00:04
What's up amazing people, this is IYASASA RADIO by Akane and Minami. In this
radio we're going to talk about random topics in Okinawan Japanese and English.
はいたい。
Alfred Adler, one of the greatest psychodynamic thinkers of the last
century, stated that all problems are interpersonal relationship problems. So
is it impossible for us to understand each other? Each brain shows different
world depending on the environment in which you grew up, where and
when you are, and your own beliefs. For example, even if you take the word
beautiful, it is natural that each person have different image. It is normal that
the communication sometimes doesn't go well between two people who have
different point of view. The first thing you can do to understand each other and
recognize the difference, it will help to smooth human relationships and enriches
communication. When it comes to having a good communication skill, it's not about
having a good talking skills. It is about awareness that your brain and others
show you different world. When you want others to understand what you think, you
need to understand what they think. At the same time, it is the same thing as to have
compassion to others. By standing on the premise that you can't understand each
other, you will also acquire the idea of admitting various things. Those who have
spent a lot of times together with family during the pandemic, don't you
think it is natural to understand each other because you are family? Those who
have worked from home recently, don't you have less communication with others? The
world you see is different from the world others see. It doesn't matter how
close you are. Understand your brain bias with the other person. And
facilitating communication is important to maintaining a better relationship.
In any era, human relationships are one of the most important themes in life. Even if you think that I am me and others are others, others will always interfere somewhere, and even if you don't want it, it will have some effect on that person's thoughts and life.
As Alfred Adler, a psychologist, said, all worries are concentrated in interpersonal relationships, self-recognition does not exist without others.
Not only worries, but many of our unconsciousness and the tendency to act in accordance with it cannot be considered without the existence of others.
03:02
The first thing I want to understand when thinking about human relationships is the fact that we can never understand each other.
For example, even if you take the word beautiful, it is natural to have different images of each person due to various brain biases.
Even if you are looking at the same thing, what you are looking at and what you are looking at are still different.
It is natural that the two people who are looking at different things do not interfere with each other.
The first thing you can do to understand each other is to recognize the difference. This awareness will smoothen human relationships and enrich communication.
It is thought that communication skills are good at speaking and interesting to talk, but this is a mistake.
A person with high communication skills is a person who firmly recognizes that their brain and the world shown by the other person's brain are different.
Because it is difficult to understand each other, when you want to understand each other, you imagine what is in the other person's head.
It is also a way of thinking about the other person.
By assuming that you can't understand each other, you will also have the tendency to recognize various things.
A person who has spent a long time with his wife and family.
A person who thinks that it is natural to understand because they are a couple and a family.
A person who has become a mainstream in remote work.
A person who thinks that it is natural to understand such a thing.
A person who thinks that it is natural to understand such a thing.
The world you are looking at and the world other than you are looking at are different.
No matter how close you are, you are different.
It is important to understand the non-bias between the other person and you and to maintain a better relationship by smoothing communication.
Akane's voice is kind of small all the time, but we don't have to, you know, care about how Akane, you know, to set the mic closer to Akane.
And I usually have a bigger voice, but it's like I'm whispering to this mic.
So like we have new, brand new microphone today.
Yeah, and mixer and everything.
I set up everything and like I feel like professional, like, you know, podcast.
Getting closer to Naomi Watanabe.
Yes.
Yes.
So, the story of not being able to understand each other.
Yeah.
The other day, one of my company had a psychological teacher.
06:05
Yeah.
But I don't think you can understand each other.
Because people are different.
For example, if you are 100% sure the other person gets you, it's your judgment.
And you will never know a percentage actually the other person understands you, right?
Yeah.
So, if you think the other person or someone you talk to totally get you, it's your illusion.
Yeah.
You never know 100%, right?
Yeah.
Anyways.
This article is really like rational.
What's going on?
Siri?
Yeah.
Okay.
This article is reasonable, like logical without emotion.
Like why can't people understand?
Yeah.
People tend to think like, why don't you understand my opinion?
I feel you.
I know you.
I know your feeling because I'm close to you.
If you are in a relationship, you might think like that.
I thought like that.
But Akane, do you think people can't understand each other?
Like...
I went through all the experience, now I think people are different.
09:03
100%.
Because you are close to them, they understand you.
Yeah.
But I don't think people can understand me.
I can't understand the other person.
If you think like that, I think it's easier to live everyday and have communication with other people.
I don't think my family or friends who I've been with for a long time understand me.
I think they just accept me because I'm like this.
