00:00
せーの What's up amazing people? This is Iyasasa Radio by Akane and Minami. In this
radio we're going to talk about random topics in Okinawan Japanese and English.
はいたーい. ぐすーよーちゅーがなびらー。イヤササレディオのアカネとミナミーやいびん。
うぬレディオでイエイゴとウチナーグチさんにぐすーよーんかいいっぺーうむさるはなしつづけやんりしうむとうびん。
Okay, so today we have a guest from uptown Manhattan, New York City. He had lived in Japan for 6 years.
Now happily went back to his hometown, living with his beautiful wife and cute dog, and currently unemployed,
イアン・ファビアンです。
Welcome to Iyasasa Radio.
I took like 3 times to introduce you.
I failed.
That's cool.
How are you?
I'm good. I'm sleepy.
What time is it now?
7 in the morning.
7 in the morning.
Thank you for waking up early in the morning.
No, it's 9 p.m. in Japan.
How have you lived in New York since you came back from Tokyo?
Japan?
Yeah, Japan.
Yeah, I've been about a year and 3 months so far. A year and some. A little over a year.
How do you like it so far?
It's okay. It'd be nice to have a job right now, but it's alright.
Life would always be better, but the beauty of being married and having a dog is you have the good days.
The little things make life very nice.
Yeah, you got married.
Yeah, I did.
Congratulations.
He's telling me that he didn't think about getting married in his life or having kids, but he got married before me.
She changed you.
Yeah, she changed me.
I wasn't expecting marriage.
Even in the beginning of our relationship, I made it clear that I really didn't think about marriage.
When you find someone who can challenge your soul and help you grow, I think it's important that you can change.
We also came to a good middle ground because she knows I don't like marriage.
I don't believe in it like the old school ways, but it's a nice social contract that we decided we're going to do.
We love each other, so it makes it easier.
I like what you said.
Challenge your soul.
That's a good word.
03:03
You can say that to your partner, right?
Challenge my soul.
I think I stole it from Good Will Hunting, actually, the movie.
Robin Williams and Matt Damon.
He asked Matt Damon, Robin Williams.
He asked him, have you met your soulmate before?
Matt Damon was like, what's that?
He was like, someone who challenges you to your soul, to your core.
I thought about that, and I was like, that's exactly what I found.
It's not easy, relationships, two different people coming together.
I think understanding each other and pushing each other to grow, I think that's so important.
I just never met someone like her.
I'm talking about make you so vulnerable, but also build you so strong at the same time.
It's different.
I'm married now.
Also, you got a dog.
Yeah, little Macaroni.
He's probably going to wake up soon.
Little Macaroni.
He's a little rescue.
We actually both wanted a dog for a while.
We came here, and in two weeks, we fucking rescued a dog like idiots.
It was so much work.
Puppies are so much work.
It was awesome.
It's definitely worth it now.
In New York, you can't bring your dog to a supermarket or any shop?
Not really?
Not any shop.
It depends on the shop.
I think if we lived downtown, it'd be a little easier.
But grocery stores, not really.
Restaurants, bodegas.
Your conbinis, we call bodegas.
Pharmacies are pretty much okay.
Is there more options than in Japan?
Oh, for sure.
I can take him on the train, you know, stuff like that.
I mean, theoretically, he has to be in a bag.
He doesn't fit in a bag, right?
He's big.
In an Ikea bag, he'll fit, right?
Ikea bag!
You can't do that in Tokyo?
Dogs?
Isn't it only for street dogs?
Is that so?
People who take their dogs on the train?
In a bag?
Yeah, they have to be like a teacher, yeah.
They don't have to be told anything?
Oh, I see.
It's impossible for normal dogs.
I don't know the details.
Oh, and the fun, oh yeah, I didn't even mention.
The fun thing is that when we got married, they let him in.
They thought my dog was the witness.
The government officials thought he was a service dog.
Because I had a nice harness on him.
06:00
And they just didn't ask questions.
They just let him in.
I was like, okay, let's keep going.
And he was there the whole time.
It was awesome.
You got the picture with three of you?
Of course, yeah.
It's cute, having a dog.
That's a tough job.
That's a lot of work and details.
That's pretty cool.
I know.
But I think my feelings for marriage are just like,
I'm not going to make a party for other people.
Fuck those people.
Marriage is between me and my wife.
That's what it's between.
Nobody else gets involved.
I can share little parts of my life with my friends and my family.
But that's between me and my wife.
Yeah, but in Japan, I think those kind of couples are,
you know, I think it's more than before.
Like, there's more couples don't want to have weddings as well.
They just want to take photos and do some casual dinner or something like that.
That's nice.
That's basically what we did.
Just have my friends and my mom.
Just had a little light brunch in a little restaurant.
And then we just went home.
I think it's nice.
Yeah.
You don't have pressure or you don't have to pay too much money.
It's realistic.
I think we as humans, we watch too many fucking movies.
Fucking notebooks and shit.
It's a good movie, Ryan Gosling.
But it's not realistic, man.
Life isn't that dramatic.
It can be, but it doesn't have to be.
If you have money.
It's just nice to have a normal, nice day where you guys sign a nice contract
and people get to be like, yeah, good luck.
But a DJ in a big hall with hundreds of people and it costs thousands of dollars.
