Episode.15 最近の悩みとシルバーウィーク

最近鬱っぽくなってきました。

シルバーウィークがもうすぐ来ますね！

00:03

はい、始まりました。むらぴょんのひとりごとチャンネル。 今日はAlright, here we go. Welcome to Murapyon's Monologue Channel. Today...

今日はじゃない、今回はエピソード15ですね。 はい、今日何話すかなんて決めて、全然Well, not "today"—this is episode 15. Yeah, I haven't really decided at all what I'm going to talk about today.

あの決めてないんですけども、まあ そうですねI haven't decided on anything, but, well... let's see.

まあちょっと最近またメンタルが落ち、落ち込んでるって言いますか、いろいろありまして、はい、まあちょっとWell, lately I've been feeling down again—or I guess you could say I've been struggling mentally. A lot has been going on, so, yeah...

なんでもいいんで、なんか喋ったら楽になるかな って思ってI thought maybe I'd feel a little better if I just talked about something—anything, really.

の回です。 まあザックバランにお話ししましょうねーSo that's what this episode is about. Let's just have a casual, open chat.

っていうだけです。はい でThat's really all this is. Yeah, so...

まあ そうですね、そんなWell... yeah, I guess...

どこにも出かけないっていうのもあって、なかなかこう気分が上がんないっていうのも あるんですけど、家にずっと引きこもったりすることが多いんでPart of it is probably that I don't really go anywhere, so it's hard to lift my mood. I spend a lot of time just staying inside at home.

まあ早よどっか出ろやっていう話なんですけどI mean, you could just say, "Then get out of the house already."

目的もなしに出るとまたそこで落ち込んじゃうんで 目的がないと出れないんですよねBut if I go out without any particular purpose, I just end up feeling down again, so I can't really go out unless I have a reason to.

散歩するとかでもいいのかもしれないんですが 散歩したところでMaybe I could just go for a walk or something, but even if I did...

なんだかなーっていう またそこでいろいろ悶々と考えちゃうんで結局多分散歩も良くないんだろうなとか思ってるI'd probably just end up thinking, "I don't know..." and getting lost in all these thoughts again. So I feel like even going for a walk probably wouldn't help much.

考えることを やめない限り多分無理なんじゃないかなと思ってるんですけどねI feel like none of this is really going to work unless I can stop overthinking everything.

で ずっと悶々とする日が続いてきAnd I've had day after day of just being stuck in my own thoughts...

気づいたらまあ まあAnd before I knew it... well...

こんな風になったっていうのは 難しいですね。私生活、プライベートでっていうよりか職場の方が大きいですねI ended up feeling like this. It's hard to explain. It's not so much my personal life—the bigger issue is my workplace.

こんな酷くなるの基本平日の日中だけなんでIt basically only gets this bad during the daytime on weekdays.

休日や だいたい仕事終わりとかだったら全然こんな感じにはならないのでOn weekends, or usually once I'm done with work, I don't feel like this at all.

あー職場変えないとダメなんだろうなぁと思ってます まあでも前回もこんな感じになってあの職場変えましてSo I'm thinking, yeah, I probably need to change workplaces. But the last time I felt like this, I changed workplaces too.

会社から再発防止策を出せって言われてAnd the company told me to come up with measures to prevent it from happening again.

その同じようにまた 職場変えてくださいって言うBasically, to prevent me from ending up in the same situation again and asking them to change my workplace.

ことを 防ぐためにその再発防止策を出せみたいなThey wanted me to come up with some kind of plan to keep that from happening again.

03:00

言われまして でその時出したんですけど結局再発してるんでまたかよお前みたいなThat's what they told me, so I submitted one at the time. But now it's happened again anyway, so it's kind of like, "Seriously? Again?"

まあそんな言ってられないですけどね。そんな言って ずっと今のところに留まるともっと自分が悪化しそうな気がするんでBut I can't really afford to worry about that. If I let that stop me and just stay where I am, I feel like I'm only going to get worse.

早めに変えたほうがいいんだろうなぁと思ってますけど まあっていうのもちょっとねぇSo I think it'd probably be better to change workplaces sooner rather than later. And part of the reason is...

ずっと職場で前も多分 ポッドキャストとかで話したと思うんですけど仲のいいあの同僚がThere's this coworker I'm pretty close with at work. I think I've probably talked about them on the podcast before.

いるんですけど その同僚と俺がこうAnd, well, that coworker and I...

喋るために職場に行ってるみたいな もんなんでIt's almost like the reason I go to work is just so I can talk with them.

