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Did you say pig or fig? Said the cat. I said pig,replied Alice,
and I wish you wouldn't keep appearing and vanishing so suddenly, you make one quite giddy.
All right, said the cat, and this time it vanishedquite slowly, beginning with the end of the tail,
and ending with a grin, which remained some timeafter the rest of it had gone.
Well. I've often seen a cat without a grin,thought Alice, but a grin without a cat.
It's the most curious thing I ever saw in my life.
She had not gone much farther before she came insight of the house of the March Hare,
she thought it must be the right house, becausethe chimneys were shaped like ears
and the roof was thatched with fur. It was solarge a house, that she did not like to go
nearer till she had nibbled some more of the left-hand bit of mushroom, and raised herself
to about two feet high, even then she walked uptowards it rather timidly, saying to herself
it should be raving mad after all. I almost wish I'd gone to see the Hatter instead.
Chapter 7
A Mad Tea Party
There was a table set out under a tree in front ofthe house, and the March Hare and the Hatter
were having tea at it, a Dormouse was sittingbetween them, fast asleep, and the other two were
using it as a cushion, resting their elbows on it,and talking over its head. Very uncomfortable
for the Dormouse, thought Alice, only, as it'sasleep, I suppose it doesn't mind.
The table was a large one, but the three were allcrowded together at one corner of it,
no room. No room, they cried out when they sawAlice coming.
There's plenty of room, said Alice indignantly,and she sat down in a large armchair at one end
of the table. Have some wine, the March Hare saidin an encouraging tone. Alice looked all
round the table, but there was nothing on it buttea. I don't see any wine, she remarked.
There isn't any, said the March Hare.
Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it, saidAlice angrily.
It wasn't very civil of you to sit down withoutbeing invited, said the March Hare.
I didn't know it was your table, said Alice, it'slaid for a great many more than three.
Your hare wants cutting, said the Hatter. He hadbeen looking at Alice for some time with great
curiosity, and this was his first speech. Youshould learn not to make personal remarks,
Alice said with some severity, it's very rude. TheHatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing
this, but all he said was, why is a raven like awriting-desk? Come, we shall have some fun now,
thought Alice. I'm glad they've begun asking riddles. I believe I can guess that, she added
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aloud. Do you mean that you think you can find outthe answer to it? said the March Hare.
Exactly so, said Alice. Then you should say whatyou mean, the March Hare went on.
I do, Alice hastily replied, at least, at least Imean what I say, that's the same thing,
you know. Not the same thing a bit, said the Hatter. You might just as well say that I see
what I eat is the same thing as I eat what I see.You might just as well say, added the March Hare,
that I like what I get is the same thing as I getwhat I like. You might just as well say,
added the Dormouse, who seemed to be talking inhis sleep, that I breathe when I sleep is the
same thing as I sleep when I breathe. It is thesame thing with you, said the Hatter,
and here the conversation dropped, and the partysat silent for a minute,
while Alice thought over all she could rememberabout ravens and writing-desks,
which wasn't much. The Hatter was the first tobreak the silence.
What day of the month is it? he said, turning toAlice, he had taken his watch out of his pocket,
and was looking at it uneasily, shaking it everynow and then, and holding it to his ear.
Alice considered a little, and then said thefourth.
Two days wrong, sighed the Hatter. I told youbutter wouldn't suit the works.
He added looking angrily at the March Hare. It wasthe best butter, the March Hare meekly replied.
Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well, theHatter grumbled, you shouldn't have put it in
with the bread knife. The March Hare took thewatch and looked at it gloomily, then he dipped it
into his cup of tea, and looked at it again, buthe could think of nothing better to say than his
first remark, it was the best butter, you know.Alice had been looking over his shoulder with
some curiosity. What a funny watch! she remarked.It tells the day of the month, and doesn't tell
what o'clock it is. Why should it? muttered the Hatter. Does your watch tell you what year it is?
Of course not, Alice replied very readily, butthat's because it stays the same year for such a
long time together. Which is just the case withmine, said the Hatter. Alice felt dreadfully
puzzled. The Hatter's remark seemed to have nosort of meaning in it, and yet it was certainly
English. I don't quite understand you, she said,as politely as she could. The Dormouse is asleep
again, said the Hatter, and he poured a little hottea upon its nose. The Dormouse shook its head
impatiently, and said, without opening its eyes,of course, of course, just what I was going to
remark myself. Have you guessed the riddle yet?the Hatter said, turning to Alice again.
No, I give it up, Alice replied, what's theanswer? I haven't the slightest idea, said the
Hatter. Nor I, said the March Hare. Alice sighedwearily. I think you might do something better
with the time, she said, than waste it in askingriddles that have no answers. If you knew time as
well as I do, said the Hatter, you wouldn't talkabout wasting it. It's him. I don't know what you
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mean, said Alice. Of course you don't! the Hattersaid, tossing his head contemptuously. I dare say
you never even spoke to time. Perhaps not, Alicecautiously replied, but I know I have to beat time
when I learn music. Ah! that accounts for it, saidthe Hatter. He won't stand beating. Now,
if you only kept on good terms with him, he'd doalmost anything you liked with the clock.
For instance, suppose it were nine o'clock in themorning, just time to begin lessons,
you'd only have to whisper a hint to time, andround goes the clock in a twinkling.
Half-past one, time for dinner. I only wish itwas, the March Hare said to itself in a whisper.
That would be grand, certainly, said Alice thoughtfully, but then, I shouldn't be hungry
for it, you know. Not at first, perhaps, said theHatter, but you could keep it to half-past
one as long as you liked. Is that the way youmanage? Alice asked. The Hatter shook his head
mournfully. Not I! he replied. We quarreled lastMarch, just before he went mad, you know,
pointing with his tea-spoon at the March Hare, itwas at the great concert given by the
Queen of Hearts, and I had to sing. Twinkle, twinkle, little bat,
How I wonder what you're at! You know the song,perhaps?
