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Yesterday I went up four floors in a lift with myneighbor.
Four floors.
Four floors. In complete silence. Both of uslooking at the ceiling.
Both of us pretending the numbers werefascinating.
And did either of you say anything?
He said, going up? And I said, yes. And then weboth looked at the ceiling again for 11 seconds.
11 seconds.
I counted. And when the doors opened, I walked tomy flat thinking,
I am 40 years old and I do not know how to start aconversation.
And you are a native speaker.
I am a native speaker.
In your own language. In your own building.
With a man I have lived above for three years.
So if it is that hard in your own language.
Imagine doing it in English.
Welcome to Your English Toolbox, the podcast thattrains your English while you live your real life.
I am Martin.
And I am Julia.
And today we begin a new series and it is one ofthe most useful ones we have ever made.
Small Talk in English.
Five conversations about the small talk that opensdoors.
How to start one. How to keep it alive. How to getcloser.
And how to get out.
And through all five, we are going to follow oneperson.
You will hear about him today. And in the finalepisode, you will meet him.
Today, the hardest part of all. The first 10seconds.
Let us start with the weather.
Of course we start with the weather.
Because everybody knows the joke. British peopletalk about the weather.
And our listeners think, how boring. What a wasteof time.
Why can they not talk about something real?
And that is where everybody goes wrong.
Because here is what is actually happening.
When a British person says, terrible weathertoday.
They are not telling you about the weather.
They are not giving you information.
You can see the weather. You are standing in it.
So what are they saying?
They are saying, I am a safe person.
I am not going to ask you anything difficult.
Would you like to be near me for a moment?
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It is a ritual.
It is a ritual of approach.
It is how two strangers agree to be friendlywithout risking anything.
And when you understand that, something enormoushappens.
Tell them what it is.
You are free. Because you do not have to beinteresting.
That is the pressure that keeps people silent.
The feeling that you need a clever opening line.
You do not need a clever opening line. You need asafe one.
Small talk does not have to be interesting. It hasto be safe.
But I want to defend small talk a bit more.
Because people still think it is a waste of time.
Go on.
It is not a waste of time.
It is the toll you pay to get to the realconversation.
Nobody has ever told you something important abouttheir life without talking about the traffic
first.
Nobody. Real conversations do not start deep.
They start at the weather and then say go down.
The weather, then the bus, then the job,
then the city you moved from, then the reason youmoved.
And that last one is the conversation you actuallywanted.
But there is no door into it except the weather.
So if you skip small talk, you do not get the deepconversation.
You get nothing. You get 11 seconds of ceiling.
Now I want to tell you about Juan.
Our man for this series.
Juan is 23. He is from Barcelona.
And three weeks ago he arrived in Wolverhampton inEngland to study.
And he needs a job.
Because he is paying for the course himself.
And sending money home to his parents.
So he has reasons to talk to people.
He has every reason to talk to people.
Here is his English. His grammar is better thanmine.
That is not difficult.
It is not difficult, but it is true.
He knows the third conditional.
He knows when to use the present perfect.
And how many words has he said out loud in threeweeks?
He counted once.
In a whole Tuesday he said about 40 words.
Forty.
Thank you. Sorry. Yes, please. No, thanks. Onecoffee. Excuse me.
That is not a life.
That is a transaction.
And there is one more detail I need you to hear.
Go on.
He practices in the shower.
Out loud?
Out loud. Full sentences.
He has one prepared word for word.
For the young woman who works in the library cafe.
What is it?
It does not matter what it is.
What matters is that he has been carrying it for11 days.
And he has not used it once.
Because the longer you carry a sentence.
The heavier it gets.
And his mother phones him on Sundays and asks ifhe has made any friends.
06:04
And he says yes.
Support comes from WISE.
The smart way to send money around the world.
Your life is global.
Your money should be too.
Some providers promise no fees on overseastransfers.
But extra costs often hide in bloated exchangerates.
Choose WISE.
You can send money overseas for education.
Or spend in over 40 currencies while traveling.
Get the exchange rate that you'd usually see onGoogle.
Plus count on 24-7 customer support.