Sometimes when I meet a new person,
even if it's just for an hour,
there are people who think the same way as me.
And they have the same worries as me.
It's like they understand me.
Even if it's just for an hour,
there are people who think they understand me.
But that's different from acceptance.
It's just that they find similarities and are moved by each other.
So if there are people who have similar feelings, I think it's dangerous.
Yeah.
It's different.
There are people who accept you because you've been with them for a long time.
And there are people who have similar thoughts and are able to understand you right away.
Yeah.
It's like compatibility.
I think so.
But if everyone understood this theory,
I don't think it would be a problem in a relationship.
It's different.
I don't know why they don't understand me.
It's like, this person was like this, and this person was like this.
I don't think it's going to happen.
They are them.
It's like giving up.
It's easy to manage your stress.
And increase your understanding.
To me, I don't really think why this person can't understand me.
I don't expect anyone to understand me fully or understand others fully.
12:09
I understand that this person has this way of thinking.
And I start looking at what that person's inner purpose or inner desire through the communication.
I don't really have any.
Why this person?
I think you are good at it.
When I pick up any problems, you always know what's going on.
Without emotion.
I was like a robot.
I can sympathize with you, of course.
But understanding the current situation is more important.
So, when I'm emotional, I'm trying to reach you.
Because Minami has that kind of point of view all the time.
I think Minami is used to it.
At work or in private.
Because you are very unique.
But I got to say to someone that I'm like a robot.
Then that hurts me.
Do you understand?
I don't mean I'm angry.
But I'm just hurt.
How can I say?
I'm not good at showing my emotion.
Like a bad emotion.
I think it's a good thing though.
You don't have conflicts and problems with people.
I don't have conflicts.
Sometimes you need conflicts.
I wonder what you are thinking.
That's what I think.
You are too neutral.
I was worried about it.
How do you solve it?
I can't solve it.
How do you store it?
First of all, people ask me.
For example, they say I'm like a robot.
15:01
I'm like, what?
What do you mean?
For example, they say I'm like a robot.
When I say that, they say I'm like a robot.
I don't understand.
When I talk to Minami,
I try to figure out the reason.
I try to understand as much as I can.
But I sound like a robot.
I'm like a robot.
So I wonder what I should do.
What should I do?
For example, Akane...
I understand.
Minami is like a robot.
She is not what she thinks she is.
When people say I'm like a robot,
and Minami is like that,
I say, why?
Just why?
Why? It's like a shock.
I see.
Solve it.
Maybe that's it.
I try...
I think I should try to stop listening.
Asking questions.
Why do you think like that?
Just saying like, no.
Why?
Why did Akane think like that?
Don't be open-minded.
Just say, no.
Just say, no.
No.
I don't know.
If you say no,
it might be true.
You might get emotional.
But
what I find interesting
when I look at myself,
is that
in a private relationship,
there is a robot phenomenon.
But at work,
I get angry regularly.
True.
When I have a topic
I want to talk about,
I don't say it until
I feel like it.
But
I don't say it
like I used to.
There are people
who are really high-level
in this field.
And those people
are more open-minded.
So I can't win
when I have a topic.
I don't want to win.
I don't want to say,
I didn't like it.
Because of this and that.
18:00
I don't want to say
that to those people.
But there are a lot of men
and women.
So it depends on the person.
Are you get upset?
Do you?
At work?
Not really.
Do you get upset?
Do you shout?
I don't shout.
Minami
gets angry.
Why?
Like that.
At first,
I say this and that.
For example,
Minami gets angry
when I talk about money
or when I use words.
When I use words,
I say,
please don't say
bad things about me.
It depends on
the situation.
From what I've heard,
Minami doesn't say
much in private.
She becomes a listener.
When you're at work,
you say your opinion
without feeling.
It depends on
the situation.
When you're at work,
you say you're
not interested at work, right?
That's why you don't care about
the communication and
relationship at work.
You do care, but
not like close relationship
like as friendship
and family relationship,
I think.
You can say strong opinion
in front of the people at work.
Because you want to say
the right thing.
And I connect people
with the justice.
In my situation,
work and private relationship
is really close.
It's mixed.
Sometimes good
and bad.
But,
I'm kind of
like that person.
I want to have friends at work as well.
I want people to know about
my family, friends at work as well.
Because it's more easier
for me.
That's why I care about
communication.
Sometimes I can't say my opinion
to care
the relationship between them.
But,
I open about
my family and other relationship
or
anything to my co-worker
too.
But,
like Akane said,
I have the right thing
in my mind.
