ポッドキャストの独自性と自己分析
I, Japanese Shatouin, observing life from offlinemode since 2009, non-stop, not deep, notmotivational, just painfully accurate with rhymeand logs.
I'm talking about my podcast first.
Since our last talk, I've been thinking thatstaying inside for over 70 years is what makes myshow special.
I've lived a hidden life for 70 years, so I cansee things from a different angle than others.
I can also talk about the kind of life, but I don't want people to think it's a dark or heavy show.
I don't wanna make it like that.
I keep wondering what my special point is.
Like I said last time, maybe I don't need a point.
Or maybe I don't need to show it.
I'm not an expert on anything, and I'm not famous.
I don't have a big career or career label thatpeople understand.
On the outside, I don't have anything that standsout.
Things like where you went to school, your job oryour title are just on the surface, but thosethings are easy for people to understand.
Since I don't have those, I've been thinkingreally hard about what to do.
I was in a religion for 20 years and then quit.
But that's hard to put in the show description.
It's the same for the show name.
My view comes from that experience, but it's hardto explain.
Thinking about this makes me lose my I-can-do-itfeeling.
I didn't have much of that feeling to begin with.
Though Japan is very unique.
If you say it nicely, but it's off.
If you don't.
But just being off doesn't mean the podcast willbe good being off.
It's just being off.
It would be great if that made it interesting.
But I don't know how many people would care.
I don't think just being different draws peoplein.
It might be good for people who feel the same way.
But I can't put I-can-have-a-brain trait in thedescription.
That makes the show feel heavy.
And the show isn't just about that.
When I think about it, what I really want to sayis that life has no meaning.
All the lie and mixed up things in the worldhappen because people believe in dreams that aren't real.
But if someone like me says people are living in adream, the show will look heavy again.
It's not really like that.
Though anyway, I think I'm close to picking aname.
But I can't find a perfect one.
Maybe it's because I want everything to beperfect.
Or maybe there's a problem with what I talk aboutor how the show is set up.
I don't know.
人生の意味と哲学的な考察
Also, I thought about English today.
When I get old and my Japanese isn't good, I'llhave no use for English.
I can't write a blog about it.
What will I do?
It's like a cook.
If they stop cooking, they just make food forthemselves.
And people who have cooked for thousands of years,probably I don't want to do it anymore.
Maybe life is just like that.
I shouldn't worry too much about the future.
But I'm worried every day.
I think I talked about this yesterday.
But I'm still worried.
And I'm worried because my parents are gettingold.
I don't know how many more years I can stay inthis house.
Even if one worried goes away, a new one comes up.
If my stomach hurts, I worry if I'm just killingtime in my room.
I worry if that's okay.
When the season changes and I feel relaxed, Iworry about that too.
And I wonder if I'll be okay in the summer.
他者の幸福論と希望
Changing the topic, people who say life is greatare too happy.
What they say doesn't give people much hope.
I don't think you should trust them.
They aren't convincing.
I feel more hope from people who say life has nomeaning, but I'm still living.
I haven't met many people like that.
But some thinkers say we should accept that thingsdon't make sense.
I forgot their names because they're all Germanand sound the same.
Back to the show name, I thought my special pointwas talking about
everything or having a different view.
I don't know if that's strength.
Everyone has a different idea of what's talkingabout everything.
Mean also it's hard to tell from that in English.
They might think it's a show about telling secret.
I tried so hard to find my show's special point.
I'm looking for something that isn't there.
So of course I can't find it.
But maybe the time I spend looking for it is whatmatters.
番組制作の葛藤とフラストレーション
Thinking about this made me lose confidence in myshow.
Until now, I did it believing people would listen.
I talk because I think it will hit the rightpeople.
I don't think I'm hard to understand.
But I've been worrying for a month about how toexplain the show well when I write and then changeit.
It feels like everything I made is wasted.
I'm not an artist.
So it's very frustrating.
People who keep putting out work are amazing.
People in sales are amazing too.
I could never do that.
I could never come up with a plan or givespeeches.
If a company stops a plan for a new product, it'sall a waste.
That's so frustrating.
I feel bad for the actors and directors when amovie can't be shown because of a problem.
I feel sorry for them.
My work is very small and I do it alone.
But I see it.
Living in society is hard.
You might cause trouble for others without meaningto.
There's a book about that.
I don't know much about books.
But it says we give a big push to things aroundus.
Both good and bad.
The book made it like very cold.