Be smart. Get WISE.
Visit WISE.com. T's and C's apply.
Right. Tools.
Tools.
And the first one is the most British thing in theEnglish language.
And it is pure grammar.
The tag question.
Lovely day, isn't it?
Cold today, isn't it?
Busy in here, isn't it?
And the pattern we are using today is simple.
It is very simple.
For these conversation openings.
Start with a positive statement and add a shortnegative tag.
It is lovely, isn't it?
He is late, isn't he?
That was good, wasn't it?
And why do they work so well?
Because they do not ask for information.
That is the key.
A question like, where are you from?
Asks the other person to work.
A tag question asks them to agree.
And agreeing is one of the easiest things a humanbeing can do.
All they have to say is, yes it is, or I know, orjust hmm.
And you have had a conversation.
A tiny one.
A tiny one.
But ten seconds ago you were two strangers lookingat a ceiling.
Now, the second tool, and this is the principleunderneath everything.
Say it slowly.
Comment on something you are both experiencingright now.
Both of you in this moment.
The rain, the queue, the machine that is notworking, the bus that is nine minutes late.
And why is this one of the safest openings?
Because it needs no information.
You do not have to know anything about them.
You do not have to be clever.
You are just two people in the same situation, andyou said so out loud.
And it gives them something easy to answer.
Which is a kind thing to do for a stranger.
And if they do not answer, that does not mean youfailed.
It may simply mean they do not feel like talkingtoday.
So let us put it in places.
The bus stop, the lift, the supermarket queue, theroom before the class starts, the laundrette.
And in every one of those places, there issomething you can both see.
My favorite opening is a grunt.
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A grunt?
When the bus is late, I look at the person next tome and I go, hmmph.
That is not a tag question.
It communicates.
It communicates something.
It is not English.
Three openings, listen and repeat in the pause.
Number one, the classic.
Lovely day, isn't it?
Number two, the shared complaint, which is evenstronger.
This bus is never on time, is it?
And number three, the easiest of all, because itcomes with an excuse.
Sorry, do you know if this is the right queue?
All three again.
Lovely day, isn't it?
This bus is never on time, is it?
Sorry, do you know if this is the right queue?
Notice the third one.
Asking for help is one of the easiest openings inthe world.
Because you have a reason to speak.
They immediately understand why you are talking tothem.
And here is the secret about asking for help.
Many people are happy to answer a small, easyquestion.
It gives them a clear role in the conversation.
Our sentence of the day.
Ready?
Small talk doesn't have to be interesting.
It has to be safe.
Small talk doesn't have to be interesting.
It has to be safe.
One more time with us.
Small talk doesn't have to be interesting.
It has to be safe.
So, Juan.
Did he ever use the sentence from the shower?
No.
No?
Last Thursday at the bus stop on the Penn Road.
In the rain.
With an older woman under the same shelter.
And he did not use it.
He forgot it completely.
What he said was much worse and much simpler.
What did he say?
He said, this rain.
That is not even a sentence.
It is not even a sentence.
It has no verb.
And what happened?
She said, I know.
It has not stopped since Monday.
And then she told him that her sister lives inSpain near Alicante.
And that she has never visited because of theflights.
How long did they talk?
Forty seconds.
Forty seconds.
Forty seconds.
And then the bus came.
And how did he feel?
His hands were shaking.
After forty seconds of talking about rain.
After forty seconds of talking about rain.
And that is not a small thing.
That is the first ten seconds survived.
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So here is your task this week.
One opening.
One person you do not know.
About something you are both living in that exactmoment.
The rain.
The queue.
The broken machine.
The late bus.
And it does not have to be a sentence.
Juan's did not have a verb.
Next time, the problem that comes immediatelyafter.
You say your sentence.
They answer.
Then your mind goes completely blank.
What to say after hello.
Everything from today, the transcript, thevocabulary, and the three openings,
is waiting for you at yourenglishtoolbox.com.
With translations, guided practice, anddownloadable PDFs completely free.
Thank you for spending this time with us.
Terrible weather, isn't it?
See you in the next one.