21:05
I think there is a pattern
in the way
I talk.
Like,
the way I hurt people.
Recently,
I mean,
my workplace has changed a lot,
so I think there are more liberal people
around me.
It's natural that I don't say it.
Because there are more
progressive people.
Because I wasn't like that,
there were many things
I couldn't say.
I said it
when I said it.
You shouldn't think
that you can understand
other people.
I'm sorry.
There is one more thing.
In psychology of Adler,
he said,
the brain has
the ability to sympathize with others.
He said,
the brain has the ability
to sympathize with others.
It's impossible to understand
other people completely,
but our brain
has the ability
to sympathize with others.
For example,
if you don't see your close friend,
you will feel sad
even if you haven't met him.
When you watch a horror movie,
you feel the same fear
but when you think about it,
it's a strange thing.
When we want to sympathize,
what happens in the brain?
The neural cells,
mirror neurons,
are deeply involved in this.
Mirror neurons were discovered
by Italian brain scientists
in 1996.
Some of them were called
the greatest scientific discoveries
since the discovery of
the binary structure of DNA.
This is Kenichi Mogi.
Mirror neurons are
the neural cells
that react in the brain
by looking at the actions
of other people
as in the mirror.
For example,
if the person in front of you
is trying to grab something
by reaching out his hand,
when he sees it,
his brain reacts
like a kind of resonance.
This is what we call
the function of mirror neurons.
I see.
I see.
We don't understand each other
but we have the potential.
Yes.
We are the same species
as humans and animals.
Yes.
That's right.
It's simple.
It depends on the person.
24:01
Yes.
I feel like
I have more empathy
than before.
I feel like
I have more empathy
than before.
Because you have
experienced a lot?
Yes.
I feel like
I understand people
by getting to know them.
Do you mean
you know the person?
Even if I don't know the person,
I think I have
a pattern of thinking
like that over my own experience.
I see.
I have never experienced
war on TV.
I have never experienced war on TV.
But I feel scared and sad.
But I feel scared and sad.
Especially on the day of the funeral,
I may feel that way because
it's Okinawa.
But it's because
I have a pattern of thinking
like that over my own experience.
But it's because I have a pattern of thinking
like that over my own experience.
I see.
Human DNA
is not just
Yami and Akane's DNA.
They have a long history.
They have a long history.
Maybe it's because
they were taught.
Maybe it's because they were taught.
Maybe it's because they were taught.
Yeah.
Do you feel sympathy?
Yeah.
I recently realized
I react
like a mirror.
I recently realized I react like a mirror.
Mirror's rule.
Which is my favorite.
When I'm really
positive
by people,
tend to be really happy.
complaining something people understand me and then listen to me but probably
they feel kind of like down because of me but are you sure I'm not sure but I
like a kind of look like that for me do you yeah so you're not sure I'm not sure
probably some people don't care but they want you're not gonna complain in
Toka just to hit a karate kick it depends on the content to me if it's
like an interesting drama yeah I'm on
weird person I think. You're a weird person, I think.
27:17
It's gonna be okay. Because you're awesome.
so it depends on content. If it's like constantly happening maybe people
will get tired of it same thing yeah yeah
I don't care if it's a complaint, but if it's a misunderstanding, I have to show my progress every time to make it work.
I don't care if the drama is getting worse, it's interesting for me.
I don't care if it's getting better every time.
I don't care if it's getting worse, it's interesting for me.
If people who listen to me think kind of like that, I feel really relieved.
It seems like it's not a big deal. It's a funny thing. You should enjoy it.
I think that's a good point.
Yeah, I agree.
If people who sympathize with me feel like they can't believe it,
I think it's a very serious problem.
What I think interesting about other people at work or your colleagues or whatever,
is like how they communicate or how they act toward work is so different from me.
So it's a good surprise. Like, why did you choose what you're doing?
When I see people who do something that's not rational, it's really interesting.
It's like, it's a waste.
But I also like to see people who waste their time.
Because it's different.
Yeah, it's different, so it's interesting.
People who don't choose what they're doing are also like, it's interesting. Why?
30:00
But that's because Minami has the premise that you're a different person.
Yeah, maybe.
If you're like, you're the same as me, why do you think that?
It's quite negative.
Your nerves.
Yeah.
Yeah, maybe.
If you have that, you can think it's a funny thing.
Yeah.
I think it was in the article earlier, but everyone seems to understand the premise that people are different.
The level is different.
Difficult things.