Yeah, I'm okay on that.
It's not that I want to sound cheap or anything.
I just, who the hell is the party for?
Is it for us or for them?
It's for them.
I don't care that much about them.
I care about my friends.
I just don't want to throw the giant party about us for them.
It's between me and my wife.
That's all it's about.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Yeah.
It depends.
Yeah.
On the couple.
Yeah.
For sure.
Not everyone want to get attention from family and friends, but I do.
09:05
Unless I lose my job.
Then you get your wedding.
Then have your wedding.
If you want a wedding, get your fucking wedding.
Yeah.
God damn it, this is America.
This is a free country.
No, I'm just kidding.
So anyway, Ian is a friend of Inami.
Yes.
He was on a guest a few times before.
Daniel's bestie.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Me and Ian met through Tinder.
The dating app.
Yeah.
And became a great friend.
Yes.
That connects to the friendship with Daniel.
Nice.
That's a great way to use Tinder.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think most people would find that weird, like we mentioned.
Maybe.
There was nothing sexual or intimate in that sense when I met Inami on the first day.
And it was just really friendship vibes and just funny and a good time.
And then we just kept contacting and we started becoming more friends.
We met each other's circles and then we were like, yeah.
I have a question.
She used to help me with my Japanese.
I used to help her with her English.
What's up?
But first, did you guys have any like thought for relationship or sex?
Before I met him in real life.
Yeah.
Probably, right?
Yeah.
I mean.
That's why we swipe.
That's why you swipe.
Probably.
Yeah.
I only swipe right to a good-looking guy, right?
And.
Thank you.
Also, I can see their personality through the profile sentence and the pictures.
And Ian had a picture with some fashion magazine that I always checked through my job.
Oh.
And, oh, that's him.
Oh, then he must be handsome.
And he kind of look like he likes hip-hop kind of vibes.
So, okay, maybe I can be his friend too.
And we met at Sarutahiko Coffee at Ebisu.
Oh.
Then.
Yeah.
We just talking and that's it.
We just talking by texting.
And whenever I had an event, like DJ event at Nakame, he brought his friend.
And.
Yeah, we just hang out.
12:00
Yeah.
Like what, like there is like a time like I was kind of a bit depressed about my romance.
That time like me and him lived close to Santa.
So, like, I texted him like, I want to talk about something.
We went to some kisaten and I just like keeping saying my bullshit.
And he's like.
Yeah.
Friends, man.
That's what friends are for.
What the hell are friends for?
Listen to our stuff.
So, yeah.
He shared like his story too.
Like his relationship with girls.
So, it's very interesting because when I use Tinder just for boyfriends.
Not the friends.
I was like a normal people to use a Tinder to find a partners.
Yeah.
So, this is like a new idea for me.
Yeah.
I don't know if it's that new.
Because like I said, like we said, maybe it happens not so often.
But more often than we think.
And I've actually met like three or four.
Three-ish friends through that.
Just off the first vibe.
It's just like that's not what this is about.
So, why is anyone of us going to push it?
And let's just keep hanging out because it's cool.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think it's really.
If you think about it.
Sorry to interrupt.
But if you think about it, it's just a new way to meet people.
Yeah, it has like maybe the sexual connotations.
And like that flavor of meeting people.
But in the end, it's just a newer way of meeting people.
Like meeting someone at a bar.
Yeah.
I met my wife through Bumble.
So, it's like, you know.
It's just a new app, a new way.
I also think that if the way I use it.
I never go in with like an objective, an MO.
Like thinking, okay, this is what I want.
A lot of guys are too driven by just one thing.
Yeah, we're all driven by it.
But I just don't really care much about it.
When it comes to meeting a new person at the first time.
Like why is that on my mind?
Like take that away.
Let's hang out and see who this person is.
And then maybe if the vibe is right, obviously.
But I think the same thing with me.
Instead, we just hung out.
We just talked, had coffee, walked, listened to music.
And just laughed.
And we're like, cool.
And then we just kept texting after.
And bring friends to her things.
You know, I meet her co-workers and stuff like that.
And she's like, yeah.
Just cool.
And we became friends.
It's also like, you know.
We need to match the value of how to meet people.
Like we need to be open up for any kind of relationship.
Either romance or the friendship.
15:00
And regardless of gender.
And I am always open for that.
To meet new people.
In that context.
And we are the same.
Yeah.
Tama-tama.
That's why we could be friends.
But if that wasn't you.
I mean, different guy or different woman.
Right, right, right.
It wouldn't work.
You know, had a different thinking.
And different perspective.
Then why did you swipe right to me?
If you're not into like sex.
That's also possible.
Yeah, I think that's possible.
In the end, if you don't match either of them.
If you don't match either of them.
It's like wtf.
Don't use for that option.
Right, right, right.
Okay, for the guy perspective.
Any advice for women?
How do you define this guy is not, you know.
Just into having sex with me.
Yeah.
I think a lot of women think like.
Okay, dude.
Always thinking about like.
Having fuck.
Yeah.
Like a man.
Unfortunately, I mean.
It's just a scarier world for women in general.
Because of the stupid world we made.
And it can be dangerous to meet all these fucking psychos.
And sick fucks on the internet.
But in general, through the conversation.
If you feel like, okay.
You know, maybe I can meet this person during the daytime.
