00:00
Hello, everybody from Tokyo. Here is Sandra and Yusuke with episode 4.
What are we going to talk about, Yusuke?
This time, we are going to talk about how wesurvived long distance relationship.
Yeah, we did 6 years from 2012 until 2018. But inbetween, we lived together for 8 months in Sydney.
So, it was like broken apart. But overall, it waslike over 6 years.
Yeah.
How did we survive 6 years of long distance?
We need to talk a little bit about Sydney, Ithink.
Because there, we were kind of sure that whichdirection we are going.
So, Sydney was in 2014, in the middle.
Yeah. So, after we went to Perth, I went back toTokyo.
And I had to graduate my uni the last year.
And then decided to go to Sydney.
So, for you, you went back to Switzerland and youwere working in an airline?
Yeah, as a cabin crew.
From 2012 until early 2014.
I think one year and a half, no?
And at that time, the time difference was really apain.
And I think, I don't remember if we could talkwith line.
No, we used Skype back then.
Yeah, Skype.
So, we could only talk with the laptop.
Or I think Viber?
Viber.
With the phone. Like, we couldn't talk on thephone with the movie.
So, we had to use Skype.
And my laptop was really old.
And it was always frozen or broken.
So, it was a disaster for me if I couldn't seehim.
But then I got an iPad and it got better.
And the time difference was really, reallyannoying.
Because Yusuke was late at night and for me it waslunchtime or something.
Seven hours for summertime, eight hours for thewintertime.
Yeah. And I really struggled.
I would stay at home just waiting for Yusuke tocall me.
But he was going out with his friends or havingfun, living his life.
And then, I don't know, this made me really weirdfeeling.
Like, I really wanted to talk.
I mean, we are together, but we are still only 20years old.
And had a lot of events.
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And at the time, I loved hanging out with myfriends and going out drinking stuff.
So, it was my life.
Yeah. And then he would say, yeah, I will call youwhen I'm back home.
But then he sometimes fall asleep and I was reallyangry.
Of course, it's like 3 a.m. or something.
And I kind of forgot to enjoy my life back then.
Because I was just always waiting for you to callme, right?
Yeah.
So, you don't have to wait for me.
We will see in a few months.
We can talk the next day or something.
Enjoy your time.
Yeah. I was thinking like, you know, only we havegood timing to talk.
Then we can talk even though like 5 minutes orsomething.
But otherwise, like, it was not nice that you waitand wait and wait to talk.
You know.
But we saw twice, I think, during this one yearand a half until we went to Sydney.
No, more.
No, three times.
For me, to make this long distance a little biteasier, I always needed to know the next time wewould see again.
Right.
Do you remember I have this app to do thecountdown?
That was so annoying.
Only 170 days left.
No, it was until the second.
Yeah.
But this helped me.
Plus, we also had this funny app.
And I think where the keyboard is, it was likeblank.
And then if you put your thumb on it and then usegoes on the same position, it would vibrate alittle bit.
Do you remember?
Yeah, that was a pretty funny, stupid app.
And then we could also, I think, paint with eachother and have like...
Like real time.
Yeah, calendar and...
We tried a lot of different applications.
Yeah, to keep it fun.
Yusuke was always the one who was really positive,right?
I think I had to.
Like, you're negative and you're scared.
I think it's because we don't really risksomething.
Like, you haven't risked your life a lot.
Like, you wanted to work immediately and youneeded to have stable things.
You prefer to have a house and buy a car, likethis kind of things.
Typical Swiss life.
And for me, like, I wanted to be a soccer playeror, you know, I didn't want to work.
06:05
You know, like trying something that I like.
Yeah, and then one day he was like, Sandra, Ithink I want to go to Australia again and tryagain to play soccer.
I'm like, oh, cool.
And then I was thinking, Australia, even more timedifference, even further.
I can't do that.
So I quit my job and I went with him to Australia.
That was the first step that you took the risk foryour life, I think.
And we both wanted to see, you know, if we livetogether, if that even works.
Because before it was like only, we knew it waslimited to two months when we met.
And then after it was only vacation, but we neverreally had a normal life together.
So we, it was always kind of, you know, we call itlike honeymoon phase.
We weren't engaged yet, but yeah.
So it was really important for us to see how weare as a couple living together under the sameroof for an extended period of time.
The funny thing is we already put kind of our likeeach other higher priority.
You know, like I wanted to do the soccer likefootball, but also at the same time, I reallywanted to try if this relationship will work out.
Yeah, for me too.
Like I wanted to have a career, but also this wasmore important for me.
And I felt like I'm so young, I can do it.
And my parents totally aren't like, they werelike, yeah, go for it.
Yeah, our parents are amazing.
