Chapter 8. The Queen's Croquet Crown
A large rose tree stood near the entrance of thegarden, the roses growing on it were white,
but there were three gardeners at it, busilypainting them red. Alice thought this a very
curious thing and she went nearer to watch themand just as she came up to them she heard one of
them say, Look out now, five. Don't go splashingpaint over me like that. I couldn't help it,
said five, in a sulky tone, seven jogged my elbow.On which seven looked up and said,
That's right, five. Always lay the blame onothers. You'd better not talk, said five.
I heard the Queen say only yesterday you deservedto be beheaded.
What for? said the one who had spoken first.That's none of your business, too, said seven.
Yes, it is his business, said five, and I'll tellhim, it was for bringing the cooked tulip
roots instead of onions. Seven flung down hisbrush, and had just begun well, of all the unjust
things, when his eye chanced to fall upon Alice,as she stood watching them, and he checked
himself suddenly, the others looked round also,and all of them bowed low. Would you tell me,
said Alice, a little timidly, why you are paintingthose roses? Five and seven said nothing,
but looked at two. Two began in a low voice, whythe fact is, you see, miss, this here ought to
have been a red rose-tree, and we put a white onein by mistake, and if the Queen was to find itout,
we should all have our heads cut off, you know. Soyou see, miss, we're doing our best,
afore she comes." Two, at this moment five, whohad been anxiously looking across the garden,
called out the Queen. The Queen! And the threegardeners instantly threw themselves flat upon
their faces. There was a sound of many footsteps,and Alice looked round, eager to see the Queen.
First came ten soldiers carrying clubs, these wereall shaped like the three gardeners,
oblong and flat, with their hands and feet at thecorners, next the ten courtiers,
these were ornamented all over with diamonds, andwalked two and two, as the soldiers did.
After these came the royal children, there wereten of them, and the little dears came
jumping merrily along hand in hand, in couples,they were all ornamented with hearts. Next came
the guests, mostly kings and queens, and amongthem Alice recognized the white rabbit, it was
talking in a hurried nervous manner, smiling ateverything that was said, and went by without
noticing her. Then followed the knave of hearts,carrying the king's crown on a crimson velvet
cushion, and, last of all this grand procession,came the king and queen of hearts. Alice wasrather
doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on herface like the three gardeners, but she could not
remember ever having heard of such a rule atprocessions, and besides, what would be the use
of a procession, thought she, if people had of allto lie down upon their faces, so that they
couldn't see it. So she stood still where she was,and waited. When the procession came opposite to
Alice, they all stopped and looked at her, and thequeen said severely Who is this? She said it
to the knave of hearts, who only bowed and smiledin reply. Idiot, said the queen, tossing her head
impatiently, and, turning to Alice, she went on,What's your name, child? My name is Alice,
so please your majesty, said Alice very politely,but she added, to herself, Why,
they're only a pack of cards, after all. I needn'tbe afraid of them. And who are these?
said the queen, pointing to the three gardenerswho were lying round the rose-tree, for, you see,
as they were lying on their faces, and the patternon their backs was the same as the rest of the
pack, she could not tell whether they weregardeners, or soldiers, or courtiers, or three
of her own children. How should I know? saidAlice, surprised at her own courage. It's no
business of mine. The queen turned crimson withfury, and, after glaring at her for a moment like
a wild beast, screamed off with her head. Off!Nonsense, said Alice, very loudly and decidedly,
and the queen was silent. The king laid his handupon her arm, and timidly said Consider,
my dear, she is only a child. The queen turnedangrily away from him, and said to the knave
turn them over. The knave did so, very carefully,with one foot. Get up, said the queen, in ashrill,
loud voice, and the three gardeners instantlyjumped up, and began bowing to the king, thequeen,
the royal children, and everybody else. Leave offthat! screamed the queen. You make me giddy.
And then, turning to the rose-tree, she went on,What have you been doing here?
May it please your majesty, said two, in a veryhumble tone, going down on one knee as he spoke,
we were trying. I see, said the queen, who hadmeanwhile been examining the roses.
Off with their heads! and the procession moved on,three of the soldiers remaining behind to
execute the unfortunate gardeners, who ran toAlice for protection. You shan't be beheaded,
said Alice, and she put them into a large flower-pot that stood near.
The three soldiers wandered about for a minute ortwo, looking for them, and then quietly marched
off after the others. Are their heads off? shoutedthe queen. Their heads are gone,
if it please your majesty! the soldiers shouted inreply. That's right, shouted the queen.
Can you play croquet? The soldiers were silent,and looked at Alice, as the question was evidently
meant for her. Yes, shouted Alice. Come on, then,roared the queen, and Alice joined the procession,
wondering very much what would happen next.It's—it's a very fine day, said a timid voice
at her side. She was walking by the white rabbit,who was peeping anxiously into her face.
Very, said Alice, where's the duchess?
Hush! hush, said the rabbit in a low, hurriedtone. He looked anxiously over his shoulder as
he spoke, and then raised himself upon tiptoe, puthis mouth close to her ear and whispered
she's under sentence of execution. What for? saidAlice.
Did you say what a pity? the rabbit asked.
No, I didn't, said Alice, I don't think it's atall a pity. I said what for?
She boxed the queen's ears, the rabbit began.Alice gave a little scream of laughter.
Oh hush! the rabbit whispered in a frightenedtone. The queen will hear you.
You see, she came rather late, and the queen said.
