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Have you ever said yes to something,
and felt your stomach sink the second the wordleft your mouth?
Oh, I know that feeling exactly. That tiny voiceinside asking,
why did I just agree to that?
And then you spend the next three weeks paying forone small word.
Welcome to Your English Toolbox, the podcast thattrains your English while you live your real life.
I am Martin.
And I am Julia. Friends, last time we talked abouteating your frog first.
Doing the important, difficult task before thesmall, comfortable tasks take over your day.
Today we are looking at the other side of thatidea.
Not doing more.
Doing less, but choosing better.
Because Julia has a story about the most expensiveyes of her life. Go on, tell them.
About a year ago, a friend asked me to helporganize a small charity event. She said,
it will only take a few hours.
Famous last words.
Famous last words, exactly.
Because I said yes, and then I said yes to thenext thing, and the next.
By the end, I was spending six hours a week onsomething I had never really chosen.
Six hours every single week for four months.
It did not feel like one big decision.
It felt like ten tiny decisions.
And that is often how our time disappears.
By the end of this episode, you will know how toidentify the tasks that deserve your time
and how to protect your yes so it actually meanssomething.
You will also learn how to turn people down innatural English without sounding cold or rude.
And we will give you a simple exercise you can usetoday.
Let us start with a useful rule of thumb.
The 80-20 rule.
Imagine that you have ten tasks on your listtoday.
Ten different things you could do.
Some of those tasks will create much more valuethan the others.
Perhaps two of them will produce most of theresult that really matters.
03:03
That is the basic idea behind the 80-20 rule.
But it is important to say this clearly.
It is a rule of thumb, not a mathematical promise.
Exactly.
Life does not always divide itself perfectly into80 and 20.
The useful question is not, are these numbersexact?
The useful question is, which small number ofactions creates most of my meaningful progress?
For example, imagine that you are preparing apresentation in English.
You could spend an hour choosing colors for theslides.
You could move every little icon three millimetersto the left.
You could reorganize the file names.
All very important, obviously.
Obviously.
Or you could practice the opening aloud and makesure your main message is clear.
That short practice may create far more value thanall the cosmetic work.
So, the principle is not about worshipping anumber.
It is about recognizing unequal value.
Not every task deserves the same amount of yourattention.
And that was the problem with the charity event.
Tell them why you kept saying yes, Julia.
Honestly, because saying no felt rude.
Every time my friend asked for just one more smallthing,
it felt easier to agree than to disappoint her.
And each yes seemed small on its own.
Exactly, but six small yeses every week formonths.
That is not small anymore.
That is a second job you never applied for.
A job with no interview and no pay.
Here's a question worth asking about anything thatregularly uses your time.
If you were not already doing it and you looked atit honestly today,
would you choose to start?
That is such a strange question to ask yourself.
It is, but it can be very revealing.
Because sometimes we continue doing somethingsimply because we have already started.
Not because it is still valuable.
And that is a trap.
A very human trap.
So what actually happened?
Did you continue for the full four months?
No.
My partner finally said something.
He said,
You complain about this every single Tuesdaynight.
Why do you not just say no?
And that stopped me completely.
Because he was right.
I had not even considered saying no as a realoption.
So what did you do?
The next week, I called my friend.
06:02
What did you say?
I said,
I have realized I cannot keep doing this everyweek.
I can help once more, but then I need to stepback.
And how did she react?
She said,
That is completely fine.
I was worried I was asking too much, but I did notknow how to say it.
She sounded relieved too.
You had both been trapped in the same politelittle agreement.
Both too polite to say what we actually needed.
That happens more often than we realize.
People assume that everyone else wants thearrangement to continue.
So nobody says anything and it just keeps going.
Until someone finally breaks the pattern.
And once I said no to that one thing, I had sixhours back every week.
Six hours to spend on what?
On the two or three things that actually matteredto me.
My own frogs.
If we want to use the expression from the lastepisode.
There we go.
So saying no to the wrong thing is really sayingyes to the right thing.
That is the whole idea in one sentence.
