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A voice can follow you everywhere, even when noone else can hear it.
At first, Maya believed every cruel sentence.
Then she stopped, noticed the thought, and addedone small word.
Yet, she spoke to herself like a friend.
The room did not change, her voice did, and thatchanged how she entered it.
Welcome to the Slow Listening Podcast series.
The show where we train your ears step by step.
Today, we're diving into something that affectsall of us.
How the way we talk to ourselves shapes ourconfidence and learning.
Julia, listen to this question carefully.
Have you ever thought you made a really dumbmistake?
I have.
Sometimes that voice inside can be so quick tojudge, and it's not always kind.
And that self-talk can either push us forward orhold us back.
So here's a challenge for everyone listening.
Pay close attention to your thoughts.
Are they helping you grow or getting in your way?
If you've ever felt stuck or frustrated, thisepisode is for you.
Let's learn to change that voice together,starting today.
And here's the surprising truth.
You've been talking to yourself your whole life,whether you realize it or not.
We were inspired by the book How to Talk toYourself by Roe Mitchell,
and we'll use its ideas as the foundation fortoday's discussion.
And here's why you'll want to stay with us today.
The book How to Talk to Yourself by Roe Mitchell
is full of strategies to transform that innervoice.
Reading the whole book might take you six to eighthours.
But in this episode, just 30 minutes, we'll bringyou the best lessons.
Think about that.
Half an hour now saves you hours of reading later
and gives you the tools to change a lifelonghabit.
So let's dive in together.
Today, you're not just listening, you're rewritingthe script of your own mind.
So let's start with a simple question.
Julia, how often do you actually pay attention tothe voice in your head?
That's a great way to begin.
Honestly, I used to almost never notice it.
My inner voice was like background noise.
It was there all the time.
But I didn't realize how much it influenced meuntil I started paying attention.
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And here's the thing.
Most of the time, it wasn't kind.
It was critical, impatient, and sometimes evencruel.
Let me ask you, Martin, when you catch yourselfthinking,
are those thoughts usually supportive orjudgmental?
If I'm being real?
For years, they were judgmental.
If I made a mistake, I would call myself stupid orlazy or careless.
And I thought that being hard on myself would pushme to improve.
But what actually happened?
I just felt smaller, more anxious, less motivated.
And I think many of our listeners can relate.
Quick question for you, audience.
If you had to describe your self-talk right now inone word, what would it be?
Encouraging?
Harsh?
Neutral?
Take a second to think about it.
Yes, that's such an important reflection.
Because once you become aware of the quality ofyour self-talk,
you realize it's like a constant companion.
Imagine walking around all day with someonewhispering in your ear.
If that person is supportive, you feel stronger.
If that person is critical, life feels heavier.
And here's something fascinating.
The voice we develop usually starts early in life.
Childhood experiences, school, social comparisons,even social media.
All of these shape how we speak to ourselves.
Exactly.
I remember a time in school when I froze during apresentation.
My classmates laughed, and from that day on, myinner voice kept repeating,
You're terrible at public speaking.
Don't even try.
And the crazy part?
That voice stayed with me for years, long afterthe event itself.
Julia, do you have a moment when your self-talkbegan to turn negative?
Yes, definitely.
For me, it was around body image.
I compared myself to other girls in magazines andon TV,
and I told myself,
You're not good enough.
That became a loop in my head, and every time Ilooked in the mirror,
the voice repeated it.
It's heartbreaking how quickly those words becomebeliefs.
And this brings us to a crucial point.
The brain actually treats repeated thoughts likefacts.
So if you tell yourself every day that you're afailure, your brain starts to believe it.
That's huge.
And it also explains why self-talk can affect notjust our emotions, but even our physiology.
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Think about it.
When you say, I can't handle this, your bodyreacts with stress.
Your heart races, your breathing gets shallow.
On the other hand, if you say, this is tough, butI'll take it one step at a time,
your body relaxes a little.
Audience, have you ever noticed how a singlethought can change how your body feels?
That's the power of language.
And the language we use with ourselves matterseven more than what others say to us.
Because we hear it constantly.
And unfortunately, many of us use words we wouldnever say to a friend.
We call ourselves stupid, worthless, ugly, lazy.
So here's a question for you, Martin.
Why do you think it's easier to be compassionateto others than to ourselves?
I think it's because we're taught to valuekindness toward others, but not toward ourselves.
Society often praises self-criticism asdiscipline.
If you push yourself harder, people say you'restrong.
But actually, relentless self-criticism justbreaks you down.
And that's why the shift to compassionate self-talk is revolutionary.
It's not indulgence.
It's survival.
It's growth.