Get to your places, shouted the queen in a voiceof thunder, and people began running about in all
directions, tumbling up against each other,however, they got settled down in a minute or two,
and the game began. Alice thought she had neverseen such a curious croquet ground in her life,
it was all ridges and furrows, the balls were livehedgehogs, the mallets live flamingos,
and the soldiers had to double themselves up tostand on their hands and feet to make the arches.
The chief difficulty Alice found at first was inmanaging her flamingo,
she succeeded in getting its body tucked away,comfortably enough, under her arm,
with its legs hanging down, but generally, just asshe had got its neck nicely straightened out,
and was going to give the hedgehog a blow with itshead, it would twist itself round and look
up in her face, with such a puzzled expressionthat she could not help bursting out laughing,
and when she had got its head down, and was goingto begin again, it was very provoking
to find that the hedgehog had unrolled itself, andwas in the act of crawling away, besides all this,
there was generally a ridge or furrow in the waywherever she wanted to send the hedgehog to,
and, as the doubled up soldiers were alwaysgetting up and walking off to other parts of
the ground, Alice soon came to the conclusion thatit was a very difficult game indeed.
The players all played at once without waiting forturns, quarrelling all the while and fighting
for the hedgehogs, and in a very short time thequeen was in a furious passion, and went stamping
about, and shouting off with his head. Or off withher head. About once in a minute.
Alice began to feel very uneasy, to be sure, shehad not as yet had any dispute with the queen,
but she knew that it might happen any minute, andthen thought she,
what would become of me? They're dreadfully fondof beheading people here, the great wonder is,
that there's any one left alive. She was lookingabout for some way of escape,
and wondering whether she could get away withoutbeing seen, when she noticed a curious appearance
in the air, it puzzled her very much at first,but, after watching it a minute or two, she made
it out to be a grin, and she said to herself it'sthe Cheshire cat, now I shall have somebody to
talk to. How are you getting on? said the cat, assoon as there was mouth enough for it to speak
with. Alice waited till the eyes appeared, andthen nodded. It's no use speaking to it, she
thought, till its ears have come, or at least oneof them. In another minute the whole headappeared,
and then Alice put down her flamingo, and began anaccount of the game, feeling very glad she
had someone to listen to her. The cat seemed tothink that there was enough of it now in sight,
and no more of it appeared. I don't think theyplay at all fairly, Alice began, in rather a
complaining tone, and they all quarrel sodreadfully one can't hear oneself speak, and
they don't seem to have any rules in particular,at least, if there are, nobody attends to them,
and you've no idea how confusing it is all thethings being alive, for instance, there's the
arch I've got to go through next walking about atthe other end of the ground, and I should have
the queen's hedgehog just now, only it ran awaywhen it saw mine coming.
How do you like the queen? said the cat in a lowvoice. Not at all, said Alice, she's so extremely,
just then she noticed that the queen was closebehind her, listening, so she went on,
likely to win, that it's hardly worth whilefinishing the game. The queen smiled and passed
on. Who are you talking to? said the king, goingup to Alice, and looking at the cat's head with
great curiosity. It's a friend of mine, a Cheshirecat, said Alice, allow me to introduce it.
I don't like the look of it at all, said the king,however, it may kiss my hand if it likes.
I'd rather not, the cat remarked. Don't beimpertinent, said the king,
and don't look at me like that. He got behindAlice as he spoke.
A cat may look at a king, said Alice. I've readthat in some book, but I don't remember where.
Well, it must be removed, said the king verydecidedly, and he called the queen,
who was passing at the moment, my dear. I wish youwould have this cat removed.
The queen had only one way of settling alldifficulties, great or small. Off with his head,
she said, without even looking round. I'll fetchthe executioner myself,
said the king eagerly, and he hurried off. Alicethought she might as well go back,
and see how the game was going on, as she heardthe queen's voice in the distance,
screaming with passion. She had already heard hersentence three of the players to be executed for
having missed their turns, and she did not likethe look of things at all, as the game was in
such confusion that she never knew whether it washer turn or not. So she went in search of her
hedgehog. The hedgehog was engaged in a fight withanother hedgehog, which seemed to Alice an
excellent opportunity for croqueting one of themwith the other, the only difficulty was, that her
flamingo was gone across to the other side of thegarden, where Alice could see it trying in a
helpless sort of way to fly up into a tree. By thetime she had caught the flamingo and brought it
back, the fight was over, and both the hedgehogswere out of sight, but it doesn't matter much,
thought Alice, as all the arches are gone fromthis side of the ground. So she tucked it away
under her arm, that it might not escape again, andwent back for a little more conversation with her
friend. When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, shewas surprised to find quite a large crowd
collected round it, there was a dispute going onbetween the executioner, the king and the queen,
who were all talking at once, while all the restwere quite silent, and looked very uncomfortable.
The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to byall three to settle the question, and they
repeated their arguments to her, though, as theyall spoke at once, she found it very hard indeed
to make out exactly what they said. Theexecutioner's argument was, that you couldn't cut
off a head unless there was a body to cut it offfrom, that he had never had to do such a thing
before, and he wasn't going to begin at his timeof life. The king's argument was, that anything
that had a head could be beheaded, and that youweren't to talk nonsense. The queen's argumentwas,
that if something wasn't done about it in lessthan no time she'd have everybody executed,
all round. It was this last remark that had madethe whole party look so grave and anxious.
Alice could think of nothing else to say but itbelongs to the duchess, you'd better ask her
about it. She's in prison, the queen said to theexecutioner, fetch her here. And the executioner
went off like an arrow. The cat's head beganfading away the moment he was gone, and, by the
time he had come back with the duchess, it hadentirely disappeared, so the king and the
executioner ran wildly up and down looking for it,while the rest of the party went back to the game.