Like they didn't say anything.
And how was it living with me for eight months?
We had a tiny little room, one room, tinybathroom.
And in the room was not even a kitchen, but wejust had like something to cook.
It was really tiny.
I think you guys can imagine.
I think I have never shared a room with somebodyelse in my life.
I always had my private room, even though I wassharing the house.
So this was the kind of like first experience.
Plus we had no money at all.
Yeah.
I would shave your head because we couldn't getthe hairdresser.
I mean, at the time I was working part time as afood delivery driver.
And a little bit money from the football.
And you came because Swiss people doesn't haveworking holiday.
So you couldn't work.
Then you were student as well.
Yeah.
And for me, this time was fun.
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It was really fun.
It was really fun.
And I wanted to eat okonomiyaki every day.
That was a pain part.
And I think I learned more about Japanese culture.
I think I started to watch a lot of YouTube aboutJapan back then.
And yeah, I learned a lot.
And you kind of wanted to do the content creator.
Yeah, I bought myself a camera.
But then I was like, nah, I don't know.
I don't know what to share and stuff.
If you started at the time, you were kind of oneof the earliest.
Yeah.
I loved to watch it.
It was then when we decided we can do it, right?
Yeah, I was kind of sure because one day we hadreally, really big fight.
We were together in the city, but we went homeseparate.
Do you remember?
Yeah, I was so mad.
And then you ignored me like half day or even moremaybe.
But somehow we were okay.
Afterwards.
And I was like, oh, okay, if I can fix this, I don't have concern.
You know, like I can talk with her and then we canfix it.
Yeah.
So that was the Sydney story.
But then in Sydney, I was thinking a lot about thefuture of my life.
I'm okay.
I'm open to take risks, but just to a point.
I still want to have a safe life.
And then Yusuke said he wants to go back to Japanand try to find a full time job.
And I could come with him.
But then I googled and researched and I saw thatyou can only find a job in Japan
if you have at least a bachelor degree orsomething.
And at that time I had an apprenticeshipcertificate as a nurse and I worked as a flightattendant.
But I have nothing more that I can show.
So it wasn't accepted in Tokyo or in Japan.
So I told Yusuke that I want to study tourism.
And it's three years.
And I can't come to Japan before that because Idon't want to depend on you.
And he was from the beginning.
And I was like, yeah, go for it. We can manage.
Because we managed until now, so you can do that.
And also that was something you were interested inand you really wanted to do it.
Yeah.
And then after Sydney, we did another three yearsof long distance.
I think the first long distance and second longdistance was different type.
12:06
Because this after Sydney, we kind of decided thatto see somehow we live together.
Yeah, we were working towards the same goal and weknew we can do it.
Yeah, and then my school said that we can dointernships.
So only two years school and one year wasinternship.
And then I was 100 percent sure I could makeinternship in Japan.
But what I didn't took in account was thatinternships in Japan are not paid.
Yeah, there was no way that I could just take ayear off and work unpaid.
So I did the internship in Switzerland.
I think you are the person you don't like to relyon somebody.
You're really independent.
Yeah.
And also during that time, I had a really toughtime at home with my family.
I mean everybody is fine now.
It was just something we had to go through as afamily.
And we helped each other and everybody was there.
But it was really hard on me.
And then Yusuke was always there for me and hetold me again,
Okay, I really did the right decision.
And I think I came to see you in Japan.
You came to see me in Switzerland.
Yeah, I think at least every six months.
Every six months or even like three months, right?
Yeah.
And I was more chill if we couldn't talk.
And during that time, I found new really goodfriends.
They were so positive.
And I learned that I need to focus on my own lifeand enjoy it.
But I can still talk with you later.
Yeah.
I was just focusing on to have a career and justhave enough money to survive.
Yeah, and working nonstop.
Yeah.
So what would you advise somebody who is startinga long distance relationship or is already in one?
I think when I look back, the Sydney time wasreally, really important to see the samedirection.
Because before, we just see as a holiday.
We don't know if we work out or not.
Not unsure.
So it was really nice that we live together to seeif it's working and if we want to continue or not.
And how were you able to always be positive?
That's insane.
I couldn't.
I think I like to see bigger picture all the time.
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Yeah, here we are again.
Bigger picture makes stable mindset.
And you just need to see the goal, what you wantto be and how you want to be.
And just kind of roughly calculate from the goal.
What do I need?
I need a full time job.
I need income.
Where do we live?
And how much does it cost?
And in case she couldn't find a work, do wesurvive?
And to do this, it really calmed me down.
It's a correct word.
I can be really relaxed.
Because if I hit this small goal, then I am surethat we are okay.
Yeah, that's true.
But something I really struggled with, I wasalways so worried that something is going tohappen to you.