Now deciding what matters can feel overwhelming ifyou do not have a system.
Tell them about your letters, Martin.
Every morning I look at my list and give each taska letter.
Explain the letters.
A means it truly matters.
There are real consequences if I do not do it.
If you have more than one A, you number them.
A1, A2, and A3.
B means it is worth doing, but the consequences ofskipping it are mild.
A small annoyance, not a serious problem.
Exactly.
A B task is a tadpole, not a frog.
I love that.
C means it would be nice to do, but little changesif you leave it undone.
D means someone else could do it instead of you.
And E means you could eliminate it without losinganything important.
The rule is simple.
Do not choose a B task while an A task is stillwaiting.
Even if the B task feels more comfortable.
Especially then.
Comfort is often why we choose the wrong task.
It is easier to answer a friendly message than tosit with something difficult.
But let us make this practical.
Imagine that this is my list for today.
I am ready.
First, send a proposal to a client before thedeadline at 3 o'clock.
That sounds like an A.
Definitely A1.
There is a real deadline and a real consequence.
Second, answer a friendly message about meetingfor coffee next week.
09:05
Worth doing, but it can wait, B.
Third, redesign the color labels in my calendarbecause I suddenly dislike the green one.
Martin.
I know.
That is an E wearing a very attractive little hat.
Fine.
E fourth, collect a package from a shop before itcloses.
Could somebody else collect it?
Yes, my brother is passing the shop thisafternoon.
Then it could be D delegate it if he is happy tohelp.
And fifth, book a routine appointment that is noturgent, but should happen this month.
Probably be important enough to schedule, but notbefore the client proposal.
So the list looks completely different now.
The same five tasks are still there, but they nolonger have equal weight.
And I no longer need to decide between them everyfive minutes.
You begin with A1.
Then you move through the list deliberately.
And D does not mean throwing work at anotherperson without asking.
Good point.
Delegating means agreeing clearly about who willdo something,
what the result should be, and when it is needed.
And E does not mean avoiding yourresponsibilities.
It means removing an activity that does not servea useful purpose.
Perhaps you check the same statistics 12 times aday.
Perhaps you attend a meeting where you nevercontribute
and never receive information you need.
Or perhaps you keep improving a document that wasalready good enough yesterday.
Those tasks can feel satisfying because they areeasy to finish.
Finishing anything gives us a small feeling ofprogress.
Even when the activity itself did not matter.
So we can feel productive while our realpriorities remain untouched.
That is the trap hiding inside the method.
It is not enough to organize your listbeautifully.
You still have to begin with A1.
Even when it is the hardest item to look at.
If we return to your charity event, what letterwas it really?
12:00
Looking back, probably a C.
It was nice to help, but it was not one of mycentral responsibilities.
And yet it was taking hours away from your Atasks.
That is the danger.
A C task disguised as an obligation can quietlysteal time from an A task.
Once you name the letter, the decision oftenbecomes clearer.
But there is still one difficult moment.
Actually saying no.
Exactly.
So let us practice the English.
Suppose I ask you this.
Martin, could you organize the whole event nextSaturday?
I could simply say no.
You could.
It is clear.
But it may sound too abrupt in a friendlysituation.
Try this instead.
I would love to help, but I cannot commit to thatright now.
I would love to help, but I cannot commit to thatright now.
Warm, honest, and clear.
Notice that I am not inventing a dramatic excuse.
And you are not saying maybe when you already knowthe answer is no.
What if I can help a little, but not witheverything?
Then set a boundary around your yes.
I can help with the invitations, but I cannot takeon the whole event.
That is useful.
A smaller, specific yes inside a larger no.
Exactly.
You offer what you can genuinely give.
Not what you hope you might somehow find time togive.
Now imagine that you are not sure yet.
This is where many people say yes because theyfeel pressure to answer immediately.
But you are allowed to create a little space.
Say, let me check my priorities and get back toyou this afternoon.
Let me check my priorities and get back to youthis afternoon.
That is not avoidance if you give a clear time foryour answer.
It is a pause for a real decision.
And if you have already said yes, but thesituation has become unsustainable?