Yes.
And that shift starts with awareness.
Here's a simple exercise.
For one day, write down the sentences you hear inyour head.
Don't judge them.
Just collect them like a scientist.
At the end of the day, look at your list.
Are the sentences supportive or destructive?
That awareness alone can be shocking.
I love that.
And once you see the patterns, the next step is tochallenge them.
Let me give an example.
Suppose you write down, I always fail.
Now, is that true?
Always?
Or have you had successes too?
When you ask these questions, you weaken the powerof the negative statement.
Julia, do you have a favorite technique forchallenging negative self-talk?
Yes.
I like reframing.
For example, instead of saying, I'm terrible atthis, I try to say, I'm learning.
I haven't mastered it yet, but I'm improving.
The word yet is so powerful.
It opens the door to growth.
Audience, you can try this right now.
Take a negative sentence you often tell yourselfand add the word yet.
Notice how it changes the feeling.
That's brilliant.
And there's another tool I like, the friend test.
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Ask yourself, would I say this to a friend in thesame situation?
If the answer is no, then why say it to yourself?
And here's a little secret.
Your brain doesn't know the difference betweenreal and imagined experiences.
So when you practice kinder self-talk, your brainbegins to believe it,
just as it once believed the negative loops.
Exactly.
And this is where repetition comes in.
Just like negative thoughts become beliefs throughrepetition, positive thoughts can too.
But it takes practice.
You can't say I'm worthy once and expect yourbrain to change overnight.
It's about building a habit of kindness.
One practical way is affirmations.
But, and I want to emphasize this, not empty,unrealistic affirmations,
saying I'm the most successful person in the worldwhen you don't believe it will feel fake.
Instead, use gentle, believable affirmations likeI'm learning to trust myself.
That's key.
Start with something you can believe and pair itwith action.
For example, if you say I'm capable of growth,
then actually try something new, even if it'ssmall.
The action reinforces the thought.
Julia, can you share a personal example of howaffirmations or reframing worked for you?
Sure.
A few years ago, I was terrified of speaking up inmeetings.
My inner voice said, you'll sound stupid.
So I started using a new phrase.
I have ideas worth sharing.
At first, it felt uncomfortable.
But each time I spoke, even a little, I reinforcedthat belief.
Over time, the fear shrank.
And that's the magic.
Words plus repetition plus action equal totransformation.
Love that formula.
And I think we should also talk about mindfulness.
Because sometimes self-talk spirals so fast, wedon't even notice it.
Mindfulness, pausing, breathing, grounding,
creates a space where we can catch the thoughtbefore it controls us.
Audience, next time you feel anxious, try this.
Stop, take three slow breaths and ask,
what did I just tell myself?
You'll be surprised by what you hear.
Yes, and mindfulness also helps us developcompassion.
Because when we slow down, we realize thateveryone struggles.
You're not the only one with a critical innervoice.
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That shared humanity makes it easier to be kind toyourself.
And kindness is not weakness.
It's strength.
It takes courage to change the way you speak toyourself.
After years of criticism.
Beautifully said.
And that courage brings us to another idea.
Setbacks.
Even when you start practicing positive self-talk,
you'll have days when the old voice comes back.
That's normal.
The point isn't perfection.
It's persistence.
Julia, what do you say to yourself when you catchthe old critical voice returning?
I say, ah, there you are.
I treat it like an old habit knocking on my door.
I don't have to invite it in.
I just notice it and return to my new habit.
And that's important.
Noticing without judgment.
If you judge yourself for having negativethoughts,
you just create another layer of negativity.
That's so powerful.
Audience, think about this.
Can you notice your critical thoughts withoutfighting them?
Can you let them pass like clouds in the sky?
That's a practice worth trying.
And to close this part of our conversation,
I want to highlight one big takeaway.
Your self-talk is not just noise.
It's shaping your beliefs, your emotions, evenyour body.
But the good news is you can train it.
You can transform it from an enemy into an ally.
Martin, before we move forward, I want to ask yousomething.
When you started to change your self-talk, did itfeel natural?
Or was it awkward, almost like pretending?
Oh, it felt so fake at first.
I remember standing in front of the mirror sayingthings like,
you're doing your best.
You're learning.
And my brain was like, no, you're not.
You're lying.
It was uncomfortable.
But here's what I discovered.
At the beginning, it's not about believing thewords instantly.
It's about planting seeds.
Over time, if you keep watering them, they growinto real beliefs.
Exactly.
I think that's one of the biggest challenges.
People expect instant results.
They say, I tried positive self-talk once, and itdidn't work.
But the truth is, you need repetition.
It's just like learning a language.