But that's the truth.
You never know when you'll cause trouble.
And living with others is hard.
I can't handle that pressure.
That's why I thought I could never drive a car.
I could never get a license.
I thought even a bike was too much.
If I got sued, it would be terrible.
It's much worse than me getting into an accident.
Some people say being the one who caused theaccident is bad.
And being the one in the accident is also bad.
It's the same.
I don't like that way of talking.
What are you trying to say?
What are you trying to say?
I don't want to talk like that.
But if I talk my own way, people don't understandme.
So I try hard to change how I talk in the podcast.
I think if I say it's this way, they'll get itwrong.
If I talk naturally, my rules for talking are veryhard to follow.
I'm not just being difficult or talking like apoet or a musician.
I think I talk very clearly and with logic.
But that doesn't mean it's easy to understand.
社会生活の困難さとコミュニケーション
Recently, I feel like my stories are hard to getacross.
Most people talk in a very buggy way.
It's different in every language.
But in Japan, people try to read between thelines.
They understand without words.
Japanese doesn't fit me at all.
When I think about the show name, the things Italk about change.
In a month, I might only talk about daily worries.
If I pick a singer name, I'll feel like I messedup.
I've failed many times, so I can't see it coming.
The worst is when I know I'll fail but have noother choice.
And then I feel just like I thought.
Most people keep making the same mistakes, and Ithink they are very relaxed.
I try not to repeat mistakes, but I usually doanyway.
But because I have no other choice, I was thinkingabout the show name.
I found a few special things about my show.
First, I record everything in my head.
My head sees things in a very detailed way.
I don't put things together.
And it's not just small talk.
Everything is linked, but there's no meaning.
I think about small things that feel weird orthings others just walk past.
The theme is that there's no theme.
Even if nothing happens for 30 minutes, I talkabout it.
That's a special point, but like I said, I'm notconfident.
Having a different view isn't something to showoff.
And I can't say it's right, but I want to tellpeople.
If not, I wouldn't try to start again after myblog failed.
Also, life inside is very unique.
I don't want the show to feel heavy.
But people in other countries might be interestedin this strange Japanese life.
I record about 10 times for one story.
I talk like I'm giving a real report of my day andwhat I felt.
It's a report of a strange life.
But if I use the word inside or offline, peoplethink it's a show about being inside.
That's not right.
I don't know what I want to do.
And maybe I'll never know.
I don't need to look for it right now.
I'm worried about being cut off because I'm notlinked to society.
My common sense is different, good or bad.
That's interesting.
I'd listen to the radio like that.
But when I think about show names, I see that theword for saying inside makes people think you arelazy
or just playing games.
I feel that's wrong.
People see it that way.
And you can't help it.
But that label stops everything.
You can't explain anything.
Once they think that.
日々の食事と些細な出来事
It's night now.
I didn't talk about dinner yesterday.
It was beef croquette and cabbage.
The cabbage was so good and fresh.
Today was cabbage and the fried pork cutlet from acheap store.
It was so good.
Pork from Hokkaido is great meat.
By the way, I heard people in West Japan don't useeggs for fried food.
And it's already salty.
I searched for the difference from other friedchicken, but I don't really get it.
They say it's like a small fried cake.
Also, Chinese shops have a lot of fried pork.
I can't really imagine it.
The eggplant dish today was also very good.
I think they fried it and then put sauce on it.
They say the first bit of food is the best.
But I only tasted the first bite.
There might be too much.
But today my mind was somewhere else and I couldn't focus.
Sometimes my soul just flies away.
And doesn't come back.
About show name, I thought about name like thedream show or remembering pain show.
But those sounds like they are going in a bad way.
I'm thinking too much and things are gettingmessy.
My bad habit of wanting things perfect is comingout.
I wanna put everything into the things.
I used to look for the English book that's bad orin it.
I always go that way.
When I think about my show and my phone, I got ita year ago.
But I feel empty about it.
I was happy when I got a phone as a student.
But it's the same thing.
I'm not paying for it myself.
But I was happy then.
Because I could link with others, I don't know whyI'm not happy now.
I knew this would happen.
So it's okay.
番組名と説明文の模索
I keep thinking about the show name is bad.
It always seem to give the wrong idea.
It might look like a trouble show telling peopleoff or outside of society is easy.
It's not like that.
Will people in America think it's just someonebeing lazy?
Or will they be interested in a strange life inJapan?
This is a big point and it's not easy.