And like figure them out.
Or vibe them out.
Or try to read them.
It's hard to judge anybody through the internet.
The internet is this fucking fake world.
You can be whoever you want behind the keyboard.
I got an idea.
We should find a nerd guy.
Nerd guy?
Yeah.
On tinder.
Sure.
It might be.
But if you use it and you meet people.
I think it's just really reading.
Using your intuition as women.
18:02
Stronger intuition.
Feeling the person.
This guy only really wants to fuck.
You guys can tell right away too.
You guys aren't dumb.
You guys are really smart when it comes to that.
But it's hard through just the app or texting.
Because guys will say fucking anything.
They'll say anything just to get in bed.
How was the dating life when you were in Japan?
Were you normal when you were in the States?
Or was there a difference?
That's a good question.
I think the difference was that in general.
Even though the society might be more secretive about sex and relationships.
It's actually more open physically about it.
You guys have more casual sex.
You guys date more freely kind of actually.
In Japan?
Compared to here.
For sure.
Maybe now it's changed.
But when I was coming up.
The US has a lot of repressed Christianity.
Things like purity and not sleeping around.
Slut shaming and all this bullshit.
Where in Japan you really don't care.
You have your words for all the stuff.
But in general most people don't care.
I think what was hard in the beginning.
Was that I met a super manjime person at first.
So manjime that she couldn't introduce me to her family as her boyfriend.
Because her family was no daikokujin.
That was hard.
So I thought this is going to be fucking hard as fuck here.
But then when I started using the apps.
And meeting people at bars and clubs.
I realized how freer you guys were.
Intimacy and casual sex.
Compared to here.
Now that could be totally different.
Now a little generation gap I have.
I'm kind of old.
It felt easier in the sense that.
It was for casual things.
I don't know about serious relationships.
But for casual things.
It felt a little easier than the US.
My experience was always like.
They want seriousness fast.
What's up?
Americans are popular in Japan.
I think that's why.
I guess.
Probably.
There's probably like an obsession with America.
New York and all this bullshit.
Maybe.
New York is popular.
I think so.
I don't have it.
21:14
It's the main thing.
It was probably.
The first or the biggest.
The biggest influence on my life was the Matrix.
When I saw that movie.
I was a kid.
When I saw that movie.
I was what?
14?
And it literally changed.
I studied what I studied in college.
Because of it.
I saw that movie 10 times in the theaters.
With my dad.
It just changed everything.
I thought of.
I started reading more sci-fi.
I always liked Space and Star Wars.
That movie fucking changed it.
She's so into Matrix.
She forced me to watch Matrix.
But it was so difficult to understand.
You need to watch more than.
Two or three times.
To understand what's going on.
I watched it 10 times in the beginning.
To try again.
It's mad difficult.
Every time you watch the movie.
You learn a new thing.
You learn the same thing.
That means.
That connects to that.
That means.
Nobody can understand.
Watching once.
Matrix.
For sure.
I think the coolest thing about it.
It's like those billboards that said.
What is the Matrix?
There was no leaks.
There was no spoilers.
No one knew what it was.
When you first saw it in the movie theater.
Everybody was like.
Deep down.
I believe.
That we might actually be in a simulation.
That could be real.
Not the same as.
We're fighting a war against machines.
We might be people.
Who want to live lives.
These things.
Could be.
That was one of those movies.
That put me on that idea.
I love that idea.
Might be true.
Lately.
The way I see it.
I think the Matrix.
Is closer to reality.
Another world.
It's super complicated.
It wasn't.
24:02
Isn't that a different movie?
It's the new Matrix.
I watched it.
It was difficult.
The one with the pills.
I got really nerdy.
About it.
After that.
Certain books.
You got to read.
If you like sci-fi.
I did a little bit as a kid.
I watched Dragon Ball.
I guess everybody watched Dragon Ball.
I used to spend the summers.
In Dominican Republic.
My family is from Dominican Republic.
What is it?
What is that?
As a kid.
The hard part was.
In the US.
Dragon Ball was only translated.
Up until the cell.
I don't know if you know.
I used to have to go.
Get the VHS.
To watch anything past it.
In Japanese.
I was a kid.
Reading subtitles.
You meet girls afterwards.
It goes to hell.
I like sports too.
After girls.
Anime.
The video games.
Is more like our generation.
At least in the US.
It is normal to be older.
Have video games.
Play every now and then.
We grew up playing them.
Maybe not so cool.
To you guys.
You like Xbox?
No.
Playstation.
My image.
Of American people.
Playing Xbox.
27:00
I used to have one.
A long time ago.
I have always been a Sony guy.
It is a better system to me.
More fun.
It is the same now.
Too advanced.
How realistic.
Can you get?
Playing a movie.
The Japanese culture.
Wasn't really far from you.
Is that one of the reasons.
Why you decided to come to Japan.
Before?
Possibly.
It was random?
No, it wasn't random.
I have been into martial arts.
For a long time.
Since I was a kid.
My first trip to Japan.
Was through my dojo here.
I got to stay.
One of the main dojos over there.
In Chiba.
Shimizu Koen.
Nodashi Chiba.
When I first went there.
Through my martial arts.
It was like.
One of the coolest cities I have ever seen.
One of the biggest cities.
I am a city kid.
