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Thank you for tuning in to our pilot episode of the podcast. I'm Jay and this is Eri. We are a
married couple in Japan with two kids. On this podcast we will talk about a lot of different
topics ranging from married life and kids all the way through to pop culture and other things.
Mainly, I'll be explaining a lot of different topics from outside Japan that she's not aware of.
Anyways, with that out of the way, let's dive in. Also, this podcast will be primarily in English,
but often we will switch it to Japanese or use Japanese lingo.
And yeah, so let's introduce ourselves. Go ahead. Hi, Mary. I recently had two kids
and have been a stay-at-home mom for about three years. But I just got to the office
and sorry my English is not good, so sometimes I probably have Jay repeat things. So, yoroshiku.
Yeah, I'm Jay and I'm from Toronto, Canada, but I've been living here in Japan for over 10 years.
I work in the education sector as an IT professional as well as an educator.
So yeah, let's talk a little bit more about that. How did we meet? Go ahead.
Oh, we met through my sister. So, you were my sister's English teacher.
Yeah, so I met her sister through an application for people to advertise that they can teach
English and for Japanese people if they want to have private lessons or group lessons,
those kind of things, right? And she responded to my ad and so I was like, yeah, cool, let's
meet up at Starbucks and like we'll kind of have like a trial. And I met her at Starbucks
and I already knew right away I wouldn't be able to teach her because her English was really good.
Like, I don't think I could have taught her anything more and I felt like she was already
at the level where all she needs to do is just talk to people in English more and more in order to
build her vocabulary and stuff like that. And yeah, so and I told her that I was like, I can't,
I can't teach you. I'm not confident in that. But like if you ever wanted to just, you know,
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go for coffee and have a chat, I'm more than willing to because at that time I just got to that
city. It was a small town. And yeah, like I was looking for friends as well. So, yeah.
And I was there.
Yeah, yeah. And yeah, you were in the city. But then like, I think it was like, I don't know,
like several months after she invites me to a barbecue that she was having at her house
with her friends and family. She said, hey, why don't you just, why don't you come by?
I'm like, cool. Yeah, let's go. And so like, I go there and there's like many people there,
her friends and family and, and Eri, she was like, she looked at me, she said, Oh, hello,
you know, nice to meet you. By the way, like, which one of us do you think is, is, you know,
her sister? I did not know. I did not. I looked at everybody. I'm like,
any one of you could be her sister. I do not know. But I just like, I, like, this is the part
where you're thinking, I'm like, yeah, I chose. I chose Eri. And that's how we got together. Like,
no, no, no, no, we chose the wrong person. It was just one random friend. And I'm like,
is that your sister? And she's like, no. And like, Eri was like, No, don't we look alike? And I'm
like, Oh, you're her sister? So yeah, don't we look alike? And I'm like, No, no, no. That's why
I asked that question. Yeah. Like, you guys don't really look like no, no, no, not at all. No. But
yeah, that's how we met. And yeah, and we stood, we talked some and we found out some common
things, like our work experience. Yeah, yeah. Like, so when I was living in Canada, when I was
going through university, I was I worked at Starbucks. And she also worked at Starbucks in
Japan, in Japan. So we had like that kind of connection. And yeah. But yeah, like,
go ahead. You have anything else? No. And now we are here. Yeah. And now we're here. Like what,
like eight, seven, eight years later, two kids. Holy shit. But yeah, let's. So why did we start
this podcast? Oh, that's my idea. Yeah. Because, yeah, so I started listening podcast. Since I
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back to work. And I really enjoy these days and found out he is good at talking and easy to
understand, like you're good at explaining, explaining. Yeah. So she's she's exploiting me
to. Yeah. To do a podcast. I asked you. Yeah. I feel like I feel like I'm exploited. But yeah,
so one day. I was coming home from work and I'm getting ready to
do like the evening routine, like kids got to eat, then they got to have their bath and they
got to get put to bed, you know, just because I get home pretty late. So I'm in the middle of
preparing a bath for the kids. And she's just like, you know. We should start a podcast.
And I'm like, hey, what? That's so random. Why? Like, why? And at first, like what was going
through my head was like, oh, no, no. Everybody and their mother is doing a podcast these days.
