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Have you ever repeated something someone saidabout a friend
and felt that little sting of guilt right after?
Or had someone snap at you for no reason
and carried that sentence with you for the rest ofthe day?
Today we are opening one of the quietest, mostpowerful books ever written
about how we speak and how we listen.
Welcome to Your English Toolbox,
where we train your ears step by step.
I am Martin.
And I am Julia.
Friends, we are so happy you are here today.
Before we begin, remember this episode has a homeonline.
Yourenglishtoolbox.com
The interactive transcript of this episode,
translations in Farsi, Spanish, German, andFrench,
vocabulary cards, flashcards, games, anddownloadable PDFs.
All completely free.
Today's episode comes from a real book.
One that has sold more than 10 million copiesworldwide.
It is called The Four Agreements,
written by the Mexican author and healer DonMiguel Ruiz.
It is a short book, but every page hits like asmall earthquake.
And today we are opening just two of its fouragreements,
the ones about your words and about your peace ofmind.
If you stay with us until the end, you will walkaway with three things.
One, why your own words are more powerful than youthink,
for better or for worse.
Two, like a simple mental shift that makes otherpeople's opinions of you almost powerless.
Three, six brand new English expressions,
so you can talk about all of this with confidence.
Let's begin.
Ruiz makes a bold claim early in this book.
He says your word is not just communication.
It is creation.
Think about it this way, friends.
Every time you speak, you are painting a picture.
In someone else's mind or in your own.
Ruiz calls the very first agreement,
be impeccable with your word.
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Now impeccable does not mean perfect.
The word comes from the Latin for sin.
And without sin simply means without going againstyourself.
So being impeccable with your word means using itin the direction of truth and love.
Not self-destruction.
Let's talk about the sneaky version of this first.
Gossip.
Gossip is not just talking about someone behindtheir back.
It is any time we use words to spread negativity.
And here is the start most people miss.
Gossip works like a boomerang.
Before that negative word ever reaches anyoneelse,
it has to pass through you first.
You cannot poison someone else's mind withouttasting a little of that poison yourself.
Let me tell you about Aiko.
Aiko had just started a new job at a design studioin Toronto.
On her second week, a co-worker leaned in closeand whispered,
Don't trust Marcus.
He takes credit for everyone's work.
Aiko felt that little thrill.
The thrill of being in the know.
She almost repeated it at lunch.
But something stopped her.
She remembered a line from a book she had juststarted reading.
This book.
Your word is a seed and gossip is planting weedsin someone else's garden.
So instead, Aiko just said,
I don't really know him yet.
I will form my own opinion.
And she changed the subject.
That, friends, is impeccability with the word.
In real life.
But there is a second, quieter kind ofimpeccability.
How you speak to yourself.
Every time you make a mistake and whisper,
I am so stupid.
You are casting a spell.
On yourself.
Ruiz says something worth sitting with.
If you cannot forgive yourself,
you cannot really forgive anyone else.
So impeccability starts at home.
Inside your own head.
Now here is where Aiko's story continues.
A week later, Marcus, the very co-worker everyonegossiped about,
snapped at her in a team meeting.
This design is amateur. Did you even try?
In front of everyone.
Aiko's face went hot.
The old Aiko would have gone home and replayedthat sentence 50 times that night.
But this time she remembered the second agreement.
Don't take anything personally.
Ruiz says something almost shocking here.
Nothing other people do
is really because of you.
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Even when it feels aimed directly at your chest.
Marcus was not commenting on Aiko's talent.
He was having a brutal week.
A divorce and a boss breathing down his neck.
His words were a mirror of his own pain.
Not a verdict on her work.
When you take something personally, friends,
you are agreeing to eat a plate of food you neverordered.
You are always allowed to say no.
And here is the twist most people never expect.
This agreement works for compliments too.
If someone calls you brilliant, that is also theirprojection.
Their mood. Their own private dream.
It is lovely to hear.
But if you build your entire self-worth on it,
you will crash the day they change their mind.
Real peace comes from being just as unmoved bypraise as you are by insult.
Not cold, friends.
Just steady.
Before we go further, let's collect the tools fromtoday's story.
Six expressions straight from Aiko's world.
Number one, to talk behind someone's back.
It means to criticize someone when they are notthere to defend themselves.
She talked behind his back at the office party.
Exactly what Aiko refused to do.
Number two, to hold your tongue.
It means to stop yourself from saying something,usually something critical.
I wanted to argue, but I held my tongue.
Number three, to let something roll off your back.
It means an insult or a criticism simply does notaffect you.
He called her lazy, but she let it roll right offher back.
Number four, to take the high road.
It means to behave with more integrity than theother person, even when it is hard.
Instead of shouting back, Aiko took the high road.
Number five, a small but powerful phrase, it's notabout you.
We say this to remind someone that anotherperson's bad mood has nothing to do with them.
Don't worry about his comment. It's not about you.
And number six, to rub someone the wrong way.
It means to irritate someone, often withoutmeaning to.
Marcus rubbed everyone the wrong way that week.
Six new tools for your toolbox, friends.
Talk behind someone's back.
Hold your tongue.
Let it roll off your back.
Take the high road.
It's not about you.
And rub someone the wrong way.
Now, friends, it is time for our sentence of theday.
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Today's sentence comes straight from the spirit ofthis book.
Here it is.
My words are seeds and I choose what I plant.
Let's say it one more time slowly.
My words are seeds and I choose what I plant.
Say it out loud with us right now wherever youare.
Let's close the loop, friends.
Be impeccable with your word because gossippoisons you before it ever poisons anyone else.
And don't take things personally because most ofwhat people throw at you was never really about
you at all.
Aiko walked out of that meeting a little lighter,not because Marcus apologized.
Because she simply stopped carrying weight thatwas never hers to carry.
Everything from today, the vocabulary, thetranscript, and the translations is waiting for
you at yourenglishtoolbox.com.
All completely free.
Thank you for being here with us, friends.
See you next time.
Bye for now.
Take care, friends.