00:06
Welcome to the podcast. I haven't gone outside inover 15 years, so no commute, no bus, and stillsomehow fully equipped with programs, parent,offline, friend, out of stock.
So this show is just daily life from long-term HIKIKOMORI mode.
First, I was lying in bed this morning thinkingabout a lot of things.
If I try not make my English pronunciationperfect, it'll be a huge mess.
But if I don't aim for that, then I feel likethere's nothing left to work on withpronunciation.
Before, I thought I had to speak English with realthing, use it properly, understand every meaning.
Otherwise, it didn't matter.
But when I actually read English, there's no way Ican do all that.
So I thought, fine, I'll switch to Spanish.
And then, I went back to my old thinking again.
Putting things into language is impossible.
Anyway, when I speak English, I'm already fullyjust trying to pronounce things at intonation.
There are people with PTSD or Trauma.
And part of the treatment is helping themunderstand that certain things aren't actuallydangerous.
But for me, I get hit by another accident in themiddle of that process.
That's what it feels like.
Even when I study English, I try not to obsessover pronunciation.
At first, even if my pronunciation wasn't great, Ifocus on expressing myself in my own words.
There are other things I'm bound to.
But in the end, I realized it would have beenbetter to drop all of that.
It didn't work for me at all.
General advice never applies to me.
Things like, don't worry about that. Just do this.
03:01
None of that has ever worked.
I'm not the type who can keep balance.
And I've never succeeded by trying to keepbalance, looking back on my life.
I've never wanted to be normal.
But sometimes I think I should at least besomewhat normal.
Otherwise, life won't work.
So I try to be normal.
And every time, it fails.
It's awful.
Even when I try to meet people halfway, I neverfit into that group.
Trying to match the majority, it has never workedeither.
When someone like that becomes a hikikomori,
their way of bathing becomes unique.
They stop using toothbrushes and use toothwipesinstead.
My way of bathing becomes unique.
I stop using toothbrushes and use toothwipesinstead.
And without Spanish, I wonder what I can even do.
Is there anything I can study?
But studying something for the podcast went wrong.
I don't wanna read literature either.
I wondered if I could talk on my podcast withslightly different words views.
What do people think on Instagram?
I forgot some of it.
But I was thinking about a lot of things in bedfor about an hour.
Then religious words.
I was in a religion for 20 years and quit.
Maybe religious words happen more in monotheisticcountries to be blunt.
There's no God.
If there's no God, people should just get along.
To me, faith means, you know, there's no God.
You accept that.
And still you choose to believe.
That's what faith should be.
People who truly believe God exists.
I won't say too much.
I will not say too much.
But most people know deep down.
There's no such thing.
They just accept that and still believe.
06:01
It's subtle thing.
So you just believe in the God of your ownreligion and that's enough.
The problem is, if you're trying to believesomething that isn't real,
you have to do any other religion.
You can only choose one.
And like I said before, if you want to believe ina religion,
you have to create all kind of rituals.
Like that festival I mentioned.
They hide the God so nobody sees it.
Because they want to believe the God is something.
Secured.
People want to believe so badly.
They build system around it.
Either you choose that.
Or you choose a life without salvation.
Salvation.
There's no middle.
So religious words are impenetrable.
If denying other helps you believe your ownreligion,
then that's what people do.
A neuroscientist said,
God has already been proven not to exist.
So there's no absolute God.
But believing in some kind of non-absolutepresence is fine.
If people could say,
My religion's God is a bit immature.
Yours is better in that area.
And accept each other's God.
That would be nice.
They are all illusion anyway.
Next topic.
Do people really think expensive food tastesbetter?
I've never doubted this expensive one tastesbetter.
The only thing I doubted was good was eggs.
But even then, I'm not sure if the price is thereason.
I tried expensive tofu recently.
But the cheapest supermarket tofu was the best.
Chicken good quality chicken is definitely betterthan
the sushi too.
Kaiten-zushi is basically a machine-made rice ballwith fish on top.
But in Hokkaido, the freshness should be good.
Still, I felt a big difference between cheapplaces and good places.
I often imagine meeting an old friend once a year.
09:02
And telling them,
I quit my religion.
If I had gone to college, maybe we'd meet once ayear.
Would I quit religion? Probably.
One friend was into spiritual stuff.
So I wonder how he'd react.
Another friend I used to go to karaoke with,
I imagine being super friendly to him.
This morning, I doubted about eye contact.
Talking while looking someone in the eyes
is something only superhumans can do.
I see people on TV doing it.
And I'm amazed.
I was looked down the whole time this morning.
So my neck hurt.
There was a time I tried to look my parents in theeyes.
When talking, it didn't work.
I couldn't focus on the conversation and developedweird habits.
I had a bad dream today.
Well, maybe not a bad dream.
But I still woke up feeling bad.
Daytime is bad. Sleeping is bad.
My life is full of worries.
Baseball club was hard. Middle school club washard.
Being a hikikomori is hard.
My life is full of struggles.
Watching videos, I realize people talk to others.
When there are troubles, I've never had success
talking to someone about my problems.
So maybe it's good I gave up on that.
But the best thing is when talking to someoneactually helped.
When someone dies, strange things happen.
There are scientific explanations.
But when it happens to you, it feels mysterious.
Mysterious.
And sometimes you dream about them.
Or you are talking about them right when they die.
And people explain it as grief reaction.
It happens to normal people, too.
Stress, strong emotions.
Pattern recognition.
Sympathetic nervous system reactions.
Memory errors.
Consciousness.
But in my case, it doesn't fit any of those.
That's why it feels strange.
Spirit photos.
They are explanation-like.