Like you got you got dudes, you know, sitting down doing a podcast. You got like married
couples doing podcasts. You've got like gamers doing podcasts. You got, you know,
you know, old retired basketball players doing podcasts. And I'm like, I don't know.
But I thought about it more. And, you know, I thought it was a great idea because
when I when you really think about it, we're always so busy and we actually
haven't been able to talk to each other. No, because we're so busy with like working kids.
Like we haven't been able to sit down and just like have a, you know, like a one on one
conversation and stuff like that. And and yeah, so I thought, you know what, this would be a
pretty good way for us to connect. And, you know, if we can have people listening
on our stories or like what we're talking about, then, you know, the more power to it.
But yeah, that's how this all started. And and it worked. Yeah, yeah. We had more time
to talk together before. Yeah, exactly. But yeah, so like, let's talk about
the first two years of having kids. Like, I want you to I want you to tell me
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what are the difficulties of having kids? Yeah, like the difficulties that you faced.
Right. In two years. Yeah, within these two years.
These days, I feel the time schedule.
Yeah, it's we can't use the time for ourselves. Yeah. Yeah. Kids first. Yeah, that's
pretty big. Yeah. Yeah. Like, yeah, like just you just said, as you said, like, we didn't have time
to talk together. We can't talk with kids because we need to focus kids. Yeah. And they talk to us.
Yeah, exactly. And like, I feel like
one of the things that we always have to do, like, we're always either talking about the kids
or talking about the routines and all the things we need to do. But we're not really actually like
talking about things we want to talk about. No. Yeah. Yeah, that's the one of the yeah,
that's the main difficulty. And we have routine. We have schoolwork. Yeah. And the time.
Yeah, it does get easier as they get older. But yeah, I feel like I feel like the the I think the
first two years up to like the first five years is probably going to be the most difficult three
more years. Yeah, three more. So they go to like primary school and stuff. Yeah. So our kids is
younger. It's just hit one year. Yeah. Yeah. And all the two and a half. Yeah. Yeah. And
they both have two completely different personalities. Like you got our oldest and
he's got energy for days. Like, this kid doesn't ever want to stop. And it's like,
oh my god. All right. And then the other one is a lot more calm. And but like, there's good and bad
to both to both of those personalities. Mostly good, though. Mostly good. Good. Good.
Like, when I see how energetic and how switched on our two year old is,
I, I can see that. You know what, if he continues with this momentum, he's, you can you can see
a bright future. I think so. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, you can see a bright future. But at the same time,
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you're like, I got to make sure that this kid doesn't do anything to kill himself because he's
so fearless. But yeah, but he learned from experience. Yeah, yeah, he does. Yeah. But
that's the thing. He has to learn from experience. Remember, there was one thing that I always
discussed about was that like, there's two types of kids. Yeah. One of them being the cautious type
that knows like, before they do. Yeah, they're like, they're like, I'm not gonna do that. Because
that doesn't look like safe. But then you have the other side, which is like, I don't know what I'm
gonna try it anyways. And if I get hurt, like, you know, even do they think about that before?
Like, just go. Just do it. Just do it. Right. Like, just do it.
Yeah, he just. Yeah. But yeah. Yeah. Um, but yeah, with the other one, calm, calm,
she looks calm. But she keeps moving. Yeah, she's exploring in comparison.
Like he's she's a lot calmer. Like she's, I think she's more of like, she's like, predictable.
Predictable. Yeah, like you can you can tell, like how she's doing, like you can you you can
anticipate or you can you can see what's gonna happen. Yes. With with the two year old. It's
like, I don't know what's gonna happen next. Like, I don't know what he's gonna do. But with
our youngest, it's like, I could I it's predictable so that you can kind of like,
step away and not have to worry as much. No, no. No. Yeah. They are different. Yeah. Yeah.
So wait, but time and patient. It's difficulty. Another difficulty. Patient. For me. Yeah. For
me. For me. For me, too. Let's, let's be real. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. I think I think
the thing patience is the most is the one thing you like really need, especially in this day and age.
I think with the way like, parenting is right now. You know, we have
a society that is built around or is going towards the kind of gentle parenting.