And I will never see you again.
I don't know why I have this so much.
And now I have it with my family back inSwitzerland.
I hate this. Why do I have this?
And then if you didn't text me back immediately, Iwould be like,
Hey, are you okay?
I don't know.
I have this fear of nothing.
I think if I love somebody too much, or like somuch, I can't lose this person.
And I think also I was extra careful about thejealousy control.
Yeah, I wasn't jealous at all, right?
I think even though I go out, I always sendpictures and who I go out with.
You introduced your friends to me really early on.
So I knew with who you would hang out.
And you never ever gave me a reason to be jealousat all.
So I trusted you 100%.
But for me, sometimes I wanted to feel that...
Make me jealous.
I just wanted to hear that you like me or that youcare for me.
And Yusuke, he tells me these things.
But when you have a long distance relationship,especially for me,
I wanted to hear it as much as I could.
That he loves me, that he would do everything forme.
You know what I mean?
So sometimes he would like this a little bit.
And then I would try to make him jealous so thathe would show me that...
I know it's silly. I was young. I was young.
I think I am a jealousy person.
So I know how I get jealous.
So I was extra careful that if I get jealous likethis, maybe she would.
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So I needed to share everything like takingphotos.
It doesn't mean you don't trust me or I don'ttrust you.
It's just, I think, make each other feel better.
Yeah, like you really hardly ever gave me thefeeling that I had to worry.
And like...
Of course, when I went out, there are some girlswith boys.
You know, like it's mixed.
Yeah, yeah.
But I still text you and like take photo andtrying to explain what happened.
Like we talking on Skype.
So that jealousy control is really working, Ithink.
Yeah, and I think trust is one of the toppriorities that you must have.
Because if you don't trust your partner, it's sohard to survive the long distance.
Yeah, because it's, you know, some people maybe,
Why I need to take photo and why I need to dothat.
You don't trust me like this is kind of like thereason to argue with.
And I knew that, too.
So why don't I like just send photos to feelbetter for both of us?
Then it works.
Yeah, yeah, me too.
I always told him what I'm doing and who.
And yeah, so trust is really, really, reallyimportant.
And having the same goal.
Yeah, because if Yusuke said he could neverimagine living in Switzerland.
And I say I can never imagine living in Japan oranywhere else.
Then you have to be honest to yourself like howcan this work?
Yeah, because then.
I mean, if it's good for you, like not beingphysically together, fine.
But for me, I wanted to.
I knew I wanted to have a family.
I knew I wanted to have a house.
Yeah, I think that was a bit.
Annoying that you told me all the time like, hey,my friend got a house.
Yeah, that was what I had to learn.
I compared myself to my friends or sisters intheir relationship.
But you know, it is different if you meet somebodyin the same country or even the same village orsomebody from the other side of the world.
You have different things you need to figure outand work out.
And you have to trust the process.
I mean, like everybody has different happiness.
Yeah, for sure.
And I told Yusuke, you know, when I graduate, Ireally want to live in Japan.
And he had this stable job.
So that was my goal to graduate and find a jobhere and then eventually live in Switzerland.
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We're still working on the last part.
And then this time we shared a little bit biggerroom than Sydney.
The first time we moved in together.
And what we always did during the long distancerelationship was imagining the future, right?
Imagine when we live together, what we would doand how this would look like, how a typical Sundaywould look like.
And this would make me so excited.
I think this mindset, this is how I think.
It's from my ex-boss that I worked in the company,first company.
And this boss always told me that, Yusuke, whatkind of life do you want in 3 years, in 5 years,in 10 years?
How much you want to earn?
And how is your lifestyle?
Like this kind of things he kept telling me.
And you used it for a relationship in 3, 5 years,however.
But I couldn't imagine before.
And I couldn't imagine for the career until likerecently.
I think at least I found for the private and, youknow, we signed the paper before we start to live.
Because as a role we needed to do before.
And, you know, all the process I searched and itwas easier that we signed before.
So that was kind of working, how I work.
And for me, what I want to say?
It also made it feel, the relationship felt morereal.
When you finally met my sisters and my friends andmy parents.
Because before that, when I would talk about you.
They don't know me.
They don't know you.
But then you spent I think one month with us inthe summer like when we met.
And then at that time nobody spoke English like myparents.
But somehow they loved you from day one.
And your sisters too.
Yeah, my sisters too.
And then I had their support from them like 100%.
And that made it feel more real.
And yeah, it was nice too.
Like when I cried, they could cheer me up becausethey finally knew you.
How generous your parents like 13 years ago seesome random Asian guy comes to the house.
Hey, here is the boyfriend.
Who the heck are you?