Double exposure.
Show shutter lens flare.
Obs parade rear noise.
12:00
But TV ghost shows are almost all fake.
YouTube, too.
Most of it is staged.
Physics, fortune tellers, almost all fake.
People watch that and believe in ghosts
or the afterlife.
They shouldn't.
Now something a bit philosophical.
Everyone wonders.
If I disappear, what happens to the world?
Science says the world continues
even if your consciousness disappears.
But consciousness itself doesn't really exist.
That's the key.
That's the key.
Quantum physics say things become real only whenobserved.
If that applies to everything,
then what happens to the world once I'm gone?
It sounds silly, but the real key is deeper.
Maybe the world neither exists nor doesn't exist.
Like Buddha said,
it's an illusion.
Not fiction.
Not imagination.
Not something else.
If someone thinks, well, the earth still exists,
they won't understand this.
Try not to understand what can't be understood.
Lead to weird thoughts.
It's human.
If human disappeared and you divide life into funand pain,
time passed instantly.
When you look back and think,
that was fun, that feeling is pleasure.
But that feeling doesn't mean anything.
Even if the only thing left is the memory of fun,
the moment itself was fun.
So that's enough.
Eating is the same.
You focus on taste,
biologically,
the memory of happiness is released while digesting.
So maybe we are just remembering that it was good.
Then what's the point of spending that time?
Maybe nothing.
But even if you didn't enjoy something,
there's no reason to feel bad.
I'm losing track of what I wanted to say.
Anyway today,
I stopped posting Spanish episode.
My parents said,
there's nothing left to post.
But then she said,
the Spanish one were still continuing.
That didn't make sense.
I checked again an hour later,
and she said,
oh yeah, there were two Japanese ones.
I said,
15:00
that's different from what you said earlier.
She said,
I mixed up the order.
But that's not the point.
The point is,
she said something different earlier.
Then it got worse,
just like yesterday.
Then she misunderstood the misunderstanding.
She said,
first Spanish,
then two Japanese ones,
then no order is different.
I said,
I'm saying that you said earlier was different.
Then she said something even worse.
I know.
But if she said,
she knew.
Why did you say,
did her say what she said?
I forgot the details,
but it was awful.
The idol who said,
she could eat 50 plates today,
today,
she said,
the biggest creature in the umibozu,
it's yokan.
She really believed it.
I was amazed.
When someone is interesting,
I get moved.
TV has too much fake acting.
I don't like the TV vibe.
That's why I got into radio.
In middle school,
I was moved by radio.
TV only played trendy songs,
but radio played all kind of music.
Maybe Hokkaido radio was good too.
Later I realized,
I wasn't that great,
but back then,
it felt amazing.
I listened to celebrity radio show too.
I was really moved.
Same with podcast.
I've been moved by convenience store bread too,
especially steamed bread.
Sapporo don at the first 10 times I went,
I was moved every time.
Sapporo itself,
it deserved its ranking
as the most desirable place to live.
Other Hokkaido cities are overrated,
but Sapporo is truly special.
I dreamed of living there.
I have relatives there.
On school trips,
I wasn't moved by anything,
except Hiroshima okonomiyaki.
That was amazing.
Kinkakuji didn't move at all.
Tokyo didn't impress me either.
I wanted to go to today,
18:01
Today,
but nobody else wanted to.
Aoyama Gakuen,
I accepted something fancy,
but it was just a normal cafeteria.
Yokohama Chinatown impressed me tough.
I'm more moved by videos of YouTubers
walking through slums.
There's a dance movie that moved me too.
But through TV,
every place in Japan feels fake,
too much sound effect,
too much acting.
NHK shouldn't go that direction
They should keep balance.
Shonan wasn't good.
Asakusa wasn't good.
Too many tourists.
It doesn't feel like Japan.
The most moving place in Hokkaido
was my grandmother's room.
Books all the way up.
Just shelves, I said.
What is this place?
My parents remember that.
People who work think
they are working hard,
but biologically working or not working
isn't harder or easier.
People work because it's easier for them,
in some ways harder,
in some ways easier.
If school disappeared,
what would happen?
People say kids lose social skills,
but do they really need to cooperate at school?
School is basically a place to store kids,
so parents and society doesn't have trouble.
If kids stayed home,
what's the problem?
They'd grow fine
as long as they eat and poop.
Studying doesn't affect height or intelligence.
Teachers, 20 or 30 plus school,
that's a lot of tax money.
It'd be cheaper to hire babysitters.
Interview, I don't understand that.
How can you judge someone in one moment?
With template answers.
If every day is the same,
time flies a year fast.
I used to like that,
because life is just killing time,
but now it makes me sad.
If I lose my hearing someday,
or can't speak,
what's the point of studying English?
I keep thinking about listening,
writing, reading, speaking.
21:00
I finally finished the show description,
but I'm still thinking about this.
My parents, I talked about Hokkaido food.
People say it's delicious,
but it's rare.
We've talked about this many times.
Seafood, Japan is surrounded by ocean.
It should be the same everywhere.
Port town have fresher fish,
but supermarkets are the same as Honshu.
Potatoes in Hokkaido are definitely good.
Corn too.
Pineapple too.
Hosu town calls,
Jersey calls.
Hokkaido is great for rising sun.
But supermarkets, milk,
taste the same nationwide.
Even if it says Hokkaido milk,
you can buy it in Honshu.
Burger ranking,
Hokkaido burger isn't always at the top.
People think Hokkaido is blessed,
but living here doesn't mean you eat amazing food.
Seafood is mostly frozen anyway.
Thank you for listening.
Please follow this channel.
See you again.