You can't study English for one day and expectfluency.
You need daily practice.
Audience, think about how long you've beenpracticing negative self-talk.
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Probably years, maybe decades.
So it makes sense that changing it takes time.
That's such a good analogy.
And speaking of practice, let's share somespecific strategies that really work.
One that I love is journaling.
Every night, I write down three things.
A negative thought I caught myself saying.
How I can reframe it.
Something I'm grateful for.
This way, I don't just notice the negativity.
I actively rewrite it.
That's brilliant.
And I do something similar.
In the morning, I write what I call compassionateintentions.
For example, today I'll speak kindly to myselfwhen I make mistakes.
It's like setting a gentle rule for the day.
Martin, do you ever combine self-talk withphysical grounding?
Like breathing or movement?
Yes.
In fact, one of my favorite practices is pairingaffirmations with deep breathing.
I inhale and think, I'm strong enough to facethis.
And I exhale and release tension.
When the body and the words align, the messagefeels more real.
Audience, you can try this right now with us.
Take a deep breath in and silently say, I'm safe.
Now breathe out and imagine letting go of stress.
Doesn't that feel different?
I love that.
And it's so accessible.
You can do it at your desk, on the bus, anywhere.
Another tool I want to share is visualization.
When I catch myself being harsh, I imagine asupportive friend sitting next to me.
I picture what they would say.
Usually, it's much kinder than my own words.
Then I borrow their voice.
That's powerful.
And it connects to something else.
Creating a supportive inner coach.
Imagine the best teacher you've ever had.
The one who encouraged you, corrected you gently,believed in you.
What if you let that voice live inside your headpermanently?
And here's a question for our listeners.
Who would you choose as your inner coach?
Maybe a teacher, a mentor, a parent, or even afictional character.
Picture their words guiding you.
That's such a fun exercise.
I once had a student who chose Yoda from Star Warsas her inner coach.
She said, whenever she felt nervous, she imaginedYoda whispering, calm, you must be.
It worked for her because it made her smile andrelax.
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So don't be afraid to be playful.
Self-talk doesn't have to be heavy.
It can be creative.
I love that example.
And here's another angle, environment.
Who we spend time with influences our innerdialogue.
If you're surrounded by people who constantlycriticize, your self-talk will echo that.
But if you're with people who lift you up, youabsorb their language.
Julia, have you ever noticed how friendships shapeyour inner voice?
Absolutely.
I used to have a group of friends who were verysarcastic.
They teased each other all the time.
At first, I thought it was harmless, but Irealized their words echoed in my head as
self-criticism.
When I moved into a more supportive circle, myself-talk softened too.
So, audience, take a look at your relationships.
Are they feeding your critical voice or yourcompassionate one?
That's so important.
And I think we should address a common fear here.
People worry that if they're kind to themselves,they'll become lazy.
They think, if I stop criticizing myself, I'llnever improve.
Julia, what do you say to that?
I say the opposite is true.
Imagine a coach who constantly screams at theirathletes.
You're useless.
You'll never win.
Do you think those athletes will perform well?
Probably not.
They'll feel crushed.
Now imagine a coach who says, you've got this.
Mistakes are part of learning.
Keep going.
That athlete is much more likely to thrive.
Self-talk works the same way.
Compassion fuels growth.
Yes.
And this is supported by psychology too.
Studies show that self-compassion leads to greaterresilience, persistence, and even
better performance.
Criticism might give you a short burst of energy,but compassion sustains you for the
long run.
Audience, think about it.
When was the last time harsh words actually madeyou improve?
And when was the last time encouragement helpedyou try again?
That's a perfect reflection.
And speaking of trying again, we should talk aboutsetbacks.
Because no matter how much you practice positiveself-talk, you'll have days when the critical
voice shouts louder.
What matters is how you respond.
Instead of saying, I failed at being positive, youcan say, this is part of the process.
It's about progress, not perfection.
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I completely agree.
One technique I use is giving my inner critic anickname.
Mine is the judge.
When it speaks up, I say, thanks judge, but I'mnot interested right now.
It helps me separate the thought from my identity.
Julia, do you use something similar?
Yes, I call mine the parrot, because it justrepeats old lines it learned years ago.
When I hear it, I imagine a little bird on myshoulder squawking nonsense.
That image makes it less threatening and sometimeseven funny.
Audience, maybe you can try naming your innercritic too.
Give it a silly name and see how much easier itbecomes to ignore.
That's such a good idea and humor is underrated inself-growth.
Laughing at the inner critic takes away its power.
Now, before we wrap up this part, I want tohighlight another strategy.
Gratitude
Writing down three things you're grateful for eachday shifts your focus.