24:01
But you know, imagine they let me go to Australiato learn English, which is fine.
But then I'm like calling my mom.
Mom, I met this guy.
I was gonna meet him in Thailand.
I'm like, yes.
My parents are awesome that they just let me livemy life.
But now I'm a mom myself.
I'll be like, who is it?
What is he doing? How does he look like?
How did you guys meet?
You know, I would be like.
And your mom's first question would be like, is heThai?
Why?
Why Japanese and Swiss meet in Thai?
No, actually, the first question was fromeverybody was like, oh, is he a surfer boy fromAustralia?
No, he's from Japan.
What?
Yeah.
And they don't know where it's Japan.
Yeah.
I honestly didn't know where the sweets around is.
The location, I didn't know.
Yeah.
Somewhere north.
Somewhere in Europe.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's good.
Now looking back, it's beautiful.
And don't go to the airport, right?
Oh, good tip.
Don't do this.
We learned it many times.
I would be so sick.
I would almost throw up.
Couldn't eat and just cry the whole time.
Yeah, nothing good to say goodbye in the airport.
Yeah, we decided to say goodbye either at the busstop, at home.
And it's much easier.
It's like ripping off the band-aid.
Yeah, because.
I do the same now with my parents when I come backto Japan.
I can't. I'm too emotional.
Because airport gives you like extra sadness, youknow.
But we also always bought something.
Like small things.
Yeah, like one time.
I still have it maybe.
Some like little statue.
And then let's keep it for next time.
And then we exchange again.
Yeah.
And I would always take one champer of you.
It's meant like you.
Oh, yeah.
And then you left one dress for me.
Yeah.
Oh.
It's so pure.
Smelling the clothes.
Yeah.
Oh, and you sent me parcel sometimes.
And I sent you little surprises too.
Right.
Oh, and the message tree.
That you made.
You wrote like small message card.
Like 10 of them or something.
And if I'm happy.
If I'm sad.
If I'm like, you know, all the situation.
That I need to open this card.
And you wanna know what?
I went to Japan and I accidentally found them.
And half of them weren't even open yet.
Yeah.
Cause he was like, I need to.
I didn't want to open all of them.
27:00
I'm too tough, you know, like.
Maybe not open like enough reason to open thiscard.
Like, you know, even though I had really toughtime before the job.
But I don't know.
I think my feeling was a little bit broken.
But the cards are just so simple.
Like stupid.
I think after 10 years, I opened everything.
Yeah.
Like little surprises for each other.
And if you are in a long distance relationshipnow.
Don't give up.
It's hard, but it's also.
You can do it, right?
Yeah.
It will be like extra strong relationship forsure.
Yeah.
Even now I'm not jealous.
I have no doubt in Yusuke and me.
Like I know no matter what life throws at us.
I think we can handle it.
Yeah.
If you can trust enough like for long distance.
The real life, it's so much easier to trust eachother.
Yeah.
For sure, 100%.
And you appreciate the little things now.
Yeah, I mean, we know.
Now.
We know how hard to be together.
We were waiting for 6 years to be together.
Now it's normal to be together.
Yeah, but I still have this little trauma insideof me.
For example, when you went home earlier to Japan.
And I stayed with the kids in Switzerland.
I kind of panic a little bit like, oh no.
But I know we don't have long distancerelationship anymore.
It's just one week.
But this even just one week makes me feel like.
And then after when I see you.
I really appreciate it again.
I don't know if you have the same.
I don't have that, but I appreciate.
Be together like spending time together.
Because it's limited.
We know it.
So if you are not long distance.
You don't do this.
Then you may think.
You don't have this feeling, I think.
Yeah.
Because it's so hard to see together.
It's always online.
You know.
Yeah.
So try focusing on the good.
And on the end goal.
And.
Bigger picture.
Bigger picture by Yusuke.
And we think of you guys and wish you all thebest.
You can do it.
Yeah.
Thank you so much for listening to this episode.
Next episode.
We don't know.
So please send us some message.
And idea.
What do you want to hear.
30:01
Yeah.
Thank you for listening.
I have an idea.
We can talk about being parents.
How to change them.
For the better.
Yeah.
I think maybe before parents.
And after parents.
I mean not after but.
After becoming parents.
After becoming parents.
That's really changing.
And.
I never.
You know like.
Have right advice.
People who has.
A bit anxiety.
Anxiety.
Anxiety.
To have kids.
To get married.
So.
It's really tough topic.
It's really hard to tell because.
I don't think.
If you don't experience you never know.
Yeah.
There is no similar feeling.
Yeah.
So let's talk about it in the next episode.
Alright.
See you next time.
Yes.
Ciao ciao.
Good night.
Or good bye.
Tschüss.
Sayonara.