その仲のいい同僚が体調崩して私も体調崩してっていう最悪な状態でですね今 お互いが今口聞いてない状態なんですよねSo, that coworker I'm close with has been unwell, and I've been unwell too. It's pretty much the worst situation, and right now, neither of us is talking to each other.

一切 で彼と話すのがNot at all. And talking with him was...

私的にもFor me, personally...

いいその安定剤みたいになってたんですよもう最悪な職場の中で働く ということにおいてはkind of like something that kept me grounded, especially when it came to working in such an awful workplace.

で その安定剤が今もなんか別に喧嘩したとかじゃないんですよAnd now I've lost that source of stability. It's not like we had a fight or anything.

お互いがただ体調悪くて 話す余裕がなくてWe're both just feeling unwell and don't have the energy to talk.

で もうお互い悪い方向行ってるみたいなAnd it feels like we're both just spiraling in a bad direction.

感じなんで で私それで話せてないんで安定剤がなくなるみたいなThat's what it feels like. And because I haven't been able to talk to him, it's like I've lost that thing that kept me grounded.

気づいたらまあそうですね 完全になんかもうAnd before I knew it... yeah, I guess I've just completely...

もう元に戻れないくらいのとこまで来てしまってるか 私の体調がですねgotten to the point where my health feels like it might not even be able to go back to how it was before.

そうそう俺の体調が戻んないっていう 戻んないってなるともう力がなくなっちゃうんでYeah, exactly. My health just isn't getting better. And if it doesn't get better, I just don't have the strength anymore.

職場に でそれもあってAt work. And because of that too...

はい どうしようかなぁみたいな感じになってるんですけどYeah, I'm kind of at the point where I'm wondering what I should do.

で 今の職場変えるのもその仲のいい彼とAnd as for leaving my current workplace, that coworker I'm close with and I...

一緒に変えようぜっていう話をしてたんでhad talked about leaving together.

もうそれが年末 今年の年末っていうAnd we'd been talking about doing that at the end of this year.

話をしてるんですね でThat's what we'd agreed on. And...

今年の年末at the end of this year...

が 不死身になってそこでそのお互い辞めてそれぞれ新しい職場に移りましょうwe'd both quit then and each move on to a new workplace.

06:07

っていう 話を彼としてたんですけどThat's what he and I had been talking about.

このままだと私がもう持たないんでBut if things keep going like this, I don't think I can hold out that long.

年末を待たずに 俺だけ職場を変えてしまう方向になるんじゃないかなとかSo I'm thinking I might end up being the only one who leaves before the end of the year.

今んとこ考えててそうなるとThat's what I'm thinking right now, and if I do that...

彼を裏切ってしまうことになるんだろうなぁと思いながら 申し訳ない気持ちでいっぱいなんですけどI can't help feeling like I'd be betraying him, and I feel incredibly guilty about that.

まあほんときついんでねー 何してもダメですもう帰ってゲームしてもイライラするしBut honestly, it's really tough. Nothing helps anymore. Even when I get home and play games, I just get irritated.

もううまくいかないように 今寝れもしないんでねーNothing seems to be going right, and I can't even sleep properly now.

入民はできるんですけど もう3時とかそんな浅い時間にすごいI can fall asleep, but then I wake up really early, at around three in the morning or so.

目が覚めるんですね それも何回もI wake up like that, and it happens multiple times.

なんで 全然寝れてないんですよっていうのもあってちょっとSo I'm really not getting much sleep at all, and that's another reason why...

きついなぁ って今思ってますI'm feeling like things are pretty rough right now.

だから職場でもめっちゃ寝てるんですよね 睡眠時間足りなくてSo I've been sleeping a lot at work too because I'm just not getting enough sleep.

だーっとめっちゃ遅刻してるっていう もう起きれなくてAnd I've been showing up really late a lot because I just can't wake up.

あのしっかり寝れてないせいで起きれなくてもYou know, I can't wake up because I'm not getting enough proper sleep.

何日ぐらい連続も10何日連続遅刻してる 終わりかよって感じですけどI've been late for over ten days straight now. It feels like I'm totally screwed.

といった感じです まあそんなこんなでSo yeah, that's how things have been. Anyway, with all that going on...

あれなんですけども まあでもThat's kind of where I'm at, but still...

もう時期 シルバーウェイクが来るんでねSilver Week is coming up soon, you know.

いつまで休みだっけ 19から23How long was the break again? From the 19th to the 23rd?