When I went to Tokyo.
Not Chiba.
When I went to Tokyo.
This is dope.
I remember being.
At the top of Tokyo Tower.
On a really cool clear winter night.
As the sun was setting.
The lights were on.
I could see lights all the way to Fujisan.
This is the biggest city I have ever been in.
I should live here.
When I came back.
I made the moves to come live over there.
It was through martial arts.
What?
Through the martial arts.
You also learned some old Japanese culture.
After I.
Went to Tokyo.
From New York.
I felt like Tokyo is.
Smaller.
Really?
Tokyo is huge.
To me.
When it comes to art.
Fashion.
And other things.
New York is more.
I feel like.
I feel like I'm going further.
It's clean and dirty.
Sorry.
They say it's not dirty.
I see.
30:08
It's been a while.
I think.
As a New Yorker.
We have a bias to like Paris.
Paris is like.
A cooler town to us.
People don't care.
It was like what New York used to be.
New York now is man friendly.
People still jerks.
They still can be like.
Fuck you.
They'll actually give you directions.
In Paris.
I'm weird.
I moved there for a bit.
It was nice.
But it didn't work out.
Yeah.
The first time I went to New York.
I was shocked that I couldn't find.
Like New Yorkers.
A lot.
A lot of people come from other.
Place.
They have their strong accent.
And.
It was totally different.
From what I.
What I expected.
From.
Yeah.
TV.
That's the beauty of real New York.
Is.
That's why right now.
I kind of started switching.
I don't know.
How much I hated New York.
And America.
It is a very diverse place.
It's like one of the only cities.
In which there's over.
140 languages.
There's so many languages spoken here.
So many different people.
And colors.
Heights and everything.
It's kind of nice.
Yeah.
It's.
A country of immigrants.
And I guess.
In a lot of the media.
Especially older media.
It's just mainly like white or black.
But there's so many different colors.
There's so many different shades of white and black.
Yeah.
It's kind of nice.
And then the food.
There's so many different kind of food.
That's also nice.
But it is way dirtier than Tokyo.
Tokyo is so clean.
Your parents in New York City.
33:01
Or your parents was.
They're from the Dominican Republic.
Dominican Republic.
Dominican Republic.
It's hard to say.
Yeah.
We played baseball.
What is it?
Dominican Republic.
Dominican Republic.
Your parents moved to America.
Yeah.
My mom actually ended up going to high school here.
Went back for college.
But they moved permanently.
My dad came in the 80s.
And my mom also came.
I think my dad came in 82 or 83.
And my mom came permanently in 80, 81.
And they met me.
They met each other.
And had me in 85.
Old guy.
80s.
But yeah.
They met here.
There's a large Dominican neighborhood.
And I live in it.
And that's my neighborhood.
In the US.
In New York especially.
So you speak English and Spanish.
Yes.
I grew up bilingual.
Spanish was actually my first language.
But because I've been through school.
And everything for so long.
English is stronger now.
But I completely understand it.
And can read and write it.
And then I have my baby Japanese.
Perfect bilingual.
Between English and Spanish.
And also a baby Japanese.
And French.
Korean.
Baby French.
Now Korean I just know how to say.
Have you eaten?
I understand she's mad.
A lot of curse words.
That I'm not supposed to say.
So you guys talk in English usually.
In Japanese.
She's fluent in Japanese.
When I have to explain things.
I have to kind of dig into my Japanese.
Which is getting worse.
I have to practice it again.
When we go to Korea.
Her mom or something comes here.
I have to learn more Korean.
So I can speak to them.
I'll pick it up.
It's not impossible.
It's language.
Another human can do it.
What do you think.
Which is the most difficult.
Language to learn.
Probably Arabic or Chinese.
No like among the language.
You studied.
Probably Japanese.
Because of the writing.
You have three alphabets.
It's stupid.
Just pick one.
What about speaking?
Speaking.
Speaking is not so bad.
The rules are so strict.
In general.
It kind of makes it easier.
Whereas I feel like I would pick up.
Korean is still also hard.
36:01
But because of the writing system.
It's easier to pick up at least.
I can learn how to read it way faster.
And write it faster.
Than I would Japanese.
That's probably the only difference to me.
Yeah.
In Japanese.
You don't have to read kanji.
English sucks.
But you also taught.
English to Japanese people.
When you were in Japan.
Yeah.
That's how I first came.
That's how I got the visa.
And you felt English doesn't make sense.
English sucks.
English is stupid.
How does.
No.
I know.
Start with a K.
Hiza.
How does I start with a fucking K.
Like a silent K.
I don't know.
Even the word thought.
There is a GH in there.
Why.
It's stupid.
It's a stupid language.
English is a dumb language.
It's useful.
There is no silent pronunciation in Japanese.
Japanese.
Is there a word that doesn't have a pronunciation?
It's said.
It's said.
It's said.
It's said.
So it's silent.
Is that so.
That's why it's difficult.
And they're not easy languages.
That's why it's even more difficult.
It's a useful language.
What I like about English is I can talk with many people.
Most people know about English.
Don't get me wrong.
When I say it's a stupid language.
I'm saying the rules.
The grammar.
The spelling.
As a language to connect people.
That's what it became.
It's very nice to talk to a lot of people.
I think you're smart.
Because you're a nerd.