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Ah, yes. Whether or not people agree or not. It's like all like, you have to be patient and
gentle with the kids. Like, don't you? Yeah. But like, like, I grew up with like,
you know, parents that weren't so gentle. And, you know, if we did something wrong,
you're like, smacked in the face or smacked in the head. Don't do that. You know, like,
so I guess a lot of that is like, you have to be so patient as to not do something like that. No.
Yeah. Yeah. And when we're busy, and we don't have enough time, more frustrated, frustrated.
Yeah, more frustration. Yeah. But like, I think it's like, just like, you get a sense of
you get that sense for patience over time. Like, it just you keep getting better and better at it
at being patient. Ah, yes. Yeah. Because I tried many, many things. Like first, and see what kids
kids will be. Like when kids, like he, our son doesn't want to go or doesn't want to do it.
And he complains, I just wait five minutes. Yeah, then he would change his mind. Yeah. Yeah.
Like, wait on him. Yeah. He's done with his feelings, right? Yeah. If I don't wait five
minutes, and just like, I can take him when he cries. Yeah. But just five minutes. Wait, thing.
Then he is going to change. Yeah, I learned. So I can wait that five minutes. Yeah.
And then I don't get frustrated. Because I knew, oh, five minutes. Change his mind. Yeah,
like he's, you basically worked out that, like, he's impatient as well. So you know,
that it's going to only last five minutes. So if you just wait out that five minutes,
you can wait him out. Yes. Yeah, that's, that's really smart. That's really smart.
Yeah, I've taken a page out of your book when and have done that, too. You know,
just like wait it out. Or when he's like, let's say no to something. He doesn't want to do
something. It's like, Okay, all right. Yes. Like, all right, cool. I'm gonna leave you alone. And
then like, he'll then eventually come come to you because he's so impatient. He wants that attention.
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Yeah. And I think that's, that's like, a hallmark of a toddler, like, especially a toddler that's
in their terrible twos. So. Terrible twos, yes. But also he knows what he should do. Yeah. So
he's like, Ah, I know I don't want to do but I know I have to do. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like,
yeah, like I recently went and had dinner with, you know, some other, some other dads.
Yeah, it was like a, like, kind of like a dad's party. Yeah. Right. And a lot of it's funny,
because you like, what do you think? What do you think goes on in a dad's party? Like,
what do you think? So I was going to ask you, like, did you guys talk about wife? No, no.
Because mother or woman talks about? Yeah, I can imagine. I can imagine. I can imagine. Yeah. Yeah.
So no. No, you don't. We don't. Then what do you guys talk? We talked about, we talked about the
kids. Kids? Yeah, we talked about our kids a lot. Like, I think, like, I think 50% of our
conversations were about kids. Yeah. You know, because you have one of them had a child who's
like, turning eight this year. Another one has, like a seven year old boy. And then another one
has like five children. And the oldest being like, you know, turning nine this year. Yeah. And
it's like all of the stories that we had experienced. Yeah. And like, but all the
stories that they had that they're sharing all the stories that I have. I'm sharing as well.
Yeah, it was. It was really funny. Yeah. Funny. Right. Right. Did you feel different?
With them? Like different? How? Like, how do they talk? You know, I think like,
it's, I think, like, if you were to go out with, like, other mothers, yeah. Like, there's a kind
of, like, how do I how do I explain it? There's a kind of culture that that kind of that you have
with women, like with other mothers. Yeah. And you there are certain things you talk about,
you like you, like you said, like, talk about your husbands and stuff like that. Right.
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For, for us, we don't do that. We don't talk about our wives, we don't talk about other people.
Right. And it was really refreshing, because it's, I like that, when we were either talking
about sports. Yeah. Right. Or we were talking about our kids. And that's pretty much it.
50% kids, 50% sports. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Or, or jobs, jobs, jobs. Yeah,
jobs, too. Those are the three things. Yeah. Okay. And like, sounds fun. People probably think
it's boring. But it was, it's not that it was, it's not boring. It was like refreshing, kind of
like, easy, like relaxed. You know, can't really explain it. I don't. Yeah. So but it's good. You
have good time. Yeah. But there was one thing that the reason why I brought this up was,
you know, hearing the perspectives of the fathers that have daughters,
yeah. That are like, already eight, nine. Yeah. And how they are reacting to their to them.