It trains your brain to look for the positiveinstead of the negative.
Over time, gratitude becomes the default voice inyour head.
Yes, gratitude is like rewiring your brain.
And it doesn't have to be big things.
It can be as simple as, I'm grateful for mymorning coffee, or I'm grateful for the smile of a
stranger.
Audience, what's one small thing you feel gratefulfor?
Now, say it out loud or write it down.
Notice how it changes your mood instantly.
Beautiful.
So, to summarize this part of our conversation.
Self-talk feels awkward at first, but practicemakes it natural.
Journaling, reframing, breathing, visualization,and gratitude are powerful tools.
Your environment shapes your inner voice.
Compassion is not laziness.
It's the fuel for resilience.
Setbacks are normal and humor can be your secretweapon.
Julia, I think these are the building blocks of ahealthier relationship with ourselves.
I agree.
And in the next part, let's go even deeper.
Let's talk about how compassionate self-talkinfluences relationships, work, and long-term
identity.
Because the way we speak to ourselves doesn't juststay inside.
It changes how we show up in the world.
Yes, I'm excited for that.
So stay with us, listeners, because we're about toexplore how transforming your inner voice
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can transform your entire life.
Julia, you mentioned something at the end of ourlast part that really struck me.
The way we talk to ourselves doesn't stay inside.
It spills into how we interact with the world.
Can we dig deeper into that?
Of course.
Think about this.
If your self-talk is harsh, you probably approachrelationships with insecurity.
You might over-apologize, avoid conflict, or doubtyour worth.
But if your self-talk is compassionate, you showup with confidence, patience, and openness.
In other words, the dialogue you have withyourself becomes the tone of your dialogue
with everyone else.
Yes, I've noticed that too.
When I was deeply self-critical, I was defensivewith others.
If someone gave me feedback, I heard it as anattack, because my own inner critic was
already attacking me.
Once I softened my self-talk, feedback becameeasier to accept.
Audience, have you ever noticed that how you treatyourself sets the stage for how you
treat others?
And it's not just relationships.
It's work too.
Imagine going into a job interview.
If your self-talk says, you're going to mess thisup, your body will tense, and your answers
will sound uncertain.
But if your self-talk says, you're prepared,you've got value to share, you walk in taller,
calmer, more persuasive.
That's the invisible power of inner language.
Exactly.
And this is where we can talk about identity.
Because over time, self-talk doesn't just describeus, it defines us.
If you keep saying, I'm shy or I'm unlucky, thosewords become part of your identity.
But if you change the script to, I'm learning tobe more confident, or I'm creating opportunities,
your identity shifts too.
Julia, do you remember a moment when changing yourinner language changed your identity?
Yes, I do.
For years, I told myself, I'm bad with technology.
It was a fixed identity.
Then I decided to reframe it.
I'm learning new tools step by step.
That simple shift opened doors.
I started experimenting, asking for help, eventeaching others.
I went from bad with technology to curious abouttechnology.
So the words we choose don't just reflect who weare, they sculpt who we become.
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That's powerful and it makes me wonder, whathidden identities are our listeners
carrying right now because of their self-talk?
Maybe someone keeps saying, I'm always anxious orI'm not creative.
What if those aren't facts, but just habits oflanguage?
Audience, here's a challenge.
Pick one limiting phrase you say about yourselfand reframe it into a growth phrase.
Write it down.
Repeat it daily.
Watch how your sense of self evolves.
That's a fantastic exercise.
And I'd add another, speak your reframed identityout loud.
There's something about hearing your own voicethat makes it more real.
It's like giving yourself permission to change.
Yes, because the inner voice and the outer voiceare connected.
The more you speak kindly to yourself, the moreauthentic your words to others become.
And I think we should address something reallyhuman here.
Setbacks in relationships with ourselves.
Sometimes we make progress, then fall back intoold patterns.
Julia, what's your advice when that happens?
First, I remind myself that healing is not linear.
Imagine a graph.
It's not a straight line up.
It's a zigzag.
Some days are better, some worse, but the overalldirection matters.
Second, I practice self-forgiveness.
Instead of saying, I ruined everything.
I say, today was tough, but tomorrow is anotherchance.
Forgiveness resets the cycle.
That's so important.
Because if we punish ourselves for negative self-talk, we just create more negativity.
Forgiveness is like a reset button.
Audience, have you ever forgiven yourself outloud?
Try it.
Say, I forgive myself for being hard on me today.
Notice how it feels in your body.
Yes, and forgiveness connects to compassion.
Compassion means understanding that you're human,imperfect, and still worthy of kindness.
It's not about excusing mistakes.