I'm recording the middle part now.
I haven't slept for 5 hours.
First, the show name, I don't want it to lookheavy.
I thought about not writing about trade or stayinginside at the start.
But people in America might just think it's anormal Japanese person and find it weird.
I think I've picked a name.
But when I think about the description, it's verywrong.
Again, I finish the description.
But then I went to YouTube and listened to songsby
Kurakimai and others on Spotify.
I'm not in their generation, but I like them.
I also like Dragon Ash.
I felt like I smoked dozen of cigarettes whilegetting water.
My body was so itchy, I couldn't sleep.
Usually, I'd go to the bathroom and wash my hands.
But I'm on the first floor.
It's a pain.
So I just listen to music.
It's 12 now.
That's frustrating.
It's morning now.
食の好みとイメージ
I put two apps on my phone to scroll things.
Automatically, I tried one for 30 minutes.
But it was too fast to use.
So I deleted it.
I was a waste of time.
Also, I didn't like fried shrimp before.
Now I love it.
I found out when I hated it.
I hate everything that's in a kid's meal.
They have a bad image.
Cheap burgers and fried don't look good to me.
I hated pasta, too.
Everything in a kid's meal is the same.
I like the taste, but the image is bad.
I think those meals shouldn't exist.
I wonder if any kids actually like them.
Most probably do that.
Why do I hate pork cutlet?
I always mix up pork and chicken.
They look the same and have little fat.
I thought they were the same because they'recheap.
Even if the price is high.
It felt like chicken to me.
We had chicken cutlet yesterday.
It was very juicy and good.
But I didn't think it was pork because it lookeddifferent.
I told my mom the eggplant dish was good.
But she said it was from a store.
I shouldn't have said anything.
She might think I like store food as much as her.
This morning, I had a bacon salad that felt likeit was from Germany.
It had a lot of spices.
The egg with sauce was good, too.
It always tasted better because she put butter init.
When things come in a set, I get mixed up.
精神状態と過去の記憶
I listened to music for a long time yesterday.
And I didn't get bored.
I usually am bored after one song.
A day like yesterday is scary.
When you feel that much pressure,
you think something bad is coming next.
You feel down.
The next day is hard.
It's like being up and then what's down.
Where I have that?
About show name, I'm not doing a mental healthshow.
I'm trying to make the name look not too heavy.
But my days are full of things that happen becauseof my trait.
But maybe it's better for the show if I don't usethose labels.
I had many daydreams yesterday.
I can remember one.
We were both at the idol group till the summer.
You'll be the star and I'll read everyone.
So don't be sad.
Also, I think I won't be able to watch videos onmy phone in the future.
I can know why I'm in this house.
But thinking about not being able to watch themwhen I live makes me sad.
When I watch videos now, I feel a bit mixed up.
In the morning, I try to remember what I talkedabout with my mom.
I asked about the letter she was supposed to sendto religion.
I said, you didn't send it, right?
I know, but it seems she did.
I wonder why there's no answer.
Then I understood that religion probably getscomplaints from everywhere.
So they can't answer them all.
That must be it.
I checked if I had anything else to say to her orif anything was different today.
My dad finished his work for the group he's in.
I felt the time passing and it made me sad.
It's like when he retired, I wonder what I'm doingwith this podcast.
Am I just talking about my day?
Is everything I say just a daydream?
It's not made up story, but what's in my head isdifferent from others.
It's like I'm looking at old pictures while Italk.
Painful memories come up one after another.
I remember being taken to a cafe at night.
My parent friend was there.
I was a bit mad and said I wanted to go home.
In the car, I was told to either get out of thecar or be quiet.
If I told my mom now, I'd say I'm one of the quietest people ever.
To make me act like that, they must have pushed metoo hard.
Taking a kid to a restaurant late at night is aparent's fault.
If the kid gets loud, in other countries, thatwouldn't happen.
I wanna explain that back to the show name.
独自性と受容への願い
I think many people in America are looking forsomething unique or different,
but when I used the title about hard life, no onewatched it.
I thought it would work, but it didn't fit.
What's Japanese people like?
Next, when a comedian becomes popular and stopsbeing sharp, I feel sad.
They try to be liked by everyone.
Maybe that's just how humans are.
Or maybe they just want things.
Or maybe they have to do it.
Their special point is lost, and it's a waste.
If there are two shapes, people won't like them,
so they forget their first feelings.
That's sad to see.
Thank you for listening.
Please follow this program again.