Oh, yes. And how like, the daughters are already in that phase where it's like,
I'm kind of like, I just want to be don't come close to me. Don't come. Yeah. It's like,
no. All right. Sorry. You know, like, they're, they're, they're kind of nice. Yeah. I thought
it was pretty early to write. Um, and, you know, thinking about like, the other,
the other dad that had a seven year old kid who's turning eight and,
and how he's just kind of like acting cool and, you know, not really.
Like, the childhood is changing, right? They're, they're, they're, they're, they're already on
their way out of being children and started going and approaching that, like, approaching
that teenage level. But it's, it feels like it's happening too early. Too early. Yeah. Like,
up to 12 years old. Yeah, like, you would think so, right? You think like, you know, the things
that they're, that they're experiencing, or like, the kind of attitude they would have would be,
um, like approaching a little more 12 or 13 years. But if, but they were explaining this,
that feels like it's, it's happening earlier, but not like to the same extent. It's not like
they're completely like that. It's just that you can start seeing the progression towards them
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being teenagers. And they were always saying, like, Oh, enjoy those first five years, those
first six years, enjoy those years, because you, you only have a little bit of time
with, with your kids, yeah, as children. But when you realize it later on in the future,
you will always remember your kids as adults. But you will have just a short time remembering
them as children. Yeah. And that really stuck with me. That was that. I was like, yeah, you know,
like, it's only a few years. Yeah. So the majority of their life, the majority of their life is going
to be adults. Yeah. You know, like, I didn't really think of it that way. I saw some news,
and it was like seven years, six months or three months, which is the time you can spend
with kids, like in their life, seven years, and six months or so. So because they go to school.
Yeah, yeah. And they start, yeah, going out with friends. Yeah, that that does track from, like,
the experiences. And you know what, that time is for mother, mother. So which means less time.
Yeah, that's usually dads are always like working and coming home late. Yeah. Yeah, that's true.
And so did you change your mind? Yeah, like, definitely, like, I want to,
I want to spend more time with them. Like, after hearing that, it's like,
yeah, yeah, it's precious, kind of like, it's precious, precious, precious moment for sure.
Because there's a lot of fun parts. There's a lot of fun parts. You know, and luckily,
we live in an age right now. Yeah. Where we can record all of these fun parts. Yes. Yeah. So I
thought those thinking, when I had, when I'm frustrated, like, oh, it's only this time.
Yeah, this time. Yeah. We're gonna miss this time. Yeah, then I can wait. Yeah. Not all the time.
But totally. Yeah. Yeah. So we shouldn't forget that word. Yeah. No, it's true. So like,
what are some tips and tricks? That when it comes to taking care of kids, or what is what are some
what is our sorry, what are some advice that you can give people that are just now becoming parents
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like that? Advice for those first two years? Oh, yes. Like, especially first year as a mother,
don't be isolated. Talk to somebody. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think that goes. That's the
that goes for men, too. That goes for the dads. Dad, too. I think that's very important for dads
to because that first year is, at least at least for me, it's really hard.
Because everything changes, right? Like, yeah. And yeah, like, all you can do is be supportive
and like, help as much as possible and like, do what you need to do to to be part of that
child's life and like, you know, like support, right? But yeah, like, you start to feel isolated
as a dad, especially if you have if you're like, the first person in your friend group that has
children. If you're the first person in your friend group that has children, and you're like,
the first through the door, you start to feel much more alone. Because any of your friends
cannot understand what you're going through. No, they don't know. Yeah. Right. Right.
But father or main guy, man, goes to work and talk to adult people. Yeah, yeah. It's a lot
different for women because you're on maternity leave and you are alone. With babies. Yeah,
with the baby. Yeah. Who doesn't talk. Yeah. Yeah. So you have to like, try to find people to
talk, talk and share. Just sharing feels you better. Yeah, definitely.
You know, um, yeah, so that's the first good advice for me. Yeah. Yeah.
Um, I think another one is, especially in this day and age, you have to watch out
with the amount of screen time. Yeah. Right? Like, I see a lot of kids, there's, they have
iPads at the age of two, the age of three. And they're just constantly on that iPad just watching
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random shit. I don't know what they watch, but I see using, I see the kids using that
everywhere. A lot. A lot. It's like, it's in the store. Yeah, it's like one of those things. I'm
like, I don't want to, I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that. There was one. It was,
it was, I actually, I actually heard this on a different podcast. And it was they were discussing
how like, parents who give their kids iPads, and I'm not saying you can't give your kid an iPad.