The reason why I'm going that far is because I've had a lot of experiences, and in the end, it's me.
Yeah.
That's what I've been thinking lately.
Yes.
In the end, it's you.
Like, how other people are, or how I'm compared to others.
Like, I'm in a bad situation, I'm tired, I'm busy.
I don't have good relationships with family, friends, and co-workers.
Going deeper, it depends on yourself.
In the end, it's a skill to recognize that the other person is different.
Like, doing that.
The other person won't change.
If you have that, the other person won't change, so that's the kind of person you are.
Yeah.
I can give up to difficult things.
But you don't have to give up.
Just a little bit.
Yeah.
That's what I thought.
Yeah, but it's not perfect.
It's difficult.
Yeah.
You can't say why to the other person.
You can't do that much at work.
So you have to move people around you.
Or you have to leave yourself.
Yeah.
But, you know, everyone...
Well, Miyami is a robot, so she's different from others.
I mean, there are times when I'm not even one with myself.
That's what I thought, too.
Yeah.
That's why you are like...
You are not like...
Human.
Is it familiar to you that you're feeling like you're separate yourself, body and soul?
33:01
Body and soul.
I'm feeling like I am taking care of myself.
As a different person.
Yeah.
I have a lot of negative and positive feelings.
You're the person who can talk to yourself as a different person.
But can you?
I can't.
Like you're...
I'm a typical person.
Wait, wait. What do you mean by typical person?
You're united with yourself like 100%.
I can't say 100%, but...
But sometimes I wonder why I did this to myself.
Sometimes you feel sorry for yourself.
But that's a different you.
Do you understand?
Sometimes you look at yourself objectively.
Then maybe I can.
Maybe you can.
Do you understand why you are important to yourself?
I do.
You're important.
That's why you say those words.
You feel sorry for yourself.
You say you're doing your best.
You care about yourself.
And...
You feel good.
I thought about it.
It's important to understand that you and others are different creatures.
You and others...
You and others...
You're not united with yourself.
There are times when the body's reaction and the brain don't match.
When you want to go out and play, but your body is tired.
That's when your body hurts.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
But...
I just lay down and sleep.
I feel very comfortable.
Because I am me.
You're united.
You're united.
You're united when you take care of yourself.
The brain and the body are united.
Yes, yes, yes.
But...
But...
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36:00
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as a other person, because I'm in a relationship with myself since I was born.
I don't have anyone who is the same as me.
When I think about it, I feel like all the communication becomes smooth.
Because I don't force it or get attached to it.
I have work and friends, but I think it's my family.
Because it's a relationship that I tend to put pressure on.
Yeah, I understand. You often argue with your family.
I think it's better to think about it because it's too short and you don't have to worry about it.
I would choose a wider spot to park in.
But it's easier to park next to the car.
Because you can see the position somehow.
Because there is a line.
When I parked, I was told that there was more space over there.
I was like, why is it okay? Because this side is leaning.
And when I talked to the driver, he said,
You're going to turn around right away.
I'm telling you it's okay, but why are you doing that?
I was like, what?
I was a little irritated.
I was like, it doesn't matter which one.
If you're driving, you can park wherever you want.
I was like, why are you telling me how to drive?
39:03
I was like, you're going to say that again.
I was like, no, it's not like that.
I was like, just accept it.
I was like, this is how I park.
I was like, this is how I park.
I was like, my back is better than yours.
But I didn't care about that.
My mom was really bad at parking.
I used to say a lot of things, but I stopped saying them.
Lately, I've only been able to move the steering wheel a little bit.
I've been able to say things like, the left side is better.
But I thought I'd stop saying that.
Do you have any complaints about driving?
It depends on the person.
There are a lot of them in my family.
There are people who change their temper when they're driving.
Even though they're calm, they get angry.
That's when I get a little bit of a shock.
You have a lot of F-words in your voice.
But I don't like it when I'm alone.
There was one time when I was driving with my ex-boss.
He told me to change lanes.
He told me to go back.
I was like, I don't want to.
He was like a teacher.
He was a weird person.
He told me that I should change lanes now.
He told me that I should change lanes now.
I was like, what?
I can only say I'm sorry.
That was my boss.
He told me what to do.
He told me to change lanes in detail.
I was really annoyed.
But I was so obedient.
After that, I was with my client alone.
That client was in my backseat.
She told me, isn't that really annoying?
I was like, that's amazing.
I thought that other people would think that was annoying.
That made me feel better.
I obey the instructions.
But I like people who sympathize with me.
