00:06
Meaning and continuation are separate problems.
My mother is a parent, so it's normal that she'dsing as a parent, but I think it's strange to saythat here and then do nothing, and the Japanesetext is broken.
I read the text about the court case. It is mixedand unclear. My mother said she didn't see thefull context, but I think that's not real.
Before and after this story, I also think myparent is not good in this situation. Then itsays, we are sort of the victim family.
I think this kind of comment should not be used.It can hurt the victim family. People say allpeople are equal, but they also say some hospitalpeople are absolutely evil. This is notconsistent.
I think there's no absolute evil, but serious harmstill exists as harm. The mother of the accusedsaid she was a talking care grandparent when thechild was small. She also said the child was stillimmature even after becoming 20.
She said they caused trouble to the victim. Ithought it was strange to say this so easily.
Whoever in the positive of the parent of theaccused, I don't know what to say. There's noright to speak strongly as a parent, even if youtry to explain the result can be changed, but it'salso not correct to say this is reality.
03:09
So, move on. In a simple way, it's not somethingyou should say lightly. You cannot say just leavea parent in this kind of situation.
The mother of the accused said she was a talkingcare grandparent when the child was small. Shealso said the child was still immature even afterbecoming 20. She also said they caused trouble tothe victim. I thought it was strange to say thisso easily.
Then I started to think about difference betweenpeople. For example, people with different abilitylevels may live on different worlds.
For example, people with low understanding get alot of money. They may not understand money. Theymay buy expensive things without understandingvalue. People may buy sports cars or expensivebrands without clear reason.
Some people live on a different way of thinking.It is hard to fully understand each other. Becauseof that, I also think the mother's thinking ishard to understand, trying to understand it makesme angry.
So, I stopped trying. There is no single correctanswer in these cases. But society still decidespunishment when someone breaks the rule. That is akind of system of right and wrong.
But even in that system, truth is not alwaysclear. There can be two people. Both may thinkthey are right. Both may even be telling truth ontheir side. What they say depends on what theysaw. Each person only describes what theyexperienced, so it is hard to say who is correct.
Yesterday, my parents didn't wash hands again. Ithought they only do it when they are beingwashed. After touching gas, they didn't washhands. I forgot to say it at that time.
I feel anger about this kind of behavior. Whensomeone tries to do something and does it onlysometimes, it shows their behavior. Even smallactions show how a person lives, who as a personsaid, understands safely. But it doesn't act in asafe way, it is a problem.
06:03
For example, if someone knows rules but breaksthem sometimes, it shows their real behavior. Ithink small actions show how a person lives everyday.
Today, I stayed on the second floor most of theday. It felt like a very cruel day. After that, Istarted thinking. I wasted time. I thought I coulddo more things. I made small sounds works andthought about drama.
I also worked on a podcast and cover ideas, but Istill felt I didn't do enough. When my routinechanged, I got confused. I didn't know what to donext. People say there is normal, but I thinknormal is unclear. But still, there is an averagepattern of people.
Some people are close to that average. Forsociety, people outside the standard are oftenrejected. That is how society works in some cases.I think I am in that position, so I do not feel Ican return to normal society.
Food also is balance. With cream too much in acake, it becomes different. There is a point whereit is no longer the same food. Music is similar.For someone sounds too extreme, it does generaluse.
Most products sell in a normal form. That normalform becomes standard. If something goes too far,it becomes another thing. If it becomes anotherthing, it should have another name. Names areimportant because they define things. Withoutnames, comparison and meaning become unclear.
When everything is called the same name, meaningdisappears. So there is always a balance betweenfreedom and definition. When definition is toorude, the meaning of words disappears. Wheneverything is allowed under one name, the namestops working.
For example, when a roll cake is extremelychanged, people may not accept it as a roll cake.If you change the definition to accept everything,then words lose meaning. But if you keep strictrules, now ideas are blocked. So there is aconflict between freedom and rules.
In real life, taste doesn't change by definition.People still feel taste the same way. So ifdefinitions changed only for convenience, itbecomes strange. It becomes always theory, notreal use.