までが休みなんでしたっけ まあそこでメンタルが復活してくれればI think that's when we're off. Hopefully I'll be able to mentally recover during that time.

いいなぁと思いますけど まあこれまたどうなるかThat's what I'm hoping for, anyway, but who knows how it'll turn out.

今んとこわかんないって感じですね リスナーの皆さんはAt this point, I really don't know. How about all of you listening?

シルバーウェイク何かする予定はありますか 私案の定何にもないです何も決めてないDo you have any plans for Silver Week? As you'd probably expect, I have absolutely nothing planned. I haven't decided on anything.

いやー シルバーウェイク何しようかなぁMan, what should I do during Silver Week?

09:02

あんま決めたいイベントか催しでもあるのかな どっかまあ探せばあるんでしょうけどI wonder if there are any events or festivals I'd actually want to go to. I'm sure I could find something if I looked around.

いやー 出る時になぁBut yeah, when it comes to actually going out...

あんま見る イベントに行くっていうGoing out to see things or attend events...

余裕すらない っていうのもありますしI don't really even have the energy for that right now.

もしかしたらラジオトークやろうかなぁと 思ってるんですけどI have been thinking that maybe I'll do a Radiotalk stream, though.

ラジオトークもSpeaking of Radiotalk...

つい最近 あのJust recently, um...

仲良い方の ラジオトーク配信There was a Radiotalk stream by someone I'm close with.

リスナーとして参加しましたけどそれも 3ヶ月ぶりに参加しましたねI joined their stream as a listener, and even that was the first time I'd done so in about three months.

多分 でI think. And...

また でえAnd then... uh...

もうあれか ラジオトークCome to think of it, Radiotalk...

ストリーマー配信者として やったのは最後いつだっけなWhen was the last time I actually streamed on there myself?

3月とかじゃないかな多分 そんな前じゃないか5月ぐらいMaybe around March? No, I guess it wasn't that long ago. Maybe around May.

多分そのぐらいだったと思います いやーYeah, I think it was probably around then. Man...

やらないとなーっていうか復活を待ち望んでる方がいらっしゃるんでI really need to start doing it again. I mean, there are people who've been waiting for me to come back.

やらないととは思ってるんですけど なかなかSo I know I need to get back to it, but it's been pretty difficult.

リスナー集めるのが大変なんで私は そうIt's hard for me to attract listeners, so... yeah.

俺の番組面白くないせいかなんか 集めるのが大変なんでMaybe it's because my show isn't that interesting, but it's really hard to get listeners.

なかなかでそのやる気がオケ 弱音を吐くなんて話なんですけどSo it's hard to stay motivated, and I end up talking about feeling discouraged.

弱音吐いてたら何もできないですよね まあそりゃそうだよBut if I keep complaining, I'll never get anything done, right? Well, of course.

まあでもぼちぼち頑張ります やるかはわかんないですけどBut I'll keep at it little by little. I don't know if I'll actually do it, though.

やるって決めちゃうともうそこで あのプレッシャー自分で自分にかけちゃうんでIf I decide that I'm definitely going to do something, I immediately start putting pressure on myself.

やらなくなっちゃうんで でだいたいAnd then I end up not doing it at all. So usually...

あのやりやすいポッドキャストに逃げるっていう ポッドキャストから始めて正解だったなと思ってますけどねI end up falling back on podcasting because it's easier for me. So I think starting with a podcast was the right choice.

はいおっともうこんな時間か という感じでしたAlright—oh, it's already this late. So yeah, that's about it.

まあ近況報告みたいな感じになっちゃいましたねー はいまあしばらくやってなかったんでWell, this ended up being more of a life update, didn't it? I haven't done this in a while, after all.

まあ話のネタがない時は近況報告にしてもいいのかな そんな風に思いましたやっててはいI guess when I don't have anything in particular to talk about, I could just do a life update. That's what I realized while recording this.

12:06

あんまりネタがないんでね ネタ作りに行かないとなっていうネタ作りのために冒険というのもありかもしれないですねI don't have that many things to talk about, so maybe I need to go out and find some. Going on adventures just to have something to talk about might actually be a good idea.

まあその辺も今度考えてみますWell, I'll give that some thought next time.

はい というわけで今回は以上となりますAlright, that's it for this episode.

ぜひ皆さんまた聞きに来てください 良ければこの私のひとりごとチャンネルもフォローしていただけると嬉しいですI hope you'll come back and listen again. And if you'd like, I'd really appreciate it if you followed my "Hitorigoto" channel too.

ではまたお会いしましょう ではではI'll see you again next time. Bye for now!