Or am I a nerd?
Because I'm smart.
Which way does it go?
No.
He's really logical.
But also.
You know.
39:01
Fantasy things.
You know.
How to see.
You remind me.
The drama.
Chuck.
Was it Chuck?
What?
Chuck.
The drama of a spy and a nerd.
It's similar.
There's a drama?
About a spy and a show.
Tell me about it.
I don't know.
It's Chuck.
It really is just Chuck.
I don't know it.
Is it fun?
Is it good?
I like Chuck.
Check it out.
It's a story about a guy working at a place like Best Buy.
It's a story about a guy working at a place like Best Buy.
It's a story about a guy working at a place like Best Buy.
Best Buy.
It warms you up.
I got my TV from Best Buy.
Nice.
But it's good.
I envy.
Being.
I'm bilingual.
I'm bilingual.
I'm bilingual.
I'm bilingual.
I'm bilingual.
I'm bilingual.
I'm bilingual.
I'm bilingual.
I'm bilingual.
I'm bilingual.
I'm bilingual.
I'm bilingual.
I'm bilingual.
I'm bilingual.
I know what you mean.
Comfortableness.
When I speak.
You know what I mean?
You sound pretty comfortable to me.
I am.
Did you ever get said like...
Me?
You're kind when you speak.
Like your tone of voice.
Really?
Really.
I guess. Thanks.
I think it's just because I'm a nerd.
I have a nerdy voice.
I've only seen you...
You're getting better.
I've only seen you speaking
like you're, you know,
really soft voice.
Do you ever get really mad?
Or aggressive?
Aggressive, no.
No.
I learned it from my father.
He showed pure anger to me.
I've seen him angry at other people,
but not to me.
I learned that when I'm really angry,
I try not to say something.
And I try to leave
and calm myself down.
Because things done out of anger
are usually terrible.
Sure, initial reactions
42:00
can be really truthful
and real.
But I don't think anger
is a good place to make a decision
or say something.
I have gotten really angry.
Unfortunately,
for example,
I love my mom.
I don't know about you guys,
but moms are people
that can make you incredibly frustrated
and angry very fast.
For no reason.
It's little shit.
Sometimes I explode only to her.
I don't hate my mom.
It's just she gets so frustrated.
I still love her.
There are times when I lose my cool.
It's only with my mom.
Only my mom makes me do it.
I perfectly can relate to the feelings.
I really get frustrated
by mom with nothing.
I love her.
I love her to death.
I will die for her.
But it's just some things.
It's like,
but no,
I try not to
respond with anger.
It's not a good thing.
It's very not Buddhist of me, man.
I got to work on my Zen thing.
You are so calm
by training yourself
or from your experience?
I want my wife to hear this podcast.
Hello.
She does not think I'm calm.
But she gets to see
a different side of me.
It's by training for sure.
You train yourself
to be calmer.
I'm a guy.
I'm also Latin.
We have different cultural norms.
We have different cultural norms.
I'm somewhat of a quiet reactor.
I don't react loudly.
I don't react loudly.
I don't react loud.
I have it in me.
Whereas my wife is more hot.
She's like, react.
Which I need it to be balanced
because we're like opposites in that sense.
But she's way quicker to react.
It's nice.
It's easy to understand.
I'm that kind of person.
Quick to react.
Quick reactor.
We need them all.
We need all different kinds of people.
Because without someone like you
or like my wife,
I wouldn't know what they feel
or what the whole situation is.
I'm kind of slower.
I'm thinking and taking it in.
Maybe I'll respond now or later.
Whereas she's like,
ah, she knows.
Like me and my husband
is like you guys, I think.
I always yell at him,
but he just listens and says nothing.
45:00
I don't know what he thinks.
He seems like he doesn't care.
But I think he's trying to calm down
because it's useless
to say something
aloud to me.
I don't know.
I forgot what I was going to say.
I think it was something about responding.
And I forgot it.
That's fine.
Well, it's a balance.
Yeah, it's a balance.
Yeah, it's a balance.
If a plus and a plus collide,
it's a big problem.
It's supposed to be more peaceful
if it's a plus and a minus.
And if you just say it,
you'll feel better.
Like Akane, right?
If you just say it,
you'll feel better.
You don't have to say anything.
I can't say anything at all.
Same as him.
What should I say?
And then I start thinking
about what will happen if I say it.
If nothing happens,
I'll stop saying it.
But my goal is to say it.
I don't want to use my energy
to say it.
If I think about it,
I'll say it and end it.
If nothing happens,
I'll call you.
I guess it is more work
to not say it at that time.
I think it's amazing.
People like that
seem to be able to live well.
I don't think so.
I don't think there will be a collision.
No way.
Our life is infinitely harder
to adapt to.
Whereas with my wife,
she knows.
I'm not that good at life.
Maybe.
Me too.
Life is hard.
Yeah, life is hard.
What was the
hardest time
in your life?
You told me
that you had
a kind of
depression period
before you came to Japan.
I had lived in Cuba
for two years previously.
I was in medical school.
I got sick and I left
medical school and I decided to quit.
I didn't go back.
During that time,
I had a plan in life.
I thought I was going to be a doctor.
It didn't work out.
From then on, I just started doubting.
What is my purpose?
What am I going to do?
Am I ever going to be normal?