09:05
When you remove names, you cannot compare things.When you cannot compare, you cannot say new orold. So names are needed for human understanding.But if names are too strict, new things cannotenter. So there is always tension between systemand freedom.
Society people also argue that normal doesn'texist. But I think normal exists as an averagepattern. Biology also shows variation in people.So there is a range of behavior and ability.
But society still uses standard line. People fromthat line are treated differently. I think that isreality. In Japan, some people are excluded fromnormal flow.
Today I ate. Fried chicken and vegetables werealso good. Cucumber and pumpkin were good. Tofuwas eaten, but I felt tired of it. I tried tofinish food quickly. Sometimes I think too much.But small mistakes cannot follow routine. I feelconfusion.
Then I think about what I should have donedifferently. But even if I think past doesn'tchange, when routine is broken, I don't know whatto do. I feel confused and think about waste time.
I think I could do more work. I think about smalltasks like sound work, podcast work, and designwork. But I still feel it is not enough. When Ichange plan, I feel unstable. I don't know whichactions are correct.
I also think about normal people again. Somepeople say normal doesn't exist. But I think thereis still an average pattern of behavior. Peoplewho are far from that pattern may be treateddifferently. That is how society works in reality.In Japan, people outside the standard are oftenrejected. I think I'm in that position, so I don'tfeel I can return to normal society.
I also think about responsibility. When someonedoes something wrong, they cannot fully escape it.Even if time passes, the action doesn't disappear.A person must carry what they did, not for othersonly, but for themselves.
If someone says, just move on, in that case, canfeel wrong because their past actions still exist.
12:02
I think about small family conflict. Even smallmistakes become signs of character. Small behaviorshows how a person lives. When someone forgetsbasic rules again and again, it shows their way ofliving. I feel that even small actions areconnected to life pattern.
I was home most of the afternoon. I felt like aclosed day. I couldn't keep my planned schedule,so I started to think. I wasted time. I tried somesmall creative work, like sound and podcast work.I also thought about design and ideas, but I stillfelt unsatisfied.
When some routine changed, I lost direction. Ididn't know what to do next. I also think aboutmeaning in life. When meaning is too strong, itbecomes a fixed idea. If it becomes fixed, it cancontrol behavior too much.
So, meaning should not be fixed too strongly, butpeople naturally create stories and meaning. Forexample, people think this person will stay inPoland or this will last forever, but later itoften breaks, so strong meaning can create strongcollapse later.
I also think about escape behavior. Some peopleuse awkward habits to escape. Others try to holdon ideas as support, but I think both can becomedependence. If support becomes fixed, it becomes aproblem.
I think not fixing meaning is important, but atthe same time, living without any support is alsohard. When I think too much, I feel everythingbecomes unstable. Even small external changes feellike a collapse.
When I focus deeply, external interruption breakseverything. Concentration and instability areconnected. When I fully focus, I become weak tointerruption. When void focus, I cannot doanything deeply.
So, there is a conflict between focus andinstability. When I concentrate on something, Ibecome weak to outside changes. A small interruption breaks my internal balance.
When I focus, even small changes feel big, so Ilose control of what I was doing. If I voidconcentration, I cannot go deep into anything, soI cannot complete tasks well.
15:04
So, focus and stability are in conflict. When Ilook at things many times, I get used to them. Atfirst, something feels strong or good, but afterrepetition, I stop feeling it.
Then I think it is not good anymore, but this isnot because things changed, it is because myfeelings changed. So, I am not seeing the objectitself, I am seeing my reaction to the object. Myfeelings changed, and I think the object changed,but only my feelings changed.
So, what I think is not only the object, it is mymind rejecting to it. When I understand this, Irealize something, words and meanings are limited.Even if I try to explain everything, it doesn'tfully reach. Some parts are always left insidefeelings.
So, language cannot fully describe everything, itcan only point to part of it. In the past, Isometimes felt language is everything. At othertime, I felt language is no meaning. My viewschanged many times, it is not stable.