It's about recognizing that mistakes don't defineyour value.
Exactly.
And here's where things get exciting.
When you consistently practice compassionate self-talk, you start to experience resilience.
Life will still bring challenges, anxiety, stress,failure.
But your response changes.
Instead of collapsing, you bounce back.
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That's the gift of training your inner voice.
And it's not only about resilience.
It's also about joy.
Negative self-talk narrows your focus to flaws andproblems.
Positive self-talk opens your eyes to beauty,gratitude, and possibility.
You literally experience more joy because you giveyourself permission to see it.
That's beautiful.
And it reminds me of nature.
No matter what happens in our personal lives, thesun still rises, the waves still move.
The world continues.
Self-talk is like tuning into that rhythm.
Remembering that setbacks are temporary, but lifekeeps flowing.
Audience, next time you feel overwhelmed, stepoutside and notice something constant.
The sky, the trees, the air.
Let it remind you that your inner storms willpass.
I love that image.
And let's bring this down to very practical advicefor our listeners.
Martin, if someone wants to start transformingtheir self-talk today,
what's the first step you'd recommend?
Step 1. Awareness.
Spend one day noticing the sentences in your head.
Write them down.
Awareness is the foundation.
Without it, you can't change anything.
Step 2. Challenge.
Ask, is this thought true?
Always?
Can I see it differently?
Step 3. Replace.
Reframe the negative into something constructiveand compassionate.
And step 4. Repeat.
Do it again and again until it becomes a habit.
That's a perfect roadmap.
And I'd add step 5. Celebrate.
Celebrate small wins.
If you caught one negative thought and replaced ittoday, that's progress.
Clap for yourself.
Smile.
Acknowledge the effort.
Audience, please don't underestimate smallvictories.
They add up to big transformations.
Absolutely.
And since this is your English toolbox, let meconnect it to language learning for a second.
Many learners say to themselves,
I'll never be fluent or my accent is terrible.
That's negative self-talk and it blocks progress.
But if they change the script to I'm improvingevery day
or my accent shows I'm bilingual and that'spowerful, they learn faster.
The inner voice shapes the learning journey.
Yes, I've seen students blossom when they stopattacking themselves for mistakes.
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Mistakes are not proof of failure.
They're proof of growth.
So, listeners, if you're learning English or anyskill, remember,
the words you use inside will determine how faryou go outside.
Exactly.
And before we wrap up, I want to leave ouraudience with one final thought.
Your self-talk is a lifelong companion.
You can't escape it.
But you can choose whether it's a critic or acoach, an enemy or a friend.
And my final message is this.
Be patient.
Transforming self-talk is like building a newfriendship with yourself.
It takes time, but it's worth it.
Imagine living every day with a supportive bestfriend in your mind.
That's what's possible.
So, to recap everything we've covered across thisconversation.
Self-talk shapes emotions, body, identity, andrelationships.
Negative voices often come from early experiences,but can be transformed.
Tools like journaling, reframing, affirmations,breathing, visualization, gratitude,
humor, and self-forgiveness really work.
Compassion isn't indulgence.
It's resilience.
And your inner words don't just stay inside.
They change how you live, love, and grow.
So, before we close, let's talk about somethingreally important.
Changing your self-talk isn't just about you.
It's about us.
This community we're building together.
Because when you share the words you're choosing,
someone else reads them, and suddenly they feelless alone.
Think about the micro-tasks we practiced today.
We asked you to add the word yet to a negativethought.
Which one did you choose?
We suggested you give your inner critic anickname.
Did you call it the judge?
The parrot?
Something funnier?
We encouraged you to write down one gentleaffirmation you actually believe.
What's yours?
These aren't just private exercises.
If you share them in the comments, you're plantingideas for other learners.
You become part of their journey.
And here's why this matters.
Our channel is not about passive listening.
It's about slow listening plus active living.
If you only listen, the lesson stays in your ears.
If you comment, the lesson travels into yourhands, your voice, your identity.
So I want to challenge you.
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Be brave today.
Comment one of three things.
The negative sentence you transformed with yet.
The nickname you gave your inner critic.
Or the affirmation you'll start repeating toyourself this week.
Choose one.
Post it below.
Because your comment isn't just for us.
It's for every person who reads it and thinks,yes, me too.
I can try that.
Imagine what happens when dozens of people startsharing.
Suddenly, you don't feel like a single listener.
You feel like part of a circle, a movement, a teampracticing together.
So let's make this the moment where our commentsection becomes alive.
Let's make it a safe place to share inner voices,struggles, and victories.
Remember, listen slowly, learn deeply, and speakconfidently.
See you in the next episode.