I don't know if I can know.
It just started going downhill.
48:00
I didn't leave my room.
I was thinking dark things.
Luckily, I started going to therapy.
What actually helped me the most
was this Buddhist therapist
all the way to Colorado.
My dad was living in Colorado at the time.
I flew out to stay with him.
I started going to this Buddhist therapist.
Then he started changing
my ideas of
how life is,
how I react, how your mental health is.
It took a while.
It took a year.
I was on medication too.
It took a while.
From those dark moments,
I learned a lot about myself.
It really changed my perspective.
How did it change?
If you guys would have met me before Cuba,
I was a very different person.
I was a lot louder
in the sense of
what I believe in right away.
I was a lot more fiery
and more in your face.
I don't know.
I'm more political about everything.
I'm still political,
but I just keep it to myself now.
I had to rethink my identity,
what I value,
and what's important.
I think a lot of it was
taking walks in the park for me.
Sitting down and watching squirrels
run around
and leaves and shit.
Realizing that
I have certain Buddhist tendencies,
but God is in the details.
The little things
are the bigger things in life.
Just enjoying
some moments with nature
or the person you love
or your dog.
Those little moments are more important
than all your goals
and all your fucking career ideas.
Those little moments are more important.
That's when it started changing
because I was so down.
I started reshaping how I value
the important things in my life.
Of course, I still need a job.
I still need to make more money.
I can't live in the clouds.
I don't want to be homeless.
It really just changed me.
I think we all
go through dark parts in our life,
but luckily
I didn't do anything crazy to myself.
I got stuck through it.
Of course,
I still go through some dark times,
but now I have a support system.
I have my wife and my dog.
It's hard for her sometimes
if she ever sees me in down moods,
but I'm better
at lifting myself up
with time now than I was before.
I had never gone through that.
Life was so much easier and straightforward
until something drastically changes
it for you
and you don't get what you expect.
But that's life.
51:04
There is a therapist
also Buddhist?
It's like a combination?
Yeah, there's a therapist.
A Buddhist monk?
In general,
culture-wise, it's different too.
Because Japan is mainly Shinto and Buddhist,
it might already be
in your therapy.
Over here,
we come from a different culture,
science and Christianity.
The main difference is
in Christianity,
you're born with sin.
You're born bad.
Every man has sin
from Adam and Eve.
In Buddhism, you're born good.
It's life and the devils that make you bad.
Just from that simple change,
what the Buddhist psychology
was trying to help me was
go back to my goodness.
Go back to my original self.
Instead, in the West,
sometimes they try to force
different things.
It's changing drastically.
One of my good friends from college
is a psychiatrist now.
The way they're working through this stuff,
the newer ideas,
it's very different than before.
I just didn't want to be on medication.
Those guys,
the Buddhist therapy helped me
get off all the meds I was on.
It's not fun being on medication.
If people need it,
definitely use it.
I was on too many.
I didn't want to be on.
I was also anxious at that time.
I didn't want to be around people.
Things would make me nervous.
It helped.
Everybody needs therapy.
American therapy...
In Japan,
therapy...
For example,
you don't go to therapy
when you get sick,
but for Americans and foreigners,
going to therapy
and refreshing yourself
is a good thing.
There's a stigma with mental health.
When people think you're crazy,
you're depressed,
that's part of what I think
my generation and the ones after
are trying to change,
at least in the US.
It's okay to be not okay.
Let's talk.
Talk to people.
I think I have a good network,
especially male.
Growing up with the old school
machismo male kind of ideas,
we were kind of taught
you have to puff up your chest
and not cry and all that bullshit.
Luckily, my friends and I,
we open up
and we're real about it.
If we have to cry, we fucking cry.
54:00
You got to fucking feel
all human emotion, man.
Right?
If you're down,
I think it's important to see somebody.
If therapy isn't as realistic
maybe in the country you're in,
find a way to get a good network
of people to help you because
shit is real.
It's really real, really fast.
I guess in Japan,
a lot of people can't
believe that
just talking
leads you to change your perspective.
It can't save you.
Mentally,
in the brain.
It's medicine and hospital too much.
It's not
rely on medication.
It can be before
the medication you need.
Like he said, there's a stigma about
having a mental issue.
It could stop
before going
worse and worse
by just talking
and open up
and analyze
that person.
You know, how to
think that thing.
You know what I mean?
If you're a Christian,
you're born a sinner.
You're a bad person.
You've sacrificed a lot.
If you're a Buddhist,
you're like a saint.
You were born
in a good state.
You've been poisoned by society.
You have to clean it up.
It's a totally different way of thinking.
I think Ian's idea of Buddhism
was right.
I think it depends on the person.
So,
taking medicine
or physically changing
your body
is not the right thing to do.
If you change
your way of thinking,
it will be easier.
You won't get sick.
You won't get sick.
You won't get sick.
I don't think
Japanese people
can believe that.
There aren't many people
who are familiar
with religion.
There are Christians,
but
there aren't as many
as there are in America.
So,
changing
your way of thinking
or your way of thinking
is not the right thing to do.
I agree.
I think most Japanese people
are Buddhists.
But they don't know
the teachings of Buddhism.
It's like common sense.
It's not the teachings of Buddhism.
It's like the common sense
of living in society.
