00:12
Chapter 4. Smaller than you think. A morning later and the sun wakes. No more moon,
left behind in my wake. The wake of my growth, small but real. Taken root where I can always
feel. Deep in my mind, my heart, my soul, where I now spoke to myself, not to task me with a role,
but to ask me gently to shelf the pride and the anxious, fear of being judged,
mocked by people I knew cared, anxious themselves about my self-talk.
My friend had helped me, and from there I found more. Help and aid around me there be,
even when I don't know the score, the score that a mind trying to help tries to keep inside
oneself. Instead, the score was wiped away, for now. And my friend bade me to convey my state
to my other mates, and gave me a nudge to see my favorite judge.
You'd like to move the presentation? Yes, I replied. Why? The question.
There's something that needs fixing. I explain my position, having found the cause with my friend,
a lab mate bond I'll not soon forget. Well, you've done the work. You're getting on just
fine. Let's move it a week or two? Does that seem in line? That was it. No big thing. A problem,
no more. Time readily given. No shame, judgment, or scorn. I've heard much worse,
so in part I am lucky. But something tells me that it had more to do with my voicing.
Voicing of my thoughts, the pains and doubts, to those that both could care,
and would choose to let me bear the feelings deep inside about work that got tied up,
around the sense of self, often forgotten on that shelf. I gained strength from the sharing,
not the shaming, in my mind. Strength from the being, both with colleague and with ally.
03:06
The worry that seemed so big, slowly but surely, shrunk in size.
And the problem I thought I had had, was much less than I had surmised. Happy Holidays!