I've heard something like it, said Alice. It goeson, you know, the Hatter continued,
in this way. Up above the world you fly, Like atea-tray in the sky. Twinkle, twinkle!
Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singingin its sleep Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle,
twinkle, and went on so long that they had topinch it to make it stop.
Well, I'd hardly finished the first verse, saidthe Hatter, when the Queen jumped up and
bawled out, he's murdering the time! Off with hishead!
How dreadfully savage! exclaimed Alice. And eversince that, the Hatter went on in a mournful
tone, he won't do a thing I ask. It's always sixo'clock now. A bright idea came into Alice's
head. Is that the reason so many tea-things areput out here? she asked.
Yes, that's it, said the Hatter with a sigh, it'salways tea-time,
and we've no time to wash the things between wiles.
Then you keep moving round, I suppose? said Alice.
Exactly so, said the Hatter, as the things getused up.
But what happens when you come to the beginningagain? Alice ventured to ask.
Suppose we change the subject, the March Hareinterrupted, yawning. I'm getting tired of this.
I vote the young lady tells us a story.
I'm afraid I don't know one, said Alice, ratheralarmed at the proposal.
Then the Dormouse shall. They both cried.
Wake up, Dormouse! And they pinched it on bothsides at once.
The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes. I wasn'tasleep, he said in a hoarse,
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feeble voice, I heard every word you fellows weresaying.
Tell us a story, said the March Hare.
Yes, please do! pleaded Alice.
And be quick about it, added the Hatter, or you'llbe asleep again before it's done.
Once upon a time there were three little sisters,the Dormouse began in a great hurry,
and their names were Elsie, Lacie, and Tilly, andthey lived at the bottom of a well.
What did they live on? said Alice, who always tooka great interest in questions of eating
and drinking. They lived on treacle, said the Dormouse, after thinking a minute or two.
They couldn't have done that, you know, Alicegently remarked, they'd have been ill.
So they were, said the Dormouse, very ill. Alicetried to fancy to herself what such an
extraordinary ways of living would be like, but itpuzzled her too much, so she went on,
but why did they live at the bottom of a well?
Take some more tea, the March Hare said to Alice,very earnestly.
I've had nothing yet, Alice replied in an offendedtone, so I can't take more.
You mean you can't take less, said the Hatter, it's very easy to take more than nothing.
Nobody asked your opinion, said Alice.
Who's making personal remarks now? the Hatterasked triumphantly.
Alice did not quite know what to say to this, soshe helped herself to some tea and bread and
butter, and then turned to the Dormouse andrepeated her question. Why did they live at
the bottom of a well? The Dormouse again took aminute or two to think about it, and then said,
it was a treacle well. There's no such thing.Alice was beginning very angrily, but the Hatter
and the March Hare went sh! sh! and the Dormouse sulkily remarked, if you can't be civil,
you'd better finish the story for yourself. No,please go on, Alice said very humbly,
I won't interrupt again. I dare say there may beone.
One, indeed, said the Dormouse indignantly.However, he consented to go on. And so these
three little sisters, they were learning to draw,you know. What did they draw? said Alice,
quite forgetting her promise. Treacle, said the Dormouse, without considering it all this time.
I want a clean cup, interrupted the Hatter, let'sall move one place on.
He moved on as he spoke, and the Dormouse followedhim, the March Hare moved into the
Dormouse's place, and Alice rather unwillinglytook the place of the March Hare. The Hatter was
the only one who got any advantage from thechange, and Alice was a good deal worse off than
before, as the March Hare had just upset the MilkJug into his plate. Alice did not wish to offend
the Dormouse again, so she began very cautiously,what I don't understand. Where did they draw the
treacle from? You can draw water of a water well,said the Hatter, so I should think you
could draw treacle out of a treacle well, eh,stupid? But they were in the well, Alice said to
the Dormouse, not choosing to notice this lastremark. Of course they were, said the Dormouse,
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well in. This answer so confused poor Alice, thatshe let the Dormouse go on for some time
without interrupting it. They were learning todraw, the Dormouse went on, yawning and rubbing
its eyes, for it was getting very sleepy, and theydrew all manner of things, everything that
begins with an M. Why with an M? said Alice. Whynot? said the March Hare. Alice was silent.
The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this time, andwas going off into a doze, but, on being
pinched by the Hatter, it woke up again with alittle shriek, and went on, that begins with an M,
such as mousetraps, and the moon and memory andmuchness, you know you say things are much of a
muchness did you ever see such a thing as adrawing of a muchness? Really, now you ask me,
said Alice, very much confused, I don't think.Then you shouldn't talk, said the Hatter.
This piece of rudeness was more than Alice couldbear, she got up in great disgust and walked
off, the Dormouse fell asleep instantly, andneither of the others took the least notice
of her going, though she looked back once ortwice, half hoping that they would call after her,
the last time she saw them, they were trying toput the Dormouse into the teapot.
At any rate I'll never go there again, said Aliceas she picked her way through the wood.
It's the stupidest tea party I ever was at in allmy life.
Just as she said this, she noticed that one of thetrees had a door leading right into it.
That's very curious. She thought. But everything'scurious today. I think I may as
well go in at once. And in she went. Once more shefound herself in the long hall and close to the
little glass table. Now, I'll manage better thistime, she said to herself, and began by taking
the little golden key, and unlocking the door thatled into the garden. Then she went to work
nibbling at the mushroom, she kept a piece of itin her pocket, till she was about a foot high,
then she walked down the little passage, and then,she found herself at last in the beautiful garden,
among the bright flower beds and the cool fountains.