It's a mixture of
57:01
religion and common sense.
Going to a Buddhist temple
and getting your way of thinking
sorted is not the right thing
to do to fix your mental issues.
That's my impression.
I agree.
When a monk comes
for a funeral,
it's like a set.
You're doing it because
it's Buddhist, right?
But,
a funeral is like a Buddhist religion.
It's like a set
It's like a set. It's like a funeral set.
It's like something you have to do.
That's what Christians don't do, right?
We do funerals in churches, right?
We don't even know about that.
And I think,
in the course of time,
I think my heart has gotten a little sick.
I looked it up on the internet,
and personally,
there may be people who go to the hospital,
but I don't think there are many places
where you can talk to them.
So I can't tell my parents
that I'm going to therapy.
I don't even know there's such a thing.
It's hard to find.
It's the same with stigma,
but some people think
that's a shame
to go to a mental clinic, I guess,
that's dishonorable or shameful.
Yeah, that's unfortunate.
That's a country
that needs it the most.
High suicide rates and shit like that.
I've learned about
Okinawa is
the highest number
of mental clinics in Japan.
Really?
I searched.
That's because of
the war.
The World War II
victims and
their families
are so much
more than people in mainland.
And also we have a base
here.
That's why
there used to be
the highest number of people
with PTSD.
That's why
there are the highest number
of mental clinics.
So there are
actually a lot of
clinics, but
when it comes to
if you go in there,
then you get lost
like which one is good.
We don't have any information
by people, because we don't talk
about it.
People hesitate to go to
mental clinics.
I said it's normal, but
there is the stigma
and the embarrassment
and it's not
1:00:01
casual.
First of all,
we should make a counseling
instead of a mental clinic.
Even if we make it,
that's bullshit
in Japan.
It's hard.
It's hard.
It's hard over there.
It's a tough society.
Even though Japanese people
work the most,
they don't rely on it.
Because they don't rely on it,
there are a lot of people suffering
because of it.
In Minami,
there are people in counseling, right?
Yeah, we have
sangyoi
I don't know in English.
Like a counselor
for my company.
Whenever I ask them,
then I can
have an hour session.
Oh, that's cool.
It's therapy, basically.
It started
when one of my
co-workers committed suicide
two years ago.
I'm sorry.
That changed
us, too.
I mean, my boss.
The importance
to have some kind of
you know, rescue
way
to talk about
anything.
So
one of my co-workers
committed suicide
by himself.
That's how I became a sangyoi.
Only after that happened
did everyone
wake up.
If not, I don't think so.
As a freelancer.
If you're a freelancer,
you can go
to wherever you want.
Yeah, it's unfortunate,
but it takes us
to the extreme until
we have to see the extreme
and react to something.
The beauty of trying to destigmatize it
is that it doesn't have to get extreme.
If you don't feel good,
if you're in a good place,
you should talk to somebody.
But I like hospitals, too.
What kind of hospitals?
I don't like them.
When I have a sick,
I just go there immediately.
That's nice.
It's faster.
Do you guys have kokumihokken?
Kokumihokken is good in Japan.
We don't have kokumihokken.
Hmm
I'm not
a fan of hospitals.
I mean, I don't believe
most of the doctors,
but I believe in
science.
You gotta believe in science.
1:03:00
Science and also needs
humanity in doctors.
Yeah, that's true.
I've never had
the idea of loving hospitals,
but it's hard
to find a good hospital.
It's hard
to find a good doctor.
I hate doctors.
That's the scariest place on earth for me.
The scariest place on earth
is doctors.
I fucking hate doctors.
I love what I love.
Akane likes doctors, too.
It's not fun at all.
That's crazy.
It's painful.
Maybe she's a masochist.
Have you ever had a painful treatment?
No.
They always
just clean my
teeth.
You never had mushiba?
No.
That's why.
She has no idea.
She has no idea
of the pain.
It's terrible.
The worst place
on earth.
The hospital in America
is expensive.
That's true.
In the States,
there's an insurance issue.
But in the States,
the medicine is
way stronger than Japanese one.
So you guys
don't have to go to see a doctor
to get medicine.
We should
go to a doctor, but we can't afford it.
That's the problem.
The medication in the pharmacy is strong.
Probably, yeah.
I think so.
Nyquil
or Dayquil
are too strong.
The insurance is too high
so the medicine
in the pharmacy is too strong.
That's what Americans think.
Don't you guys have insurance?
You guys don't?
Most people, unless you're working.
If you're working, you have.
I have the government one
because I'm not working.
If you don't have enough money,
you can get one.
It should be for everybody
like in Japan.
Every other advanced country has insurance
except the U.S.
We do have guns.
A lot of them.
That's right.
There was a shoot
the other day.
Do you have guns?
I live in New York.
It's way harder to get a gun.
It's surprisingly safer
for guns
than other places.
There are so many cops
in Manhattan
compared to Queens and Brooklyn.
Oh yeah, for sure.
Manhattan is more touristy.
The police
always chill
1:06:00
in cafes.
They don't work.
They do, but they are lazy.
I don't know about
the cops in New York.
They ride on horse.
Yeah, it's terrible.
Times Square.
It's not cool.
As a local,
if you grew up in your own country
you wouldn't see it as cool.
I guess
Japanese people
see the U.S. and the U.S. complex
as shiny.