I don't know what you're talking about.
It seems like humans have the potential to sympathize.
I don't recommend you to tell other people to drive.
I try not to tell other people to drive.
Because I get annoyed easily.
I wonder if there are people who are happy with that.
I think people who are not good at driving would be happy.
Like, should I go that way?
I don't know.
Like, should I stop over there?
Even though I can drive at my own pace,
42:00
if someone tells me it's dangerous,
You mean you don't like it, right?
I get nervous.
Like, was it dangerous?
If you haven't hit anything, you can't be sure.
Do you have the reaction of feeling someone said to you how to drive?
Do you?
No.
I don't think driving is a good example.
I'm not particular about it.
But I know what I'm doing.
So I get annoyed.
Maybe.
Let me put it from a different perspective.
My dad has a strong brake.
I'm afraid I'll suffocate.
I say it every time.
If I hit the brake, I'll be like a chicken.
It's unpleasant.
It's okay to drive by yourself.
If you're alone, you can be rough.
But when others are driving,
I think it's good to be kind to the brake.
So I hit the brake hard.
I don't know how to fix it.
I'm 30 years old.
I can't fix it.
The safety level is different.
It depends on the person.
It takes a lot of life to drive.
Both the driver and the driver.
So the level is different.
So what you want is different.
So it's easy to get opinions.
I agree.
But no one thinks the same way.
That's right.
We don't think the same way.
But it doesn't matter if it's 20%.
I want you to be sure of yourself.
That's why I'm talking to you.
But parents are the most difficult.
There's a lot of bias.
I can talk to my parents without feeling anything.
Parents have a history of raising children.
Since they couldn't do anything.
That's why it's easy to have strong opinions.
But some parents are instinctive.
I agree.
There are people who say,
if it's what you want to do, you can do it.
There are a lot of Americans.
I think it depends on the person.
45:18
When you turn 18 or 19,
you need to get out of your parents' house.
There's a culture like that.
I think it's independent.
I feel like there's a culture of parents leaving their children.
When you grow up, it's your responsibility.
I think it's better to be away from them.
Otherwise, you can't get out of your dependence.
No matter how hard you try.
I think it's better to talk to your parents.
I agree.
It's a long story.
Minami said something earlier.
What was it?
She read an article.
What was it?
I thought it was really good.
What?
I can't remember.
She said something.
In some articles,
when people say certain things,
it has another meaning to you.
It means it has a purpose.
There's always a purpose in what you say.
For example,
There was a person who said she was busy at work.
There was no story about that.
She said she was busy because she had another purpose.
She wanted to take a break.
She said she wasn't tired.
Or
She said she was sick because she wanted me to be sick.
So
It has other meaning.
48:01
I mean, some meaning.
Purpose.
I think it's easier to talk to people.
But
I don't want to listen to that.
I don't want to.
That's going to make me a robot.
And I'll just accept it.
In her case.
If someone says,
I have a headache.
I'm like, it's okay.
She's a good person.
I'm not a good person.
I can't think that far.
The more I think about it.
I have a headache because I have a headache.
If you say,
I'll tell you the end of the story.
You'd better not say it.
That's true.
If you say,
I don't know if my parents are doing well at work.
I don't know if I'm eating well.
I don't know if I'm living a good life.
That's true.
I don't know if I'm married.
I don't know if I'm married.
I don't know if I'm married.
I don't know if I'm married.
I don't know if I'm married.
I don't know if I'm married.
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I don't know if I'm married.
I don't know if I'm married.
I don't know if I'm married.
Provocative?
Like you said?
Yes.
Well, it depends on the person.
Like,
51:00
he says he wants to appeal.
Do you have any idea...
I don't know.
So that's it.
I would know if he told me.
Obviously.
I would say,
Do you want to say something crazy?
I don't really know what I really want to say, but if I'm told to be persistent, I'll realize what I want to say.
Do you have a different meaning?
Yes.
You're persistent. That's funny.
At work, my personal goal is not to be seen as a robot.
How about you, Akane?
I don't empathize too much.
Because you are different.
It's not like, what did I do?
Because she was busy, tired, that's why she did it.
If you do it like that, it seems to be stress-free.
That's right.
Even if you've been doing it for years, there are times when you don't understand yourself.
If that's the premise, it might be better.
There are times when you're angry at the other person.
It's strange.
It's natural to not understand the other person.
Even if you try to communicate with that person, there are times when you don't like it.
I think it's important to get along with that.
It's not clear, but I'm also a stranger.
