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Introduction. A special dedication.
Welcome to your English Toolbox, your Slow EnglishPodcast,
where we train your ears and your mind step bystep.
I am Julia.
And I am Martin.
Today represents a special shift for our podcastand for us personally.
We have been reading your comments and we realizesomething important.
We do not see you just as an audience or listenersanymore.
We see you as friends.
And because of that, we want to ask you somethingvery small but very important.
Please leave a comment after the episode.
Your comments help us build our community
and show the platforms that our podcast is aliveand growing.
Every single comment makes a real difference.
It helps us reach new listeners and continuecreating new episodes for you.
So from now on, we are going to talk to youexactly like that, as friends.
This new series is actually dedicated to twospecific friends of ours from Lithuania.
They are our friends, Zai and Vy.
These two wonderful girls left a comment on ourprevious episode about how to talk to yourself.
They shared their thoughts and it inspired us togo much deeper into this topic.
We realized that we needed to expand on theseideas to truly help them and to help you.
So to our Lithuanian friends, thank you for theinspiration.
This series is for you.
And to everyone listening, please talk to us inthe comments.
Tell us what you are struggling with or whatspecific points you want us to cover.
We will create tailored episodes just to answeryour questions, just like we are doing today.
Before we start, could you do us a quick favor?
If you feel like a friend today, please leave acomment or a like to support the show.
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It helps us find more friends around the world.
Now, let's open the toolbox.
Today, in part one of this special series, we arefacing an invisible enemy.
It is the voice that wakes up with you in themorning and whispers,
you are not good enough.
We are talking about the inner critic.
We are going to identify it, understand it, andgive you the tools to stop it.
Part one.
Why is this voice so mean?
Martin, I think our friends listening know exactlywhat voice we are talking about.
It is that automatic negative reflex that jumpsout whenever we try something new.
You want to apply for a better job, and the voicesays, don't bother, you are not qualified.
You want to post a creative photo on Instagram,and it says, people will laugh at you.
You want to speak English in a meeting, and itscreams,
you will make a mistake and look stupid.
It feels like this voice hates us, doesn't it?
It feels like a bully living inside our own heads.
But here is the surprising truth.
The inner critic is actually trying to help you.
It is a very old, very outdated survivalmechanism.
Thousands of years ago, if you made a mistake orstood out from the tribe, you could die.
If you were rejected by your group, you would notsurvive the winter.
So the brain developed a warning system to keepyou safe.
It learned to say, stay small, stay quiet, don'ttake risks.
The problem is that your brain still thinks publicspeaking is a life or death situation.
It treats a social rejection like a tiger attack.
So the inner critic is not a monster, it is afrightened bodyguard.
It is trying to protect you from shame, but it isdoing it by crushing your potential.
Understanding this is the first step to freedom.
You don't have to hate the voice.
You just have to realize that its advice isthousands of years out of date.
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Let's look at some concrete examples of how thisshows up in our daily lives.
We see it constantly in relationships.
Imagine you want to set a boundary with a friendor a partner.
You want to say, no, I cannot come to your partybecause I am tired.
But the inner critic immediately jumps in.
It says, if you say no, they will stop liking you.
They will think you are selfish, you have to go.
So you go to the party, you feel resentful and youdrain your energy.
The critic convinced you that your own needs weredangerous.
We also see this in health and fitness.
You miss one workout or you eat one unhealthymeal.
A supportive friend would say, that is okay, justget back on track tomorrow.
But the inner critic says, you ruined everything,you have no discipline.
You might as well give up completely.
This is called catastrophizing.
It takes one small mistake and turns it into atotal disaster.
And what happens?
You feel guilty, so you actually give up.
The critic creates the exact failure it waswarning you about.
It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Think about our friends learning a new skill, likepainting or coding.
You look at your first attempt and it is notperfect.
The critic says, you have no talent, this isembarrassing.
But nobody is perfect on the first try.
The critic demands instant perfection, which isimpossible.
So how do we stop this cycle?
We need specific tools to disarm this bodyguard.
Part 3.
Tools to silence the noise.
The first tool is one of my favorites.
Give it a name.
This sounds funny, but psychology shows it isincredibly powerful.
If you hear the voice as you, you believe it.
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But if you give the voice a silly persona, youcreate distance.
I call my inner critic the grumpy uncle.
Imagine an old man sitting in a chair complainingabout everything.
When the thoughts come, I can say, oh, the grumpyuncle is shouting again.
Thanks for your opinion, uncle, but I am going todo it anyway.
Some people call it the gremlin or give it acartoon voice.
Try to imagine your inner critic sounding like aduck.
It is very hard to be terrified of a voice thatsounds like a cartoon duck.
This technique is called cognitive diffusion.
It unhooks you from the thought.
The second tool is the best friend test.
This is the ultimate reality check for negativeself-talk.
When you beat yourself up, stop and ask onequestion.
Would I say this to my best friend?
If your best friend from Lithuania called you andsaid,
I made a mistake at work, what would you say?
Would you say, you are stupid and you should befired?
Absolutely not. You would be kind.
You would say, everybody makes mistakes. You aresmart and you will fix it.
So why are you so cruel to yourself?
You need to learn to be your own best friend.
When the critic attacks, answer it with the samewords you would offer a friend.
Say, this is tough, but I am doing my best.
I am learning and learning is messy.
Self-compassion is not weakness. It is fuel.
Research shows that people who are kind tothemselves
achieve more than people who criticize themselves.
Because when you are kind, you are not afraid totry again.
And trying again is the only way to grow.
Conclusion, your assignment.
Martin, we have covered a lot of ground today.
We have exposed the inner critic for what itreally is, just a scared voice.
It is a story, not a fact.
And you are the author of your life, so you canwrite a new story.
To our friends from Lithuania, and to all ourfriends listening, we have a question for you.
What name are you going to give your inner critic?
Is it a grumpy uncle, a gremlin, a storm cloud?
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Tell us in the comments below.
We really want to know.
By naming it, you start to control it.
In the next episode, we will tackle the critic'sbig brother.
Imposter syndrome.
That is the feeling that you are a fraud, evenwhen you are succeeding.
It is a crucial topic, especially for highachievers.
So make sure you are subscribed so you don't misspart two.
Thank you for treating us like friends today.
We are cheering for you.
See you in the next episode.