I think
America just does a good job
at marketing itself.
Every other country sees America
and they're like, wow, this place sucks.
It's nice.
There's nice stuff to it.
In general, this country doesn't
This country needs
to fix itself.
We're trying to fix it.
Mama, I hope
it's going to get better.
Because being the states good
influence good for
Japanese government too.
We're following
U.S. government.
So you guys got to legalize
marijuana soon, baby.
Come on, do that.
That's true.
Marijuana
marriage system
and other stuff.
I don't know.
So you're looking for
a job now?
Having a government cover?
Yeah, a little unemployment
help.
But it's getting worse
now, so we have to move.
What was I going to say?
Yeah, I'm currently
doing a data boot camp.
I'm learning data analysis.
So hopefully
in a few months, a month or two,
I learn a little bit of programming
a lot more Excel
and Tableau and Power BI
which are visualization programs.
I learn that stuff
and through the boot camp
they have a job guarantee.
So after I finish it, I have six months
to find a job if I don't.
So I'm saving my money back.
It's a pretty good deal.
I'm halfway.
I think in a few more months
I'll finish it.
I'm changing careers
so it's really helping me
think differently
and get into an industry
that I thought probably
would be best for me
like tech and stuff.
I'll probably be good at it.
So you're going through a new journey?
Good luck.
1:09:00
Thank you.
I'm trying to do my best here
with what I got.
I introduced you
as an unemployed guy
from New York
but just because
you're happy now, right?
In the sense
in life-wise, personal stuff
somewhat, yes.
I think as a
human being
in a capitalist society
you kind of
need to produce or work something
so not being able to do that
kind of helps you
go down
into negative thought
thinking and I've been so long
just searching for work
getting so many interviews
but just not landing the job
getting the second, third round
it gets tiring.
Is it hard to get a job
this moment in New York?
Depends on the industry
I'm sure.
If I wanted to get a bite
I'm sure I could just get one really wide away
but unfortunately
for me, the industry I was in
I never really kept a portfolio
for much, which doesn't help
some of the stuff
their requirements
are so high for so little pay
at certain things
why are you even applying
I'm not qualified for this
and you're only paying $20 an hour
and then
it's just a mix of timing
I got laid off, I had a job
they kind of shut the department
basically
most of my co-workers
I was the newest guy
it's just been hard
since then
luckily, like I said
the US, that changed my mind
I had a cushion
because I'm American
I'm able to survive for a little bit
but now it's getting harder
because I'm running out of the cushion
I just
figured this out
and unfortunately my wife is still waiting
for her green card
and her work permit
it's a little hard for us
that's something that's really hard
as an adult and married
to not be able to produce much money
but other than that
which is the hard part
there is a lot of beauty in my life
I'm very lucky to have my wife
my dog, my family, my friends
I live in New York
it could be worse
man, you're
dark
thank you
you're always seeing the beauty
of the life you're having
now
you have to
1:12:01
it doesn't matter if you have a job or not
if you don't, life fucking sucks
doesn't it?
if you don't find the nice stuff
life is fucking terrible
until you find nice shit in it
might as well find nice shit
that life is
challenging your soul
yeah
it's kinda like my soulmate
anyways
thank you for sharing
your very raw
personal stuff
it's fine
thanks for having me
hope it helps somebody
tell the Japanese people
go to fucking therapy
therapy helps
counselling
call it counselling
or whatever you want to call it
I don't have a job
so I'm living under
a government cover
and I got fired
but I'm a very smart person
but
I don't have the right timing
but the podcast
finally
the Japanese people
are telling you
to go to therapy
after all
if you experience
a lot like
in real life
what is it?
beauty
it can look even
way better
I don't have
a job
people get anxious
because they run out of money
but
that's why
if you have a part-time job
or something you can work on right now
you can connect
but if you do that
you might miss
a bigger chance
so
it's not like
if you have a level
where you can live
then
you have to wait patiently
for the right timing
and that's
really important
in my opinion
and my experience
I agree too
yeah
I don't know about you
but I think
Japanese people
especially between
changing jobs
you see a lot of people
who have new jobs
but
they don't understand
why they don't take a break
and if you have a part-time job
you take a break for a month
and then you can work
after that
I don't want to take a break
so that anxiety
1:15:00
you might have it to yourself
but when you say
you have a part-time job
it affects you
I mean it's fine
even if you don't work
if you ask people around you
they might treat you
and if you go to a bakery
they won't listen
so you have to
think about what you can do
including yourself
I like to make money
so even if
I take a break for a few months
I don't want to
take a break
but honestly
even if I don't have a part-time job
I think it's fine
and I live my life
comfortably
it's priceless
it is, that's all we got
and it's not even real
how crazy is that
time isn't real
time isn't real too
it's not real
we make it up
we feel it but it's not a real thing
this is not real
this is not real
none of this is real
none of this, this isn't real
you're not real
everybody listening
isn't it real
I love this
so this podcast
wasn't real
it was real
it's never happened
it never happened
you can go back to sleep now
thanks
are we done here?
that was good
did we get the questions we wanted?
did we get the questions we wanted?
yeah
that's all for today
say hi to your wife and dog
I will
I won't wake them up but I'll say it later
good morning
it was fun
good night for you guys
good night
bye
