第5566回 EN Inner Chaos Emotional Labyrinth

このエピソードは思考整理のための独り語りです。メンタルヘルスや発達特性を背景に、日常の悩 みや感情をそのまま話しています。聞き流しても問題ありません。

 This episode is a personal audio journal on daily struggles, mental health, andneurodiversity. It is meant to be listened to casually in the background.

このポッドキャストは、生きづらさ・メンタルヘルス・家庭問題を中心に、 日常で起きる出来事や思考を、感情を煽らず淡々と語る雑談ポッドキャストです。親子関係の衝突、家庭内トラブル、機能不全家族。 「普通」や「当たり前」とされる家族像や会話が成立しない現実を扱います。 発達障害（ASD / ADHD）、うつ病、双極性障害、不安障害、社会不安、幸福恐怖、強迫性障害（OCD）。 個人の特性と、家庭・社会環境が噛み合わないことで生じる問題を取り上げます。 宗教二世として育った経験から、 オカルトやスピリチュアルを信じて自分を誤魔化しながら生きることができない感覚についても語ります。 物事を都合よく解釈して安心することができず、 現実をそのまま見てしまうことによる生きづらさを扱います。 長期間の引きこもり、無職、就職活動の失敗、働けない現実。社会復帰の難しさや、将来への不安を、理想論ではなく事実として話します。 難病である潰瘍性大腸炎の可能性を抱えながら、 引きこもり状態のため十分な治療に繋がれない状況と、体調不安が日常生活に与える影響についても触れます。 人間関係のトラウマや、 新たなトラウマを作らないために距離を取るという選択。 人と関わる必要性を理解しつつも、発達障害が理解されにくい現実の中での葛藤を語ります。 哲学やニヒリズムを背景に、 存在の意味を求めるのではなく、 世の中を都合よく解釈する考え方そのものへの違和感や、人の思考の矛盾、浅はかさをスピリチュアルに逃げず考察します。 前向きさや希望を押し付ける番組ではありません。 答えを出すこともしません。 メンタルヘルス、発達障害、家庭問題、生きづらさを抱える人に向けた、静かで重めのトーク番組です。

This podcast focuses on mental health, neurodiversity, and family issues, discussed calmly and without emotional exaggeration. It covers parent-child conflict, dysfunctionalfamilies, and situations where so-called “normal” family dynamics do not work.Topics include ASD / ADHD, depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders,social anxiety, fear of happiness, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD),exploring how personal traits clash with family and social environments.Growing up in a religious household, I talk about the inability to rely on occult or spiritual beliefs to comfort or deceive myself, and the difficulty of facing reality without convenient explanations. The podcast addresses long-term social withdrawal, unemployment, failed job searches, and the realistic difficulty of returning to society. I also discuss the possibility of living with ulcerative colitis, a chronic illness, while being unable to access proper treatment due to isolation, and how physical uncertainty affects daily life.Human relationships and trauma, choosing distance to avoid creating new wounds, and the struggle of living in a society where neurodiversity is rarely understood are recurring themes. Rather than seeking meaning, this podcastexamines how people conveniently interpret reality, the contradictions in human thinking, and social absurdities — without spiritual escape or comforting narratives. No self-help. No optimism. No answers. A quiet, heavy podcast forthose dealing with mental health issues, neurodiversity, family conflict, and the difficulty of living in reality as it is.

サマリー

ポッドキャストでは、英語学習や最近の出来事、体調不良に関するエピソードが取り上げられています。感情の迷路において、コミュニケーションの誤解や理解の違いが問題となり、過去の経験が影響を及ぼしています。エピソードでは、日本のアイドルPibiへの感情の変化や、NBAのスーパープレイ、地域の駅伝チーム、英語学習としての映画視聴について語られています。感情の迷路を探求し、内面的な葛藤や混乱が行動や思考にどのような影響を与えるかが議論されます。

今日のエピソード紹介

Hello, welcome to my podcast. It's thanks for tuning in.

This is a podcast where I talk commonly about life struggles and family issues.