It's just like, it has to be situational. Yes. Right? Like, you have to be very careful. You
can't just like, give the iPad whenever they whenever you want them to be quiet. Right. And,
but they said, and I think there's, there's, there's a lot of truth to this is they said,
a lot of times parents do it, because they don't want to deal with the inconvenience
of the child's behavior. I understand. I understand. Like when the baby or kids screaming,
crying. I feel sorry for other people, especially outside. So it's the same behavior.
Yeah, but like inconvenience. But like, I thought about that a lot. And I was thinking,
you know, when you are out at a restaurant, kids can be disruptive. Right. And so a lot of the
times the iPad is used, you know, to keep the kid calm. Well, you know, yeah, at the dinner table,
or what calm while they're out at the restaurant. But I don't like that. I know. Like, I know it's
frustrating. But I feel like it's, it's one of those moments that kids need to like, I feel like
the child learning to sit down and be quiet with nothing is important for them to learn. Yes,
to learn. Right? Like they need to be sitting down eating. And then when they get bored,
they get rust, restless, because they're bored. Yeah. But they need that. They need to go through
that. Yeah. You know, yeah, I understand. I understand. But also that I'm the society is not
kind. This day and age, right? Yeah. I feel like people a lot like people nowadays are
um, they don't have enough patience. No. Because I saw many adult sit like,
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are you still crying? I can't sleep. Like it was on the airplane. What? Too noisy. Yeah. And
on the train. Yeah. And I saw the mother was crying, baby. Some adult left. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Like, I understand kids can be so that's why the parents want their kids to calm.
So like, I know, situational, like using it situationally, like, I can understand using it.
Using it on a train, like a long train ride. I can understand. Yeah, I can understand that.
But for some reason, I just I don't like it at the dinner table. I don't like it at the dinner
table. I don't like it at the restaurant. I just don't agree. Yeah. Yeah, I understand.
I like the table with family or friends. Yeah. And like, I think like, that's an opportunity
for them to practice their vocabulary. As well. Yeah. They're, they're speaking. Yeah. Practice
their listening. You know, because they don't get that when they are using a device. They don't get
that when they're like looking at when they're watching on YouTube. No. Watching cartoons on
YouTube, especially at a young age. No. They just don't like comprehend what's going on on the
screen. They just see pretty lights. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, yeah, but we use the TV like video at
home. Yeah. But educational. Yeah, just educational. And especially like no, no cartoons like
um, maybe, maybe if it has a good message. Yeah. Like, but usually more often than not,
I'd rather than watch real people on on the on YouTube. Yes. Like, I'm just gonna say it
Miss Rachel. She's, she's the absolute best. Like shout out to Miss Rachel. Oh my god.
She, she's our home teacher. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100% for free. 100% for free. 100%
shout out to Miss Rachel. 100%. Um, yeah. Um, yeah, so I will. I'm like, Hey, let's call Miss
Rachel, our home teacher, and kids will be like, yeah.
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And one year girl is waving to her. Yeah. Or like smiling whenever she yeah.
Or like hearing how, you know, arterial is like,
okay. All right. Yeah. But I know like, she helps my English too. Yeah. Like, you know,
to any to any parents that are listening, I highly recommend it.
She's really, it's really easy for kids to follow what she's saying. And like,
they literally learn from her. Yeah, because you are teaching. So you know, how she is good?
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For the podcast. I hope you enjoyed this first episode,
this pilot episode. We kind of went on a tangent there about kids and stuff. But in the next
episode, I will be talking to her about a topic that she knows nothing about. And she's where
I'm going to go through the topic. And she's going to like, learn it as we go. So it's going
to be like an interesting reaction coming from her. And yeah, hopefully that we'll get a couple
laughs. So yeah, we do. Yeah. And think about something from our podcast in your life. Yeah.
Like, if there's anything you can take away from this podcast, that would be that's really all we
want for all we want for it. So yeah, thank you for tuning in. And hopefully, you'll tune into
the next one. And yeah, thank you. Bye bye.