You can use the expression from your story.
I need to step back from this.
Then add the practical detail.
I can finish this week, but after Friday, I needto step back.
That gives the other person useful information.
It also prevents a vague promise from continuingforever.
Let us try one more situation.
Your manager gives you another urgent task, butyour day is already full.
In that situation, a direct no may not bepossible.
So what can you say?
I can do this today.
Which of my current priorities would you like meto move?
15:03
That is excellent.
You are not refusing responsibility.
You are making the cost of the new requestvisible.
Because time is limited, even at work.
And sometimes the answer is not no.
Sometimes it is not now.
Or not all of it.
Or not without changing another priority.
That distinction matters.
We are not suggesting that you should refuse everydifficult request.
Family responsibilities, emergencies, andimportant professional duties
cannot always be placed in a simple box.
And helping another person can be one of the mostvaluable uses of your time.
The point is to choose consciously.
Not to let guilt or habit make every decision foryou.
There is one more question that can help.
Will this matter in a year?
Thinking further ahead can help us see the realcost of a yes.
If I had asked myself that question beforeaccepting the charity work,
I think I already knew the answer.
It can cut through a lot of noise.
And it works both ways.
What do you mean?
Sometimes a small action today will matterenormously in a year.
Calling somebody you love.
Beginning a healthy habit.
Studying English for 20 focused minutes instead ofspending an hour jumping between apps.
So the question is not only a tool for saying no.
It is a tool for seeing more clearly.
Now it is your turn.
Think of one request you have received recently.
Do not answer it yet.
Just bring it to mind.
Ask yourself three questions.
First, what will I have less time for if I sayyes?
Second, if I were not already doing this, would Ichoose to begin now?
Third, will this matter in a year?
Your answer may still be yes.
And if it is, let it be a real yes.
But if the answer is no, choose one of oursentences.
I would love to help, but I cannot commit to thatright now.
I can help with this part, but I cannot take onthe whole project.
Let me check my priorities and get back to youthis afternoon.
Or, I need to step back from this after Friday.
Clear language makes a difficult decision easierto communicate.
Now, before we recap, let us gather the usefulEnglish from today.
First, famous last words.
We use this when somebody makes a confidentstatement that later proves completely wrong.
I will only check one email. Famous last words.
18:00
Next, a trap.
A situation that seems harmless or attractive, butcreates a problem.
Doing easy tasks first can become a productivitytrap.
Next, to step back.
To reduce your involvement in an activity orresponsibility.
After the event, she decided to step back from thecommittee.
Next, relieved.
The comfortable feeling you have when a worry ordifficult situation disappears.
I felt relieved when she accepted my decision.
Next, to disguise something.
To hide its true nature or make it look likesomething different.
The unnecessary task was disguised as an urgentone.
Next, to cut through the noise.
To find what is important in a confusingsituation.
One honest question helped me cut through thenoise.
Next, to commit to something.
To promise your time, energy, or support to it.
I cannot commit to another weekly meeting.
And finally, to take something on.
To accept a task or responsibility.
I can help, but I cannot take on the wholeproject.
Eight useful expressions from one realconversation.
Now, here is your sentence of the day.
Listen carefully. We will say it twice.
Say no to the wrong thing so you can say yes tothe right one.
Say no to the wrong thing so you can say yes tothe right one.
Say it with us, out loud if you can.
Feel the rhythm.
Say no to the wrong thing so you can say yes tothe right one.
Let us bring everything together.
Somewhere on your list, there may be a C taskwearing an A task's clothes.
Find it.
Name it.
Then decide whether to do it, delegate it, reduceit, or let it go.
And if you need to say no, use clear andrespectful English.
Because your real A task deserves your time andattention.
Thank you for spending this time with us today.
You can continue learning with this episode atyourenglishtoolbox.com.
Read the transcript while you listen.
Compare the translations, review the vocabulary,
and choose the listening speed that helps youunderstand without pressure.
The direct link is in the episode description.
Until next time, friends.
Take care of yourselves.
And protect your yes.
Goodbye.