Today I'm gonna talk about the mistake and something I was watching on YouTube and

I try something for you, podcast, and today's struggles.

First corner is today's incident.

Firstly, almost I decide to way of learning English, method of learning English.

Recently, I try to hear foreign music for my podcast, for my learning English.

But I was not sure about in the afternoon.

I always watching movie on YouTube for killing time, but I decide what I watching, what I watch, and it's my rule.

But yesterday, a certain movie bothered me.

This person is semi-local, and he appeared this movie, so I was not sure watch or not quit watching.

Eventually, I decide to watch this movie, but at first, I was not sure.

体調不良とその影響

Next, as I said, I told you come, I got sick, so I fell down, I feel down, I feel down.

But recently, I've been recovering from illness.

But this timing, she began to turn the stove.

Of course, it's getting cold, but she turn the stove earlier than usual.

So I regret.

But yesterday, I had a stomachache.

Next, it happened yesterday, maybe in the morning, in the afternoon, when we were talking.

In the morning, we were same way of understanding.

It's common thing for us, common opinion for us with her.

Day before yesterday, I tried a certain dish.

It's called tofu.

And it had a problem, so yesterday in the morning, I asked her,

Why did you watch the movie?

It's a recipe.

She said, and then she said,

Mixer, setting of a mixer, it's different.

Rice cooking, rice cooking, setting, it's different.

That was talking like this.

And later in the afternoon, she mentioned,

Seasoning is different.

So I didn't confirm.

In the case, in the morning,

In the morning, we were talking,

And in that time, I would have,

I must have known it won't help her reference.

And I explained this thing.

She was silent and started thinking.

So I remarked,

It's just time that I remarked.

It's just killing time.

She said, OK, and understand.

But eventually, I realized, I noticed,

I realized, she not didn't understand.

Maybe she really didn't understand.

Next, it happened, it also happened,

Yesterday in the afternoon,

I mentioned,

Previous movie, I watched before,

How she cut the tofu, I asked her, and she remarked,

I was only, I was watching only that movie,

But I just asked her,

Before same thing happened,

I just asked her, but

After her answer, she said,

It's just my guess.

I don't know.

感情の変化と趣味

Always she is talking on her own.

Next, next corner is,

What I was watching,

Firstly, I was Japanese idol, Pibi.

Before, I support this group,

But recently, I quit, I quit.

To support,

And yesterday, I thought, my emotion is opposite.

Before, I support this group, but now,

Recently, my emotion is opposite.

Completely, my emotion changed.

Next,

I was watching super player of NBA.

Sometimes, I often wanna see NBA's super play.

It remove my stress.

But I don't know basketball rule.

Next,

I was watching local Ekiden team.

Ekiden is,

Someone,

One team has about 10 people, and they were running.

Long, long, long, long time.

And I was surprised,

Because, there was man,

I know, who I know.

I have ever been to this school, this person is there.

Next,

Yesterday, I end up watching movie for my learning English.

Recently, I quit to,

I quit watching the podcast for learning English.

But I'm not sure my method of English.

I can't decide to do what I should.

And yesterday, I was watching movie for three months.

Of course, I listen music for learning English.

But,

I don't wanna,

I don't wanna be,

I don't wanna,

I don't wanna be indecisive.

So, I end up decreasing music genre.

It is bad like this.

For example, in the morning,

感情の複雑さ

Today is in the morning,

Rock music is difficult pronunciation like this.

Next,

And yesterday, I made a mistake.

When I was using my cell phone,

I touch somewhere and it was mistake, my mistake.

I was not sure it's no problem or not.

I'm scared.

It's my characteristic.

And I search some article

to see, to know it's no problem or not.

Next one is HIKIMESHI.

I had NIMONO.

It's carrot.

It had carrot.

NIMONO, it's carrot.

It had carrot and daikon.

And,

Again, it's fried tofu.

And,

Mount vegetable.

Daikon was very good taste.

It was amazing.

And, again, was kind of sweet.

But, it's OK.

It's a good texture.

Thank you for watching.

Please follow this program.

See you again.