicts associated with neurodiversity, isolation, social disconnection, life as someone navigating unique challenges. Their life emotions and reflections are shared with you.
I'm gonna talk about end of year in Japanese.
When I was in depression, I was doing something, etc.
Firstly, it's common for Japanese people, Japanese talk about blood type, A or B or C or AB or so.
It's on my mind few years ago, and I thought same birthday and nearby birthday.
Similar characteristic and identity, I was interested in birthday.
Recently, I listened a podcast for my English learning.
Podcaster is similar to me, and his birthday is close to mine.
I believe kind of, it's birthday something.
I find characteristic of person by birthday.
Just now, I believe it.
Anyway, it was mystery, strange.
Characteristic is similar and birthday is close to my next.
Whatever I'm getting, good luck or bad luck, it's always on my mind.
アイドルと運命
A certain idol start a certain business.
This was MC of this program.
First episode, there was guest, and this idol is fan of them.
I think that's good luck.
Happened same timing.
She became MC and favorite person was coming.
If I were her, if I had been her, I think I get used to this program.
Then, I want them to come here, come this program.
For example, like this.
When good things come all at once, I think I'm bad luck person.
A certain idol quit this group.
That time, I thought she's becoming famous idol, but she quit.
It's this timing. It's bad timing.
I don't understand this thinking.
A lot of people say, don't think, take action.
思考と行動の探求
When you just think about something, you get nothing.
Don't think, feel.
I don't understand this thinking, this teaching.
It's religion.
It has no evidence.
When I was believer of a certain religion, I was said religious leader.
I was said like this thing.
It bothered me.
What is thinking?
What is taking action?
Who know? All human input and output.
From where? I don't know.
I'm not sure.
From where input?
What is input? What is output?
I'm not sure.
I think thinking is action. Thinking is practice.
Thinking is also taking action.
Women's body is taking action.
I'm not sure.
Conversation is taking action or thinking.
Who know?
Next.
成功とブログの試み
A few days ago, I was doing blog.
There was two pattern.
Two pattern.
There was two pattern.
There was person
who is doing salary and success.
To be success.
There was person.
They obviously succeed.
And there was person who quit blog.
And there was person who isn't able to continue.
But I am not both of them.
I was doing salary, but I didn't succeed.
Next.
日常生活とルーティン
It happened today.
I couldn't understand.
Sukiyaki is similar to teriyaki.
This is similar.
She serve sukiyaki today.
It's common for my family.
End of year.
We had sukiyaki end of year.
Once a year.
But same taste.
But it didn't have beef.
Not beef.
There was chicken.
No. Pork.
It's pork.
It's pork.
I don't know why.
She serve similar dish.
This timing.
Next.
I always make sure to keep routine.
It bothers me sometimes.
Problem.
Problem.
Happened.
Sometimes.
Force.
Sometimes.
Force.
Isn't closed.
Sometimes.
The force.
Isn't completely closed.
But I make sure.
As I said.
I make sure.
To keep my routine.
I make sure to keep up my routine.
孤独な思索
So.
Yokan should.
Always.
Recently.
Yokan.
Turn on.
Go to.
Turn on.
Close.
Force.
I wanna say.
You don't need to do like this.
You don't need.
You don't need to close force.
But I'm bad luck person.
If I change something and.
That's timing.
That's timing.
If I can't completely.
I start to.
That's timing.
If I become.
If I become.
Enable to.
Close the force.
Like this.
I end up thinking.
Next.
I got depression.
This is terrible.
Sick.
It is terrible.
Illness of.
Mentor.
At the timing of.
Being terrible.
When this illness.
Became terrible.
I watched 3 program.
It helped me.
Adult film actor.
Appeared.
This is.
This was.
Not.
No.
Fancy and.
In a way.
3 program.
But it helped me.
Next.
More than 10 years ago.
This is start.
It started.
It has.
It has bothered me.
When I eating.
Eating.
Something.
I'm not.
I still.
Not sure.
What.
Whatever.
I should try to.
Try to.
Taste.
Flavor of.
Ingredient.
Flavor of ingredient.
Or not.
If I talk.
About.
Detail.
Of this thing.
This thing has.
A lot of things.
Next.
A certain podcaster said.
I don't sure.
East and west and.
11.
12.
11 is.
11,12.
In Japanese.
This is.
11,12.
I'm not sure.
So he said.
He said.
Elevator.
Escalator.
Like this.
Kinda.
Like.
It's bothered me.
And pork or chicken.
It's.
I'm.
I was.
Thinking.
I was confused.
It seemed to similar thing.
But.
East and west.
I'm sure.
I can understand soon.
So I can't.
Understand.
Him.
Next.
Recently.
I end up thinking.
学校生活の思い出と食事
I end up.
Fantasizing.
In my school days.
Classmate.
Made fun of me.
But.
That's help me.
So I appreciate.
For him.
Next corner is.
Hikimeshi.
I had.
As I said.
Sukiyaki.
I had pork and.
Hakusai shirataki.
And green onion today.
It involve.
Green onion.
This is good.
This was good taste.
And penne.
It's pasta.
It's salad of pasta.
Pasta salad and kimchi.
It's Korean food.
Always it's good taste.
Thank you for.
Thank you for listening.
Please follow this program.
See you again.
20:08

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