I also think about truth and responsibility. Incourt case, truth is not always clear. Even ifthere are two people, each side might believe theyare right, both can speak from that side. So,truth becomes unclear, but when people, it is notalways one clear fact.
I also think about family responsibility. Ifsomeone does something wrong, the result cannot beremoved. Even if time passed, the action stays asa fact. A person must live with what they did,that is responsibility. If someone ignoresresponsibility, it becomes unstable behavior.
Even small neglect shows this pattern. I alsothink about parents and children. Sometimesparents speak about children in a simple way afterserious event, but simple words can people rank aserious situation. Even common phrase can be veryheavy on that context, so language doesn't alwaysmatch reality.
I also think about difference between people.People don't all think in same way. Someunderstand system and money differently. Ifsomeone doesn't understand value structure, theymay act in strange way with money. They may buyexpensive things without clear understanding.
18:06
Behavior depends on understanding level. Peoplelive in different mental system. It is hard tofully understand another system.
I also think about conflict inside a family. Smallmistake can show deeper behavior problems. Evensmall action can show how someone lives every day.So, I pay attention to small behavior. If someoneignores basic rules many times, it shows pattern.That pattern doesn't change easily.
I also think about control of behavior. Whensomeone is told something, they may follow it fora short time, but later they may forget again.This repetition feels like lack of responsibility.It feels like behavior without stable control. So,I connect small action with overall character.
I also think about stress and mental state. When Iam stressed, I start to think too much. Smallproblem expands in a big start. For example, smallfear can become large fear. Then, I start checkingand thinking for a long time. Then, can continuefor hours in my mind. So, small trigger can createlong thinking loop.
I also think about loss of time. When I get stuckon thinking, time passed quickly after that. Ifeel waste time. Then, I try to recover by doingwork. But feeling loss does feel despair. So,thinking itself becomes both work and root at thesame time.
Sometimes, I think about people outside normalsociety. People who are far from the standard areoften treated differently. So, society's generalline are behavior. People close to that line areseen as normal. People far from it are seen asoutside. I think I am outside that line. So, I don't feel I can return to normal society.
I also think about the idea of normal itself. Somepeople say normal doesn't exist, but I think thereis still an average pattern in people. Biologyshows variation and upgrade behavior. So,differences between people are natural, butsociety still use the shared standard. Thatstandard affects how people are treated.
I also think about rejection and acceptance.People who do not fit the standard are oftenrejected. This is part of social structure. So, itis not only personal feeling. It is also systembehavior.
21:12
I also think about meaning and belief. Whenmeaning becomes strong, it becomes fixed. When itbecomes fixed, it can throw life too strongly.People create stories like this will save me orthis is the answer.
But later, these stories can break. So, strongbelief can later lead to collapse. I also thinkabout balance in life. Too much focus on one ideacan become harmful.
But having the idea alone is also unstable. So,life is always between stability and instability.
I also think about religion and belief system.People strongly believe on the meaning of life. Itbecomes fixed. When meaning becomes fixed, itturns into dependence. Then, it becomes hard tolive the ideal.
So, I think makes belief risky. Even if it feelslike support, it can control thinking. I alsothink about hope and despair. Both of them canbecome fixed ideals.
But hope can make people ignore reality. Despaircan make people stop moving. So, both hope anddespair can be harmful. If fixed, it is better tostay flexible. I also think about responsibilityfor actions.
If someone did something wrong, they cannot fullyremove it. Even if they try and forget the factstate, so they must live with it. This is not onlyfor other people, it is also for themselves.
I also think about escape behavior in society.Some people use alcohol habit to avoid thinking.Others use strong belief as escape. But both canbecome dependence. So, escape doesn't solve theroot problem.
24:01
I also think about daily life and stability.People usually go back to normal life afterproblems. Work routine and daily tasks continue.Even after emotional problems, life continues. So,people rebuild and balance everyday.
I also think about myself. I try not to fix mymeaning too strongly. But I also feel I needsomething to hold on to. So, when I am holding ornot holding, that is the conflict I feel.
